Read I, PENELOPE, CHAPTER II, The Touch, Part 2 :: CHAPTER III, The Ferryman's Pole, Part 3 of 3

I, PENELOPE

By Amanda Hamlin

Chapter III Ferryman’s Pole. Part 3

The party has successfully retrieved the golden idol, the key to breaking Garenmoth’s power and (amazingly) lived to tell the tale. So, now they’re looking for the huge ruby that must be fitted into its eye to fully unlock its ability. They have received a dire prediction that something terrible will happen if they don’t find the ruby soon. Robert has the idea that, if everyone in the party had two horses, they could keep switching horses so they wouldn’t get tired and travel more quickly that way. It’s pretty obvious that’s what he means. But, what he says is, “If we had two horses we could ride them back and forth really fast.” I’m still being amused by this statement when Linus points out that they don’t have any horses.

“We’ll have to get some then,” says Robert matter-of-factly.

“And how are we going to afford them?” asks Sven. “We don’t have very much money.”

“Well, you shouldn’t have spent so much money on those rare flower oils for your spell components,” sneers Jeff. Yes, I took great delight in forcing him to, in essence, buy perfume.

“We’ll have to steal them then,” says Mike.

“How do we do that?” asks Sven.

“We need a plan,” says Robert and immediately starts devising one. The first step is to find a place that sells horses. Robert insists that they go to the nearest town as fast as possible. The other players are not so happy about this and complain about how long it takes to get there. Then someone makes a crack about how they could get there much faster if they each had two horses they could ride back and forth and Robert gives us all the finger. I decide to throw him a bone (and let him impress me with his great intelligence) by deciding that there is, in fact, a fair in town which includes a horse seller. His booth is set up at the edge of the town square and all the horses are in an open area behind him. "So, here's the plan," says Robert importantly, once they've scouted out the situation. "I'll distract the man by pretending I want to buy a horse, while the rest of you enter from the other end of the lot and take what we need."

"I don't think we all need to go," says Mike. "They're more likely to see us."

"If we want five horses we do," says Linus. "One or two people will never be able to manage that many."

"We don't need five," says Jeff. "We can double up."

Mike makes a face. "I don't want to ride with you," he says.

"Five horses?" I say mockingly. "I thought you wanted at least ten so you could ride them back and forth." Everyone laughs.

"Oh, shut up," mutters Robert.

"We'd never get away with that," says Mike, "and it would be hard for even four of us to manage ten horses."

"I would like to point out that not all of you have the riding proficiency," I say.

"What idiot didn't take that?" cries Robert. Turns out neither Jeff nor Linus did.

"I don't just have land-based riding," says Sven smugly. "I have airborne riding."

"That's almost as stupid as having no riding skill at all. It's a useless ability because no DM in their right mind will ever give you a flying mount."

"So, we're down to three horses," Mike cuts in. "That means we only need two people to steal them."

"I'm going," Sven yells immediately.

"Oh god, why?"

"Because I want to."

"Fine." Robert glares at him. "But don't do anything stupid, and keep your rats under control." I'm not happy about this development at all. Sven looks mighty pleased with himself and he only looks like that when he's found a way to cause trouble.

When Sven and Mike are in position behind the horses, Robert says, "Now I make my approach." He actually gets up and struts around the room to show how he does it, making flourishes with his hands as he goes. "Now, my good man, I have an interest in buying some of these truly fine specimens you have here. Show me your best wares."

"The salesman eyes your dirty clothes and backpack skeptically. Clearly, he doesn't think you look like the kind of person who can afford expensive horses."

Robert looks down at his crisply pressed button-down shirt and makes a great show of brushing himself off. "I beg your pardon, my good man, for appearing before you in this undignified fashion. You see, a few days ago, my coach was attacked by bandits and they stole everything. That is why I am in such need of new horses." While we're having this conversation, I keep making stealth checks for Sven and Mike. Now Mike fails a check. "You step on a dry branch and it snaps loudly, startling the horses. One of them kicks you. Take four damage."

"Be careful, you morons," snaps Robert. "I become more forceful with the man to distract him."

"He gives you a narrow look and says, 'But, if you were robbed, how do you have money to buy a horse?'"

"Well, you see, I had a secret bag inside..."

I roll another check. "You guys have about reached the middle of the field by now."

