“Satori, your father and brother will be arriving soon! So get up, young lady!”

Satori groans awake. She throws off the covers, glaring at the winter sunlight streaming in through the windows. Icicles hang from the edges of the roof.

“You can do this,” she whispers.

When she heads downstairs, the low flat dining table is already filled with food. We’re having oden, she notes, eyeing the tofu and seafood already floating in the dashi broth. When they ate without her father and Ryo, there would be no meat at all.

“Make yourself useful and set the table!” her mother calls from the kitchen.

“Okay.” Satori rummages through the drawers. Grabbing the chopsticks, she places a pair for each seat. Satisfied, she returns to the drawers to find spoons.

The door opens. “We’re back!” Fabric rustles as her father shakes off what must be the accumulated snow.

“Akio!” her mother cries, wiping her hands with a cloth and rushing to the entrance. “Welcome home, darling! And you too, Ryo! I missed my little koi fish.”

Satori sighs, setting the last spoon down before plastering a smile on her face. She trods over to the entrance as well. Her smile widens when she sees her brother, complexion rosy, an indication that he’d been fed well at the Blackwoods.

“I missed you,” she whispers. “Welcome back.”

Ryo hugs her back. “I missed you too.”

The monotony of her days bleeds away as her brother tells her the most wondrous stories of his time in London and her parents settle into their own conversations.

“What?” Satori screeches and shakes Ryo’s shoulders. “You’re telling me Edward, a total beginner, thinks he can win against me?”

“Th-that’s what he said,” Ryo cries, voice wobbling at how much she shakes him. “Don’t blame me! I told you he was a weird kid!”

They take the steps upstairs two at a time and Ryo rushes to his room and buries himself in his covers. “It’s so cold,” he mumbles.

Satori falls on top of him, wrapping her arms around him. “Now you’ll be less cold.”

“Mm.”

“So tell me another story!” she exclaims, eyes shining.

“Well, I didn’t really get to see the city that much. Dad was working on his stuff at the Blackwood manor. I told you a lot last time about their place already too. So…” Ryo sniffs as he thinks, nose still red from the cold. 

“Then tell me what you did there.”

After a while, he says, “Did you know? Edward can use this amazing power called Aeon.”

“What’s that?”

“It’s kind of like Esse, but you can do anything you want with it.”

“So Edward knows about Esse now?”

“No.” Ryo frowns. “Well, yes. But also no. I don’t think he really understands it. He’s been keeping it a secret from his dad that he knows.”

Satori raises an eyebrow. “So what happened.”

“Well, Edward touched a tree and turned it into a sword.”

“What? How?”

“I dunno. It just turned into a wooden sword. Then he turned it into an iron sword. And then it became a gold longsword.”

“Huh?”

“Yeah, and then he turned it into snow and blew it in my face.”

“WHAT?”

Dinner is rather peaceful and Satori’s father doesn’t seem to be in a bad mood. She sips the soup in her bowl, a fuzzy warm feeling in her chest.

As much as she walks on eggshells when her father is around, she can’t help but forget about it for a moment when her brother is also here. Ever since her mom broke her bow, their relationship had taken a turn for the worse.

And maybe, just maybe, Satori doesn’t want to forgive her mother for what she did.

Ryo pokes her leg under the table. She turns to him.

He smiles.

So she smiles as well. She places her bowl down and pokes his leg too.

He takes her hand and holds it under the table as they eat for the rest of the meal.

When they’re done, their mother begins to clean the table and their father retires to his study to work. Satori tugs Ryo’s hand, eager to play with him upstairs.

In the kitchen, her mother sneezes. “Oh dear. I’m not going to be sick, am I?”

Ryo stops and Satori almost trips. “Mom, do you want us to help you clean?”

Their mother’s head pops out of the kitchen. “No, but thanks for asking. Go play. I’m sure you two missed each other.”

Satori drags Ryo up the stairs.

“How were things while I was gone?” Ryo asks.

