Emilia 

Waking up wrapped in Lucas’s warm embrace, I close my eyes and allow myself a quiet moment to soak it in. With a deep breath, I take in his clean soapy scent, separating it apart, layer by layer, to get down to the masculine essence that is him. The feel of his skin against mine—his rough to my soft—and the way it soothes my heart and makes me feel safe and loved. Focusing on the sound of his breathing and the steady rhythm of his beating heart under my fingers, I’m struck by a sense of impending doom. An intense wave of grief washes over me, stealing my breath and bringing tears to my eyes.

Breathing through the ache in my chest, I try my hardest to push all feelings away. Sadness, fear, guilt, anger… After today, something tells me there’ll be plenty of time to wallow and dwell in the land of “what could have been.”

Later.

I’ll cry and scream and beat myself up over it later. What matters right now is that I take in every bit of this moment and record it to memory for all posterity, for if I lose him tomorrow, at least I will always have this. A small snippet of what forever would have looked like. A glimpse of a time where my life and love intersected as one. With eyes still closed, I again zero in on his beating heart, feeling for the tandem thumps that help soothe and heal the pieces of my broken heart.

As if he senses my distress, he begins to stir. Unwilling to lose the rightness of the moment, I brush my lips over his, luring him to take things further, which he does. With a desperate passion that matches my own, his lips take mine, caressing and gliding, deep and searing. Like he’s desperate for more, his mouth trails down the side of my neck, leaving behind a moist trail where his tongue has tasted my skin. Goosebumps break out over my flesh, and as I sink deeper into the throes of need, writhing and trembling for more of what I may never get again, a lone tear slips from the corner of my eye.

I need to record this too.

The feel of his perfect lips against my skin. The wetness of his mouth, his warm breath as it cascades over my skin, spreading ripples of pleasure through my body. With eyes shut tight, I memorize every nuance of his touch and the way my body responds, vibrating higher and higher until I’m nothing more than a ball of pent-up sensations that demand to be set free. As he travels lower, I open my eyes and get lost in those sea-green eyes.

Sucking in a sharp breath, my heart breaks when he drops a tender kiss right over my womb where unbeknownst to him, my ex-husband’s baby grows. The adoration in his eyes as he looks at me further shatters my resolve, and I break. Tears fall from my eyes completely unbidden as I fight to swallow back a sob. When his forehead wrinkles with concern, I force myself to smile. To distract him and encourage him to continue his exploration, I tangle my hands in his hair, pulling at the strands in the way I know he likes.

I need him to keep going.

If we stop now, he’ll demand an explanation I’m unable to give and I’ll lose my chance at what could be the last time we make love. I need this. For posterity’s sake, I need this final moment.

When he reaches my mound, I close my eyes and submit to the sensations he invokes. As his hand moves to open my folds, I shiver in anticipation. My body burns for him and yearns for his touch, and then he’s there. With his fingers inside me, his tongue sensually licks a circular pattern over the tip of my clit. It’s just a hint of touch, barely there… yet so incredibly there. A wave of pleasure flares up my spine as I moan and writhe against him in search of more.

When his fingers begin to move inside and then out, I force myself to open my eyes. I must record this moment too. The way his lust-filled eyes stare back at mine as he works his mouth between my legs. The look is so erotic that I’m rapidly ascending, losing myself to the tsunami of pleasure building up inside of me. As my body trembles, his fingers push in deeper, rubbing and gliding over the magical spot that is quickly pushing me to the brink of madness.

Not wanting the moment to end, I fight back my desperation to fall over the peak, which only makes him double down on his assault. His fingers move faster, his mouth works me over with more thorough focus and relentless stimulation that leaves me breathless and helpless to give in. And when he nips my clit, right before he sucks with a force that fractures my insides, I finally fall. Pleasure and pain mix in a delicious explosion that catapults me over the edge into an ocean of euphoria I’m happy to drown in. With my body convulsing uncontrollably, cries of ecstasy rip from my throat, and for that split second, nothing else exists but me and him.

“Fuck…” he groans, as I feel the weight of his body collapsing on top of me.

When his mouth descends over my lips, hungrily devouring me both from the inside and out, I surrender to him. Tasting myself on his tongue somehow reawakens that empty spark of need that leaves me desperate to be filled. Wrapping my legs around him, I grab his length and guide him to my entrance. The intake of his breath as he realizes what I’m doing is all the encouragement I need to pull him into me. With every torturously slow inch, his breathing grows shallower and more ragged the deeper I take him inside. The feel of his length gliding smoothly over my stimulated flesh makes my insides quake with pleasure that signals I’m already close to a second climax. Like he’s come to the same conclusion, he lets out what sounds like a painful groan.

