Zantar led us deep into the castle, up some stairs, down some stairs, up some more stairs, down some more stairs, and eventually landed at a door that was blended into the painted wall so perfectly that I almost couldn’t see it.

“I asked for the King’s most secret room, and he was so kind as to oblige,” Zantar said as he opened the invisible door into a room that was a perfect triangle, void of anything except a table… which was another triangle. There were triangles painted on the wall, on the floor, and on the ceiling.

Interesting design choice.

We all gathered around the triangle table, two on each side, and prepared to get the word from our leader on the task at hand.

“We’re like, the knights of the triangle table!” Pip squeaked, tilting on his chair. Beside him was Leo, trying to fit on one of the chairs, but it looked like a chair from a doll house under him.

“This is such a nice room! I can’t believe we get to see the secret room! How lovely!” Leo said, squirming and struggling to fit his huge ass on the tiny chair comfortably with no luck. Eventually, he gave up and decided to just stand instead.

“So, what are we killing, Knight Commander?” Blaze asked, once again playing around with his knife. Was he using it as… a toothpick?

“Sit properly, Sir Pip, Sir Blaze, put the knife away. Knight Commander, the word is yours.” Vincent said with a small bow of respect for his superior. Pip immediately stopped tilting and to my surprise, Blaze put his knife away—albeit with a glare that he tried to hide from Vincent.

Vincent must have earned some respect amongst them, too.

It was nice, somehow, to see characters from a book interacting in this way. Like they were real people. 

“Thank you, Sir Vincent,” Zantar said with a small smile, but it disappeared almost immediately.

Weird.

“As you all know,” he began. Ah yes, the infamous lazy dialogue opening. Go on, “we have been handpicked to go on a quest, but what you don’t know is this; we have a deadline. The legend says the opening will appear when the sun disappears and the moon shines green, which is in approximately three months.” Zantar looked like he held a pause for dramatic effect.

Three months? That didn’t sound so bad. Sounded like a lot of time to just get a single magical artifact. Almost too much time.

“But first, we’ll need to gather the one hundred and forty-five key-pieces.” 

ONE HUNDRED AND FORTY-FIVE? Well, great! Now I don’t think we have enough time. Certainly this story would get boring before one hundred and forty-five pieces of anything could be found.

“With intel, we’ve learned there are some in The Draconic Lands, The Dead Lands, The Magical Forest, and The Point of No Return, but there’s certainly more elsewhere that we will have to learn along the way. Any questions?” 

“Yes, actually. I have concerns,” I said small, raising one finger in the air. But then the anxiety took over. “ONE HUNDRED AND FORTY-FIVE PIECES?”

“Technically, one hundred and forty-five pieces is just an approximation. There could be more,” Vincent added… which surprisingly didn’t help at all.

“A–and you only know where some of them are? How are we supposed to find them? How long have you known this was going to happen?” I asked.

“It was prophesied hundreds of years ago,” Zantar said as proper and knightly as ever.

“Why didn’t you start finding them hundreds of years ago, then? Why are we only starting when there is only three months left?”

I looked around the room, and all I got was five men with blank faces that looked like their souls had left their bodies and all there was left was an empty husk.

Their befuddlement lasted a few beats before Zantar re-composed himself and said, “So, we leave tomorrow at dawn.”

Oh I get it. Maybe that’s the ‘Dawn’ in Dawn or Knightfall.

“And then we get to murder stuff?” Blaze asked, his excited voice slicing through my thoughts.

Zantar gave a nod. “Yes, we will go to many dangerous locations with many hostile beasts and enemies. In The Draconic Lands there will certainly be dragons, and not much is known about them, so we will have to be careful. The Dead Lands are said to not be able to sustain any living being, and that all who enter will only be able to leave after they’re dead.”

The fuck did that mean?

Also. Dragons? Excuse me? I really need to read the book properly. 

“Oh, dragons! You think I can ride one?” Pip squeaked, almost falling on his chair that he was once again tilting on.

“The Dead Lands sound so interesting. I wonder what kind of cuisine they have there?” Leo asked, his smiling face scaring me a bit. He heard ‘dead’ and thought about food?

“I can totally cook anything we find there!” Pip squeaked, “I can cook with anything!”

“Heh, I kill it, you cook it. Sounds good to me.” Blaze nodded, stabbing his knife in the air.

