HANDI

A light warmth from the mourning sun hit Handi’s body. She laid lazily on the dock with Ludz. Her head rested in his soft lap and her feet hung off the edge of the dock, dipping just the tips of her toes into the cold water. Her eyes were closed enjoying the peacefulness of the moment. She listened to Ludz scribble mysterious notes into his little book.

“Sing me a song?” She asked. When they were children he used to sing to them all the time. Sweet lullabies swept them into even sweeter dreams. His voice had played with the notes, small but strong. 

“Aren’t we a little old for that?” He said, with a much deeper voice than the one in her memories. She rolled over on his legs to look away from him. She opened her eyes to clear water trickling down from the cliff side. 

“You’re so boring,” she said. She watched the water drip from the rocky ledge above, reminiscing on the days when they’d follow the streams to bigger waterfalls and holes on the mountainside.

In one motion she took the book from his hands. He didn’t try to stop her from pulling it. She held the book up between them and flipped through the pages of odd etchings she didn’t understand. Music was his language. His first love. It always had been, even if he once tried to avoid it. It was a pity to see when bitter memories mixed with joy.

She pulled the book down and stared up into his sweet honey eyes. She noticed a sprinkling of blush on his ears. Her mischievous smile hid under the books loose pages. She’d become more conscious of his fun reactions to her behavior the past few years. Occasionally she could get that confident bravado of his to falter.

“You doodle these squiggles all day but you don’t do anything with them,” she teased. 

He took the book back and rolled his eyes. “I’ll do something with them when I feel like it,” he said. His stable confidence returned.

“Uh-huh.” Handi sat up and stretched out her arms to the sky. Ludz continued to write in his book, but she was aware of his subtle glances.

“You going to take Vince today?” He asked. She frowned. He sure knew how to ruin her moment.

“As if.”

Ludz looked at her disapprovingly.

“You can’t force me to trust him.”

“Uh-huh,” he said, teasing her back. She hated it when he was right. She rested her head against his shoulder and groaned. Vince hadn’t made many mistakes the past few days. Despite her watchful eyes she hadn’t even caught him asking around about leaving either.

“I can’t shake this feeling that he’s going to ruin everything,” Handi admitted. At this point she worked off instinct alone and something screamed at her that he brought change with him. A change she feared.

“You could be a little more gentle is all. Making him feel worthless isn’t the best strategy.”

She groaned dramatically, like it was the end of the world and rolled her head around. She settled by looking over at Ayn, who played by the fireplace with Conni. Her fingers weaved different shapes with a slender piece of blue yarn. Conni tentatively reached her hand into the center diamond. Ayn closed the strings on her wrist and Conni screeched in joy.

“One problem at a time,” Handi said. She still hadn’t settled things with Ayn. These situations were difficult for her. They’d never officially dubbed her their leader, but Handi was aware of the weight of her words on the others. They respected and trusted her decisions and in turn she listened to their concerns. And Ayn’s behavior was creating more and more concerns. A week had passed since her mistake, but she had yet to own it. She hadn’t apologized. She begged for another chance with every word, but Handi needed to know she felt the weight of her mistake. She needed to realize that just because Handi and Ayn would wander the forests alone at his age didn’t mean it would be safe for Yeshua now. The island had changed since then, and so have they. And handi wasn’t ready to lose anyone else. She needed Ayn to understand her.

Ludz’ gaze followed hers. He rested his chin on her head and chuckled. “Good luck.”

Handi left her peaceful moment with Ludz reluctantly and marched over to Ayn. Ayn played with the strings around Conni’s wrists, neither noticed her approach. “Ayn you’re with me today. We’re going to the beach,” Handi said.

Ayn looked up at Handi with a surprised look as she tried to hide her happiness. Conni raised her trapped hand dragging the string along with it. “Ooo! Me too! Me too,” she exclaimed.

Before she could agree, Vince and Stein rushed out of the workshop. Vince held up a bloody hand. Handi sighed. Was this just going to happen every week now? She’d need to stock up on more medical supplies if it was…

“Really?” She asked in her most dead voice.

Vince stumbled over his words not actually managing to say anything understandable. 

“Whatever, I’ll deal with it when I get back,” she decided. Today all she had to deal with was Ayn and her attitude. “Fiu!”

