But the album was over. There weren’t anything before those first dating pictures, but answers were still missing. Kaori looked at the wardrobe: there had to me something more. She went inside the deepest part and found some boxes. She opened the first one, finding her old highschool uniform from her graduation. Seeing it, she felt both happiness and sadness. She opened another box and found another album. It was normal back then to make your own album with pictures from your highschool era. She calmed down for a moment and went through the pages, noticing how different her highschool looked compared to today. She found a picture of her first day. She went to the next page, where she found a bigger picture, one that froze her. Both her lips and her hands trembled, her eyes wide-opened and she unconsciously shared a tear. She approached her trembling hand to the picture and could only say:

-Shi… Shimoto…

There were two young girls in that picture, one of them being Kaori, who back then used to tie her hair in twintails, always bouncing as she run. There was another girl next to her, a bit taller, with dark hair tied in a ponytail that she was so proud of. Both of them hugged each other, offering a big smile to the camera.

Shimoto was the best friend Kaori ever had back then or probably in her whole life. They met soon after the beginning of preparatory as they ended up in the same class, but almost instantly, they became really close. They had fun every day, whether it was playing or studying together (not much to do in that small city back then), but she knew that everything was fun if she was along Shimoto.

She kept going through the pages as she looked at the pictures with affection and remembered those moments: sports and cultural festivals, some trips and some others they took with Shimoto's dad's camera. She felt the happiness she lived at every moment, but that made her feel sad.

-Wow, I didn’t remember her- murmured Kaori. -It has been so long. Maybe too much… I was so happy back then but… she left in the end…

That was true: Shimoto left the town soon after their graduation. That memory filled her heart with sadness and made her cry.

-I… I didn’t want her to leave… she had to but… I didn’t want to…

Kaori could hear that old conversation word by word. A few months before graduating, Kaori heard some rumors about Shimoto leaving to Tokio. She found that strange: her best friend would have told her something so important. But the rumors grew, so she asked her one afternoon after leaving class.

-Hey, Shimocchi- said young Kaori, using her usual nickname. -Is it true that you are going to Tokyo?

Shimoto stopped walking in the middle of the street. Kaori turned around, seeing that her friend had a nervous smile.

-I… I wasn’t ready to tell you- said young Shimoto. -But yeah, it’s true. I’ll leave in some weeks after graduating.

That was a big shock for young Kaori, making it hard for her to breathe.

-But why? Why didn’t you tell me before?- asked young Kaori.

-I didn’t know how...- answered young Shimoto. -Partly this step makes me nervous, but most importantly, I didn’t want to harm you. I wanted to find the right words.

Shimoto was always so considerate towards others and specially towards Kaori. She remembered Shimoto as an active and resolute girl, but sometimes she got scared and thought of all things that could go wrong.

-Is… is it my fault? Did I do something and that’s why you can’t stay?- asked young Kaori.

-What? No, no way!- exclaimed young Shimoto. -Kaochan, you are my best friend ever, no doubt, and I feel so bad for all this.

-Then why don’t you stay here? We could stay together and see each other- begged young Kaori.

At that moment, young Kaori’s eyes were full of tears. With a sweet smile, Shimoto caressed them with her thumbs to remove the tears and walked forward some steps away from Kaori.

-I can’t do that- answered young Shimoto with sad voice. -If I stay here, I will never be able to be my true self. I knew this for a long time: there’s no place in this town for someone like me.

Kaori couldn’t understand. What did she mean with “there’s no place”? Shimoto was there, as well as her family and Kaori herself. But as Shimoto looked to the distance, Kaori knew she was saying the truth, that she was right: Shimoto always had something very special and would never be able to get whatever she wanted if she stayed in that town.

-I get it- answered young Kaori sobbing. -I get it but… I wish you don’t go… I want us to meet more…

-Then why don’t you come with me?- asked young Shimoto.

Kaori thought she misheard her friend, but looking at her proved Kaori wrong: Shimoto had extended her hand towards her. She somehow felt extremely happy at that gesture, but also immensely sad.

-I… I can’t...- sobbed young Kaori. -My parents told me they don’t want me to leave for studying. I don’t know why but… they want me to stay here.