“Emb. Condom. I don’t…”

“It’s okay,” I reassure him because I want this. No barriers. I want it more than my next breath, for I need to feel every part of him as he loses himself to the pleasure of our love, and this might very well be my only chance. “Take me. I’m yours. I’ve only ever been yours.”

“Christ…” he growls at the same time he slams into me.

With eyes locked on one another, he begins to move. Focusing on the love and devotion reflected back at me, I capture yet another picture of this moment in my mind. I’m determined to treasure these memories, storing them like the keepsakes they are so I can pull from them and always remember the brief time I had with this man. Like he’s reading my mind, he drops his forehead to mine as he adjusts his rhythm to a sweet, tender glide. The slower pace makes each stroke feel more deliberate, which only heightens the pleasure to an intense sort of ache. With our bodies, our minds, and our souls intertwined, we move together as one.

“Fuck, sweetheart. I love you so damn much.” He rasps between slow thrusts. “You own every piece of me. My heart. My body. My soul. You’re it for me. You. Are. My everything.”

That’s all it takes.

My core clenches and shudders, squeezing him until he joins me as together we moan and groan in the sweetest release. Clinging to him for dear life, wistful tears spring from my eyes. I wish we could stay like this. I’d give anything for a chance at a life where this would always be my reality, but as the haze of our lovemaking fades, it’s like I’m suddenly in free fall. The sinking feeling in my gut expands as it hits me that this could very well be our last time together like this.

After today, everything’s going to change, and it’s all because of me.

I did this and though I know it’s time I face the consequences of what I’ve done, I’m just not ready to let him go. Not yet. So I hold him as tight as I can and begin to weep. Harsh sobs rip from my throat as I grieve. For him. For me. For my girls and this little baby who may never know the depth of Lucas’s love and devotion. Most of all, I weep for the life that after today might never be.

“Emb, what is it? Did I hurt you?”

The concern in his eyes only fuels the heart-wrenching sobs that won’t stop. I hate myself for ruining the memory of this beautiful moment, so I cup the sides of his face and pull him down, hoping to distract him with a taste of my lips.

“I’m okay,” I sob between kisses. “I love you, Lucas. Never forget just how much I love you.”

“Emb, stop.” He pulls out of me and rolls to his side as he looks down at me with a mix of anger and confusion. “What is going on?”

My mouth opens and closes a few times, but the words are stuck behind the titanic-sized boulder of grief choking up my throat. With a disappointed sigh, he collapses onto the bed and then reaches for my hand.

“Come. Lay on top of me.” Grateful for his touch and relieved he hasn’t given up on me, I follow his lead as he helps me settle over him. As we sink into the quiet, I close my eyes and soak in the feel of his hands as they rub gentle circles over my bare skin. “Talk to me, sweetheart,” he implores when my tears stop. “Tell me what’s got you so upset. Is it about your appointment today?”

Yes, and no. But I can’t exactly say that, so instead I tell him, “I’m sorry for losing it like that. I’m just so overwhelmed. Life feels so hard right now. It’s like I’m caught in a rip current that’s taking me further and further away from the life I want, and I don’t know what to do or how to save myself.”

“Then let me save you. Look at me, Emb.” He rolls us to our side and then looks deep into my eyes. “You are so damn strong. So fucking capable and brave. I knew it back when we were kids, and I saw it still when I returned to this town with my tail tucked between my legs, determined to sneak out the same way I came in. You saved me that day, Emb, in that grocery store parking lot, on that random Saturday morning in May. You. Saved. Me.” He caresses the side of my face, then leans in for a tender kiss.

“By asking me to make time and meet with you, you set off a chain of events that led me back to a life I didn’t think was possible. I do not doubt that given enough time, you’ll find a way to save yourself, but here’s the thing, sweetheart? Let me repay what you did for me that day. Grant me the honor of being the one to save you this time, if only so you’ll be healthy and whole the next time I need you to save me.”

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Author’s Note:

It's the day of Emilia's doctor's appointment, and it seems she's resigned herself to losing Lucas. 

Do you think she should have already talked to Lucas about the pregnancy and the choice she needs to make? Knowing what you do about Lucas, do you think Emilia's right in thinking that Lucas won't want a life with her anymore, when he finds out about the baby?

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