Emilia

“I don’t know where to start.” I sigh, allowing that gutted feeling to settle deeper into my chest. “What I did…” I clear my throat, realizing I should backtrack. “I did something that’s going to hurt your brother and by the time we’re done here, there’s a good chance you’ll hate me.”

“Tell me,” she demands in a sharp tone. Gone is the caring friend who’s spent the past three years tiptoeing around my secrets, replaced instead by Lucas’s sister and self-appointed protector. The girl who spent almost half of her life missing him, and who now fears she may lose him because of me. “No more bullshit, Emilia. What did you do?”

“I’m pregnant,” I deliver the news in a whisper, the air in the room growing thicker with the weight of my guilt as I brace for the next part of my confession.

“Really?” she chuckles excitedly. Sensing she’s come to the wrong conclusion, I push on before she can say anything.

“It’s not Lucas’s baby.” I drop my head and close my eyes. The pain from saying the words out loud damn near rips me apart, and it takes everything I have to fight back the sobs clawing their way up my throat.

I feel it when she stands, then I hear her footsteps as she begins to pace. When she stops in front of me, squats down, and takes my hands in hers, I lose the fight and break into sobs. Tear-filled eyes, full of sadness and understanding I don’t deserve, stare back at me.

“Tell me the rest. I promise to listen.”

“It’s Creed’s baby,” I blurt out once I get my crying under control. “I couldn’t tell you at the time because we didn’t yet know how much danger we were in. He came back to town a little less than two months ago with a plan that would protect the girls and me from the trouble he’s in. He arranged for Nic, Lucas, and Ben’s team to meet us at a safe house to finalize our divorce, and so he could give up custody of the girls.”

When she gasps in surprise, I lock eyes with her. “He wanted Ben to adopt the girls, but he refused. He was adamant he couldn’t make such a life-changing decision without you. What we were doing was risky, and he didn’t want to endanger you or your baby, which I not only understood but agreed with. If it were up to me, no one would have had to adopt them, but the laws of this state require it. So Lucas stepped up and agreed to adopt them. Legally, he’s now listed as their father, and as of a few weeks ago, they now carry his last name.”

“What? Lucas?” she asks with a quiver in her voice.

Nodding, I continue, “The girls don’t know yet. Nobody does except for those who were there, which equates to Lucas, Nic, Ben, Dominick, and Mason. Oh, plus Mom and Harold, but only because when they found out we were under Offset Tactical’s protection, they demanded I turn the girls over to them. I got angry enough that I blurted it out, which I admit wasn’t my finest moment. I’m actually surprised Mom didn’t call to tell you.”

“They wouldn’t have. After that last horrible dinner where Lucas called Harold out for what he said to you, Ben and I made it clear to her that we wanted no part of them until she and Harold made things right with you. We haven’t spoken a word to them since.”

“You guys didn’t have to do that.”

“We did. Honestly, we should have done it long ago.”

Taking a seat next to me, we sink into silence. When she reaches out to take my hand, she asks, “So, what happened with Creed? The baby… how did it happen?”

Taking a deep breath, I tell her the story. The way Creed got me to my agent’s office, and then tricked me into leaving the building with him. How he took me to a remote cabin a few towns away so he could explain what was going on, while a trusted team of FBI agents led Ben and Lucas to our location. And then the worst part: how in my overwhelmed emotional state, I allowed myself to be used.

“I didn’t mean for it to happen, but when he kissed me and finally said everything I’d wanted to hear all those years we were married, I lost myself. When he proposed, he knew my heart was still with Lucas, so he promised to give me the dream family life I always wanted, the life Lucas wasn’t around to deliver. I was so desperate for that life…” I trail off, remembering the day he proposed and how his words re-ignited that spark of hope I hadn’t felt since Lucas left me.

“It’s why I agreed to marry him. So when he professed his love in that cabin, for a split second, I forgot that for 7-years of marriage, the only dreams he’d delivered were his own. By the time I came to my senses and realized it was a mistake, it was too late. I’d let him use me.” Overwhelmed by the memory, I breathe through the intense shame and guilt I’m sure will haunt me for the rest of my life.

