This chapter may be disturbing to some readers please check the Trigger warnings.

TW// Death, blood, violence, PTSD, Sexual assault, Child abuse/pedophilia

Elias became awfully aware of his surroundings. It was like he grew a pair of eyes behind his back. His senses have sharpened and he jumped at every tiny sound. He always thought Luana would somehow catch up to him. Elias didn’t sleep for days - he had to stay alert at any given moment. He couldn’t be sure when she would come back. It made him delirious and his nightmares would now haunt him through the day as hallucinations.

He didn’t allow anyone to touch him. Every brush or touch on his skin would send him into a full hysteric madness. Elias would become violent, filled with rage and anger he had never known. It was anger mixed with dreadful pain. He couldn’t erase the feeling of her touches and her whispers. They were always there.

The cuts on his back were the worst. He wouldn’t let anyone help clean them and doing it by himself was even harder. At first he would pass out multiple times before he made sure they were all cleaned. Every time when he finished, his body would be drenched in cold sweat and he was deprived of all energy.

Immediately upon leaving Bradfordshire they set sail towards Dalelry. That was the only spark of joy Elias felt in the last few days. He would finally be able to be alone, not worrying about who could find him.

However, the sailing didn’t go as planned. Mid journey they were attacked. Elias wanted to just back away and hide untill it was be over, but then someone from the other ship seized his wrist and pulled it behind Elias’ back.

Elias’ vision went white with rage.

In seconds, he pulled one of his knives out and slashed the man's throat. After that it was all a blur of slashing, blood spilling and rage. Elias didn’t know who he was hurting. Friend or foe, it did not matter. He wouldn’t let anyone touch him.

Elias finally came back to his senses when he noticed Gerold hiss every time he would move his sword. No, he wasn’t even using his right hand. The other was bloodied all the way through, hanging limply at his side. He wasn’t focused and he was blinking rapidly.

Someone was approaching him from behind. Elias launched at him impaling him to the mast with one of his twin swords. Gerold turned to look over his shoulder. He managed a weak smile. “Thank ya, kid.”
Something wasn’t right. Elias pulled Gerold to the side, so the man he was fighting wouldn’t impale him through the stomach. Elias threw a knife in his neck and quickly let go of Gerold.

“Gerold, get a hold of yourself!”

“S-sorry kid.”

Elias only then noticed he was clutching his side, blood spilling through the hand.

“Gerold you-” He moved his hand towards the wound, but he wouldn’t touch it. He couldn’t.

“It’s okay kid.” He leaned to the mast. “That’s back from Bradfordshire.” Gerold took a shaky breath. “I fucked up, and they-”

Elias grabbed his shoulders before he could fall to the ground. He wrapped his hand around his waist, trying to ignore the aching of his skin.

“Let’s get you down where it’s safe.”

“N-no, need to fight.” His words were coming out more and more laboured. “She’s waitin’ for me.”
Elias pulled him towards the stairs by the ship’s railing. There was a hole there, a canon must’ve hit it. He struggled to keep Gerold on his feet and avoid the pistols and swords around him. They were almost at the stairs when Gerold stopped.

“Elias,” His breathing became slower with every second, and his face was pale as the moon. Gerold reached in his inner pocket and pulled out a beautiful dagger. He pushed it in Elias’ hand. “Take this t-to her. O-on Dalelry.”

Elias had a bad feeling about this. He pushed it back towards him. “You’re going to give it to her yourself.”

Gerold pushed it back and laughed. He opened his mouth to speak, but his voice was drowned out by a gunshot. Time slowed, or more like time stopped around Elias. The only thing that moved was Gerold, as he precariously leaned past hole in the railing and Elias' hand to catch his hand.

He caught him in time, but Gerold was a grown man and Elias only a child. He was slipping with every second.

Gerold only smiled weakly. “It’s o-okay kid.” His eyes were brighter than ever. “Never had a student as great as ya.”

He slipped from his hand, and Elias thought he only imagined, Gerold mouthed a thank you, before the sea swallowed him.

Elias found her in front of what he guessed was their house. She looked nervous, but happy with anticipation. When she saw Elias walking up to her, her smile began to fade. Elias only handed her the dagger, shaking his head. He wouldn’t meet her eyes.

She took the dagger with shaking hands and thanked him. Elias could hear she was trying her best to steady her voice. He wanted to comfort her, but he didn’t know how. He left before he himself would crumble down before her.

He ran straight to his cave, tears already streaming down his cheeks and when he reached the lagoon he fell down on his knees and wept.

Gerold was one of the greatest fighters on The Rose Sparrow. But to Elias he wasn’t just that. He wasn’t just a crewmate. Gerold was his teacher. He didn’t just teach him to survive. He was never teaching him how to kill, but rather how to protect himself.

Elias owned him everything.

After Elias sat down in the sand for hours, till his eyes ran dry, he got on his feet and decided to walk the island and stop at the storage house to bring along some food with him. As he walked he tried not to think about anything, but everything kept crawling back at him, not leaving him any clarity.

When he finally made it to the storage, it was already dark. He packed as much as he could in the bag and turned to leave. In the corner of his eyes, he noticed bottles with brownish liquid. Elias knew what it was. He saw men drink it till they reeked off it. They were drinking it the whole night when they lost Gerold. After it they seemed more relaxed as if with it the grief of losing a crewmate disappeared.