“Boring.”

“Huh. Even going to the dojos?”

Satori freezes outside her room.

“Satori?”

“Mom found out.”

Behind her, Ryo goes deathly still.

She turns around, lips pressed in a thin line. “She found out, Ryo.”

“Oh no.”

She drags him into her room with renewed urgency.

“Satori, are you okay?” he asks her as they settle on the floor in the darkness.

Satori lights the okiandon lantern in her room, its flickering orange glow warming the both of them. “I think you’ll be in trouble tomorrow morning. Mom found out about my sneaking, but she also found out that you hadn’t been attending the classes.”

Ryo pales.

“And you know how Mom is. She’ll tell Dad.”

Satori watches for her brother’s reaction carefully. His hands begin to tremble in his lap. “What do we do?”

She places her smaller hands over Ryo’s, trying to comfort him as much as he always did for her. “Nothing. Neither of us can stop Dad.”

“B-But how would she know I skipped the classes?”

“She talked to Sakanoue-san.”

“He…betrayed us.”

“Maybe he did. Maybe he didn’t.” Satori hugs him. “I think Mom always knew though. She just…didn’t say anything until now.”

“But why now?”

Satori pulls back before Ryo can feel her body shiver. “A samurai came to visit us while you guys were gone. He wanted to know where Dad went. Sakanoue-san covered for us, but I think our family is under careful watch now.”

“So no more trips to the Blackwoods…”

Satori shakes her head. “Dad will probably call a family meeting tomorrow to talk about this. I’m just warning you now.”

Ryo reaches into his pocket. “Satori…”

She tilts her head.

“No, nevermind…” he says, shaking his head. He hugs her again. “This time, let me take the beating.”

“You’re not made for that,” Satori deadpans.

“I can change.”

“I think Dad’s gonna pick you this time anyways. I’m not the one who skipped classes.”

“Worse, he’ll hurt both of us.”

Satori shuts her eyes. “…You’re right.”

***

His sister was right.

In the morning, bright and early, they were all called to gather downstairs. Neither he nor Satori are well-rested, judging by the way she blinks tiredly and the way his own body moves sluggishly.

Father’s angry spittle and swears curse them both while their mother looks on, disappointed. He squeezes Satori’s hand under the table and feels her squeeze back. If the neighbors heard, they’d never done anything to stop it and they wouldn’t interfere now.

His father slaps the table hard. They flinch.

“You are a waste of a son!” His father’s harsh voice pierces through the cloudy haze that protected him moments earlier.

Ryo makes the mistake of looking up. His father storms over, pulling on Satori’s hair as she screams and slaps his face.

The force is enough to make him fall from his chair, heart thundering loudly in his chest. Their mother watches, quiet as a mouse.

“Have you no shame, Ryo?” his father screams, furious expression contorting his face. His father grabs him, screaming into his right ear. “HAVE YOU NO SHAME!”

 His ears ring. He swallows nervously.

“I didn’t have a son so he could lie to me!” his father yells, punching him in the stomach. “So you could betray me like this!” He stills and cradles himself, bearing the pain as his father continues to kick him. “So you could waste my money!” Kick. “My time!” Kick. “You are stealing from me, you thief!” Kick. “Criminal!” Kick. “Sinner!” Kick.

His father hadn’t beat him before. He’d always managed to avoid it somehow. More often than not, Satori volunteered and he stayed silent…

Even when it should’ve been him.

Ryo registers wetness at the corners of his mouth and wonders if it is vomit or blood. He focuses on his breathing. 

In. Out. In. Out. In. Out.

He doesn’t know when his father calmed down, but the family meeting seems to be over now. At some point, Satori must’ve crawled over, because she’s hugging his body tightly.

He sees the bruises on her arms. At least he didn’t hurt her as much this time.

Their mother seems to be making lunch now, as if none of this ever happened. Does she really expect us to just eat now?

