Bathroom. My favorite place when I feel like freaking out.
I am currently perched on the marbled bathroom counter, mulling and reflecting. I can't do that when Trevor's around. He makes my mind go crazy, even if I don't like to admit it.
Trevor went out for a bit, but actually, he's just downstairs talking to Jin. I still have thirty minutes to go ballistic. Let's get the facts straight: Trevor, my former stalker, is a mafia boss and a daddy dom. It's not that often that I will be put in such a confusing yet favorable situation.
With a soft grunt, I leaned against the mirror and sighed. "What will you do now, Jesse? Trevor is too good to be true. Am I being scammed?" Frustrated, I fixed my stare at the ceiling and sighed again.
I am a little. However, that part of me is something I continuously hid so my parents won't find out. I am gay and a little. I don't want to come home only to find out that my parents are preparing to burn me at the stake.
I was fifteen when I discovered that I have a little side. I love to be doted on, I have a curious interest in stuffies and age-regressive activities. I find them liberating; it makes me feel free in a world where my parents had me in ball and chains.
Suppressing that side of me was torturous and heartbreaking. I did research on DD/lb, tried to find any support groups and other littles, but most of them were far from my area. Each time I pass by a store with adorable stuffies on display, I grit my teeth and look forward, because I know I won't be able to hold myself back if I stayed.
Whenever Arthur and I enter a bookstore, my eyes always betray me, and I find myself looking at beautiful coloring books and stacks of crayons, wishing that I can have them in my hands.
All I want is for someone to love me, appreciate me, and care for me. Now that I have someone who is the physical embodiment of what I'm looking for in a person, suddenly, everything feels so real... and scary.
I don't even know why I'm so scared. It must be the fact that life is a bitch, and I'm afraid that Trevor is just a figment of my imagination. Any second, he can go poof! and will disappear, out of my sight for good.
I rubbed my face and groaned. "Jesse, you're overthinking things. Just let it be. If it's for you, it will stay. If it's not... let it... go." A sad smile crossed my lips.
That's right. Who cares what tomorrow holds? What's important is now. Trevor loves me, and I don't think it's going to change any sooner. I just need to let myself go, be free from my thoughts. Life is not complicated; humans are just trying to make it complex and impossible to live.
"Baby, where are you?" I heard Trevor from outside, and I guess it's time to meet my man. I kinda missed him.
"Bathroom!" I hopped and it was at the same time that Trevor opened the door.
"Baby, are you hungry?" He approached me and pulled me in for a hug. I rested my chin on his chest and looked at him.
"Not yet. Maybe later. Can we talk about something?"
Trevor's amber eyes glinted curiously, but he nodded nonetheless. He dropped a kiss on the tip of my nose and smiled. "Sure. Whatever you want." He reached for my hand and entwined them together, as we made our way to the library. It has been our favorite place to hang out at.
Trevor, after learning that I did not go out with Julian, asked me if I wanted to explore Italy but I refused. I can do that some other time. Also, I don't want to attract any attention.
Based on what Trevor and Julian explained to me, Trevor is a person with many enemies. So many movies have taught me that getting involved with very influential people leaves you at risk.
After making sure that I'm comfortable in my seat, Trevor sat across from me and placed a glass of chocolate in front of me. My heart leaped in joy and gave him a wide grin.
"Thank you, Trev!" He chuckled and gestured the drink, urging me to try it. I nodded and sipped, then a small frown crossed my forehead. "A new blend?"
"You noticed?"
"Yeah. It's delicious, though," I replied and took another sip.
"I had the manufacturer make a special blend for you using organic products and sweeteners that won't raise your sugar levels. I can't have you getting diabetes," he answered with a warm smile, and my heart blossomed with so much warmth.
When I thought he couldn't surprise me more, he goes above and beyond my expectations. With trembling fingers, I shakily placed the glass on the table and offered him a tremulous smile. "You don't know how much I appreciate it, you looking out for my health. Thank you," I managed to say in a firm tone.
"But... isn't this so much trouble? Asking for them to make a new blend?"
Trevor shook his head and looked at me fondly. "Nonsense, babe. I should've offered you that blend on your first day here, but the delivery was delayed, so I opted for a product with less sugar. So, your fridge has been replaced with healthier blends. You can check it out later."
"I want to hug you so bad," I breathlessly uttered after a few seconds of silence. Trevor chuckled again and opened his arms.