Elias hastily grabbed the bottle and drank a few gulps. It burned down his throat and Elias thought he was going to choke. Yet, the warmth quickly settled in his stomach, making it pleasantly warm. He took another few swigs and headed back to his cave, drinking the liquid every couple of steps.

His body seemed lighter with every minute. But it wasn’t just his body, his head and mind began to drift as if he were a bird flying through the endless sky, a spirit swiftly swooshing between the trees. It all seemed easier.

Elias’ mind began to laugh at him, and it took him a bit to realise, he was actually laughing out loud. Everything seemed so stupid that it was hilarious to Elias. He drank the whole bottle and threw it to the ground, where it shattered a few moments later.

He started running, laughing through the woods. The world was so weird, everything that happened to him in the past four years seemed so absurd to him. Elias stumbled against a rock and fell down. He started rolling around laughing louder and louder till he was crying of laughter. Then he stopped to look up into the starry night, the woods spinning around him.

He understood why all of them drank.

It was the only way they could forget about their lives - of what they did or what was to come.

Elias' head throbbed. It felt like someone was slamming a rock against his temples. When he opened his eyes he didn’t see the sky or the trees surrounding him. He was on a narrow street in Dalelry. He tried to pull himself out and almost vomited in the process.

He felt awful. He felt as if he was going to die.

“Don’t ya worry, shary.” Elias’ body froze. “Ya’ll get used to it.”

Elias stumbled backwards as Pit approached him down the street. What was Elias doing there? What was he doing there? What did Pit do to him?

“Don’t run shary. Ya should thank me, I found ya.” His words felt like blades slashing him. “An animal could’ve got to ya first.” He crouched down to him. “Couldn’t imagine what it would’ve done to ya.”

Elias gathered all the strength he could - he slammed his knee into Pit’s chin and ran. He overestimated himself. His head spun as he stood up, nearly throwing him back to the ground and he had to swallow down vomit that came up his throat. Elias crashed into the wall a couple of times before he managed to run into the streets. He didn’t look back to see if Pit followed him. Elias ran to the forest.

He didn’t stop till he reached the lagoon. He looked down at his clothes. They weren’t ruffled or torn apart anywhere. They were just as Elias had left them in his drunken state of mind, only slightly muddied. But that didn’t mean he couldn’t feel the touches Pit left on him.

He stripped down his clothes and jumped in the water, scrubbing his skin as if it was infected. He scrubbed it madly, digging his nails into the skin. He scrubbed himself till his skin was glowing red. Elias dunked his face into the cold water which sobered him up a bit.

It was too close.

Pit was too close.

Elias would never again in his life touch alcohol.

Leaving Dalelry behind was even harder the second time. He didn’t want to leave it. He didn’t want to go back to The Rose Sparrow. He didn’t want to leave the only place that felt somewhat like home. However, he knew he had no other choice. He had signed the contract now, he was part of the crew and there was no undoing it.

Elias kept away from everyone, taking him back to the first days on the ship. Most of his time he would spend in his hiding spot or up on Crow’s nest. Nick tried to start a conversation with him, but Elias always turned away and left. He knew he was being unfair to Nick, as he hadn’t done him any wrong. Elias just didn’t want to bring up any memories. He didn’t want to remember at all.

One night he was going down to his net when Pit approached him. Elias tried to pretend like he didn’t notice him, but Pit grabbed him by the wrist.

“Ya have the guts to kick me, shary.” he tightened the grip. “Why are ya avoidin’ me? Don’t ya want to have a little fun?” Blood boiled in Elias. “I know ya want to-”

Elias had enough. The only way Pit would ever leave him alone was if he hurt him. Violence was the only language he would understand. And he wanted to hurt Pit. He wanted to hurt him so badly. Elias snapped, reached out for his knife, and slashed Pit across the gob. He grabbed him by the shirt and pushed him against the wall. Pit tried to get away, but he wasn’t as strong as Elias. Elias pressed the knife to his throat.

“Touch me again and I’ll cut you open.”

Pit struggled against him. He was still laughing, exposing his bloodied teeth. “Come on shary, ya think ya can do anything to me? Ya think you can overpower me?”

He tried to move his hands up, but Elias was quicker. He slashed the knife hard across both of his hands. Pit screamed when Elias pushed him to the ground, knee on his neck.

“Touch me again,” He said slowly, making sure his words cut like knives. “and you won’t have any hands to touch me with. I know you need them.” Pit tried to talk back but Elias just pressed harder. “Swear you’ll never touch me again!”

“I swear!” screamed Pit, spitting blood on the black wood.

Elias hesitated for a moment and then pushed himself off him. Pit staggered to his feet, turning around, blazing with rage, yet Elias saw a glint of fear in his eyes. Pit stepped towards him.

“Leave him alone Pit!”

Both turned to Nick, whose eyes were fixed on Pit. Pit snarled something under his breath and then spat blood on the ground, turning around to leave. Elias placed the knife back on his belt, rushing past Nick.

“Elia-”

“I had it under control.”

Nick said no more. He let Elias walk away.