Roland’s POV

“Where’s Andrew,” I asked as I sat in the back of the car we were about to try and sell. Andrew normally followed behind us in his own car so we would have a way to get back to camp if the car sold but he wasn’t behind us and Mary didn’t say anything about meeting us there. 

“He’s running a few minutes late,” she said with a small shrug but something told me she wasn’t telling the full truth.

I huffed as I leaned farther back into the seat and glared out the window. I didn’t like this at all. We had a routine. A routine that was set in stone since the first time we started doing this and now it was wrong.

Andrew was supposed to be here. He did the talking, he walked people through the cost, the value, the work I put into it, everything that I couldn’t put into words correctly in front of people I didn’t know and now he wasn’t here. Mary could do it, but it’s the fact that Andrew was supposed to be here and wasn’t.

“I’d like to go back to camp now please,” I said because even though I didn’t want to be doing this, manners Roland!

Mary frowned as she looked at me through the review mirror. 

“You don’t want to sell the car?”

“Not without Andrew.”

“He’s going to meet us there,” she promised with a weak smile.

“I don’t like the way this feels.”

“What does it feel like,” she asked and for once this question wasn’t asked in mockery the way other people often asked that question. She genuinely wanted to know how it felt and I liked that but I couldn’t put it into words. 

“It feels different.”

“It is,” she said with a small sigh. “But different isn’t bad.”

“Different is unpredictable,” I told her as I glared at her though she couldn’t see it with her eyes on the road. “I don’t like different. I like things to be the same every time we do them. This is not the same and I would like to go back now, please.”

“Can you explain to me what the worst thing that could happen is?”

“We have to walk back to camp because Andrew didn’t pick us up.” It would be a long walk and would be dark by the time we got back. I would have to miss dinner and then take my shower late. Then I would have to go to bed late and wake up tomorrow feeling sleepy and not wanting to do anything so I would take a nap and then by the time it was time to go to bed for the night I wouldn’t be tired anymore and would stay up too late and then the cycle just continues. “This could also be a trap.”

“What kind of trap,” Mary asked with a frown, completely ignoring my first concern to continue the drive. I wanted her to turn back. 

“Are you sending me away?” 

I didn’t want to go back to foster care. I thought that I had made it clear that was the last thing I wanted but the idea still had my heart beating out of my chest. I had messed up badly. Staying out past curfew, running away from Mary, yelling at her earlier that day; it was clearly too much. I wasn’t worth the trouble anymore. She was going to ship off to the first home with an open spot and I didn’t even get to pack up a trash bag. All of Kit’s clothes he let me keep would be thrown away, the mold of his hand would be tossed out, our birdhouses would rot, and our welcome mat would get dirty from the next people in that cabin stepping on it. My tools would probably be donated and the next person wouldn’t take care of them. I had paid for those with my own money and I wasn’t even going to be able to bring them with me.

My chest felt tight as I flapped my hands on my lap. I could feel the tears in my eyes begin to build up as I tried to keep them from falling. I couldn’t breathe and Mary’s voice seemed far away. I could feel the vibrations from the road as she pulled off to the shoulder before stepping out of the car and opening the door closest to me.

She crouched down beside me, a small smile on her face as she took in the likely pathetic sight of me and I couldn’t help but think that smile was because she was happy this would be the last time she had to deal with a meltdown.

“I need you to take a deep breath for me,” she said as she took her own breath so I could follow the pace. It took several attempts but the quick hiccups I was using to grasp even the smallest bit of air finally turned into a decent breath. “Good, try another one.” We continued until the tears had dried on my face and whoever was waiting on us, whether that be a case worker or just someone looking to buy a car, was probably long gone and that made me feel a little better. 

“You aren’t being sent away,” she said as she laid a hand in my hair. I normally didn’t like it when anyone other than Kit did it but her hands were gentle as she pulled me into her chest and softly carded her fingers through the strands. I held my breath for as long as I could, hoping to postpone the perfume she was probably wearing from hitting my nose but when I couldn’t take it anymore and finally took in another breath I was only met with the mint-flavored gum she had been chewing. “You’re going to be at camp until you graduate or tell me that camp is no longer benefiting your mental health. No one is going to take or send you away as long as I’m here. I promise. Do you understand?” I nod against her chest and she pulls me closer. It’s not as tight as deep pressure but it’s the closest we could get in the posistion that we were in. “You’re right though, today is different. Andrew and I set up a surprise for you.”

