***

“So, your place or mine?” Jamie whispered in one perfect little ear while leaning forward. He was about to go for another kiss when he felt a tap on his shoulder.

He had been working his next hookup for the last half hour, so interruptions weren’t welcome. Sure, they were in public, right outside the Sunny Hill campus, but no other soul had been in sight at that hour.

Still, he was a pleasant guy, so if it was security or something telling him to beat it, he needed to pump his charms up and get him and his date out of that situation.

When he turned, however, he was dumbfounded to find a guy dressed in what looked like a Sherlock Holmes costume. “Um, how can I help you, detective?” he asked, offering a pleasant smile. It was dark enough that he was unable to see the guy’s facial features clearly, but that deerstalker hat was a dead giveaway.

“Inspector, to be precise,” an annoying voice with a lilt corrected him.

“No shit, I thought Sherlock Holmes was a detective.”

“I’m not Sherlock Holmes.” The trouble-seeker sounded quite indignant over the confusion.

“Who are you supposed to be?”

Jamie’s date cleared his throat to regain his attention.

“I’m--” the guy in the weird hat started.

“Whatever,” Jamie interrupted quickly, “what do you want?”

“I believe I am your date,” the strange dude said.

“Nope, that can’t be,” Jamie said.

“Is this your way of springing a threesome on people?” Great, his actual date sounded annoyed.

“No, I’m not that kind of asshole,” Jamie replied.

“A-ha,” strange hat intervened with satisfaction, “so you admit that you’re an asshole. Is that an official statement?”

“The hell is wrong with you, dude?” Jamie’s eyes measured the guy up and down. Compared to him, he looked short and didn’t seem like he could weigh more than one hundred forty sopping wet.

“This is way too weird for my taste,” his date said in an aggravated voice. “I’m not into roleplaying and stuff like that. Also, not into threesomes. Didn’t it say that in my profile?” He leaned over Jamie’s shoulder to get his attention.

“And it’s not a threesome,” Jamie insisted. “This lunatic just thinks he’s funny. I guess I have to teach him a lesson.” He cracked his knuckles for show. He wasn’t one to usually engage in brawls, but if provoked, he didn’t mind the occasional outbreak of fisticuffs. Usually, he ended up the winner. And the sex afterwards felt great.

“You liked all my pictures,” strange hat insisted. “And you said you wanted us to make the beast with two backs, and that you’ll have my corn ground into tomorrow.”

“No, really.” Jamie found himself at a loss for words. It only lasted a moment. “I wouldn’t be caught dead talking like that. What century did you say you crawled out of?”

“Are we doing this or what?” Jamie’s date grabbed his shoulder to make his annoyance known.

“Wait, just give me a second. I need to set this weirdo straight.”

Okay, wrong choice of words, because his date, the usual college boy with a chip on his shoulder because he read books written by authors Jamie didn’t care about - or had ever heard of - burst into laughter. 

“The day you set a guy straight, Jamie, will be the beginning of the end for you.”

“Okay, I get it. You’re cute, but you’re not that cute,” he growled at his date, hoping he sounded playful and not annoyed.

“Well, if you’re so keen to play detective with the little guy in the strange hat, I won’t stop you.”

Gosh, no wonder he had to put in the work with this guy. He was as slippery as they came, and the appearance of this wannabe detective--

“Inspector,” the weirdo insisted, correcting Jamie’s date. “I’m not Sherlock Holmes.”

“And I don’t give a damn who you are or you pretend to be,” Jamie said and took two very menacing steps toward the intruder. “Beat it, asshole.”

The strange hat guy jumped back and put one hand up. “Wait a second now, I must remind you that I’m against violence of any sort.”

“Too bad, because I am all for it,” Jamie said with a grin he was sure the other couldn’t see in the dark.

“Jamie, is this your idea of foreplay?” his date moaned, making his exasperation known.

“Sometimes,” he said. “But don’t worry, it’s never the same guy I fight and fuck.”

“Is that an official statement?” the weird hat dude asked.

“Are you a broken record? You asked that before.”

“About a different thing.”

“You’re an annoying jerk, and you’re going to have your ass whipped. How about that?”

“No need to get physical, mister.”

“Jamie, this is it, I’m leaving.”

Jamie hesitated between pouncing on the weirdo and convincing him he didn’t want to have his ass handed to him and going after his hookup date that was slipping through his fingers. Half an hour of charming the sexy asshole, who had already made a lot of naughty promises, wasn’t supposed to go to waste. Ignoring the ‘inspector’, he turned on his heel and hurried after his date. 

“Hey, let’s just leave this asshole behind and have some fun,” he suggested as he grabbed the guy by the shoulders and urged him to walk fast.

“I must warn you, I will take notes,” the ‘inspector’ said, quickly hurrying after them.

“Are you for real?” Jamie stopped and turned to face him again. “In what universe is what you’re doing okay? Damn Peeping Tom.”

“Peeping is not by far the kinkiest sexual activity known to humankind.”

“No? Then it must be the creepiest.”

“That is also not true,” the weird hat guy continued, obviously unfazed.

“Whatever, the fact that you want to watch still makes you a pervert.”

“Jamie, I think I want to go back to my room,” his date said. He also stole glances over his shoulder at their pursuer with increasing discomfort.

“It works for me, baby,” Jamie said.

The guy unglued himself from his embrace. “Alone. I don’t intend to put on a show for perverts.”

Perverts. The use of the plural form wasn’t lost on Jamie. “Call you later?” he asked, making one last attempt at getting the other’s attention.

“Maybe,” the promise was thrown over one shoulder, making it sound more like ‘no’ than ‘yes’ when it was usually the other way around.

“That’s it, you’re going to get it for this,” Jamie promised, but when he searched for the unwanted third wheel to this date with his eyes, no one else was there. “Just great,” he mumbled under his breath and stuffed his hands in the pockets of his jeans. 

Well, it wasn’t the end of the world if one of his dates didn’t work out and if he didn’t end up hooking up once in a blue moon. Seeing his almost perfect satisfaction rate - ten out of ten college boys would hook up with him again - he couldn’t complain.

Who the hell dressed up to harass people, though? An inspector, he called himself. Jamie shrugged. He wouldn’t lose sleep over something like that.

***