Trial and Error
Oct. 2nd

I wear my sunglasses at night. It just feels better. I must be very hung over. Not only does the dark and cold ease my headache, but it seems to dampen the electromagnetic waves that are dancing around the room.

I'm not really sure what they are, exactly. I just know that they're like... giant rings, floating and turning around and around. When one hits you, it feels fuzzy. Sometimes they're so hot it burns you on the inside. I got a hell of a shock from one in my head, and I was lost and confused for an hour. It felt like a Confuse attack from an RPG.

I can't "see" the rings, but I can feel them. Anticipate them. Everyone seems to have them, surrounding them. It must be their electromagnetic field! But why are theirs so much stronger than mine? Or is mine more compact? It turns out that wireless networks use Radio and Microwave transmission. That's a non-ionizing radiation, which means it can heat up molecules but can't make them radioactive. Each floor of both the school and the dorm buildings have a radio reciever, and there's a new cell tower in the city. It must be what I'm feeling. The radio towers must do the same thing, to a lesser degree. But radio can't heat up larger molecules, I guess.

There's a Pop-Science journal in the rec room that suggests that people and animals also give out these signals, and can receive one to determine the location and mood of others in a space. It turns out that just up the electromagnetic spectrum from microwaves is infrared light, which is similar to heat. So it's not unlikely. If nicotine users produce higher amounts of adrenaline, they could also burn more heat per second on average. They'd need a lot more fuel, though, which would explain the need for cheap and easy energy. Wait, is that even on-topic? What am I talking about? Maybe I'm fucking losing it here.

We learned about simple vs. complex sugars today in Biology. Simple sugars are in processed foods, and are broken down easily but cause insulin spikes, and leave the body vulnerable. Complex sugars, found in fruit, last longer because they're tougher to break down, and balance insulin. Somehow I feel that blood sugar must factor into this myth of vampirism. Are processed foods a key part of the addictive factor? I've noticed that nicotine users will usually munch on shitty junk food, then moooaaan and groooan and touch themselves over how fucking GOOOOOOD it is, oooooHOOOHhooOHHOHOHHHHHOHHHHHH yeah dude we get it, it's fucking potato wedges from the gas station, calm down.

Is it possible that complex foods can also, after the digestion process has entirely completed, stabilize a person's molecular structure, and therefore their electromagnetic field? Or does it stabilize their bodies, which then generates the field? A "softened" field would be more chaotic, and easy to break down. But a strong field could be more volatile, and tougher to destabilize. What I'd really like to know is why we need the fields to be so big AT ALL. Why is everyone's field like a good three feet around their body in all directions? Some people are casting their shit like a MILE in every direction. People in cars have theirs dulled, I think – maybe the metal absorbs the stray waves. Am I really observing electromagnetism or some kind of physical manifestation of possibility itself, like in quantum particle theory? Why is it a bad thing if the field is completely self-contained? And who benefits from another person having a weaker field in the first place? Is any of what I'm saying even real or is this just pseudo-scientific ass-pulling?

Yeah, I'm nerding out again. I need to do something cool. Maybe the real source of my power is... fruit? I felt really good after I drank that canned juice, and then again when I drank the orange juice at the game... I've been eating nothing but junk food all week, and I feel like shit. But I feel great when I eat fruit. Vegetables are... okay. I like a spicy radish or some carrots every now and then. I think they keep me from getting hungry, so I can enjoy the fruit. If I don't eat anything else, I'll probably get sick. If I don't want to get dragged into people's shit again tomorrow, I've really only got two choices. I can fall prey to every addiction in the book, and try to ride the mainstream to what HOPEFULLY isn't a dead end in the gnashing, automatic jaws of capitalists... OR I can do everything in my power to stay as healthy as possible, to the best of my knowledge, and avoid substances that I know will hurt me. Sure, people will be upset with me for trying so hard, and feel like I'm trying to make them feel bad for self-improving instead of relaxing with them. The thing is, we just don't relax the same way anymore. I like to sit in silence, listening to some soft jazz occasionally, on a semi-comfortable bed and drinking plenty of tea. I like to stare at nature!
This spring, we went to Caspar, the rocky mountain town where Daisy says I was born. We got hiking, and I said to myself, 'I can scale this whole damn thing if I feel like it!' Then I struggled to make it up a moderate hill because my thighs were on fire. Then we got to the top of the hill, and I saw the tops of those trees, like jade brushes in a valley of fog. I had such a complete change of heart over all of the crap food I was consuming. I took a good hard look at myself, and said, "Wow! I can do better." So I did. I've slipped up a few times here and there, but for the most part? I've put in more work to change than anyone I know. So I think it's time. Time for me... to SHINE!

Normally Dryo would be cutting in right now. I wonder what he's up to?

Leaving you to your live, laugh, pray moment.

Per Spective
Oct. 5th

I got served by the other kids in class today. They said I was a relentless "positivity narcissist" and that my veganism was nothing but a cover for my other insecurities. I really didn't expect them to be so thorough with their words, honestly. Not when they all smell like processed fruit snacks, body odor, and literal shit.

So humble. Such grace.

But Enough About Me
Seriously

I'm not touching this journal until something unrelated to myself happens. That's it! I'll just keep my recording device on me in case I have an interesting day.

Washed Up
Oct.9th

The game wasn't the same this week. I don't know what's different. Maybe all of my theories are off? Meng and Jaijit were fine, maybe kind of average. We didn't win. Jaijit was kind of upset with me. By "kind of upset", I mean he shoved me into a locker.

