In the morning, Rune saw Night on the couch, reading a book. They were alone, good. He had gotten out of bed early in the hopes of catching her alone. He went to the couch and sat on the opposite side of it from her. She glanced up from her book.
“Hey,” Rune began. “What are you reading?”
“I started reading Grandpa’s childhood books a couple years ago,” she told him, uninterested.
“Oh, fun. I read some of them, too.” Currently, she was reading one of the books in an adventure series.
She hummed in agreement.
Rune took a deep breath. “Can we talk?”
Night sighed. “Fine.” She put her bookmark between her pages, closed the book and laid it on the couch between her legs. “What is it?”
“I think I understand now. Why you’re the one who’s still upset with me.”
Night rested her elbow on the back of the couch and her cheek on her fist. “Do enlighten me.”
“You were the one who always emotionally relied on me more with your night terrors and everything. Or if you had a fight, or anything else happened that upset you. Moon often dealt with it herself or went to Lullaby, but you always came to me.
“But then, I was gone, precisely when you would’ve needed me the most; when you went into puberty. So, you’re the most upset, because you missed me the most. Me leaving hurt you the most. That’s why you feel like I left you, or that I don’t care anymore. Everything I was doing was still for you, but it wasn’t what you wanted—or needed—me for.
“When I left, I took your emotional security with me. And now, maybe, you’re afraid to forgive me and let me in again. Afraid I’ll take it away and hurt you again.”
He glanced at her. “Am I close?”
Night stared at him, then looked down as her lip trembled. She swallowed the lump in her throat. “It would’ve been helpful if you were there while I was raging with hormones.”
Rune frowned. “I’m sorry I wasn’t. Aren’t you still raging with hormones, though?” he tried to lighten the mood.
Night huffed as she hugged herself. “Not as much. But, it would have been nice to have you here to help me understand things. Especially now that I know you’re not straight.”
Rune’s eyes widened. “Are you queer, too?”
She turned her head away with tears in her eyes.
Rune stared at her, thinking of what to do. Clearly, she wanted to talk about this, but she wasn’t convinced yet. He turned to face her with his legs crossed. He rested his elbows on his knees. “Hey.”
Night glanced at him.
“I know I wasn’t there when I should’ve been. But I’m here, now.”
Night considered it. She shook her head. “You said you’ll leave again.”
“Not in the same way. I won’t disappear, I just have some other places to go, too. And, as I said, I promise I’ll let you know where I am, you can always contact me. I won’t always be home, but I’ll still be in your life.”
Night was still unsure. Rune held his arms out to her with a sad smile. “Come on, let me help you. Baby queer to slightly-more-seasoned queer.”
Night laughed a little, Rune was glad she did. She sighed and moved closer to him. She sat between Rune’s legs and leaned against his chest with her shoulder. Rune put his arms around her and leaned his cheek on her head. He sat curled around her, as if to protect her from the world around them. It was easier when she was smaller.
“What confusing feelings are you struggling with? About attraction or gender or—”
“Attraction,” Night whispered.
“Can you explain or do you want me to keep asking questions?”
“Ask,” she whispered again.
“Alright. Do you feel an attraction to boys?”
She shrugged.
“An attraction to girls?”
She shrugged again.
“No attraction?”
She shook her head.
“So you do feel attraction, but don’t know to who.”
“I guess.”
He rubbed her back as he hummed in thought.
“Maybe it’d help if you told me how you figured it out?” Night suggested.
“Okay, well, I never felt like I don’t like girls. But with guys, I found out while I was traveling. I had to kill time between jobs, you know? And so, I often went to bars or clubs. And of course, in places like that, there’s a lot of flirting and drinking going on. It was mostly women, but occasionally a guy took an interest in me and I realised that I didn’t mind. It didn’t feel weird. It felt natural, almost. And overtime, as I got more confident, I started flirting with anyone I was interested in, no matter their gender.”
Night hummed in thought. “Are you bi?”
Rune squinted his eyes. “That would be the most straightforward label. But, I guess the takeaway from that is: you’ll know it’s real attraction when it feels natural to you. If it doesn’t make you feel icky,” he concluded.
“Hm.” Night moved down and rested her ear on Rune’s chest.
“You could imagine yourself in scenarios and see what your gut feeling is.”
“Like what?”
“Imagine yourself kissing a guy.”
She cringed. “Ew.”
Rune snorted. “Okay, then. Imagine kissing a girl.”
She was quiet.
“Well, at least no ew.”
“But”—Night shook her head—“it’s not that I’ve never thought a guy was good-looking or anything.”
“You can appreciate people’s beauty without wanting to kiss or fuck them. It’s like looking at a pretty painting.”
She hummed.
“Would you want to shag a girl?”
Night huffed. “Let’s stick to kissing for now.”
Rune chuckled. “Alright. Then, could you be a lesbian?”
Night shrugged. “Maybe. I’ll think it over.”
“Okay.”
