“You guys are gonna be moving the stuff in, right?” I asked the man, whose name tag read ‘Liam.’ 

He nodded, “yup. Just let us know where you want it to go, young lady.”

I almost rolled my eyes when he said ‘young lady.’ While I felt like I’d experienced a couple of lifetimes in the past two years, I was still a child to the eyes of many in society. That was definitely how my parents still saw me, and I could tell by how my mom never stopped asking what I’d eaten when she called. Her African way, sure, but I was also always gonna be her baby. I was Britney’s baby sister, and she came to help and make sure I was okay for that exact reason. Not that I didn’t appreciate it--I did. But, knowing where I stood in everyone else’s minds sometimes made me feel small.

The men unloaded coaches, desks, bed frames, and beds from the truck. It was a lot of stuff, and I hadn’t thought about the space it would take up in real life until it was being walked past my face and around the new house. I showed them where to put everything, from the sofas to the dining tables on the first floor, and led them upstairs to put that stuff where I wanted it.

The whole process took hours, and I was more than grateful that Britney was there. There was no way I’d be able to help the movers and watch the girls at the same time. Once they were done with all the big stuff, I had them leave the little things near the steps. Me and Britney could handle that, and I was ready to take a break from all the moving.

“Thanks a lot,” I told them once they were done. Before they left, I went into my wallet and gave them each a large bill. They smiled, seeming pleased, and thanked me as well before they went on their way. I locked the door, and turned to see Britney smirking at me.

“What?” I asked her.

She shook her head, “looked like some big tips.”

I nodded, “yeah, well, they were a big help.”

Britney rolled her eyes, “anyway, I set up your baby monitor, and it looks like the babies are waking up.” She handed me the tablet, and sure enough the twins were stirring. I gave Britney the tablet before going upstairs. Nuru and Jessie were bound to be confused, waking up in a new place on new beds, and without me or Rob to greet them. Just the thought of him made me want to cry again, but I pushed the feeling down.

I managed to get to the room before they started to whine, and I caught their confused expressions start to morph into upset. “Hey, cuties. Mama’s here.”

They seemed fine once they saw me, and I let them wake up a little before I took them downstairs. Britney had her laptop out and looked right at home in the living room when I came down the steps with one toddler on each hip. The place looked more lived-in now, even if it was giving show home. The sight reassured me even more that hiring the more expensive movers was the right choice. Jessie looked around the house, curiously, and Nuru nestled into my shoulder.

“Caught them right before they started crying,” I said to my sister, who looked back at me when she heard my voice. 

Britney broke out into a smile at the sight of the twins, and she moved her laptop off her legs and onto the coffee table. She extended her arms and wiggled her fingers, “hello my loves! You look so cute, oh my goodness.”

Jessie seemed the most eager to go to her aunt, so I leaned over a bit for Britney to take her. “I was just looking at options for dinner,” Britney said once she’d settled Jessie on her lap.

I sat down with Nuru, “didn’t we say Pho earlier?”

Britney shrugged, “yeah, but I kinda want something spicy.”

“Okay, then, the ramen place nearby.”

She gave me an amused look, “you already know there’s a ramen place nearby?”

I smiled, “yeah, there were several factors in my decision to move here-”

My phone vibrated, and I picked it up to see Rob calling me. I looked up at Britney, who took in my face and seemed to be able to tell who was ringing up my phone. She shook her head, and as much as I wanted to pick up, I sent him a text instead.

“I need a day. Please.” I made sure to put my phone on ‘do not disturb’ as well.

We spent the next few hours eating and talking while I played one of our favourite 90s movies in the background. Nuru and Jessie ate what they could from some of me and Britney’s food, and I made sure to get plenty of pictures of them eating noodles with the baby utensils and, eventually, their hands. The company and laughter helped me forget about the way my life was turning out, and remember that I still had a lot of people in it.

