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More Than Just I _

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Jun 09, 2024

“Valix what am I to do when it is clear that I just do not understand what the teacher is even trying to explain?” I ask as we walk down the path that leads to the lake.
Had yesterday been at the very least just another day my mind would not be going circles believing that I was now officially considered unteachable. The only reason some of the teachers had stayed and taken on the challenge to teach me was because, I am certain, father has given them quite an incentive. Wealth or land which one would it be now. Ahhhhhhhhh this is so frustrating.
“Valix you can teach me! You know me, right? It should be much easier if you do it?” I ask to question until I turn and realize. I told him not to speak since the beginning of our small journey.
“You may now speak. Quickly answer my questions, Valix.” is all I can utter, as I turn to continue to walk.
A felling of foolishness begins to take over, is there truly nothing I can do right. Oh! Wait, there is I can mess everything up and even if you think that it cannot possibly get any worse, I make it so much worse.
“Are you finished with your own conversation?”
“I have yet to even begin.” I state, suddenly questioning, there is no way I said all that out loud right!
“You did not say . . the only thing I heard were the phrases including my name.” Valix states trying to clarify.
At times I actually wonder whether he can read minds because it matters not if it is my father or actually maybe, in exception to the keeper, he is able to understand everyone residing in my home also her surprisingly he can read her.
Sighing Valix states, “No I cannot read your mind.”
“Ha! See there you can read my mind if not how would you answer a question I have yet to ask.”
“I can answer it because you show all your emotions clearly. Besides your face has a tendency to say all, for anyone else who would but take a mere moment to actually see.”
“Very funny Valix. Then why are you one of the few who can actually tell whatever my questions are? Anyway, am I truly unteachable?” I ask Valix remembering the first teacher that I met. Her name was . .
“No, you are a quick learner you just haven’t found someone skilled enough to teach you.”
“So, what about you teaching me?”
“No, I cannot, I am your attendant not your teacher nor a friend. Besides your teachers’ qualifications have merit. Although it is now very apparent your mind is the only mind they seem not to understand frankly, it has been quite disappointing.”
“What about the other teachers have they already left?”
“Yes.” he responds and so we continue on. 
| . . 
“Look at that!” says a voice coming from beyond the path, surprising both I and Valix.
“Come back here now. You know we aren’t” screams another voice coming from behind the trees as she reaches the clearing and realizes that I am there.
“Go on finish what you were saying.” I state.
“We aren’t supposed to be here.” she states in a tone defiant, I believe, but soft enough to believe she had never spoken had her mouth not moved.
“Sorry?” the little boy questions.
While the girl cannot help but to ask sighing, “So what will it be now?” I suppose she means the consequence of not abiding by the rules set as a precaution for the dangers that lurk not that far beyond.
“Oh please, not again.” sighs the little boy already reluctant to say another word.
“Well go ahead.” says the little girl her eyes looking directly at my own. Quickly her face expresses worry when I look at her for a moment there, I thought I saw confusion.
“How about instead you show me what you are up to today?” I am surprised by the fact that they quickly turn and use their “stones?” to communicate.
“Where did you get those?” I quickly ask.
“Vox gave them to me.” She answers quickly.
“What? Why would he . . wait how did you even learn to use them?” I ask.
“Nope that is not something you need to know.” she states quite quickly.
“Valix.” I state.
“I apologize for interrupting but what he means is that you should demonstrate, how to use it.” He quickly answers, as always, he knows exactly what to say.
“No . . I can show you what we were going to do.” she quickly answers, the little boys face quickly goes from a state of thinking to one of shock.
“That was a rather fast response. May ask why?” Valix quickly asks. Her eyes quickly go from me to Valix.
While just like how Valix reads me, she can read him and she answers, “You know you can’t read me like you do the rest right. Also, Vox isn’t the one who taught me . . To answer your question, I am not going to teach him anything because brother is good at everything what is there left to teach him?” she says almost wondering what was wrong with Valix.
I forget that she often fails to grasp everything a person means with the expressions she sees, that is only because even now she knows little of the world outside. A good thing too considering the fact that if she is as open to world outside as she is to the gardens here her ventures beyond may grasp her out of our reach. Although I feel it is already too late to stop her.
“How about this, if you manage to actually teach me how to use a stone then I will allow you two to play in the forest from now on.” Now the little boy’s eyes begin to brim.
Shocked she quickly answers “No.”
“What!?” the little boy exclaims shocked however he quiets down when she stares back at him.
Directing herself too Valix, “You and I both know he cannot keep any part of that deal. Besides he already knows how to use the stones right?” Valix can only stare back at her. I still do not understand how he never seems to demonstrate any expression.