They silently sat cuddled up on the couch a while longer. Night laid curled up on Rune’s chest, Rune held her between his arms and legs. He took a deep breath and smiled against her white hair. “Am I forgiven?” Rune whispered.
“I’ll consider it.”
Rune breathed out a chuckle.
Rune wanted to spend some quality time with his family, now that there was no more bad blood between them. Having been to a cafe with Hyde a few days earlier, he got the idea to take them out for lunch, leaving Hyde alone at home. Hyde didn’t mind some hours to himself.
He chose a cafe he remembered eating at with his parents and grandad when he was younger, before his sisters were born. He remembered himself crawling under the table to climb on his grandad’s lap, who sat across from him. He liked to steal his food instead of eating his own. His mum didn’t appreciate that his grandad allowed him to. His dad chose the middle ground, letting Rune snack a little, but not too much; he didn’t like to pick sides between his father and his wife.
They all sat at a table for four, Rune next to Lullaby, across from Moon. Twenty years ago, he’d by far been the youngest. Now, he was the oldest.
“Are you not mad at Rune anymore?” Lullaby asked Night, snapping Rune back to reality.
He noticed Night hesitantly glancing at him before she said, “No.”
Lullaby smiled. “Great.”
Rune smiled a little too. He’d figured she had forgiven him, but it was nice to hear.
Moon grabbed the menu and scanned over it with a hum. “I’ll get a smoothie.”
“Don’t you want to try something else?” Rune asked. “Or have you tried before?” Of course, she could have in the last five years. He had.
“I’ve tried a sandwich, but I’m not in the mood to chew.”
Rune snorted. “Great reason.”
“Hmm, I’ll have grilled cheese,” Lullaby announced.
Night leaned in to see the menu, Moon pushed it towards her.
Moon returned her attention to Rune with a smug look on her face, setting off alarm bells in Rune’s head.
“Now that he’s not here to eavesdrop, what’s your relationship with Hyde like, exactly?”
Rune glared at her with a small blush. She knew the answer, she was teasing him on purpose.
“Clearly, you like him,” she continued in his silence.
Night’s head snapped up at her. “What makes you so sure?”
“You don’t know?” Moon asked with genuine surprise.
“I assumed, but I wasn’t sure.”
Moon leaned closer to her sister as if they were gossiping. “A few days ago, they were playing piano together, and he was a complete mess. Every time Hyde touched him, he freaked out and then they almost started arguing, because Rune was acting so weird. But at the end, they were cuddling,” Moon finished as she squished her cheeks like it was the most adorable thing she’d ever seen.
Night laughed a little, Rune’s blush worsened. They were ganging up on him.
“You know, afterwards he came to me,” Lullaby joined in, oh no. “And he was all like, ‘I do like him, how do I deal with this? I can’t think of anything else, weh.’ ”
All three girls laughed. Rune leaned back into his chair and folded his arms. He glared at Lullaby.
“Well, I’ll be sure to go back to you for advice in the future.”
Lullaby nudged him with his shoulder. “Aw, come on, we’re only teasing. You’re adorable when you have a crush.”
“I didn’t think you’d be the anxious type with a crush,” Night admitted. “You’re usually pretty confident.”
“Because I rarely care about people’s opinions of me. But of course, I worry about whether the person I like likes me back.”
Night’s eyes flickered to Lullaby before she grinned at Rune. “Do you have a thing for brunettes?”
Rune tensed his shoulders and glanced away. “That’s a coincidence.”
“So, would you want to date him?” Moon asked. Before Rune could answer, she added, “Should we be mentally preparing ourselves to have him for a brother-in-law?”
Rune tensed. “Woah, slow down. I don’t even know if he likes me back, yet alone if he’d want to marry me, god.”
“Would you want to marry him?”
“Slow down!” he repeated with a chuckle. “I’ve barely known him for two months, I don’t know.” He leaned on the table to get closer to her, he grinned. “How about you tell me about your love life, instead of only prying into mine?”
Moon glanced away and bit the inside of her cheek. “I’ve been on dates with some boys, but nothing worthwhile.”
“When was the last time?”
“A few months ago.”
“I didn’t know that,” Night intervened, then smirked. “Does Grandpa know about that?”
“What, as if I need his permission to date boys?” She hummed as her mind wandered to some place else. “Will he ever date again? He’s been single for over three decades.”
Rune shrugged. “He’s probably been too preoccupied with us to think about dating.” He turned to Lullaby. “Are you looking for a date?”
Lullaby hummed and shook her head. “Not at the moment, I don’t want to bother right now. I’m also worried a guy I’d date would be intimidated by you. Since we’re friends, but you’re also my ex. A lot of guys get insecure about that and I’m not in the mood for that drama.”
“I am very intimidating.”
Lullaby chuckled.
They called a server over to finally order their lunch and continued to enjoy their afternoon together. Rune had missed this, family time. He was sad one member was missing.
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