Moth to Flame
Oct. 10th

My grandma needed my help again, today. It was weird, though. She looked younger than before. Kind of copied my hairstyle, too. It weirded me out. It's like she was draining the personality from me. Normally she would just ignore me, but lately I've been in a lot better shape. However, after helping Crystal, I noticed in the mirror that I look a little bit older, too. My eyes are sunken in and I almost have wrinkles on my forehead. That's not normal. My hair is all brittle and dry, too. But I've been taking care of myself just fine! Maybe I just need to come to terms with my own inner ugliness? Like, all things in balance, or whatever. That, or she's leaving her old soul to haunt me... as some kind of twisted spiritual exchange. But I refuse to trade what I have with someone who tries to take it by force – oh my god I sound literally insane right now. But if the situation did arise, I'd definitely say the same thing, right? Cause what else do you do?

I was quickly able to regain my life force by eating an apple, a banana, and some peanuts, and drinking a ton of water. Within the hour my youth was restored. The problem is, I am limited to a weekly allowance for cafeteria food. Even though it runs every day of the week, I still can't spend more than seven day's worth. So, imagine my surprise to learn that most kids in the lunch room were more likely to TOSS their fruit than to eat it.

- Audio Transcript -

Dryce:
Are you going to eat that?

Paisley:
No, probably not.

Dryce:
Why'd you buy it?

Paisley:
My mom packed it for me.

Dryce:
I thought everyone lived in the dorms.

Paisley:
She works here in the cafeteria.

The kid looks over to one of the lunch ladies, who waves back unenthusiastically.

Dryce:
Can I have it?

Paisley:
Go for it.

[Lip smacking noises and grotesque chewing]

Paisley:
Oh, holy fuck. Ew.

Dryce:
That was fanTAStic...

Paisley:
That was bruised and a few days old???

Dryce:
Ripe fruit is sweeter.

Paisley:
Okay, go away now. You got what you wanted.

And so I searched the lunch room, hunting for more abandoned produce.

Dryce:
You gonna eat that?

Quincy:
This old banana?

Dryce:
Yeah.

Quincy:
The mushy one with spots on it?

Dryce:
Hell yeah.

Quincy:
You're fucking gross. Take it.

[More hideous eating noises, some of the mush falling on the floor.]

Quincy:
DON'T EAT IT IN FRONT OF ME IF YOU'RE GONNA EAT IT LIKE THAT!!

Dryce:
Au revoir.

[Steps on linoleum tile... a peel hitting the trash bag.]

Dryce:
Why the fuck do you have a lime?

Beakley:
I like limes, what's it to you?

Dryce:
Oh. So you're eating that?

Beakley:
Probably.

Dryce:
Like right now?

Beakley:
Oh my god, just fucking take it, you beggar.

Ringo:
Is that kid homeless or something?

Dryce:
So hungry.

I crushed the lime's juice straight into my mouth, and it spilled all over my face and shirt. I could feel my strength returning... but it wasn't enough. I needed to fly again.

Suddenly, from behind, I was approached by another seventh grader and her friend.

Kaylee:
(He's cute though.)

Thulile:
(He looks like a stray, Kaylee.)

Kaylee:
Hey, bud.

I wiped the stinging juice off my face with my sleeve, and looked at her with a ravenous glare. I expected her to be afraid of me. I looked obsessed... animated by a strange, creeping motion. Animotion? Whatever.

Kaylee:
You like fruit, huh?

Dryce:
Yes...

Kaylee:
You can have my orange.

I reached out for the orange...

Kaylee:
...but only if you go on a date with me.

I stopped. That sounded like a lot of work for an orange.

Dryce:
I don't really have time for a date.

Thulile:
See? He's clearly busy. Probably needs to find his dumpster before dark.

Dryce:
That's rude.

I glared at the second girl angrily, and it felt as though heat was coming out of my eyes. She must have felt it, because she stepped back immediately, almost scared. But instead of calling me out, she pretended as though it never happened. Very strange. Like she'd been trained to do so. She readjusted her stance and remained silent. How many other 'vampires' were there?

I mean... the fox is out of the bag now. That's what I'd reasoned myself out to be, at the moment. A vampire. All of the symptoms matched, and in that moment it became undeniable to myself. I'd managed to claim the power of the bloodsucker, only my vice was the blood of the fruit, rather than of the animal. A key difference which gave me a chance to establish a new precedent. I straightened my back and cleared my throat, channeling all the distinction I knew. Despite my juice-stained shirt, and the banana mush on my shoes, the effect was absolute.

Dryce:
I sleep in one of the dorms here, at this fine school. Don't you?

Thulile:
I'm not telling you that.

Dryce:
If you must keep secrets, I'll respect that. Kaylee, was it?

She perked up, like a kid responds to a parent. It was working, but I felt too formal. I wasn't going to be able to 'fit in' like this, I'd just end up walking all over everyone like the people I hated. I had to play it cool, go for something a little more punk casual.

Dryce:
Catch me tonight at the Fresh Menget, eight o' clock. Don't be late!

Kaylee:
I'll be there!

I knew not to overstay my welcome, so I waved and sped off like I had somewhere to be. I did, honestly. I had to type all of this out. Just a couple hours to go.

Red Harvest
That Evening

Jackpot. Who knew dates would pay for lunch? Kaylee's a sweetheart, but the only coeur I'm interested in is an apple's. All I had to do was give her a kiss on the cheek, hold her hand, and listen to her talk. Man, can she talk. I don't really remember what about, cause it all happened so fast. At the end, she said I wasn't really her type but that she had a great evening. Are you kidding me? They'll even break it off for you?! Dates are awesome!!