Jo stared at the half-blank canvas in front of her, trying to focus on the painting, but her mind kept being pulled elsewhere. To the woman on the other end of her phone. To the idea of talking to her again. To the offer of a bi-weekly movie night. Some part of her was excited, but that excitement was quickly turning into a kind of nervous anxiety that was twisting her stomach into nausea-inducing knots. Jo had thought that she could distract herself by trying to finish this painting, but instead, she had spent the better part of the morning staring off into nothingness. 

‘I could just ghost her? No harm in that, right?’ Jo’s leg bounced, lips pressed into a hard line, brows knitted together. ‘We’ve only talked twice. It's not like I actually know her. It’s not like we’re actually fri–’ 

The sound of Jo’s phone letting out a quiet ding-dong-ding from where it was plugged in on the counter broke Jo from her thoughts, causing her to look up and toward the sound. Taking a deep breath, she pushed herself up to her feet, she trudged over to her phone. She picked up, looking at the text that had come in, reading it. 

[Therapist office]:

Reminder for Jolene Murphy of your in-person appointment 

tomorrow at 10:30 am with Dr. Ross. 

Press C to confirm.

Jo read and reread the message, the panic she had already been feeling was suddenly amped up to eleven. How had she forgotten about her appointment tomorrow? Her stomach twisted itself into knots, nausea causing bile to rise in her throat. 

Jo began to spiral into anxiety at the thought of leaving her house, at the thought of going outside. She ran her hand through her hair, breath catching in her throat. “S-shit.” Tried to breathe, in for four, out for four, but it didn't help. Spit pooled at the back of her throat, making it nearly impossible for her to breathe. ‘Why do I have to be like this? Why can’t I just be normal?’ Jo swallowed or tried to, only cough, nearly choking on her own spittle. She coughed, screwing her eyes shut as tears formed at the edges. She tried to breathe again, only to violently cough until her chest hurt. ‘Damn it. Why can’t I–

Suddenly, her phone dinged again, announcing that a text had come in. Swallowing, Jo reached up to wipe her eyes before prying them open to see a text from Jackie. ‘Oh.’ 

Jackie:

Just txting 2 say hi. Hi. 

Jo laughed, reaching up to run a hand through her hair, tears rolling down her cheeks. “She’s such a dork.” The anxiety she had been drowning in faded until it was just as it always was. A constant feeling of something not being right, a feeling that something was going to go wrong. Even when everything was going fine. 

Jo:

hey 

busy today?

Jo sniffed, rubbing at her nose with the heel of her hand under her nose, collecting herself as she waited for a response. 

Jackie:

Not really gonna do some chores. U?

Jo leaned against the counter, crossing her legs at the ankles, and humming. 

Jo:

Im just painting. Nothing crazy.

Jackie:

Youll have 2 show me 1 

of these so called paintings 1 of these days

Jo let out a weak chuckle at the light-hearted jab, something about it didn’t trigger the usual anxiety that came with teasing. It felt nice. 

Jo:

Maybe but im not in the 

habit of showing off.

Jackie:

Maybe u should b. 

Jo thought about it briefly before shaking her head of the thought. She couldn’t share any of her work. It wasn’t worth the anxiety-induced headache. 

Jo:

I honestly don’t think 

its worth the anxiety.

Jackie: 

I do but i guess

 its not my place 2 say

Jo:

Its not but thank you 

for believing in me.

Jackie:

:)

Of course

Jo stared down at the text exchange, knowing that someone cared about her, was interested in her, it made the knot of anxiety that had settled in the pit of her stomach bearable. “I wonder why she cares so much about me?” Pushing herself up off the counter, she moved to sit back at the easel. “I suppose it doesn’t matter. She’ll realize one day…” Jo shook her head, grabbing her brush and dipping it in paint. “That I’m not worth the effort.”