February was over and March supposed a decisive month for a few reasons: Natsume would leave for college in over a month, which meant Kaori was leaving too. However, she still had a pending issue before that: Katsuhiro. She couldn’t foresee how her husband would react to the “news”, but she was decided to do it. During the first days of the month, the woman had already talked to her lawyer and prepared the divorce document, but she had to find the right moment. She didn’t have to wait too long luckily, as Natsume went on a trip she organized with her friends to Hokkaido.

During those days, Katsuhiro and Kaori spent most of their time alone. The man didn’t show any happiness or discomfort for that, but Kaori felt weighed down by that: she didn’t want to fake anymore and be together with him. On Saturday afternoon, both of them were in the kitchen: she was washing dishes while he read the newspaper. Kaori was still thinking how to bring the topic when:

-Natsume will be leaving soon, right?- asked Katsuhiro.

-Yes, that’s right- answered Kaori. -She will begin college soon. Can you believe how fast time goes?

-Yeah, sure, that’s fine- answered Katsuhiro as if he didn’t care about that question. -I’m glad in some way though.

-Really?- asked Kaori confused. -You haven’t stopped complaining about the degree she will go to.

-And I still think she’s making a big mistake, but I don’t care anymore- answered Katsuhiro. -What matters is, when she’s gone, everything will go back to normal.

Those words made Kaori froze in place.

-What do you mean with that?- asked Kaori confused. -What are you insinuating?

-Well, since “that” happened, she’s done whatever she wanted and you condoned her- answered Katushiro a bit annoyed. -When she’s gone, we can go back to a normal marriage. We can sleep together again and you won’t have to work at that supermarket anymore.

Kaori didn’t know what she was more offended for: Katsuhiro wanting her to back out on everything she got so far or he wanting to blame his own daughter and wishing to kick her out of that house.

-Really? After all this time… after everything that happened… are you still blaming Natsume? Won’t you admit your mistakes? Won’t you value everything Natsume achieved all this time? And somehow you believe everything I’ve done so far was just a temporary thing?- asked Kaori trying to repress her anger.

-It’s obvious that girl always had a problem in her head and well, if she wants to throw her life away, I don’t care. But I don’t like that she was a bad influence for you- explained Katsuhiro.

She knew: she wasn’t waiting anymore. Screw “the right time”. It was over. She wouldn’t allow any more horrible words towards her or her daughter.

-Wait right there. I’ll pick up something- said Kaori without even looking at Katsuhiro.

The woman rushed to her room, searched in her drawers and took two folders whose content she knew very well. She put them inside a bag and went back to the kitchen, where her husband was still reading the newspaper. She didn’t know if he was waiting as asked or he just ignored here, it didn’t matter. She sat in front of him, on the other side of the table, left the bad on the floor next to her and said:

-Put that newspaper aside. It’s time we have a serious talk.

Katsuhiro looked at her confused, but saw how serious his wife was staring at him. He put the newspaper on the tabled and laid back on his chair without saying any word.

-So, what’s wrong? You suddenly look so serious- asked Katsuhiro.

The woman remained in silence for a moment, thinking dubiously.

-For quite a while, I’ve been thinking about how to begin this conversation- began explaining Kaori. -Really, I thought about it a lot and I think the best way is beginning just like I did.

She then searched in the bag she brought and took a thick folder. The woman essentially let the folder fall on the table, making a little stomp sound, and pushed it with her hand towards her husband.

-Tell me, do you know what this is?- asked Kaori.

At first, Katsuhiro didn’t know what that was, but recognized it after a while.

-Yeah, I remember now! It’s our photo album. Where was it?- asked Katsuhiro surprised.

-I found it quite a while ago in my bedroom- answered Kaori calmly.

The man opened the album and began checking the pictures.

-Wow, so many memories. These first pictures are really bad, with that serious look you had- said Katsuhiro. -See? These ones are way better. We were really happy back then.

Somehow, Kaori expected that reaction. For him, that never cared about asking her if she was enjoying the things they did together, those memories seemed really special. The woman didn’t know to what extent, as she never saw her husband show a deep and honest emotion for nothing. Was that just normal happiness? He didn’t looked fascinated or moved for those pictures, he just looked happy.

-Say...- said Kaori trying to call Katsuhiro’s attention-, don’t you notice anything… strange in those pictures? Nothing catches your attention?

-Well… no- answered Katsuhiro confused. -Just our pictures for all these years. Here we are in a beach; this one’s from a festival. I don’t see any problem, they are good.

For a moment, Kaori thought that her husband was mocking her, but knew that was not the case: he only looked at the surface, never cared to go deeper. She decided to give him another chance.

-I’m taking two completely random pictures, from two different moments in time- said Kaori, who proceeded to open the album at two random pages, took one picture from each one, then put the album aside and placed both pictures before Katsuhiro. -These two. Pay close attention. Don’t you see anything strange?

The first picture showed their younger selves while watching the sakura trees. The second one was taken some years later, when they just moved to their house. Katsuhiro looked at them confused.

-Well, we look older, sure…- commented Katsuhiro-, but no, I don’t see anything weird. What’s wrong with you?

She confirmed her suspicions once again. How much attention had that man payed to her all these years? What attention was he paying now at those pictures?

-Can’t you really see?- asked Kaori, putting the two pictures even closer. -Look at my face: it’s exactly the same in both pictures.

-No offense but… you look way older, you know?- commented Katsuhiro jokingly.

Kaori knew he didn’t that with bad ill: he had always been that unpleasant.

-I put the same face in both pictures- explained Kaori remarking each single word. -The same smile, the same eyes, the same inclination of my head… They are exactly the same.