Vincent stood up so fast the chair scooted from under him with a loud scrape, demanding everyone’s attention. “My fellow knights, can we please keep to the task at hand? Knight Commander Zantar is relying on us to take our job seriously and fulfill our quest successfully, isn’t that right Knight Commander Zantar, Sir?” he asked, looking over at Zantar with glitter in his eyes. 

“Yes, I am counting on you, but so is the king and… the world. Sir Krystal, what do you have to say about it?” Zantar agreed, suddenly looking tired and clearly sending it my way because he couldn’t deal with it right now.

What was I supposed to say? What would Tiara have said?

“Uhm… For, eh, world peace? Yea, that’s good. We’re going to rock.” I stammered out, trying to sound motivating.

“I can kill anything with a rock,” Blaze said with fire in his eyes. 

“Some rocks make great cooking stones!” Pip added.

“And friends,” Leo said. “The rock gnomes of the Sacred Meadows are lovely.”

How in the fuck did these people succeed in the book, again?

Oh no.

I was going to be stuck here when the world ended, wasn’t I?

“Meeting adjourned!” Zantar called out.

Adjourned? We had figured out nothing!

Other than the fact that we were fucked. 

And apparently rock gnomes were a thing.

I got up and cursed my own fate. The others started to work their way out when Zantar came over and waited by my side.

He didn’t say anything, but simply stood and looked at me like something was supposed to happen, but I had no clue what.

Deja vú.

“Sooooo… Nice meeting,” I lied, needing to break the very awkward silence somehow.

“Yes, a great meeting indeed. I have high hopes for our elite group, hand-picked by the king himself,” he said, a bit stilted.

Welp, now it’s even more awkward.

“Sooooo… The Dead Lands, huh?” I asked, scrambling even harder. Why was he standing here? What did he want? Could he just go away?

“Yes, indeed, The Dead Lands it is said that all who enter will only be able to leave after they’re dead,” Zantar said.

“Yea… You already mentioned that.”

“Yes, indeed.”

“Sooooo… Vincent seems to really be able to get the guys in order, huh?” I  was really running out of things to say. What did he want?

“Sir Vincent is such an amazing knight. He commands respect, follows the rules, knows when to retreat and when to attack, makes the best plans, and he looks great in his armor,” Zantar gushed. It was the first time in the whole conversation that his face had genuine expression on it.

Guess Zantar was a real Vincent fanboy.

“Have you known each other for long?” I asked, happy that I finally had an actual conversation going.

“We’ve been very good friends for most of our lives. He was the reason I wanted to become a knight.” Zantar looked up, like he was recalling a lovely memory.

It must’ve been a happy one, judging by the smile. “Aw, that’s nice. How so?”

“Well…” His smile faded and he froze. I could see the gears turning—or more like grinding—in his head. “Nice talk. Sleep well, Sir Krystal.” 

And then he left.

That was weird.

But at last, I was finally alone. I took out Dawn or Knightfall and skimmed until I got to the meeting in the triangle room. Most of the things were the same—except no one talked about rocks—but one moment stood out to me at the end.

Sir Zantar walked to my side. His strides were long and steady; he oozed manhood. I looked into his dark, commanding eyes, then let my gaze fall down to his lips. “You did great during the meeting today. I really feel like I can trust you with the command,” I said, not letting my voice quiver in awe from his mere presence. 

"Thank you, Sir Tiara, you did a great job yourself. I can’t wait to spend more time with you. Do not worry, I will protect you no matter the dangers. Dragons and undead alike.”

I slammed the book shut, not able to read another word.

But… morbid curiosity got the better of me, so I opened the book again. This time I turned to the page just before we left for the meeting room.

Zantar lagged behind, his eyes on me. There was a glint in them that made me a bit shy. “We sure have our work cut out for us, with this group, huh?” I said, “If anyone other than you was the commander, I don’t think this squad would have any chance of succeeding.”

"Thank you, Sir Tiara. It’s only because you’re here as well that we can make it work, somehow,” Sir Zantar said, smiling at me. We had a moment of deep and intense eye contact before we followed the rest.

OOOOOOOOOOOH. So, that’s the conversation he was waiting for. Yea. No. Nope. Not doing that. 

I closed the book for good this time, not having the stomach to read through any more similar scenes that I was inevitably going to be forced into, for the rest of the day. 

I needed sleep—

Ah, shit. No one told me where my bed was…