"I'm parched."
"Wait for me." Trevor stood up and ran to the kitchen. I was still thinking if I should really do this. I mean, what I'm about to tell him takes up more than half of my being. Giving that kind of trust to someone is not... easy.
I was so close to backing out from the deal when Trevor arrived, a carton of chocolate milk and a glass filled with ice cubes. Saliva pooled in my mouth as I imagined how the delicious, chocolatey treat would feel against my taste buds.
Utter deliciousness.
Stop it, Jesse! You lose your principles and dignity at the sight of food. How shameful!
I blinked rapidly after finally catching myself. That was a close one. When Trevor placed the tray in front of me, I backed away, as if I was served with a disgusting meal.
He furrowed his brows at my reaction. "Chocolate drink. It's your favorite. I always see you drinking it when you're thirsty, though I think that sweet things will not quench your thirst."
"Hey! That's rude! Tell that to the manufacturers of sodas! No drink shaming, man." I glared at him and opened the carton and filled the glass with the creamy treat. The sound of the liquid falling on those ice cubes was so satisfying that I almost lost myself again.
Emphasis on the word almost. Restricting yourself from your favorite treat is torture. With my lips tugged downwards, I put the carton back to the tray and reached for the throw pillow to hold myself back.
When I lifted my gaze, Trevor was staring at me with so much amusement. "What's so funny?" I hissed and threw him the pillow I was holding which he fluidly caught and placed it beside me again.
"Why are you holding yourself back?" He gestured to the chocolate drink but I knew better not to look. I am better than this. I will not be beaten by such delicious goodness.
"I'm backing out. I realized that I shouldn't be pouring out my soul to a stranger. Sorry, that was an impulsive decision in the first place," I answered frankly and smiled apologetically.
There's no harm in being honest and taking a step back. At the moment, I prefer to keep my heart safe. It may be strong, but there are still chips in the edges that will not heal any sooner.
Trevor looked at me intently before nodding. "What can I do to earn your trust?"
I was at a loss for words. What can he do to earn my trust? If I examine my situation right now, "I guess I trust you a little bit, considering that I chose you over my parents." Trevor's face lit up, but immediately dimmed after I added,
"But you kidnapped me, Trev. Honestly, you are not in a good place right now, if we're talking about placing my trust in you."
He sighed deeply and brushed his hair back, flexing those bulging biceps. "Do you want to know why I brought you here?"
I nodded and gulped hard, a bit anxious because of how serious he was being. Out of nervousness, I automatically reached for the glass of chocolate milk and downed it in one go.
Trevor gritted his teeth and swore. "You're nervous."
"W-what?" I followed his gaze and my eyes landed on the empty glass. With wide eyes, I set the glass down and blinked, horrified. "Oh my god. What did I do?"
Trevor took a deep breath and fished out a handkerchief from his pocket. He moved closer towards me and leaned in until were three inches apart. I could feel his warm breath fanning on my cheeks and the minty scent of his breath that sent butterflies in my tummy.
"D-Don't you dare... hmm!" I closed my eyes and tapped his arm when he rubbed the fabric on my lips in a rough manner. "Hey! There's such a thing as gentleness, you brute!" I snatched the handkerchief away from him and glared hard.
"Then stop tempting me, Jesse," Trevor said in a frustrated voice that made my brow arch. "Why are you nervous? That's the reason why you have been wanting to gulp the drink since earlier."
"No. Chocolate is my favorite. Why would you assume that I was nervous? How did you even arrive at that conclusion?" I am thankful when I was able to vocalize my answer in a firm tone, my eyes fixed on the chocolate carton.
"You always drink chocolate on your way home, Jesse. Always. Without fail. Do you want me to explain the reason why?"
I choked a gasp at his reply. My eyes burned, slowly being filled with unshed tears, but I managed to give him a short nod. Trevor offered me an assuring smile and poured me another glass. "Drink. To make you feel better."
With trembling fingers, I brought the cold drink to my lips, feeling a bit safer than earlier. "Thank you."
He nodded, his expression soft, and it sent my heart in a frenzy. "Chocolate drink is your comfort food. I don't know what's going in your home, but at the very least, that drink gives you a sense of safety. Just how defense mechanisms do to us, you associate the chocolate drink to security."
A tear fell and my throat constricted. He was so on-point. I found out five years ago that drinking chocolate makes me feel better. It makes me feel that there is something good I can experience out of the worst things that happened to me.
Waking up in an unfamiliar environment, especially abroad, made my anxiety spike. Feeling so insecure, I put up a tough facade despite the crippling fear slowly consuming my system. I had to be strong because I am Jesse. I have no one else to rely on. People will take advantage of me once I let my guard down.
I can't let that happen. I won't let them crush my heart to pieces.
"When you said that you're parched, that's your limit, and I am so angry at myself for not considering your feelings before I brought you here. I am so stupid for not noticing how anxious I made you. Please forgive me." Trevor's voice was strained, blaming himself for the present situation.
I swallowed the emotional lump and let Trevor take the empty glass from me. "Thank you, Trevor."
His conflicted expression morphed into a surprised one. "W-Why?"
I took a lungful of air to ease the tightening in my chest. Using his handkerchief, I wiped my tears away and pulled my knees up, then wrapped my arms around them.
