The gentle wind blows throughout the garden, blowing some leaves off the golden chain tree, the fringes of his midnight hair sways in the wind, absentmindedly, my eyes stare into those unfeeling amber eyes.
“Deal with them, or I will let them deal with you.”
Mind still clouded, by the fleeting ripple of thought, I brush through his fringes, or at least attempted to. As before, my hands get caught midair. Though, this time, the grip is less forceful, less harsh. The wind does not stop blowing. I resist the seizement of my hands. It is of no use.
“I assume you have read the book?” His highness Adelphus coldly states, the sway of his fringes distracts me, it is too late, for anything and everything, “Don’t forget who your target is. I assure you, I am not seducable… especially not by you, younger sister, Laelia.”
He pronounces my new identity, and I freeze.
The ripples of a thought disappear completely. And the smile that is on my lips drops down. Right. I am a pawn. A disposable, usable pawn. That is all I am. And all I will ever be. I bit my lips and look away, not allowing those amber eyes to fool me four times. Three is a good number, and this foolish hope for a better ending too, shall wither away silently.
“It sounds like you wish for my death.” I provoke him, still looking away, “A single guard, and you expect me to defend assassination attempts from two factions entirely by myself without providing clues?”
Do I call it despise? The slithering emotions towards this grip that does not tighten, does not caress, does not allow for any weakness. I hate how with such disregard I am treated. How my shoes could be filled with any other person at any time. How I am left to fend for myself for the next week.
As if in thought, he lets go of my hand and wipes the corner of my right eye, I shift my gaze towards his neck, not wanting to be fooled by those eyes. Again. This obscurity. Silence passes like a carriage in trafic. The scene too long for it to have existed.
“You do not cry. That’s good.”
It’s no use. My gaze has already wandered upwards again. The softness of daylight, still fresh from the sunrise carves the wrong image. I abruptly get up, no longer laying my back on the grass, instead of brushing the remnants of the ground on my clothes, I wipe my eyes away as if it is covered in mud.
Don’t. Get attached. Lillai. No… Laelia.
His highness Adelphus, follows along, propping himself up, he does not look caring, but the daylight, it plays tricks, “Ruthlessness is good for a soldier, but, not at manipulating men when obvious. Women are at their most dangerous state when their intentions are illegible. When their words are scattered, yet pointed, when it all he can think of.”
All the gentleness from before, the slight caress of his slow moving fingers at the corner of my eye, the soft spoken compliment from before. It all breaks down, like glass shattered and stuck at a corner of my heart.
I clench my fingers together. Cold sweat breaking at my back. It is chilly this spring. Everything I am, everything I was. Doomed to disintegrate. Don’t. His eyes stare me down. Look away. His words repeat, “Die for me… If you do, I will teach you how to survive instead of waiting like a pig to the slaughter house.”
Don’t resist. This choice.
The sound of my father’s death replays. A deep fear grips my heart.
Survive.
The sound of his words ripples, overwriting the one from before.
“What you want should not be demanded, but made to be offered, Laelia.”
“…But how?”
His highness Adelphus does not answer. The answer must be somewhere there, somewhere I cannot see. I do not fail to see the expectation in his eyes. The waiting. The granddaughter of the previous emperor. The last lineage of the previous dynasty. My new identity. Does he want me to keep contact with the faction wishing me here?
Why?
I would be a risk to his line of succession. Played right, I could supersede him as the second in line to the throne.
The merging of dynasty lines
“I am not seducable.”
These stupid thoughts, this dream that would not die.
The want for an easy and happy ending.
For a romance that would not start.
“Your first step to survival is, to figure that out, Laelia.”
He stands up and leaves me alone within the garden, where the praetorian guard soon returns by my side. I watch the branches, the draping chain of petals sway in the wind for some more time, before departing too.
“Custos.” I call out towards the praetorian guard.
He emerges from the shadow and kneels in front of me, like a ghost. I do not urge him to stand up. What you want should not be demanded, but made to be offered. To naturally draw attention, to naturally draw loyalty. The last thing I am good at, and the thing I should learn.
Adelphus’s enigmatic nature flashes through my eyes.
Where do I even start?
“You really do kneel on command…Do you wish to end it? This despicable blood. This reign.” I ask, standing still, letting my shadow hover over him.
Marcus, the praetorian guard looks up, his brown colored robe folds in the ground. For once there is another emotion other than rage in his eyes. Not allowing him time to think, I crouch down so our face is on the same eye level. The less time you allow them to think, the better.
“Pfft. Don’t look so surprised, I won’t hand you in to your superiors on charge of treason.” I flick his nose, and narrow my eyes into a fond smile, “ Custos. I am saying this because I pity you. Find another master. So many think that this position is to be coveted, but it’s the same as yours. If one day, we uneventfully disappear, there will always be another one. A replacement.”
The light of daylight does not betray my plan.
This abandoned hallway with nothing but the scent of flowers and our two shadows sketched against the ground…. I shall make it your Adelphus. The way, I cannot help but pity him. I will make you.
“Your highness, what do you-“ Marcus, the praetorian guard questions, clearly not expecting my move.
I shush it down with my index finger, “I am bound to die, custos. Leave before my death puts you in a death sentence.”
His character is simple. I can tell, from the way he helps the laundry lady by lifting her basket on the way, by the way he frowns at his highness prince Adelphus as though they are friends, by the way he agrees to guard me despite the lowering in status. Emotional. The type who puts significance in bonds.
“Do you think I am not capable enough of protecting you- your highness forgive me for being frank but your brother entrusted this position to me and I intend to-“ He argues, there must be something, something I can use.
I clip his lips together with my thumb and index finger, effectively shutting him up, as though knowing he would stay silent, I stood up and spin, “You are capable, custos. That is exactly why my brother cannot lose you. The praetorian guard has always had a hand in the line of successions. You are his friend, his confidant, his trust-worthy sword and shield.”
The man frowns, all the way to his eyebrows. I could tell, he does not agree with my words.
“Then what about you, your highness?”
I hunch over, downwards, a full smile on, voice faint like a whisper from the grave, “I am already dead, custos. If God is kind enough, to grant me the pleasure of watching the seasons change, I would take it. If God does not wish to prolong my life, then I have had a peaceful journey.”
His shocked expression does not change my words, i know it in the way he acts, the lack of ambition, the importance of his relation to my brother, his overly emotional self, “Life is simple to me that way, custos. You serve my brother, my brother serve his ambitions, but all I serve is revenge the tranquility of today. It will not change, not today, not in sicant, not in my grave. But you are different. You… are made for the race for the throne.”
This should suffice. Either way, if he has ambitions for the throne, he would take it as my ambivalent position. If he does not have any ambitions other than supporting my brother, he would feel regret, maybe a what if. Perhaps, this is not the wisest method. But it would help me, even a little bit.
All my mention of my brother would make him remember the mission my brother gave him.
To protect his pawn.
This of course, would backfire if he deems me unsuitable for the position and chose to replace me.
I suppose, even this is a gamble.
“You are wrong… I serve your brother, therefore, your safety is my concern. Till your heart stops beating and your body goes cold, I will protect you, your highness, Laelia.”
He has to, because, if he does not accept the position of guard, his power in his highness Adelphus’s faction would probably diminish.
A pawn is only remembered when they are obedient and useful.
And if he is not obedient, he will… probably want to use me, this blood in my veins.
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