“Your brother was pissed when he finally got to me. One look was all it took. He knew what Creed and I had done, and he was furious. Not at me, but at Creed. He felt it was premeditated. That he took me away from Lucas’s protection to get me alone and take advantage of me. While there may be some truth to that, it doesn’t change that I was a willing participant. In the heat of the moment, I made a stupid choice.” A decision I wholeheartedly regret and which will most likely cost me the man I love.

“The next day, your brother convinced me to see Hannah to get checked out. I’d had unprotected sex with a man I hadn’t seen in over three years, so I agreed it was a good idea. At that appointment, she gave me the morning-after pill and asked me to return for a follow-up six weeks later. That appointment was four days ago, and that’s when Hannah confirmed the pills didn’t work.”

“My god, Emilia.” She exhales loudly.

“I’m afraid it gets worse.” Unable to face the judgment that’s surely coming, I avert my eyes. “Three weeks ago, your brother and I decided to move forward with our relationship. He’s holding so much anger over what happened in that cabin that I know for a fact…” I shake my head for a moment, trying to swallow back the emotion so I have room to voice the words. “He won’t want this. I know with absolute certainty that he won’t want this.” Under the weight of my anguish, my voice breaks.

“Oh Em,” she whispers. When she wraps her arms around me, I succumb to the grief that’s been chasing me down since the day my worst fears were confirmed. “Listen to me, there is nothing in this world my brother wouldn’t do for you. The girls are an example of that. Look how he’s taken to them. The fact he immediately jumped in to adopt them. I know you’re scared the two of you can’t overcome this, but I’m telling you, if you talk to him, his response to the news might surprise you.”

“Thing is… I don’t know if I want to do this again.” I blurt out, tears of shame dripping from my eyes. How terrible must I be to say something like that to a woman who’s suffered through seven years of infertility?

“Emi…” She pauses, fidgeting in her seat in a way that speaks to how uncomfortable my admission made her. “I know you’ve been through a lot. What Creed did to you that day…it’s awful. Unforgivable. But Em, babies are a gift. They’re a blessing. No one knows that better than you and me. Plus, you’re not alone. You’ve got me and Ben, our friends, my brother. Please, just think about it. This baby might be the light at the end of this dark tunnel.”

“I know.” I sigh, wiping away the tears I can’t seem to stop. “I want to believe that too, but this is going to break him, Jen. You didn’t see how frantic he was when he showed up at that cabin. I was scared and so sick over what I’d let Creed do to me, that I leaped into Lucas’s arms and clung to him like he was my savior. He knew what happened, and as much as I could see it was killing him, he let go of the anger to help me move beyond it. Now that I’m pregnant, how could I ask him to stand at my side as I bring another one of Creed’s children into this world? A baby who was conceived when he was supposed to be protecting me. I may have been the one who left with Creed on the back of that bike, but you know your brother. To him, this baby will become a living, breathing reminder of a time when he failed me. He would never forgive himself and I don’t think I can do that to him.”

“Emi, look at me. That is your fear talking. You’re speculating and catastrophizing as a way to prepare yourself for the worst possible outcome. The thing is, you won’t know what’s going to happen until you talk to him. As your best friend and the person who knows you best, I'm begging you to talk to Lucas. Tell him what’s going on and let him help you work through this decision. Because honestly, if you terminate this pregnancy to protect my brother, you will wake up one day hating yourself and resenting him. He wouldn’t want that for you or him. I know it.”

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Author’s Note:

I love how understanding Jen is with Emilia in this scene. Though Lucas may be Jen's brother by blood, her bond with Emilia is seemingly unbreakable.

I'd love to hear your thoughts on this chapter. Do you think Jen's right, and that Emilia should talk to Lucas before she makes a decision? Or would it be better for her to decide on her own, and then tell him?

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