“… Huh?”

“Okay. Hear me out, hear me out.” Alfred hastily puts his water bottle on the floor to bring both hands up in a placating gesture. Neil slowly blinks, wondering if he should be blaming everything he just heard on his hangover or Alfred’s.

“I don’t think I heard you the first time,” Neil replies, a little dumbly.

“What if we, y’know, didn’t get a divorce and just… stayed married?” Alfred smiles lopsidedly, and Neil feels even more thrown off by the puppy-like image.

“Why?” Neil squeezes out, wishing he had a cup of coffee or something to help ground himself. His instinct tells him he’ll need it if he wants to properly get through this conversation.

“I swear, I have a thought process behind this.” Neil squints at Alfred upon hearing the way the alpha’s voice gave a slight tremble at the end of his sentence. After a pause to prepare himself for whatever’s about to come next, he gives Alfred a vague wave to continue.

“It better be a good one then.”

Alfred lights up like a Christmas tree before launching into his explanation.

“So, my thought was that we could do one of those fake dating type scenarios, but different.” His hands flail about as he speaks, narrowly missing Neil’s face who looks incredibly skeptical.

“I know our situation sounds like something out of a cheap romance movie… but you do realize we don’t actually live in a cheap romance movie, right?”

“Yes, but, I realized while we were talking that this- this-” Alfred fumbles for words as he gestures at the two of them, “this situation! I think it can actually help both of us, given the circumstances.”

That does pique Neil’s interest a bit. He isn’t quite sure what an accidental, drunk marriage between two strangers could do to help someone who’s been in an unrequited love for almost ten years. 

There’s no way Alfred’s thinking of using Neil to move on from said love. Mostly because he, given the short amount of time Neil’s spent simply talking to him, doesn’t seem like the type. But also because the pained sort of desperation fixed on Alfred’s face doesn’t suggest that being the case.

“Okay… I’m listening.” Neil crosses his arms and settles in, turning to face Alfred while leaning sideways into the couch.

“So, the thing is, because I’ve been in love with the same girl for so long, you can imagine what all my friends think about it. They have the best intentions, I know they do, but they use every opportunity they can to match me up with some poor omega, or a replacement beta that’s weirdly similar to her.”

“And it doesn’t help that my parents are the strict, bougie type that want me to create a- ugh- ‘ideal heir.’ The amount of marriage prospects they tried to shove down my throat was bad enough before I officially lost the love of my life. They're gonna be absolutely anal about it now that there’s no one ‘interfering’ with their plans.”

“And at this point, I can’t take it anymore! I just had my heart broken for goodness sake- I’m mourning!” Alfred throws his head back, dragging his hands down and over his eyes before letting them flop into his lap. “And no matter what I say, they just keep pushing. I get that they’re ‘doing it for me’ or whatever, but I’m… tired.”

The sigh that leaks out of him makes Neil’s heart throb painfully. A bone-deep ache echoes through him as he takes in the sight of the man in front of him. 

There are ripples in those honey-brown eyes that look ready to spill over and roll down his cheeks and it’s like looking at himself from barely a few weeks ago.

“Then you’re hoping this… that staying married will help get them off your back?” Neil tilts his head, gauging the way Alfred’s mood lifts a little at his words.

“Yeah, pretty much. It would be harder to pull off if it was fake, but they can’t just tell a legally married couple to simply break up. Like you said,” a cheeky grin pulls at the corners of lips, “there’s more to it than just signing one piece of paper. Especially if the decision isn’t mutual.”

Neil snorts, keeping himself limited to chuckling. “That sounds like you’re ready to take this divorce to court.”

“I am!” A pause, “Or, I won’t if it genuinely bothers you. That’s why I wanted to ask. I’m hoping… well.”

“That’ll I’ll agree and help out?”

“… Please?”

Alfred fiddles with his fingers resting in his lap, peeking up at Neil sheepishly. There are magazine clippings in his hair and a marker streak across his nose, the lines of his face exposing the effects of his own hangover. And Neil believes it’s safe to say he has a lot to process right now.

“If I, hypothetically, agree to this… then what am I supposed to get out of it?” he asks hesitantly, tilting his head to the side.

“Wait for it-!” He pauses. “Tax benefits.”

The laugh attempting to push its way through Neil’s forced calm facade comes out as a rough snort, hacking, choking combination that ends up hurting the roof of his mouth and inside of his nose. He can barely hear the ‘I’m serious’ over the sounds he makes. 

Neil curls into himself, pressing both of his hands to his face and willing himself to stop before the headache pounding against his skull gets any worse.

“I’m not a billionaire but I have enough money that you’d never have to worry about money problems!” Alfred continues to try and sell his good points. “And like it’s helping me with my love problems, it can maybe help with yours!”

It’s like a record scratch in his brain. Neil comes down quickly, pushing himself back against the couch to shoot a look in Alfred’s direction.

“Since I’m using this situation to repel my friends and family, you can use it to repel your ex! Or… get back at him? Anyway, you’ll be able to stick it to him. Show him that you’re moving on! I did hear somewhere that the best kind of revenge is the kind where you end up happier than the person who hurt you.”

The grin on his face is nearly blinding. Neil has no idea what kind of dental routine this guy must do to keep his teeth that straight and white. What he does know is that it’s making his jaw throb from the tension of his teeth clenching and he has to tear his eyes away.

“I… I don’t…” Neil sucks in a slow, steady breath, cutting himself off as he takes the time to actually consider.