My mind didn’t have a chance to race until I walked out of my new ensuite bathroom into what was now my bedroom. The bed looked cosy, with two plush beige blankets tossed on either side, several pillows rested on the headboard and each other, and the nightstands with a reading lamp set on each of them. It was the perfect bed, and the perfect room, which I’d taken my time to set up when I realised I couldn’t live with Rob anymore.

I stood there, staring at the bed for a long time and tried to remember the last time I slept alone. Even when we were busy and had plans, Rob and I made an effort to make it home to each other and share a kiss goodnight. How long would it be until I didn’t need that anymore?

Instead of going to the bed, I made a beeline for the door then down the hall. I stopped outside of the guest room, lifted my hand to knock, then shook my head. It was stupid, my avoidance of sleeping alone. I was an adult, now, with kids and a house and bills and responsibilities. I could sleep in my own bed by myself, so I decided to go back to my room when the door opened. Britney stood there, in her pyjamas, with her phone pressed to her ear. Her eyebrows shot up, before the surprise on her face turned into concern.

“What’s wrong?” She asked me, then turned to her phone, “no, not you. I gotta go, I’ll call you back.” Britney hung up, then tossed her phone on the bed before she turned back to me. 

I shook my head, “nothing, I’m fine. Just... It’s dumb, nevermind-”

“Can’t sleep?” She asked.

I sighed, “I dunno. I haven’t even tried yet, so I’m gonna go and do that.” I tried to turn and go back to my room, but Britney grabbed my arm to keep me there. 

“You don’t have to sleep alone,” she said, without demanding further explanation or confirming that whatever thoughts she was having were true. “Let me get my phone, I’m coming with you.”

She grabbed her phone, a book, and a bag of snacks, then followed me back to my room. All the lights were on, which I turned off, only leaving the side lamps on. Britney stood by the door until I picked a side, then made herself comfortable on the other side of the bed. She put her bag of snacks in between us, which I now recognised as airhead bites.

“Candy before bed?” I teased her, as I turned off my lamp. 

Britney shrugged, “why not? A little sweetness with everything going on is good.”

She pushed the bag a little closer to me, and I reached out to get a small handful of the candy. While I chewed, I got under the covers and put a pillow comfortably between my neck and shoulder. Having Britney sitting up next to me, reading, made me feel like I was a little kid again, when I used to come to her room when our parents were away and I was scared or lonely. Britney would read, or use her computer, and let me fall asleep next to her with a soft light glowing in the room.

“Brit?” 

“Hmm?” Her eyes were still on her pages, but her head turned toward me just a little.

I smoothed down a wrinkle in the sheet near my head, “how am I gonna do this alone?”

She turned to look at me, and studied my face before she said, “you don’t have to.”

While that was a nice sentiment, I knew my family and how they were. For the most part, everyone was busy, travelling, and occupying themselves with something they found important. The likelihood was that I wouldn’t get much help unless I asked, and I didn’t know how.

“Well, I kind of do. You guys have your own lives, and I got myself into this-”

Britney put her hand on mine, her face serious, “I’m here, okay? For as long as you need, I’ll be here.”

I smiled, “here, as in down the street and a few calls away? Or, here as in I’ll stay in the house with you and-”

She laughed, “I will stay here, in your new house, until you get sick of me.”

The prospect was comforting, but, “what about your job? And your boyfriend?”

“What boyfriend?”

I nodded towards her phone, “who were you talking to earlier?”

Britney looked over at her cell, then waved her free hand around, “he’ll be fine. And, my job now consists of me checking in on people, which I usually do from wherever I want. Liv, I know you would do the same for me, okay? Now, go to bed. You need sleep.”

As much as I wanted to bug her for more details, I did as she said and closed my eyes. Part of me still felt guilty for even asking, but a bigger part was relieved. It was easier to think of Rob less, and the only thought I had was what he was doing at that exact moment. I managed to drift to sleep with just a single tear falling down my face.