Fiu flew out of his shack. She recognized that sick smile filled with anger fueled by concern. Maybe another lecture from Fiu would set Vince right. Then she wouldn’t have to worry about him. “Again,” Fiu asked, his dark eyes unreadable.

“Uhhh….” Vince muttered, not even attempting a word this time.

Fiu sighed too. “I’ll get the medical kit.”

Handi shook her head, but she secretly enjoyed the idea of Vince having to sit through a lecture that was usually directed at her. Her and Fiu butted heads from time to time. He didn’t have as much faith in her island, but she respected his concerns and ensured at least everyone else would be careful. She had to admit they didn’t always have as much luck as Handi did when navigating the island and the spouts. The others weren’t immune to unfortunate events on the island like she was.

A wave of guilt stirred in her stomach. Thinking about those things wouldn’t do her any good. She’d needed to focus on changing what she could. She watched Ayn unravel Conni’s wrist. Today all she needed to focus on was her.

****

Resolving her issues with Ayn was easier said than done. The entire walk to the beach had been silent and awkward. Conni skipped along a few paces ahead of everyone humming a cheerful tune. Handi held Yeshua on her shoulders. She’d long become accustomed to his weight on her back. He had arrived on the island a few years ago, Fiu guessed he had been around one at the time, the same age as Conni when the two of them arrived. Handi hoped he didn’t have any unfortunate memories before arriving, like most of them have. Based on his often curious and jolly behavior she assumed he at least didn’t remember them. Even today he joyfully sculpted her hair as they walked.

Ayn walked between them and Conni, their two large netted bags dangled over her shoulder. All Handi could do was look vacantly at the back of her head as they continued. Her feet dragged and her shoulders slumped. 

She took Handi’s usual silent treatment roughly. It was Handi’s signature move, with good reason. She’d often ignore people she was upset with until she decided how she wanted to deal with them. Saying harsh words that she didn’t mean wouldn’t solve anything. She’d rather be certain, so she wouldn’t say anything, or at least anything meaningful until she was. Which led to these prolonged disagreements where the anger had already fizzled out and the fight had disappeared. Not that there was much of one to start with in this scenario. By now she knew Ayn had realized what she’d done wrong, but that wasn’t the only problem.

It was her overall attitude. She’d been distancing herself, but still expecting everyone to treat her as if she were a part of the group. She asked for responsibility with no follow through. All she wanted to do was go off and do her own thing, which was okay most of the time. Just not all the time. She relied on Handi and no one else.

That was a problem, because it wasn’t just Ayn and Handi on the island anymore. She didn't like the idea of Ayn being alone whenever Handi was off helping someone else. And if Ayn continued to make these mistakes and refused to apologize it would only grow the distance between her and the  others. Handi just wanted Ayn to try and let the others in a little.

Yeshua’s tiny fingers ran across her scalp as he made her short brown hair stick up like a rocky ledge. Handi giggled. “Having fun up there,” she said, trying to look up above her own head.

“Mmmmhmm,” he said. His hand gently stroked the tip of hair, like he was petting an animal. 

“How do you think we should deal with her?” She asked him.

Yeshua shrugged his shoulders as he formed her hair into pointy ears. 

“Me too, buddy.”

The best she could for Ayn was spend time with her and voice her concern. Ayn would choose for herself in the end. Handi just hoped she could make Ayn understand.

Light shimmered between the trees ahead. Conni sprinted towards it with glee. 

“Hey! Don’t go so fast, Conni!” Ayn yelled as she chased after her.

Handi traced their steps. The trees opened up to their beach. At the edge of the pure white sands floated a dock anchored with rocks. The fluorescent blue waters shimmered. Splotches of dark waters revealed vibrant coral reefs beneath the waves. A few red bobs of their nets bounced around them. They manage to get the rhythm of the spouts down enough to set up traps during the off days, most of the time they were successful, but occasionally they’d have to build a new one or two if the timing was off.

Conni cartwheeled on the soft sand without a care. Ayn ran out after her with a wide smile and Yeshua slid down Handi’s back and trotted out after them. Handi smiled softly at their carefree nature. They’d made this one beach their own. They cleared the frequent debris on every visit and emptied the traps. If it was a good day they’d go for a swim.

She stepped out onto the warm sand, letting her feet sink. She looks back at the island behind. “Time to get to work, huh?” She said to it.