"Come here, baby." Without wasting any second, I ran to him and jumped on his arms, feeling so happy from his thoughtfulness. "By the way, the factory is under your name."
My eyes widened and I pulled away to look at him, my jaw dropped on the floor. "I have my chocolate factory?!" I exclaimed in so much surprise.
Trevor laughed softly and nodded. "Sure, babe. Technically, they're only manufacturing chocolate drinks, but if you want chocolate bars, I can--"
"No. I'm happy, Trev. Please don't buy me another factory." That would be too much. I'm just happy that I have a lifetime supply of my favorite drink.
"Anything you say, baby," he replied with a pinch on my cheek.
"Thank you so much, Trevor. You don't know how much you made me happy with this. I have never been so happy, and it's not even my birthday."
Trevor reached for my hand and kissed my fingers tenderly. "Seeing you happy is enough, Jesse. All I want is for you to be happy and free from pain. You deserve this and more."
"You are so sweet," I mumbled with red cheeks and buried my face in the hollow of his throat.
"Only you would tell me that."
"That's not true. Anyways, who will be coming tomorrow? I need to prepare," I said with so much seriousness that Trevor snickered. "I'm not kidding, Alessio. This is a serious matter."
Trevor blinked and sported a serious expression. He cleared his throat and gazed at me in amusement. "All of the branches of the families will attend, my parents and siblings, and... my grandfather."
I swallowed hard when I noticed the slight drop in his mood when he mentioned his grandfather. "Um... is he someone I should be wary of?"
Trevor entwined our hands and sighed heavily. "I don't know, babe. Grandfather is good to us and treated us fairly. However, he is very conservative. I'm just thankful that he was willing to look the other way for my past conquests, but you are different, Jesse. You are someone I intend to marry and keep for life. You don't have to worry," he assured me when I started to shift uncomfortably. "I will fight for you, and I will not let him get in the way. I still have an ace up my sleeve," he promised, and I have no choice but to believe in him.
"I trust you, Trevor. I know you will protect me," I told him with a small smile, and I chose to believe my own words.
I'm terrified about meeting his grandfather. I'm actually lucky in a way. From Trevor's stories, his family likes me. I passed the first hurdle. It seemed as if the branches of the families don't mind, so I have no problem with that. My only issue is with his grandfather.
"I really need to up my game this time, Trev. I'm not sure if I can do it, but I will do my best to behave," I promised with a wince, and Trevor burst into laughter. "Why are you laughing?"
Wiping the tear on the edge of his eye, Trevor pinched the tip of my nose fondly. "Even you are unsure if you can do that. Be yourself, babe. You are the most gorgeous when you are yourself. That's when you shine the most. Don't hold yourself back, and be the king that you are. Got it?"
I nodded and offered him a shy smile. "Thank you, Trev. I'm glad you think that."
He caressed my cheek and smiled. "Of course, Jesse. I wouldn't let you do something you're uncomfortable with. I want you to be free and let you breathe. I don't know how many years you lived in suffocation, but with me, you can be yourself and let go. I'll catch you every single time."
That hit home. Every word pierced my heart. How I long to hear such words, and I'm so ecstatic that I heard it from Trevor. Unable to withstand the booming in my chest and the overflowing emotions, I cupped his cheeks and rested my forehead against his. In a trembling voice filled with raw emotion, I stared into his amber eyes.
"I love you so much, Alessio Morelli," I tearfully confessed, my heart feeling so light after letting it out.
I was planning to confess during our dinner date, taking advantage of the romantic ambiance. It was carefully planned in my head, but sometimes... no matter how perfect your plan is, spontaneity is very much welcomed.
"W-What?" Trevor grabbed my shoulders and pushed me back slightly. I can't help but be amused at his flustered expression. "You... love me?"
I wiped my tears and nodded. "Why do you sound surprised?"
He gulped hard and blinked. "Fuck. Am I dreaming?"
"Nope," I answered with a flick on his forehead, and immediately rubbed the hurt area, but he didn't mind. Trevor was still not himself and floating in the clouds after my confession. "Is it that surprising? You're not hard to love."
Just like that, Trevor got out of his trance. "Well..." He scratched his brow awkwardly, earning a curious stare from me. "I'm only like this to you, Jesse?"
"What do you mean?" I asked with a frown, and Trevor seemed hesitant to answer. "Do you not treat your exes like this?"
