Helian and the Baron’s Bastard (4)

Arsen arrived at the square fashionably late. “Miss Helian! I hope you didn’t wait too long.”

“Not at all.”

He extended his arm for me to take. “Follow me, we’ll have you dressed to the nines in no time.”

Well, at least he had the common decency to offer instead of grabbing me this time… I accepted his arm and followed. We made our way out of the square on a circuitous path to the city’s upscale shopping district, strolling slowly. He was intent on taking up the rest of my evening and stopped frequently to point out his favorite cafes or ask my opinion of items in shop windows.

I hadn’t expected a charm offensive this early, but it was preferable to the intimidation and bullying from our prior encounters. If possible, I would maintain this mood until the conclusion of the arc… but of course, the plot would eventually turn our relationship sour no matter what I did.

As the bell chimed to mark seven o’clock, we arrived at the boutique he had selected. The sign out front read Madam XXXXXXXX’s Elegant Pleasures in gold filigree. Some readers considered the tendency to omit names one of the novel’s pleasant quirks or even called it an “artistic flourish”, but cases like this felt more like a “couldn’t be bothered” situation. I hoped I would not need to pronounce the owner’s name.

Arsen stopped and gestured towards the entrance. I sighed and opened the door. “After you, Lord Arsen.”

“Of course not! Ladies first, my dear.” He reached over me to hold the door open and waved me through, closing it softly behind him.

One of the store clerks walked over to greet us, in a clear state of panic. “My lord, what an unexpected pleasure to have you here today! And in such fine company, no less. Are you shopping for yourself?”

The young lord shook his head. “No, we’re here for my partner today. We have a date tomorrow evening and she needs to look her very best.” He made a great effort to emphasize the word partner without sounding too awkward.

“Of course, of course! Follow me to the sitting room. You’re in luck, as Madam XXXXXXXX is in the shop today. She’ll be able to see to your needs personally!” The clerk led us back into a large room occupied by a sofa, table, and three full-length mirrors arranged so that one could see their own back by standing in the correct position. He then fled through a door labeled “staff only”, returning a few minutes later with a kettle and two teacups.

“Thank you for waiting. I’ve brought tea and am happy to inform you that the Madam will be here shortly – she is in the middle of a delicate seam but said she would put a pin in it to make time for one of our most valued customers!”

An energetic woman old enough to be my grandmother crashed through the door not a moment later and sent the clerk scurrying back to the front desk. She ran over to the young lord and embraced him. “Arsen, sweetheart! How long has it been? It’s so good to see you!”

Arsen responded, somewhat sheepishly. “Hello, auntie. Are you doing well?”

“Never better! Now, who is this young lady? I don’t believe we’ve met!”

I bowed and introduced myself. “Pleasure to meet you, Madam. My name is Helian.”

“Oh, don’t Madam me! Inside this room, we’re all friends! Call me Edie.” She pulled a measuring tape out of her pocket and began to collect my dimensions. “Arms up, sweetheart!”

The Madam worked quickly, measuring my arms, legs, and everywhere in between in a few short minutes. As she worked, she filled the time with small talk. “So how did you two darlings meet? What do you do with your spare time?”

“A chance encounter at a café… and I work for the finance ministry.”

She nodded. “A classic start for a love story! Not too different from mine, in fact! And to think you have both beauty and intelligence! Arsen has found the perfect match this time, I dare say!”

Without skipping a beat, Edie then turned to shout towards the front desk. “Gabriel! Fetch me samples three, twenty-seven, and Q!” I heard the hapless clerk trip over something in the hall.

“I can scarcely believe how big he’s gotten. It was just a few years ago that little Arsen would tug on my knees and ask me to read him a storybook about princes and princesses. At least now he’s found a princess of his own!” She winked and I heard the young lord groan audibly behind me.

How a Little Bird Learned to Fly (1)

In practice, “skills honed razor-sharp” meant that in addition to rigorous training during the day, I would devote my evenings to extra instruction from Dame Selene, Countess Solana, or a specialist she brought in for this express purpose. The topics ran the gamut from etiquette to exsanguination, which meant I had to get somewhat creative with my responses to the interrogations from Rufus and the girls.

“XXXXX!” Ruby spotted me from across the training field and ran over, with Sapphire trailing behind her. “Are you alright? I haven’t seen you in a few days… the countess hasn’t been working you too hard, right? If all those midnight rendezvouses wear you out, it’s not too late to run away…”

Upon hearing the word “midnight”, Sapphire turned bright red and grabbed Ruby by the ear in a panic. “Have you gone mad? You can’t talk like that in public! Someone might hear…”

Ruby shrugged. “It’s nothing compared to what some of the knights have been saying…”

“But they have titles, you brat! They earned the right to run their mouths!”

“Who’s a brat? You’re not even older than me!” While saying this, Ruby pouted in a mature and sophisticated manner.

“Try acting your age for once, then, you little-” Sapphire’s tirade was interrupted as Rufus approached and tapped them both on the shoulder.

“What’s today’s dispute?”

“Proper decorum.” I explained, “and whether it’s necessary to observe once you earn a knight’s title.”

“I see, I see.” He nodded at me and then poked Ruby in the cheek. “You should learn from the dame’s example. You two have what it takes to be real knights, but you still lack the poise and determination befitting the role.”

Sapphire blanched. “You sound like my dad.”

“Your dad cusses more, though.”

I smiled and waved goodbye to the trio. “Sorry, but I have to go back to training…”

Rufus returned my wave, while Ruby performed an exaggerated salute in my direction, earning a punch in the gut from Sapphire.

------

One of the “educational opportunities” available to me was joining the countess’s meetings with her vice-commander. I quickly gained an appreciation for the vast number of convoluted schemes at play within the kingdom. As it happened, one of the names on today’s agenda was familiar to me. My first target.

“Baron Rydberg again.” Selene explained, handing a sheet of paper to the countess, who skimmed it briefly before handing it to me in turn.

Solana sighed with frustration. “If I wasn’t in such a good mood, I’d have the man assassinated.” She turned to me with a mischievous glint in her eyes. “Actually, maybe I should. What do you think?”

“Well… that goes against my beheadings policy. But from what I know about the man, it wouldn’t be completely unwarranted.”

The dame nodded. “It’d be one thing if his mismanagement only affected the barony, but we’re up to 5 missing persons reports from the county alone, and the trail leads straight to his territory. Sooner or later, we’ll have to do something about this.”

The countess swirled the tea in her teacup and stared at it pensively. “The king won’t be pleased to hear that I’ve killed another baron…”

I attempted to lighten the mood. “Perhaps you could just imprison him? Or if you prove that his son’s behind the disappearances, what about blackmail?”

Lady Solana’s face lit up. “Blackmail! Now that’s a delightful suggestion. But you’d best not defame the heir to a barony with such accusations, even in my presence.”

I downed the remainder of my tea in one go. “If I’m not mistaken, Countess, it’s only defamation if it’s false. And I know where to find sufficient evidence to settle the matter.”

The countess leaned forward and whispered conspiratorially, “has my little bird become a messenger pigeon?”

Lady Solana enjoyed it any time I played up my unusual traits, and by offering tiny scraps of Helian’s prophecies, I was able to further enhance my status as an entertaining novelty. I would eventually have to disclose the source of this information, but for now I could focus on proving myself useful.

The dame, however, grew visibly uncomfortable any time I behaved this way. She clearly believed this was all an act engineered by a third party. Though that wasn’t entirely wrong…