Alfred’s reasoning is stupid but still makes enough sense that he can understand why he made the offer. However, in terms of what this would do for Neil? Well, it actually may not be the worst idea in the world.

He broke up with Kash, and even confronted him about the cheating. They both know he’s been caught, which means it should be over and done with. But Kash didn’t seem to be ready to leave it at that when they last spoke.

Of course, Neil knows he can handle himself just fine, it’s just that Alfred has a point. If Kash decides to push it, he’ll be putting up with the same heartache over and over again until one of them eventually gives in. It would be exhausting in the worst ways.

Not to mention, he can’t ask Dinah to do any more than she already has. He still has no idea how he’s going to pay her back for housing him plus everything else she’s helped him with. She’s his best friend and she deserves better than dealing with all of Neil’s baggage.

However, if it’s a stranger, someone who’s in a somewhat similar boat as him with minimal attachments, then maybe…

“So let me get this straight. You want to stay married, but fake the being in love part, instead of divorcing and just pretending to date.”

“You make it sound more complicated when you say it like that.” Alfred scratches the back of his head, eyes drifting to the side as he pouts.

“Because it kind of is.” Neil snickers.

“Honestly, I’m too lazy to do the whole divorce thing. Why does it have to take more effort than the marriage part?”

“Scam. They make it easy to enter but annoying to leave to discourage people from divorcing. That’s my bet.” A shot of déjà vu ripples through him for the second time as Alfred chuckles.

“I’m also… kinda… just a little bit… curious about what it’s like to be married.”

That just makes the déjà vu significantly worse. Like he’s had this exact conversation before and the memory is scraping at the back of his brain. Although, that’s all forgotten as Neil absorbs Alfred’s words.

The curtains are pulled taut with only small lines of light piercing through the gaps and painting the floor in their white-orange glow. Outside the window, the soft noise of early morning traffic creates a nice ambiance to fill in their silence quite snugly. The apartment itself really is nice, with brand new appliances, stainless steel, designer furniture, and décor. Alfred might’ve been telling the truth about how wealthy he is. Granted, given everything he’s been bold enough to say so far, he doesn’t really come off as the type to lie.

“You want to stay married because you’re curious?”

“And so my family and friends leave me alone!” Alfred is quick to defend.

“You’re not denying it!” Neil shoots back, voice lilting up in astonishment. He’s met a few kinds of people in his lifetime, and even Kash had a somewhat high-energy, puppy-like attitude. Now he’s starting to realize that no one he’s ever met will ever come close to the person Alfred is.

“Okay! Fine, fine, yes! I’m also doing it because I’m curious! Is that so bad?” Alfred sputters, flailing his arms around as he flops his head back against the couch.

“Not bad.” A smile creeps onto Neil’s face. “just… It’s a little crazy. Even you have to admit everything that’s happened here is kinda wild.”

“I know. And maybe it’s just because I’m trying to distract myself from the pain, but I thought it might be fun to try.” Alfred keeps his eyes on the ceiling as he twists the fabric from the hem of his shirt around his fingers. “We’re supposed to do crazy things when we’re young. You get to see more of what life has to offer that way, testing the edges of your limits and seeing new things you wouldn’t if you decided not to try.”

Alfred rolls his head to the side, facing Neil with a faint pink dusting his cheeks that wasn’t there before. His eyes shift to stare down at the floor between them, but he might as well be making direct contact with the firm direction and dedication in his voice.

“And sure, we might’ve just met and all, but I’m having fun. This is the craziest thing I’ve ever done and I did it with you, and you’re not punching me or threatening to kill me or anything.” Neil huffs out an amused breath. “You’re actually super easy to talk to, and I don’t find people like that often. I wasn’t exactly joking about the whole fate thing. I mean what are the chances?”

Alfred doesn’t need to explain what he means by that. Neil gets it. What are the chances that the two of them suffered a beta-alpha romantic relationship problem? Or that they were both in Vegas at the same time for said problems? Or got blackout drunk and consequently married? Or that they go to the same school in the same state, living barely a few miles away from one another. Or even that they reunited like this, on the floor of Alfred’s apartment, sober and talking face to face.

Neil isn’t the type to believe in fate or destiny. However, in moments like this, he finds it hard not to.

Not when he knows for a fact that he’s laughed more in the short time he’s been awake today than he has in a long time. He doesn't know this man. For all Neil knows, he could secretly be a scammer or a serial killer! Yet he’s let his guard down more with Alfred than anyone else he knows. Heck, he even told this stranger about his situation with Kash faster than he did with Dinah. For as long as he’s lived, he can’t recall ever trusting someone this much, so soon.

And yet, here he is. So if it isn’t fate, and it can’t be, then… What is it?

“A platonic marriage. So how do we make this work, then?” Neil asks, unable to hold back his smirk when Alfred’s eyes dart up to settle on his, glittering and sparkling like the flickering light of a candle with all the potential of becoming a raging house fire.

“What- really? You’re gonna do it? We can stay married?!” There’s still a light rasp to his voice but it does little to tamper the bursting joy bubbling out with it.

“It’s a bit different from a normal marriage so we should work out rules and boundaries. We can make it work though, I’m pretty sure.”

“This is so exciting, can we get matching cups and stuff?”

“I still can’t get over the fact you called this a fake dating trope. We’re legally married.”

“Hey! You blatantly ignored my- wait- hey- huh, no way! It’s one of the best romance tropes out there! It adds flavor, spice, and drama~”

“What is this, a telenovela?”

“You’re not pregnant with my dad’s baby or anything like that so I think we’re fine.”

“YOU-”