Katsuhiro took a closer look at the pictures. Finally, after Kaori tried so many times, he noticed.

-So what?- asked Katsuhiro innocently. -It’s normal to use a specific face in some pictures.

-I put the same face in all pictures- pointed out Kaori the same was as before. -No matter what year, what place or what activity, in every picture I appear with you, I use the very same face. Check it out.

Confused, Katsuhiro took the album once again and checked all the pictures. By his face, Kaori knew he finally noticed.

-What… what are you trying to say?- asked Katsuhiro. -Right, you never were very photogenic, so what?

Kaori really wanted to stand up and shout. She knew her husband could be thick, but she never imagine how much he could be. She took a deep breath to calm down and continued:

-Why don’t we go back to those first pictures? Those that were “really bad”. Why did they look bad for you?

-Well, isn’t it obvious?- asked Katsuhiro. -You always looked so serious. When I showed them to my friends, they said that I dragged you everywhere. That’s why I suggested you to smile.

-Excuse me?- asked Kaori surprised. -You didn’t “suggest” me, you threw on my face that I didn’t smile in pictures and “demanded” in some way that I had to do it.

-What did you expect?- asked Katsuhiro annoyed. -You always looked so sad, like you were not happy dating me and I couldn’t allow that.

-You finally said it!- exclaimed Kaori. -It took you a while to notice.

A weird silence filled the dining room. Katsuhiro looked how his wife smiling, but didn’t understand why.

-What… what are you trying to tell me?- asked Katsuhiro.

Kaori took another deep breath. She wanted to make everything clear.

-For a long time, I knew there was something wrong- explained Kaori. -Something inside me that made me uncomfortable, but at first I didn’t understand what it was. When I looked at those pictures, I realized. I… I have never been happy with you. I never loved you. That’s why I never smiled in those pictures: because I never felt anything towards you.

Katsuhiro heard every single word astonished, as he couldn’t process in his mind what his wife said.

-What do you mean? We have always been happy and lived so many things together. Our problems began because of that kid.

-No- answered Kaori firmly. - That incident made me realize a lot of things. It made me want to explore my past and find answers. Have you always been that selfish? You truly were, but not as much as you’re now. Was there anything that made me fall in love with you? Truth is… no, there was nothing. I’ve never been in love with you, that’s why I’ve never been happy by your side.

The husband didn’t know what to say, but Kaori saw him getting more nervous and angrier by the second.

-If what you say is true, then… why did you date me? For money?- asked Katsuhiro.

Kaori’s face looked confused for that question.

-What money? I shall remind you, when we started dating, you just started college, a privilege I never had. Truth is, at that time, I felt I had no control over my life. All of you wanted things from me no matter what I really wished for: you annoyed me for years with all that flirting because you wanted me, no matter how many times I rejected you; my parents insisted that you were a “good boy” even though I had no interest in you; and everybody in this town stared at me as if it was unconceivable that a girl almost finishing highschool didn’t think about marrying and having a family. When my parents forbid me to leave and study, I felt my life was only meant for satisfying others. That’s why I accepted your invitation: it’s what all of you wanted me to do. But I was not happy, those first pictures are a clear proof. But you said it, you couldn’t allow that: I had to make you happy, that’s why I learned to make that face.

-Are you telling me all these years have been a sham?- asked Katsuhiro angrily. -That you never were happy at any time? I’m sure there had to be something.

-See, I’m going to agree with you there- answered Kaori happily. -There was just one thing that made me happy during all these years.

Kaori then took the album, passed the pages and left it open on the table at a specific page. Katsuhiro took a look: it was Natsume’s birth.

-My girl… my baby… Can you see my face? That is a real smile- commented Kaori. -At that moment, I felt there was something more in my life, someone who really needed me. A little innocent girl who didn’t know yet how this world is. And especially, someone who didn’t expect anything specific from me. She didn’t demand me to act in one way or another, she didn’t demand me to lie. That little girl smiled just by looking at my face. That girl was happy and safe just because I existed. It’s a different kind of love, and I still suffered by staying with you, but her love helped me to bear the pain.

-Seriously? After all the problems she caused, you still defend her? You’ve done nothing but condone her- asked Katsuhiro while refraining his anger.

-What you call “condone” is actually worrying for her well-being- answered Kaori. -It’s funny you say that because… you spent most of her life ignoring her. When she had problems making friends as a kid, you didn’t pay her any attention. After solving that, you cared even less. But one day, by the end of her highschool years, I noticed you suddenly look at her angrily, like judging her. And out of nowhere, you came up with that “plan” about forcing Natsume to quit soccer because you decided she had to work for a big company and earn a lot of money.

-That’s better than that stupid “social worker” thing!- exclaimed Katsuhiro. -If she worked at a big company, she could get enough money for an easy life and could take care of us when we get older! After all these years taking care of her, it’s the least she must do for us!

-Is that the reason? You wanted her to be your “future insurance”? She must live her life and not waste it taking care of us- answered Kaori. -You know? Somehow, when she was doing so bad, I felt a strange deja vú, as if I had already seen that before. I realized some time later: she was just like me. We took her life and her future from her, just like everybody took mine away. She didn’t have the confidence to follow her own path. The difference was that I convinced myself I had to please everybody, while she tried to self-destroy herself. When I believed those things only happened to me, I accepted it, but when she suffered the same way… I felt incredibly guilty for not doing anything and I promised to help her. Have you seen her now? She fixed all her mistakes and worked so hard to find her happiness. She did what I thought I would never do. After all this time, I realized I actually have control over my life. And now that I know that… It’s time to close this chapter.