Sven breaks into a huge grin. "I cast fear."

"Okay. Mike what are you...Wait! What?" It takes me a moment to process what he's saying. "You're really not serious."

"Oh yes I am." I knew he was going to do something stupid. I knew it! "Come on. I really don't want to have to make saving throws for a couple hundred horses."

"Don't worry. You won't have to." He opens the Player's Handbook and reads, “All targets of at least five levels below the caster or of natural zero level, which includes normal humans and all non-intelligent, non-magical, animals, do not make a saving throw."

"But...but..that means..." I'm not the only one who's upset. Robert and Mike look fairly petrified and even Jeff seems to have grasped that something bad is happening.

"Mass stampede," Sven yells, shrieking with laughter.

"You idiot, I will kill you," cries Robert in a rage.

"No need. The horses may have done so already," I say grimly. Everyone gets trampled. Robert, Jeff, and Linus, because they're on the outskirts, only get run over a few times. But Mike and (to my sadistic glee) Sven are right in the middle of the lot and get kicked or trampled by almost every horse there. They're not quite dead but they are down to a couple of hit points apiece and Mike is actually knocked unconscious. The one good thing is that the horse seller has also been trampled so he's in no position to bother them. At first, everyone screams at Sven. But soon they give up because it just seems to make him even more pleased with himself. I hate him, I hate him, I hate him. I need to go mock Kendra about this. That's the best way to make myself feel better. I'm going to call her as soon as this gaming session is over.

Kendra, however, is in no mood to be mocked. "I told you, I don't like him anymore," she snaps.

"Maybe not." I'm still not convinced of this. "But you did. And he was just as stupid and annoying back then."

"You should be careful with Sven," says Kendra in a warning tone.

"Careful of what? That I'll get too pissed off and kill him?"

"No, that you'll end up like me." I knew it! I knew it!

"I do not like him. I like Robert. He was very clever today."

"And arrogant."

"Yes, that too. He made a big deal about his clothes."

The phone crackles as Kendra snickers on the other end of the line. "I bet he did."

"Anyway, he came up with this genius idea." In my infatuation, I've already forgotten how dumb I thought it was at the time. "And that loser, Sven, had to go ruin it for no good reason."

"See, there you go, talking about Sven again."

"Complaining about how dumb he is."

"Yea, that's what you tell yourself. But it means you're thinking about him all the time and he's affecting you emotionally. That's how he gets his claws into you."

I roll over onto my stomach and punch my pillow in frustration as I wad it under my chest. "You sound almost like you want me to like him. What is this, the ferryman's pole or something?"

"See, you must have sex on the brain since you randomly start talking about guys' poles."

"Not that kind of pole," I snap angrily. My face turns bright red and, even though she can't see me through the phone, I clap my hands over it in embarrassment. "It's a common plot in myths and fairy tales," I mutter sourly. "An old man ferries a boat back and forth across a magical river for all eternity. He can never leave the boat or die. The only way he can be free of his curse is if he tricks someone into taking the pole from him. Then the curse transfers to them."

"I fail to see how this matters beyond proving that you have weirdo interests and hobbies. But I already knew that." Sometimes Kendra seems almost as dense as Sven. No wonder she liked/s him. And no wonder I don't in the slightest.

"It means," I say slowly and deliberately, "that you want to be free of him but you can't quite do it unless someone else takes your place. You're trying to trick me into taking over your curse for you."

"That's not a very nice thing to say about a friend. I'm only trying to help you." She sounds offended but also a tiny bit frightened, like my analysis has come too close for comfort. I tartly inform her that Julia would make a much better candidate as a love interest for Sven. They're both loud, rude, and out of control. Besides, she complains about how she hates him so much that, if Kendra's theory is correct, she must totally want him. “Yea, but she doesn't do nerd things with him, like you do.” I find that comment offensive and tell her so before cutting the connection. At this moment, I don't blame Sven for not being interested in Kendra. Who would be interested in someone who despises all their hobbies? It would serve her right if he did get with me, not that I want that at all, of course. But furious as I am, fighting with Kendra does not please me, and I spend the rest of the evening in a deep depression.

-- end of Chapter 3—

Copyright: Amanda Hamlin

Not to be used by A.I. without permission of the author.

Cover art by Eric Hamlin

To view his portfolio, go to: https://www.instagram.com/hamlin.eric/

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