-See? That’s what I mean- exclaimed young Shimoto. -Don’t you feel that people try to control your life in this place, that they tell you who you have to be? I can’t live like that, I’ve been living like that for so long. That’s why I’m leaving. I fought a lot with my parents already, but I’m determined. It would sadden me so much that the same thing happened to you. If you come with me, you can find your own path.

-You don’t get it!- shouted young Kaori. -I told my parents I want to go to study, and they promised that they will hunt me down if I dare to put even one foot outside this town! And I know for sure they will find me.

None of the two girls said anything. Shimoto looked sadly at Kaori.

-I didn’t know…- murmured young Shimoto. -I’m sorry, Kaochan. I wish I could do something. No, I want to help you.

Suddenly, Kaori rose her hand and put her on Shimoto’s mouth to stop her from talking.

-Stop, don’t say anything else- murmured young Kaori. -I can’t ask you to do that. I don’t want you to sacrifice your life for me. You gotta live your life and find your happiness. I’m sure you will have a wonderful life in Tokyo with lots of experiences. You’ve always been like that and I know your life will be great.

-What about you?- asked young Shimoto, who began to cry. Just like her friend did, Kaori used her thumbs to remove the tears.

-Don’t worry about me. I’ll be fine- answered young Kaori.

A weird silence filled the atmosphere. No matter how much Kaori cleaned her tears, Shimoto kept crying, making Kaori cry as well. As much as they tried, tears kept flowing from their eyes.

-Well, we can always… phone each other- suggested young Shimoto. -And… and you can visit me and I can show you Tokyo… We can be penpals, right?

-Hehe… This is not a movie… I don’t think it’ll work...- answered young Kaori. -I don’t remember it worked for anybody…

-So… this is over?- asked young Shimoto.

That simple and innocent question was the last straw. Both of them started bawling as they never did before. They hugged each other tightly and they could barely make any meaningful sound as they stopped each other from falling down. Suddenly, a drop fell on adult Kaori’s hand, who had been crying for a long while. That memory played in her mind clearly and cried without noticing. The woman could only think of that sad moment… and how much she missed her friend.

-It’s not fair…- murmured Kaori. -Everything was fine and then, it went wrong…

Kaori remembered the last moment they were together. For some reason, Shimoto’s parents weren’t taking her to the station as there was a taxi waiting. It was very early, more than usual, but it was the time and place they agreed to meet. She remembered their last hug and Shimoto’s last words: “Remember, Kaochan, no matter how much time passes, if you ever need help, look for me”. Kaori also remembered her friend getting into the taxi and her hand waving through the window. The taxi eventually disappeared. Kaori could reminisce the intense pain she felt then, as if the most wonderful thing in her life was running away and she was letting it go.

-I wish I had ridden that taxi with her...- murmured Kaori. -I felt so… empty and lost…

Those words brought back her own daughter’s words: “ When I lost her, I felt my life lost all its meaning”, “I felt lost… and broken”. Their words were really similar.

-Lost and… broken- murmured Kaori.

She knew then. She still had Katsuhiro’s album open on the floor, right at the first picture, taken in their first date, just a few days after Shimoto left. Back then, Kaori felt just like her daughter: lost and broken. Empty. She felt that she couldn’t do what she wanted with her life, but everybody expected things from her: her parents wanted her to date Katsuhiro, he wanted to date her, everybody wanted her to marry. If that was what they wanted, she felt she didn’t have any other option.

-That’s it… I started dating Katsuhiro because… I had nothing… Without Shimoto, my life was meaningless, so I convinced myself I had to do what everybody expected from me, because nobody cared about what I wanted, not even my parents cared about the life I wanted for myself. Back then, I thought the only thing I could do was what obey them. I told myself that, if I did that and kept my past deep closed inside me, everything would be fine and I wouldn’t suffer. But for all these years, all I did was living a fake life. The only moment that I felt real happiness was with Natsume: her existence gave sense to mine. But deep inside, all I wanted was to stay with Shimoto…

Kaori looked again the picture with both of them smiling and took it out from the album. From everything that she saw so far, along with her daughter’s birth, that was the most important picture. She then remember something her daughter said:

- The truth is… I like Sacchan. I like her a lot, mom. And well… she likes me too, a lot- said Natsume some months ago.

At that moment, she opened her eyes shocked, holding that picture on her chest. Kaori, liking Shimoto?

