Calm yourself, Percy, old boy…calm yourself…it’s all in your sinful brain full of sinful thoughts of a sinful boy…a teeny tiny little sinful altar boy…

…will you confess to me? Don’t make me pull your pants down again…

…oh no…it’s dripping again…don’t look…DON’T LOOK!!!

“…if I smile, can I keep my pants on?” Father Creed smiles over the suds in the sink. Yes…all better now…I’m clean…I…am…clean…

*bbbbbbbbzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz* There’s a vibration in his pocket 😏! Father Creed holds his cell phone close to his sweaty face.

📱“Can I take a break, oh dear brother of mine?”📱 reads the message on the home screen. Oh yeah, Teddy still exists, doesn’t he?

*smiiiiiiiiiiiile* 📱“NO!”📱 goes Percy’s reply to the message. 

Now, where did I put those pills? Father Creed rummages through the cabinet. 

My my, how many pills there are! Pills for the daytime! Pills for the evening! Pills for post menopausal syndrome! Say, hey, why does he have those? Why only some of these pills belong to Percy. The rest were prescribed to (and swiped from) the depressed single mothers (and never ever mothers 😂) who never ever leave the poor man alone.

With a push and twist, as it says on the label, pop goes the cap of an orange bottle. These are expired sleepy weepy pills, the good kind that actually works even beyond the expiration date! Modern medicine is cooooooooooooooooooool!

Father Creed also fetches his three best mugs. 

Now it’s time to make some hot cocoa! 

-Step 1: Fill the mugs with hot cocoa mix.

-Step 2: Fill the mugs with cold soapy sink water.

-Step 3: Stir it reeeeeaaaaaalllllll good with your dick.

-Step 4: Serve that shit, homie.

Oops! That’s not right, is it? Our silly priest is freeballing this recipe right now. His mind is simply too out of sorts to make it the correct way! Oh well~💅 On with the shoooooooooooooooooow~💅

With his three best mugs on his best tray, Father Creed turns around, ready to return to his guest that he wants to tackle like an NFL quarterback and bareback fuck like rats in heat…HA-HA…no, how vulgar, he respects™️ Kristine Kringle, that’s why he’s having Teddy respectfully™️ dispose of her daughter downstairs and will respectfully™️ make Kristine take a snooze…

*rattle* *rattle* *rattle* Whoooooooooooaaaaaaaaaaa careful with the valuables on that tray! Percy purchased these collector’s mugs of Warner Bros.™️ characters from the Warner Bros.™️ website. Just kidding, you fucking moron, they’re fucking Disney™️ characters. Fuck you, kill yourself. Asshole. Cocksucker. 

“Ha-ha! Those are no-no words! Be a good boy.” Father Creed talks to himself in a Mickey Mouse™ voice. Now that’s a character who epitomizes appropriateness™️ and stands toe-to-toe with Jesus Christ™️ himself.

“Gosh! I’m sorry, Mickey Mouse™! I’ll behave, I’ll behave.” Father Creed answers himself in his (currently) normal shaky voice, shaky smile, and shaky hands. 

“Ha-ha! Don’t forget the good towels!”

“D-d-d-d-don’t forget the good towels!” Percy seizes nearby towels with the same level of torque a chimpanzee would use to rip somebody’s face off.

☃️ho-ho-who wouldn’t know?☃️