"You actually saw me, Trevor. No one has ever done that. Definitely not my parents, not even Arthur, my closest friend," I added when he tensed up the moment I mentioned Arthur's name. "Arthur just assumed that I like chocolate drinks, and I do, but more than that, I feel like I am drinking a strength potion whenever I do. After all, my battles don't happen outside of our house, but in our house instead."
I bit the inside of my cheeks to keep the tears at bay. Now that I am slowly removing the protective walls around me, came the fear of vulnerability. I should be panicking by now, but I just continued to talk. It must be because of the chocolate drink, but I feel safe.
"When did this start? You drinking chocolate as a coping mechanism?" Trevor's expression was unreadable, but there was one emotion that stood out: rage.
I looked straight into his amber eyes slowly burning with intensity. "Five years ago. Had I known, I would have dealt with it during seventh grade. What do I know? I was still young, yet the pressure they put on me was immense. I have to excel in this and that. I can't wear pink because it's too feminine. I can't eat sweets because men don't do that."
This time, Trevor did not hide it. I can feel the tension and rage in the air. The recipient of such madness must have signed a death warrant to make him angry like this.
"Do you want to know what they do every time I deviate from their standards?" His frown deepened when I started to unbutton my shirt. I stood up and the shirt dropped to the floor, exposing my skin littered with scars.
"No... Jesse," he breathed out, a lone tear falling from his eyes. It was not out of pity. He was truly concerned for me.
"Are you disgusted? Knowing that I am far from perfection? These scars..." I rubbed the small scar in my abdomen I got when Dad got into an altercation and he used me as a shield from the incoming knife stab.
"They are a testament to how imperfect I am Trevor. Every single day, when I see my reflection in the mirror, I am reminded of the reason why my parents don't love me. It's because I'm imperfect, Trevor. This is just half of the horrible marks they put on my body. Do I still interest you? After seeing these?" I smiled bitterly and blinked away the unshed tears.
"Looks like you need to do more research, Hathaway. Don't waste your time on someone like me. Take me home." Of course, I won't go back home, per se. I think I have to find a place out of my parents' reach, find a part-time job, then maybe continue school after I saved up enough money.
Yeah. Sounds like a plan.
With trembling fingers and choked sobs, I picked up my shirt and put it on. It's alright, Jesse. You can't expect people to accept you when you're this broken. Someday, I will find someone who will love all of me, scars and all. I am waiting for the day when someone will fight for my imperfect self, and convince me that I am perfect the way I am.
I turned to Trevor with a forced smile. "It's has been my pleasure to meet you, Trevor. For once, someone saw me past my defenses. You're a good man."
Trevor remained quiet with his head cast down. I bet he was now regretting his decisions. Even so, it still hurts. Just when I decided to take a risk on him, on the person who saw me as I am, I fucked it up. Better now than later. When it comes to loving me, I don't want to hide the scars that made me who I am today.
Broken, but strong.
I let out a shaky breath and wiped my tears away. "No goodbyes?"
He chuckled bitterly. "Goodbyes? Now, why would I do that? After I found the perfect one for me?" Trevor lifted his head and in one fluid motion, reached for my hand and had me straddling on his lap, my mind still trying to catch up from the fast development.
Trevor cupped my cheeks and rubbed the tear stains. "You're the one I have been looking for, Jesse. The moment you bared yourself to me was the moment you stepped into my trap."
"W-What? What do you mean?"
Trevor's lips tugged for a victorious smirk. "I already know you, Jesse. Your eyes told me everything I needed to know. Still, I need to gain your trust."
"I don't trust you. Not one bit," I retorted and tried to climb down but his strong arms kept me in place. With a huff, I glared at him. "Trevor, let me go!"
"Now, why would I do that, my Jesse?" Okay, that possessiveness made my heart flip, but this is not the right time to be swooning.
"You know, I made a bet with myself. If I truly repulsed you, I would back away and let you go. But, if you ever decided to let your guard down, even just a crack, I would pursue you. This time, seriously."
I swallowed blinked. "What do you mean by seriously?" I managed to ask, despite his intense gaze on me. I even wondered why I'm still in one piece after being subjected to such a fiery stare.
Trevor smiled and stroked my cheeks gently. "The 'my surname will connect with yours' kind of serious. I hope you're prepared, Jesse. Because in three days, you'll meet my family."
"No way. Are you insane!" His family? This man is definitely crazy. "We just met a few days ago and you're already introducing me to your family?"
Trevor grinned and nodded. "Of course. After all, you trusted me enough to let me take a peek inside of the true you. You are mine, Jesse. The moment you caught my attention, it was game over, babe."
I gritted my teeth and flicked his forehead, Trevor gasping at my insolence. "Fine, but I won't make it easy for you, Trevor. Loving me is the hardest battle you'll ever experience. Good luck," I said with a smirk and pressed my lips on him, just enough to catch him off-guard while I escape to his room, my heart pounding so loud, and my cheeks burning with so much heat.
Fuck. You finally did it, Jesse. My fingers touched my not-so-virgin lips. I could still feel his soft and warm lips against mine. Even if it was a momentary brush, it made me tingle all over. Well, my first kiss was definitely worth it.
Now, I have to be prepared for what's going to happen in the next few days. I never expected that my life would turn upside down in just one night.
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