-No, no, no- no- Kaori repeated nervously. -There’s no way, I mean, of course Natsume loves Sacchan, they are so cute together. But this is not the same, I mean, I didn’t end up so frustrated nor I picked fights, I just… married someone I never liked. I mean, I was so happy with Shimoto and felt so empty when she left, just like Natsume felt, but no, this can’t be the same…

Was that the truth or she was trying to convince herself? So many things jumped across her head.

-OK, calm down- said Kaori to herself. -What I really know is that I never liked nor loved Katsuhiro. Our situation didn’t happen after Natsume disappeared, it’s been like this for over twenty years. And now I feel so stupid and… I don’t know what to do. Maybe I should leave this aside until I calm down and can properly think about it.

And she was right: she didn’t think about her problem with her husband, because she spent the whole day thinking about Shimoto. She couldn’t stop reminiscing every day they lived together and their farewell. It was the same during that night’s dinner, as silent as the other nights but with a twist: Katsuhiro didn’t talk as he didn’t care about what his wife or daughter had to say; Natsume kept quite because of the tension, but Kaori was absorbed in her thoughts.

-Are you OK, mom?- asked Natsume worried. -Is something worrying you?

-Oh, no!- exclaimed Kaori when she realized Natsume was talking to her. -Nothing, I’m just tired. Don’t worry.

Dinner went as usual after that and it was time to sleep. However, Kaori was restless as she kept thinking of Shimoto and knew she missed her. She kept those feelings deep inside her, but after remembering her friend, Kaori couldn’t ignore it anymore. However, after so many years, would Shimoto remember her at all? What had happened to her life after so many years? Was she happy now?

Kaori turned over her futon and glanced her smartphone. Doubting a bit, she picked it up. Her daughter had taught her the basics of using Facelook, but she barely used it. She wanted to do something different at that time, but after thinking for a while, she put her phone down.

-No, I shouldn’t do it- wondered Kaori. -I mean, how helpful would that be? She already has her own life, probably doesn’t remember me after so many years. And let’s say I call her, what would i say? “Em, hi, I’m your highschool friend. How you doing?”. That’s pathetic, right? It’s normal that highschool friends lose contact over time, right?

However, deep inside, Kaori didn’t want it to be that way. Something inside her longed to see her friend again. Just one picture. She just wanted to see one picture and check she was doing fine. Touching the search bar, she wrote “Shimoto Ameyama”.

-Wait, what if she’s married and she changed her surname like me?- thought Kaori. -I wouldn’t find her, right? What if I’m just losing time and can’t find her at all? Aaaaaagh, I have to try.

Kaori pressed the search button, getting many results with “Shimoto” and “Ameyama”, but not the full name.

-What? None of these names match. Maybe she did change her name after all- thought Kaori.

She then remembered something her daughter explained to her: “People don’t have to use their full name. For example, instead of Sachiko, her page says Sacchan. Nicknames and abbreviations are good too”.

A last chance. Would it work? She typed “Shimocchi Ameyama”, getting one exact match. Kaori felt her heart beating fast in her chest as she doubted about clicking on that name. She swallowed, press the screen and…

-Oh my…

She opened “Shimocchi Ameyama”’s profile: a 45 year-old woman living in Itabashi, a residential city in Tokio. Her profile picture was very clear: years had passed and she cut her hair, but seeing that happy face, there was no doubt in her heart.

-Shimoto… It’s really you…

Tears covered her eyes. In the screen there was an adult and mature woman in a summer picture, next to a fountain inside a park. She wore a light color top and shorts, which was not usual for women around their age, but things were different in Tokyo. Kaori could see a brimming happiness surrounding her, an aura as shiny as sunlight. She couldn’t help but think “She looks… fantastic”.

Kaori spent a while looking at all the pictures, amazed at everything her old friend had lived: her university years, some part-time jobs before working in a big company, visits to museums and themed parks, and pictures with all kinds of people. There were a lot of pictures from parties with lots of colors around her, always with women friends she made along the years. Somehow, Kaori felt happy looking at those pictures. It was already late and felt sleepy, so she turned the phone off, turned around in the futon and, after cuddling inside it, she murmured:

-I’m glad you are so happy, Shimocchi.