Trevor went silent for a few seconds, and with a sharp intake of breath, he looked at me apologetically and shook his head. "No, not really. I may sound like a jerk but I have no excuse. All of my relationships were casual, and I made it to a point not to establish any relationships with them because-- babe. Stop judging me. I swear, I am loyal to you, and I am serious with this relationship. Please, don't break up with me," he pleaded in so much desperation as he stared at imploringly.
I dropped a kiss on his lips and grinned. "Now, why would I do that? Sure, you've been such a jerk, but I am not judging you. Did you make sure to draw a line and lay down all your cards?" There's a huge difference if both parties consented to have a casual relationship.
Trevor nodded. "I did. I made it clear to them that I have no plans in entertaining a serious relationship, but they agreed anyway."
"Okay. It's called past for a reason; it's a closed chapter of your life. Both of us are not perfect, and perfection is boring. So... I guess it's official. Since I confessed to you, I want to let you know that this is more than a heat in the moment kind of thing. I have been thinking about this, to the point where I thought too much."
Trevor's expression lit up, and with a breathless chuckle, had me engulfed in his arms. "Damn it. I can't believe I'm hearing this right now, but you made me so incredibly happy, Jesse."
With a soft giggle, I enjoyed the comfort of being in his arms and felt the burden in my heart slowly lifting. I still don't want to bring up the things I said when the spirit of alcohol consumed my rationality. Feeling the burn in my cheeks, I bit my lower lip and decided to dismiss that embarrassing memory.
I called him daddy, and that felt so liberating. I hope there will come a time where I can finally show my little side to Trevor. With the way Trevor is treating me, I think it will be soon.
The next day,
"Jesse, come on. It's already eight. We'll be late--" I turned my back against him and buried my face on my soft pillow with a groan.
"Leave me alone. I hate you so much. Let me sleep." It's his fault anyway. My back hurts and I plan to ignore him starting right now.
The bed dipped, and his gentle fingers began to brush my hair. "Come on, baby. I'm sorry, okay? I should've stopped you, but when you said you wanted to dance on the pole again, I couldn't stop myself. I just wanted to see how great you were again," Trevor gently explained and rubbed my arms tenderly.
Okay. He wins. That was sweet, and it was my fault anyway. I wanted to know if I really know pole dancing, so I did it again; sober, this time. Drunk Jesse is crazy and thinks he can do everything, but it turns out... he can. It was not a fluke, and I will add pole dancing in my skills armory.
With a frown and a pout, I turned to Trevor who was smiling at me. "I don't like mornings."
"Okay. I will prepare your choco drink and favorite breakfast to make you feel better."
My stomach grumbled at that, but sometimes, you have to let your stomach know that we are more than that. "My back is sore."
Trevor smiled and combed my hair. "I will help you bathe. A warm soak will help."
"I still feel sleepy," I continued to whine, but Trevor didn't seem to mind.
"You can sleep in the car, baby. Jin is a good driver."
Still pouting, I nodded and raised my arms. "Alright. You win. Help me bathe, and let's have breakfast after. Spoil me today."
Trevor chuckled and lifted me off the bed, then kissed my forehead. "I'll spoil you every day, Jesse. It would be my pleasure," he replied sweetly, and I swooned all over again.
***
"You were lying! How can I sleep in this condition?!" I screamed at Trevor as he led me towards the chopper. The wind was pushing against me, and I have to squint to make sure that the specks of dust won't enter my eyes. That would be painful.
Trevor pushed me against his chest and dragged me inside the chopper, and made sure that I was properly buckled. "I'm sorry, Jesse. This would be safer. We received intel that someone was waiting there for an ambush," he gently explained and fished out a handkerchief to wipe the dust away from my face.
"Did someone get hurt?" I could not stop the worry, and all my sleepiness was replaced with anxiety.
A sigh of relief slipped from my lips when Trevor shook his head. "Thanks for worrying, but my men are professionals. They eat ambush attacks for breakfast," Trevor casually answered and brushed my messy hair.
"That's good... I guess?"
Trevor smiled and swung his arms around my shoulders. "I'm sorry, babe. I promise to spoil you endlessly after this."
I wrapped my arms around his waist and nuzzled on his neck. "I'm fine, Trev, and I'm looking forward to it." The nervous thumping in my chest began to fade, but I know it will be back later; when I'm facing the entire Morelli clan.
I need all the luck I can get.
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