It's out.
Blake's new album is finally out and it feels like I can breathe again.
The day of the release my mom and I spent at home listening to her album on repeat. I'm so grateful, because if not for her I would have no one to share my excitement with.
My mom sat through the spicy songs on the album, too—even though I cringed through the entire three minutes of each suggestive one.
I just can't put into words how much her new piece means to me. But, I can say for certain that it feels like I'm finding myself over and over again when I give it a listen.
From front to back, too. The way the album was written and expertly put together, the songs just don't work by themselves, or in a shuffled order. They have to be played from track one to track ten, to put it simply.
There's this one song, one of the lyrics goes like, "I just wanted you to want me, too." Or something, and it just feels like a perfect line for my life right now.
Maybe I'm over dramatic, but I really thought that Kacey would be my friend for life. It's weird now, looking back at how things used to be. If I could go back and tell myself then how things would be now, I don't even know how I would react.
It's taken me a while to figure out why I've felt so restless since our lack of communication, but the truth is that I've lost a piece of myself. A big one, and now I have to learn how to continue living without it, and never knowing why it left.
A sigh escapes me as the last song on the album comes to a close for the fourth time today, and I decide I need some fresh air.
"Nova! You wanna go for a walk, Baby?"
Hardly even a full second passes before my little white husky comes barreling into my bedroom, hopping around like she's stepping on hot coal.
"Okay, okay. Let's get you ready!"
It's a little bit drizzly when we make our way out of the house. Nova has her raincoat and shoes on, and I'm wearing a similar ensemble. It's weird to some, but the little diva won't even put a paw pad down on the grass without shoes on when it's wet.
We make our way down the sidewalk, and I pop an earbud in one ear and start Blake's album from track one.
It's not long before we reach the park in my neighborhood and I take a seat on one of the swings. With the rain and time of day, we don't have to worry about kids disrupting the gentle calm that lays over the place.
It's here, on the swing, that the song with lyrics that hit too close to home starts to play, and it only gets barely halfway through before I realize that I need to get this off my chest.
Hearing a soft snore from Nova asleep on the ground, I pull out my phone and open up the camera app.
This is so stupid. I think to myself, but I don't stop.
Switching it to selfie mode, I position myself and start recording.
"Hi, um. . ." I start, looking side to side, trying to figure out the best way to word this.
"This is new for me, but I'm pretty sure everyone has had a chance to listen to Blake's new album by now." Nova looks up at me and tilts her head, but I continue on.
"And I think that we all—collectively—can say that it is not only the best piece of work that she has ever put out, but also probably the best album I've heard in a long time. Not to be dramatic, but I'm definitely not being dramatic.
"And, yeah, I may be a bit biased. . .just a little," I pinch my fingers together and leave a little gap in between, "but there has been so much support from all over. Not just fans of Blake, so many people—fans and artists alike—have had only good things to say about it.
"I think that goes to show just how well received this piece has been. And, if I'm being honest, it's the only music I've been able to listen to since it came out. Nothing else compares.
"I can't exactly put it into words, but I figure I'll give it a try. . ." My eyes take in the treetops blowing in the slight breeze, and I take a deep breath.
"When I hit play on this album, it makes me feel like I've finally found some semblance of self in me. Like, no matter what I'm going through, there's someone out there who understands. And it's just my luck that someone decided to bless the world with music I'm sure not just I can relate to.
"It's a breath of fresh air when everything around you feels too stuffy to think, and cold water on dry itchy eyes after a good cry.
"Or, when the clouds finally open up to shower us with water and end a three month drought. . .if that makes sense." Looking up to the sky, I tap a finger to my chin and consider all the things I want to say, and which of them would be most fitting to wrap this up with.
"Basically, I just wanted to tell you, Blake—even though you'll probably never see this—that, because of you and the words you felt the need to say, I feel like I'm not alone anymore. Someone out there gets it. So, yeah. Thanks, I guess, for being you. . .or whatever."
I shut the camera off before it can pick up my pink cheeks, and turn to Nova, "Ready to go home?"
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