IVY SPRIG of WHITE TENDRILS | Anxious to Please

Ren puts his books into his bag as his last afternoon lecture ends early. As he walks out into the hall of his department, he turns on his phone and sends a text to Yuri.

‘About the Calc 3 quiz on Monday …’ 

‘Would you like to study together at the library today?’

‘Sorry.’

‘I can’t today.’

As Ren wanders around campus, he checks his phone again, only to see a notification from his favorite cafe.

“I wonder if everyone is busy today? I haven’t heard from anyone all day....”

He steps into the library and walks around the bookshelves before finding a table by the window. He slumps into the chair.

“Ran’s not at the library either … he’s usually here....”

Without taking out any books from his bag, he lays his head on the table’s surface.

“I wonder what everyone else is doing?”

He closes his eyes in the pillow of his arms as the sound of turning pages and quiet whispers fill his ears—and in the silence of his surroundings, his mind is roaring.

“They must be having fun without me again. Why would they want someone like me around? I’m boring, and all I like to do is study … What if I’m the only one who thinks we’re friends?”

This wasn’t the first time Ren felt this way. Sometimes, the thoughts would randomly appear during the day or at night. Sometimes, at the lunch table, when he can’t keep up with the conversation, or when he’s too tired to keep up with their weekend hangouts he hears about on Mondays. He hasn’t known Holly since high school like Sho, been roommates with Sho for three years like Yuri, or childhood friends with Yuri like Tsubaki.

“Do I really fit in?”

The sun had already gone down by the time Ren finally returned to the dorms. His shoulders hung low as he went up the flight of stairs and to his door. He opens the door to his dorm and is immediately hit with a bomb of confetti by five others inside.

“HAPPY BIRTHDAY, REN!!!”

“Huh?” Ren’s eyes widened at the sight of everyone smiling in party hats, and Yuri pulled him inside.

“Hurry up and get in here, Birthday Boy!”

“So we totally kicked out your roommate for this, but that’s okay,” Holly says while putting a party hat on him.

“Yeah, Holly literally kicked him out.”

“Shut up, Sho.”

There was laughter in the room, and Ren mumbled out loud, “I thought you guys forgot…”

Tsubaki softly pinches his cheeks. “How could we possibly forget our cutie Ren’s birthday?”

Sho beams, “We were scrambling all day to prepare this for you!”

And that's when Ran walks up with the cake in his hands. 

“Happy Birthday, Ren,” he congratulates, a gentle and calm smile on his face.

As Ren looked at everyone in the room, he couldn’t help the instant tears welling up in his eyes. His hands go up to cover his face as he begins to cry. “…Tha-Thank you … everyone.” 

They all gather around to comfort the birthday boy as Sho and Tsubaki pull him into a tight hug. The sound of doting awe and laughter fills the room.

“Don’t cry!” 

“Our soft boy.” 

“You cry so easily!” 

“Come on! We have to cut the cake!”

“It’s your favorite: strawberries and cream cake!”

“Hey, why’re you crying even harder?!”

Everyone gathered around the table in Ren’s dorm and had to settle on sitting on the hard floor since Ren didn’t own any floor cushions.

“Sorry. I never had friends, let alone company, come over…” he apologized, making the room go quiet.

Holly suddenly puts Sho into a headlock. “Why did you have to say anything, you idiot?! You just had to complain about your stupid butt, didn’t you!”

“I’m s-sorry—! Holly! I can’t—breathe! I’m sorry!”

And for the first time that day, Ren smiled. The sound of his soft laughter brought ease and warmth as it spread through the room of tender smiles toward the birthday boy.

The table was littered with open snacks and drinks as bright chatter filled the dorm room late into the night. Yuri glances over the table to view Ren, whose attention has been mostly occupied by the older boy in glasses named Ran.

“That guy is one of Sho’s friends, isn’t he? I didn’t know they were close....” 

Tsubaki sits on the opposite end of the table and catches the staring glare Yuri has behind his drink. When he realizes it’s directed at the forefront where the other two laugh among each other, he goes back to read the discomfort in Yuri’s body language as he taps his fingers on the table and presses his lips into a thin line when Ran puts a hand on Ren’s shoulder. Tsubaki then lifts his cup to his lips and averts his gaze from the scene.

Everyone is gathered at the bottom of the stairwell as they end the celebratory night.

“I’ll see you around the department in the morning.” Yuri smiles as he pulls Ren into a tight hug. “Let's eat lunch tomorrow. I’ll text you.”

“Okay.” Ren returns the hug and bids him goodbye. “I’ll see you tomorrow, then.”

As Yuri looks past Ren’s shoulder, his expression goes flat as he sends a glare at the glasses-wearer behind him. When Ran catches it, he tilts his head and raises a brow.

Yuri lets go with a smile as he pats Ren’s shoulders, and the latter just lets out an awkward laugh, unaware of the other two's exchange.

Ran then approaches to say goodbye.

“It was fun celebrating your birthday with everyone,” he says, ruffling Ren’s hair. “I’ll be in the library after five. Will you also be there?”

“Yes,” Ren replies a bit quickly.

“Great. I’ll see you then, okay?”

Ren looks at Ran with a soft smile as he nods his head. “Okay.”

When Ren’s attention goes to Holly and Sho next, Ran turns to meet Yuri’s eyes, which are already watching him. His expression remains unmoved while Yuri clenches his teeth.

Tsubaki averts his gaze once again as his hand draws down his neck. 

“It’s best if I don’t get involved....” he thought.