“How do you not know how to use the stones?” her eyes now directly one mine a sense of worry coursing thru her and all apparent in her expression. I find it hard to believe that the first thing she feels is disbelief, but it is quite apparent the way her face looks at me for answers.
“There has yet to be a teacher skilled enough to properly succeed a . ” Valix gets to say before she interrupts him to state, “Fine, I will teach you, but I must add to that which you mentioned first I will tell you in advance that you will not like how you learn and he cannot be there.” she says staring directly at Valix.
“Thank you, for reconsidering now how about you begin, now, there is still plenty of time before you must complete the rest of your tasks. I will wait, here.” Valix exclaims.
“Very well.” I state simply.
“No.” The girl states.
“What?” I question.
“There is no need to wait here, go back and attend to your tasks have them finished by the time he is back also prepare tea for us.” she states a demand that clearly for the first time leaves him baffled, not at how effortlessly she demands such a thing but at the fact that she even thought to order him. In surprise I look to see how he reacts, but he only looked back. I realize her gaze on me, and it is then that she nods expecting her orders to be followed.
“Just go, Valix, make sure to have everything prepared for when we return.” That is all I can say considering now I am apparently learning something that both children are able to do well, and they are younger than me.
| . . 
“For now, let’s go!” the boy says excitedly for the first time showing a smile. 
The energy around him seeming contagious since the girl now also brims with excitement at the plans she has in store for us. One thing that surprises me from that point on is that that the younger one, the boy, follows the older one, the girl, like if trying to demonstrate that out of them both he was the favored. Later we reach the edge of the forest. It is then that I realize her intention.
“Now first rule!” she exclaims.
“We will never tell!!” the little boy then exclaims.
“Second Rule!”
“You are an instructor not a babysitter.”
“Third Rule!”
“From now on . . you are revered.”
“Last Rule.”
“Obedience!?”
“Seriously . . ?” I ask.
“Yes.” she simply answers expecting that to satisfy my question, her face expressionless.
“It went better than expected.” the boy states giggling.
“We just made it up.” she then states.
“I know you did.” I respond.
“But seriously listen to her the forest is actually alive.” states the boy as he begins to look beyond the trees.
“Will you tell anyone what we will be doing right now?”
“I will tell no one but is this actually necessary what are we even going to do in there.” I question.
Her response then being, “Yes, and you don’t need to know right now.”
“I know I asked you to teach me how to use the stones, but I really don’t think it is necessary to go into the forest just for this.” I . . 
“First of all, I am going to instruct you, and as your teacher what I say goes so you listen. Secondly, the only reason we are even going in, against your advice, is only so you can learn to use the stone. You also should not question me about how to best instruct you on learning and using the stone, because I do not know if you have not noticed but he knows how to use them efficiently. And last thing you should know when I say to do something do it especially because we are going into the forest. Now, your hand.” she demands as she takes something out of her bag. A bag that apparently, she had been carrying around this whole time. It is now that I listen and do as instruct. She then drops a pebble on my hand and ask me to hold it as she then gives one to the boy and finally takes one out for herself. As we head into the forest, I realize one thing, from the moment we entered the boy who previously moved about in fascination of all around him quite seemingly was no more. He followed silently always attentive to her following movement. For now, it seemed like he was caught in a trans a mere object that obeys commands, worry begins to intrude in my thoughts.
“You know it will be alright I will be able to guide us out. Also do not worry starting tomorrow you will be able to use the stones.” she says.
“How can you be so certain?”
“I have always been the slower learner, remember and for once there is one thing I can do that you still need to learn.” states the little boy with a bright smile appearing satisfied with himself.

|

Gasping for air I wake up. I then decide to go for a walk and look at the moon that shines ever so brightly and realize. Whatever it is that woke me up I know of it only one thing it was not such a bad thing. Because worry did not seem to follow it and although my mind was in turmoil from that which still occurs around me; a sense of calmness overflows making everything alright.
VILM
VILM

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More Than Just I _
More Than Just I _

511 views1 subscriber

Only a few memories rise occasionally in my mind, memories of someone I can only know as myself. The one memory most determined to appear is the one of my most beloved. How can the only thought of just being next to her be drowned by the others that scream to never make the same mistakes again? The loathing of everything that made me so and the confusion of never truly knowing what had actually occurred, will I be able to change? Could it be that this time I am more than enough or at the very least strong enough to protect her from them all? To this the only answer I'll give is yes. I must be. I will be.
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