“I don’t like surprises,” I told her and she nodded.

“I’ll remember that next time. I’m sorry I upset you. It wasn’t my intention at all and if we are able to do this again I promise I’ll tell you what we’re doing before we get in the car.  Do you want to continue or do you want to go back?”

“What are we doing?”

“If you’re still up for it, we’re going to go see Kit.” My head shot up as I glared at her.

“Jokes like that aren’t funny,” I told her in case she didn’t know. “It’s not funny to get someone’s hopes up if you know it can’t happen.”

“It’s not a joke Roland,” she said with a small smile as she reached up to wipe a tear off of my cheek. “After what happened last night, Andrew and I thought it would be good for you to see each other. We can’t do it at camp because it’s special treatment so we were going to let you have a little date night and drive this car back to camp so no one would think anything off happened. If anyone asks, the car just didn’t sell.” As if anyone cared to ask me about my cars.

“I want to go see Kit.”

She smiled as she stood up, not bothering to wipe the dirt off her pants as she got back into the car.

The rest of the drive was silent and was spent with Mary looking at me through the rearview mirror, sending small smiles my way every few seconds. My only thought was of Kit. 

I hoped this wasn’t some cruel joke. That she had only said Kit was going to be there to calm me down and it would be easier to hand me over to some case worker but if there was even the smallest chance that Kit would be waiting for us then I’d try and go through with this.

When we pulled up to our usual meeting spot, Andrew’s car was already parked there. I looked around the mostly empty parking lot, hoping to catch a glimpse of my boyfriend but he was nowhere to be found.

“It’s a surprise for him too,” Mary said when she caught me looking. She was already getting out of the car but I didn’t want to leave the safe haven until I confirmed who would be waiting on me when I stepped out. “He’s sitting in Andrew’s car. He was really excited for the surpirse. It seemed to lift his spirits after everything that happened. If it makes you feel better we can have him close his eyes and step out so you can see him.”

“I would like that.” She only gave me a small smile as she closed the door and began walking to Andrew’s car. I leaned forward as much as I could, my head all but pressed against the windshield as my back half still sat on the seat.

I could see movement in the car but couldn’t make out faces in the dark. I held my breath as I saw a body begin to wiggle itself out of the car. It’s only been a few months since I had last seen Kit, and even though he had been sending me pictures, I was scared he wouldn’t look the same. His face had always been nice looking and even though I loved him for other reasons, if his face had changed maybe his feelings for me had changed too.

Seconds later Kit stood in front of the car. His eyes were closed and he was smiling that smile I had missed so much. His hair was a bit longer now, almost covering his eyes but I liked it. Despite him saying money was tight, he was still filled out and hadn’t lost weight and it made me feel better knowing he wasn’t skipping meals to get by. He was wearing the shirt I had bought for him and it made me wonder if he had a small idea that maybe we were going to see each other or if he really did wear that shirt so often that he would throw it on for just any occasion.

I didn’t hesitate to slam the door open and didn’t even bother shutting it as I ran to him. He must have heard my footsteps, they were loud and panicked but he still didn’t open his eyes as I jumped and caught his body around my arm. He huffed at the weight being pushed into him unexpectedly as he stumbled back, his hands coming up to support me as I clung onto him like my life depended on it.

I could feel the second he opened his eyes and confirmed who he was holding. His entire body began to shake as his arms wrapped around me tighter. It wasn’t long before my shirt filled with tears and I’m sure his was too. When standing became too hard, he lowered us to the ground, my weight settled on his lap as he took my head in his hands.

“I missed you so much,” he said barely above a whisper as he looked over my face, studying every possible detail that could have changed.

“I missed you more,” I told him. He went to open his mouth again to dispute my statement but I connected our lips before he had the chance.

