My guts tightly knot and stay that way while I’m in Webley. While doing my research, I don’t run into anyone I know. There’s almost a guilty feeling to this, that I’m so close to Tomas and haven’t said hi yet. Or at least texted him to let him know I’m in the area.

The procrastination is due to my angst. If I delay this, I can delay finding out for sure that he’s moved on with some lucky guy simply because I’m a dumbass who was too chicken to stand up to pressure from my parents.

My stomach’s growling a little after one when I finally finish and take a break to get something to eat. I pick up a sub from a nearby shop and take it to a local park, where I sit at a shaded picnic table under the large, sweeping arms of an oak tree.

Can’t remember the last time I just…relaxed. The past three years were a senseless escape from my pain while chasing an impossible goal. Once this assignment is completed, I can focus on forcing my personal life out of neutral.

So far this morning I haven’t discovered anything that would complicate the deal. The prospective buyer is a developer who wants to build a shopping plaza for ten to twelve businesses, with a free-standing anchor store, like a chain restaurant, or market, or bank. This would bring jobs and business to Maudlin Falls, benefitting many of the existing businesses in town with more customer traffic, as well as helping residents who currently have to travel to nearby towns for work find jobs closer to home, and bring their shopping dollars closer to home, too. Plus, I was told by the developer that nothing in the new shopping plaza would directly compete in a negative way with any businesses currently in town.

The property will have to be rezoned, of course, but because of where it’s located, that shouldn’t be a problem. It’s better than a housing development going in there, which I’m certain the town would vehemently protest.

They successfully blocked one such development the year before I left.

I know, because I helped the community organizers with it. Unofficially, of course. I didn’t want my name on that, because I didn’t want anyone thinking I was trying to capitalize on free publicity or something, but I won’t deny the pride I felt when they won and got it shut down.

They even found someone who wanted to purchase the land to sell hunting leases, meaning it’ll stay undeveloped. The county even placed a conservation easement on it, meaning the new owner gets one really sweet deal in property taxes every year. Eventually, they’ll probably build themselves a house there, but that’s well within the acceptable zoning usage.

The area surrounding Maudlin Falls is comprised mostly of farms and woodland. Deer hunting is very popular certain times of the year and is another source of income for regional locals.

As I look around, I deeply breathe and realize I don’t smell exhaust fumes, or hear the steady drone of traffic noises. None of the usual pulse of a city, whether New York or Miami.

I hear birds and the gentle breeze rustling the upper branches of my current shade.

Peaceful. A far cry from my usual hectic life.

I mostly live in Miami, although I have a small studio apartment in the New York area. I fly back and forth between the cities fairly regularly, sometimes multiple times a week. I rarely spend my weekends in New York unless I have an early Monday morning meeting or court appearance there.

What does it say that I don’t miss either city right now? Despite my anxiety over what happens next in my life, it’s almost a relief to be here. I didn’t realize how much I needed to just sit and be for a little while. Seeing the falls this morning brought everything back with blinding, aching clarity.

I take my time eating. I’m in no hurry to make my way out to Keith Barnes’ farm just yet. He doesn’t know it’s me who’s been assigned to handle this. I told the admin assistant at work who set up the appointment to fib and to say she wasn’t sure who the assigned attorney would be yet.

I also bribed her to keep that quiet, too.

No, I didn’t expound upon why I was bribing her, either. My business is just that. Besides, I don’t want word about my presence here leaking to Freddy. I told him I’d be handling this late next week because of another case I’m wrapping up first. He’s not the sharpest knife in the drawer but, if he knew I was here right now, he would immediately assume I was hooking up with Tomas and do his level best to sabotage me at every turn. He’d already been “hinting” that he wanted to come with me to “help” me with the case.

Which is all bullpucky, of course.

Needless to say, there’s a lot on my mind right now.

Once I finish my lunch, I sit there with my phone in hand and stare at the last picture I took of the two of us together.

Me and Tomas, that is. Not Freddy.

Hell, I don’t even think I have a pic of me and Freddy, and doesn’t that just say something?

The last time I saw Tomas in person, he flew into Miami and spent New Year’s weekend with me.

That was two years ago.

The last time I saw him in person and not in a video chat.

From that point on, when I tried to talk him into coming for a visit, there were always—legitimate, mind you—excuses because of work. And he tried to get me to come home for visits.

I mean, to Maudlin Falls.

But it wasn’t really my home anymore. I usually had cases and clients that kept me too busy to get away for a visit, and the time simply…got away from me.

We never really broke up. We just sort of paused and never restarted. There were no angry words, no recriminations, no hurtful things said that were impossible to take back.

No real closure.

The frequent video chats and phone calls slowly shifted to calls and texts, which transitioned into texts and e-mails.

And then…

One day, over a week had gone by since I realized I hadn’t heard anything from him. Then another.

And another.

I guess I was afraid to push for fear he’d bring up a finite conclusion.

In some ways, if we didn’t have closure, it would mean we were still…

Well, us.

Hell, I still have keys to his house. Unless he’s changed the locks since I was last here.

He did tell me when I moved that if I found someone else he’d understand. But…

Yeah.

Hell, I haven’t even slept any other guys. Not for a lack of trying on Freddy’s part, either. I always had excuses—sometimes legitimate ones—for not doing the deed with my partners.

Especially Freddy.

Which was another reason I broke up with Freddy. He gave me an ultimatum about wanting to sleep together and I told him he was free to move on to greener pastures, hoping he’d take me up on the offer and spare me having to do it, because I knew he’d then be a pain in my butt.

I wasn’t that lucky and had to drop the hammer when he immediately backtracked and tried to sweet-talk his way into my bed since I proved immune to his relationship version of “shock and awe.”

Now, on my personal phone, I have his calls set to ignore them so they go to voice mail. Unless it’s something to do with work, I’ve refused to talk to him since I ended things with him. And I won’t talk to him outside of the office, either.

Unfortunately, that means any time I’m in the Miami office, he’s practically stalking me and shows up all the time. He keeps begging me to get back together and I keep telling him no.

I think part of Freddy’s problem about not moving on is that he’s never had someone tell him no before, and now he sees me as a challenge to conquer.

Closing my eyes, I slowly inhale, letting the sweet smell of freshly mown grass mix with the pleasantly sharp pine and it brings back so many memories.

I can only pray new memories might soon follow. But before I can approach Tomas, I need to finish this job and clear it from my plate.

Before I fall apart, in case Tomas tells me to go to hell.