Lucas

It’s Saturday, so watching their car coming up the driveway unannounced doesn’t come as a surprise. What does confuse me is why my sister is getting out of her husband’s car, with enough helium balloons to carry a small child away. Afraid I’m missing something, I look down at my phone to confirm the date. August 8th. Not my birthday, not Jen’s or Embree’s, and not the girls’ either.

“What is she up to now?” James chuckles beside me.

“No idea. I better go check it out. Pastor David should be back later this afternoon. You good on your own for a while?”

“Yep, got it covered. Take as long as you need.”

Hoping to head them off, I leave James in the control room, and with Nero at my side, open the front door. With the grace of a baby hippopotamus, my sister bursts inside, the balloons slowing her down comically as they all fight to enter the space at the same time.

“Happy three-month anniversary!” She screams as the girls come running to see what their crazy aunt is up to. When Embree walks in behind them, her face lights up with a bright smile.

“What is this?” Confused, I look from her to Ben, then back to her again.

“It’s your three-month anniversary, silly.” Not understanding, I just stare. “Ugh…three months ago today you came back into our lives, dummy. Well, not mine. For me, you came along the next day—which is tomorrow—nevertheless, you’ve been back in Ruby Creek three months today, which is reason to celebrate!”

When her words register, my gut sinks. Remembering that day, and the person I was back then, is hard. Consumed by my demons, I enjoyed so very little of my life. I hated who I was, what I’d become, and that I could no longer do the job I was put on this earth to do. I was stuck. Unable to see the light. The fight in me had been smothered to the point I’d resigned myself to spending the rest of my days drowning in darkness. Since then, I’ve grown into a different man. Thanks to Embree and the girls, I found remnants of light peeking through the shadows of my past.

Now I see how riding the high of being with Embree and the girls for the past three months made me careless. It made me forget the precarious position I’m in. I let myself believe the past was behind me, that my mistakes and all my selfish indiscretions didn’t matter because she thought I was worthy of forgiveness. Of love. Of them. With her by my side, I was ready to move forward towards a better life.

Unfortunately, that all changed the second Embree told me about the baby. In that split second, the demons that once laid dormant under her love reawakened with a vengeance, demanding I reassess the direction of my life. Even as this is the happiest I’ve ever been, their voices—a loud reminder that what we have won’t last—are impossible to ignore. That she’s pregnant with Creed’s baby is further proof that maybe we’re not meant to be, and I can’t help but wonder if getting out now is what’s best for everyone involved. At the very least, it might lessen the damage and pain. Hell, with my track record, my getting away from them now might be what saves them in the end.

“Lucas?” Jen’s eyes search between mine. The sadness imprinted on her face confirms I’m doing a terrible job hiding my thoughts.

Fuck…

“I’m okay. Come here.” I pull her into my arms while avoiding Ben’s gaze. “Thanks for remembering, and for the balloons.”

“Auntie Jen, can we have one?” Alyssa squeals.

“Of course.” When I let her go, she squats down to hug the girls. “Why don’t we take them into the living room where we’ll have more room to play?”

Standing with Ben, I watch Jenny lead Embree and the girls back to the living room.

“She’s starting to show,” I voice out loud without meaning to, as the sight of her small bump rips out my heart.

“I know. She’ll be twenty weeks in a couple of days, which means we’re halfway through.” He smiles proudly. The happiness radiating from him as he talks about his child hits me square in the gut. Blindsided by the deep ache throbbing under my sternum, I fight to get control over my breathing.

It fucking hurts.

His happiness is a stark reminder of the child that may never be. My child. The one I mourn for. The one who was never conceived for in its place grows Creed’s child inside the woman I love. It isn’t fair. My hatred and anger over the situation grows by the day and the urge to destroy him the same way he’s destroying me is blinding. Suddenly unable to breathe, I turn away from my friend and, with Nero on my heels, I open the front door. With my back still to him, I stand there for a few breaths, doing my best to pull it together enough to speak.

“I’m taking Nero out for a quick run. We’ll be back after we check the perimeter.”

******

Well over an hour has passed by the time we return to the house. While the concrete fencing around the property is large, it doesn’t justify the chunk of time we were gone. With my nerves so raw and my demons so close to the surface, I stayed out as long as it took to piece myself back together. It’s the least I could do. After everything my sister and Ben went through to get pregnant with their child, I won’t let my baggage and the mess that is my relationship with Embree ruin this experience for them.

“Hey, man.” James turns his attention toward Nero and me as we enter the control room. “Shouldn’t you be out there spending time with your woman and sister? Why is it that lately, all you seem to do is hide in here, or outside? Is something up with you and Emilia?” He smirks at me as his hands give Nero a thorough rubdown.

“Not hiding, just doing my job.” Dropping into the seat next to him, I look over the multiple screens in front of us. “What’s with the white car parked across the street?”

Squinting, he pulls closer to the video feed, before relaxing back into his seat. “Neighbor’s kid, two doors down. Home from college. Ran the plates an hour ago, and it’s clean.”

Feeling more relaxed, I rest my back against the chair. There is something about this room that quiets my racing thoughts. It’s like being behind a looking glass. A silent view of the world going on outside the bubble of our existence. With a 360-degree view of everything around us, nothing can sneak up on us. This is the one place in this god-forsaken universe where I feel like I have some semblance of control. I guess it explains why, as James so boldly pointed out, this is the place that calls to me when my anxiety gets the best of me.

“So uh, you gonna tell me what’s wrong or should I throw out guesses?”

“I’m fine.” Avoiding his prying eyes, I rise to my feet. “Just needed to check on things. You good by yourself for a bit?”

“Yep,” I hear the smirk in his tone. He knows I’m full of shit and is clearly amused by my discomfort.

“Thanks. Call out if anything comes up.”

Shutting the door behind me, I look down at Nero, who’s tilting his head to the side, like he’s trying to figure out what’s wrong with me. He’s been doing this a lot lately. Like he’s confused by the little changes to our routine and how I inadvertently pause when entering a room when I know she’s there.

I’m sure to her it probably feels like I’m avoiding her, but in truth, what I’m trying to avoid is the loss of control that comes over me when I think of the baby growing inside her. My biggest fear is that she’ll misinterpret my anger, assuming it’s directed at the innocent child she’s carrying when, in actuality, I’m pissed at the man who put it there. That fury grows within me with every day that passes, and I’m not sure how much longer I can swallow back the venom coursing through my veins.

“Let’s go, boy. It’s about time I pull my shit together.”

When we enter the living room, Nero takes off towards the girls, while I head to the couch to sit next to Embree.

“There he is. What took you so long?” Jen beams at me from where she sits, her hand rubbing soothing circles over her small baby bump.

Taking Embree’s hand in mine, I avoid looking at my sister. Like a laser beam of suspicion, I feel Ben’s eyes burning a hole through the side of my face. It raises my hackles and sends a shot of adrenaline pumping through my blood. The fucker needs to back the fuck up and mind his goddamn business.

“There was a car parked out front. I had to check it out.”

“Anything to worry about?” Embree asks.

Squeezing her hand I reassure her, “No sweetheart. Just one of the neighbor’s kids visiting from college.”

“Good to hear. Now ladies if you’ll excuse us. Lucas and I have business to discuss,” he smiles at the girls before glaring at me. “Now, Lucas. Follow me.”

Christ! Here we go…

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Author’s Note:

I'm sad to see Lucas reverting back to the negative thoughts that haven't served him well in the past.

Are you disappointed by the way Lucas is handling the situation? 

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