His lips felt like home and after months of feeling homesick, it felt so right that I never wanted to part from him again. The kiss remained soft, just a gentle brush of lips that didn’t stop until Mary cleared her throat. Kit pulled away first and I whined as he did.

“We have a small date set up,” Mary said with a small smile. “It’s not much and Andrew and I will have to be with you the whole time just like Town Day but it’s something.”

“It’s more than enough,” Kit said as he pulled me closer. He stood up with me still in his arms and gently placed my feet on the ground. “Thank you so much. You have no idea what this means.”

“I might have a small idea,” Andrew said with a smile that seemed to be a little sad. “Now, pick a car, we have things to do!”

Kit and I walked hand in hand to Andrew’s car, both of us piling in the back seat, pushing together as close as possible as Mary and Andrew took their seats in the front.

“Hi,” I said as I looked over to my boyfrind. He was already looking at me, a wide smile on his lips.

“Hi,” he said back. Then, “You’ve grown.”

“Have I?”

“By several inches actaully. I used to be able to put my chin on your head but now we can almost look each other in the eyes.”

“Maybe you just shrunk,” I tried to tease even though I remeber having to go back into the awful shop with Andrew to get more clothes a feww weeks ago because all of my jeans had turned into waders and my shirts were far too tight in my chest. Kit hummed as he played with the ridge of my nose. “You aren’t exactly the same either. What’s all of this,” I asked as I ran my fingers through his hair.

“You don’t like it,” he asked with a small laugh. “I’ve been growing out.”

“You look like a skater boy.”

“I think I technically am a skater boy. I’ll cut it if you don’t like it.”

“No,” I said a bit too quickly. Kit’s lip twitched upwards. “I like it. It’s just new.” 

“I thought new was horrible and always bad,” he teased as he placed a kiss to my forehead.

“Not when it comes to you.” Our hands connected on his lap as I pressed my face into his shirt. He smelled like home. It was the smell I had been missing ever since he left and now that he was here, I couldn’t get enough.

It wasn’t long before we pulled into a small restaurant, it was the same one we had gone to before during Town Day and I was happy to know that I wouldn’t have to try anything new.

Kit and I walked hand in hand to the door and he opened it like a gentleman.

“How many,” the hostess asked when the four of us got to the stand.

“Two tables for two,” Andrew said. “It’s a weird request but can we be a few tables away from each other but close enough so we can keep an eye on them?”

The hostess seemed to find the request odd but nodded and led Kit and I to our table first before showing Mary and Andrew to theirs.

“Do you want me to order for you,” Kit asked as he looked over the menu, mine already being discarded on the side of the table. His hand reached out to grab mine under the table and I tried my best to remember every detail. The mold we had made of his hand was great and I was happy to have it but it could never compare to the real thing.

His hand was warm and soft. They weren’t chipped and cracked like mine and it made me wonder how someone could possibly want to hold my hand when they could find someone who felt like Kit. He didn’t seem to mind though as he gently rubbed his thumb over my knuckles.

“Yes,” I said simply, soaking up the feeling of not having to explain myself or talk more than I had to. Andrew and Mary were trying to get me to talk to them more and I understood why to an extent. After I left camp, I would have to get used to speaking to more and more people so it was good to practice but that didn’t mean I had to like it. It was nice to just sit and enjoy my boyfriend’s company without having to do all the talking.

He smiles that sweet smile at me and I swear its different from all the pictures he has been sending me.

Dinner was spent mostly in silence. We had been talking on the phone for so many months but we hadn’t been able to look at each other properly until now.

His eyes were brown, his hair was black, and his skin was still tan. He still had smile lines around his lips and his eyes were still bright and filled with love. He was still my Kit after all these months.

I stared at him until he shot me a wink and I couldn’t stand to look him in the eyes anymore, my cheeks burning as I looked down at the table.

“I love you,” he told me as he squeezed my hand tighter. I looked back at him even though that was the last thing I wanted to do right now.

“I love you more,” I said and reached across the table. My free hand grabbed his face and pulled him until our lips met. He mumbled something against my lips as we pulled away but I didn’t care. My lips were tingling and Kit was in front of me. Nothing else in life mattered.