There I lie for what seems like a long time, staring at the ceiling, in negligence. At least over an hour passes, before I hear a knock on my door, and Jasser steps inside.

I shuffle on my bed and try to sit up when Jasser gestures to me to remain where I am, so I continue lying on the mattress. He sits down beside me.

I wait for him to speak.

After a few minutes of silence, in which Jasser visibly assesses what he is going to say in his head, he finally initiates the conversation.

“I came to check on you. Don't beat yourself over what happened today, okay?”

“Hmm.”

“It's not your fault and Dad will deal with it soon.”

“Hmm…”

He turns to look at me promptly, hesitates, then says, “Look, you know I love you, right? I trust you. And so do Mom, Dad, Yazzy, Nuha, and Hika. We all love you and support you in everything. So hang in there. Things will get better. They always do.”

“I know. I love you too. It's okay. I am fine,” I say, softly, my eyes shut.

“Look, even if things get really bad sometimes, even if it seems like they are the worst possible scenarios, it always gets better. Nothing lasts. Pain doesn't either. You will have us in your bad times, so don't think of doing anything reckless. We care about you a lot. So even if things get unbearable, keep the faith and confide in with someone. Tell me, if no one else. You know I will listen to you, don't you?”

I nod and meet his intense, emotion-ridden eyes. 

“Whatever happens, you aren't going to give up, okay? You won't give up because you are a fighter. You are my little bro who has always made me proud. You will continue making me proud like you always do, okay?”

“I will…” try.

I sit up. 

“You won't let me down Lex, right? You won't ever give up. You just can't, okay? You're so talented, you can't give up. Logistics, stats, politics, athletics, and brainstorming, you are an ace at them all. I have always felt proud of you for being so good at so many things. I believe you can overcome every trouble, every hurdle and every milestone. Remember, you mustn't give up. Remember, you mustn't.”

“I won't.”

I grab his right fist in my hands. “Stop being so concerned. I won't try to take my life because some stranger decided to die on me. However, if you continue this, I will tear up.”

“I know. I just need you to know that I appreciate you, and there is a lot you can do in life. I can tell you because I have been here all along, witnessing you throughout the years. Remember when you used to watch the news at just seven years of age? How eagerly did you go to the polling station to witness Mom and Dad vote? How we once fought over the name of a politician, which I had forgotten, but you remembered. How you told us about our past prime ministers a couple of years ago, like a professor, after reading that history book. And when you told us about the British ruling strategy two months ago, the ideal vision of democracy which you hold, when you felt it necessary to read the national constitution, and what you said at our founder's resting memoir? Do you remember? You were just six. You became so excited and then so angry all of a sudden. You almost yelled it. You said to Jinnah you would find the answers and teach people lessons. When we asked you what you meant, you refused to tell us. But you are still the same. You are the same Lex who learned to fight and use guns to help the bodyguards, to fight alongside them, and save them when they needed help or were outnumbered. You are the one who asked Dad to invest in foreign businesses, the one who finds it necessary to keep an eye on currency and foreign exchange rates, because even though it doesn't directly concern you, you believe it is important. You are the one who always wants to know about Dad's rivals, and his profit-gaining schemes, and emphasise investing in the right means, manners, and matters but refuses to pursue business. You said you were going to go into politics. It's you, Lex. You aren't helpless at the hands of fate. Fate is thrown at us but never randomly, it is meant to be, the opportunities aren't coincidences, and the happenings aren't circumstances, you can manipulate and fully control a situation.”

Jasser halts his speech abruptly.

I want to ask him what he actually means but I can't bring myself to. 

“I promise Jas. I won't let you down and I will figure everything out.”

He pulls me in for a hug, suddenly. I hug him back, then break away to look at him, frowning. 

“Are you okay?” I ask him, hoping he is not coping with some problem too.

“Yes, I am well.”

“Are you sure? Is there something you want to say? You can tell me.”

“No, I am fine really. I just wanted you to know that in the future, you have to work really hard. You have to know that you are...can be valuable and you can...negotiate a vital change. I am sure you are capable of it.”

“Okay…” I say, nodding, not sure what he's getting at.

I wonder why Jas suddenly wants me to join politics actively and why he's so adamant about it.

“Don't worry about me. I know, I have got you and can come to you whenever something too tough to handle crops up.”

“Hmm.”

I hug him again. He pats my head like he often does, but I don't complain as I usually do. I just stare at him anxiously.

Jasser and I are the closest amongst our siblings. He has practically raised me, although he's just over three years older than me. Even in sibling quarrels, we always take each other's sides. I have always had him by my side, whenever I felt like things were getting out of my hands. 

“I don't know. I just had this intuition that I must talk to you and it wasn't going away, however hard I tried to ignore it. It just wouldn't, so I decided to come and talk to you and say my mind in hopes of a better outcome. Who knows?” He shrugs.

“Okay, thanks. I appreciate you too. Take care,” I say to him.

“You too.”

We stare at each other for a moment, then Jasser gives my shoulders a squeeze and leaves.

My forehead scrunches in confusion as I replay the conversation in my head, but I let the subtle uneasiness gnawing at my heart pass. 

I realise what he had meant to tell me. I shouldn't sit around doing nothing. I should do something. Something. Anything. Just because I can.

I grab my pen knife and head towards the bathroom.