“You kind of zoned out,” Satori whispers. “You missed Dad telling us the new rules. We can only go out with Mom now and we can’t stay out later than four in the afternoon. And—”

“Did he hurt Mom?”

Satori looks at him strangely. “No.”

“I guess we deserve it this time, right?”

“For lying? For keeping a secret? For what?” Satori asks, voice stirring with restrained anger.

“…I dunno.” He slowly tries to sit up, but winces in pain. At least nothing seems to be broken, so that’s a miracle.

Their mother places four bowls of rice down on the table, a smile ever present on her face, before she goes back into the kitchen. “Get ready for lunch, please.”

“Okay,” Ryo replies, forcing himself to get up through the pain. He almost falls but Satori helps steady him. It hurts to move and he has to go very slow.

“Mom’s messed up in the head,” Satori remarks.

Ryo turns to her, frowning. “Where did that come from? I’ve never seen you so angry at her before…”

She shrugs, setting him down in his seat.

The sliding door to their father’s room opens. “Satori doesn’t get to eat today. Ryo must eat on the floor, kneeling.” He thunders out, dragging Satori away from the table and forcing her up the stairs. Once she heads up, he turns to Ryo, expression still as terrifying as before. He takes Ryo’s bowl of rice and throws it on the floor. “Eat.”

He doesn’t move.

His mother brings a pot over, lid still covered, and places it down on the table. Wordlessly, she glances at him.

“On your knees, Ryo. Now.”

He doesn’t move.

“NOW!”

For some reason, he finds it in himself to kneel on the ground. He ignores the pain and the stiffness in his bones.

“You only get to eat rice. If you don’t want it, don’t eat it.”

His bowl of rice lies on the floor a short distance away. Some of it has spilled onto the ground. His mother settles into pleasant chatter behind him with his father at the table. Dishware clinks.

The white grains of rice cloud his vision. The choice has been presented to him: eat on the floor like a dog or starve.

Something in him screams at him that if he does this, he will be crossing a line he can’t turn back from. He will allow his father to cross a line too.

Subconsciously, his body crawls forward.

The thing is, he’s always had a sense of self preservation. He knows Satori would— had — always chosen to starve. It’s why his father just sends her straight up to her room nowadays with no dinner. But Ryo takes after his mother. Self-preservation over dignity. Silence over words. Conformity over action.

His hands tremble as they scoop the fallen rice back into the bowl, careful to pick up every grain.

He’d always thought Satori was just a bit crazy, the same way Edward is a bit crazy. She seems to have no desire or tact for self-preservation. If she could see him now, would she be ashamed? Disgusted? Or would she pity him? It’s a good thing she’s up in her room because he doesn’t want anybody to see him like this. It’s a dirty little secret just for him.

He eats the rice with his hands through his burning shame. Strangely, he cannot feel anger at his situation, at anyone, and most certainly not at himself. He just ponders one question as he swallows:

Do I deserve this?

In the weeks that followed, they all obeyed their father’s new rules. His mother had come down with a cold and the kitchen was no longer warmed by her presence. The winter raged on, dark, snowy, and cold. Their father would return from work every day after dark and the two of them stayed inside as much as they could. 

They only ventured outside on the rare days with sun but were careful to play only around the house and heeded their curfew. Ryo had seen officials watching their house every now and then, dressed to blend in with the commoners— but their shoes always gave them away, boots far too sturdy to belong to real commoners —and he warned Satori of this too. Sakanoue-san closed his dojo for the season, to reopen only when the frost thaws.

As the winter months went on, their mother’s cold worsened and they all feared the worst. Their father procured medicine from work, brewing it for her over the stove every evening after he returned. They would all take turns tending to his mother, changing the washcloth on her head and praying that her fever would go down. Unfortunately, their mother’s condition only worsened. So their shifts by her bedside got longer and the silence in the Otani household grew larger.

It is the morning of Saturday, January 4 of 1834 when it’s Ryo’s turn to stay at his mother’s bedside that the end of his world begins.