[Image Caption: Nick standing in the dorm hallways.]

Samir's missing from Statistics on Friday, which is weird because he was here Wednesday and seemed to feel fine. It's not like him to miss classes and he's already been gone twice this week. I wonder if he's having trouble beating that flu. It does seem like a few people on campus have it.

I still can't believe he reached out to me about last weekend. He never talks to me and all of a sudden this is what I get? A text message from a number I don't even recognize saying he got so blackout drunk he needs help retracing his steps? Seemed oddly forward of him since he’s usually so secretive. Even Corinne says she doesn't know much about him. Her, Sawyer and Samir are like peas in a pod, yet he keeps everything inside. It must be hard to be that kind of person. Koda could probably relate.

I don't know why Samir cares about what happened. I've blacked out a few times and never did anything too stupid. That part always comes in the morning when you start hurling everywhere.

I wonder if I should check on him or if that would piss him off. We're not close, so maybe I would be overstepping…especially because he's such an asshole. Corinne says he's just like that, though. I wish Koda had stuck around that night. Then Samir would have run into both of us and I would have someone to back me up.

When class finally comes to an end, I decide to cut my losses and text Samir.

"Didn't see you in class! Did you ever find out more about last weekend!" I type out and hit send before packing up my books.

"Whatcha' doing?" Koda asks, briefly glancing over my shoulder as he stands up from his desk.

"And you're always calling me nosey," I joke, but Koda rolls his eyes and doesn't try to look again, so I just tell him. 

"Asking Samir where he was today."

"Since when are you and Samir friends?" Koda gives me a disgruntled look.

"He had a rough night at the weekend and doesn't remember anything," I explain. "He came to me the other day asking if I saw him around. I couldn't tell him much."

"What a fucking idiot," Koda mutters. "He shouldn't have drank so much."

I want to scoff, but I don't. Instead, I simply remind him, "You’re one to talk.”

"I didn't black out," he mutters, defending himself.

"Fair enough, but shit happens. He clearly didn't intend to get that fucked."

Koda doesn't respond. I can tell he doesn't really give a rat's ass. 

We leave the classroom and head to the dining hall. Koda waits outside while I swipe in and grab a couple slices of pizza. He doesn't have a meal plan, and they always check at the door, so we eat in my room on days we have the same breaks.

When we get back to the dorms, my room is empty. Koda and I sit on the floor, and he pulls out a sandwich and several pieces of spotless fruit. Ugh, I should have grabbed some fruit. The pizza's good but what he's eating looks better. Not gonna lie, I'm a little jealous of his homemade lunches.

"So, you worried about Samir or something?" Koda pries.

"Well, I don't know," I admit. "It's just strange for him to miss class, right?"

Koda shrugs. "Who cares? You're not his friend. He's not your friend."

"But he’s Corinne’s best friend and I just want to make sure he's okay.”

"You're too fucking nice," Koda mumbles.

"Well, you're not nice enough," I retort.

He gives me an annoyed look but doesn't say anything else. He's pretty quiet today. Kind of moody, too. I'd ask him what's wrong, but he probably wouldn't give me much of an answer. He never does.

"So, what's been new?" I pry.

He shrugs again. "Nothing of interest.”

Then for some reason Gabe springs to mind and I decide to tell Koda what I did with him. Maybe that will get a rise out of him.

"I let a guy suck my dick a little while ago."

Koda raises an eyebrow. "What the fuck? Who?" 

I wonder if he thinks it was Samir.

"Some guy I had never met before. His name was Gabe."

"Gabe with the red hair?" He looks shocked. "That guy is fucking weird. When did it happen?"

"Two weeks ago while you were throwing up in the dorm bathroom," I say sheepishly.

Koda puts his hand to his forehead. "Ugh dude, are you kidding me? Did taking care of me interrupt it?"

"Not really. I was pretty fucked up too and we had already finished before Tyler came in and told me to go find you."

"I'm really sorry about that by the way," Koda mumbles, fiddling with the sticker on his apple.

"Don't sweat it." I laugh.

"So, are you gay now?"

I hestitate.

"I don't know what I am.”

"It'd be funny if you ended up being gay... 'cause Samantha is a lesbian," he says with a snort.

I wrinkle my nose. Maybe that's part of the reason I was so willing to experiment - whether it was out of pettiness or curiosity.

"He told me where his room is and said I could come by if I wanted to screw around some more."

Koda tilts an eyebrow. "Are you gonna?"

"Maybe. I've been thinking about it."

Koda gives a long and slow nod, like he’s processing it all. At least he isn't creeped out. Honestly, sometimes he acts homophobic, so I wasn't really sure.

"Well..." he finally responds, sounding mildly concerned. "I guess it’s nice that you have some sort of outlet. You're not gonna get all attached to Gabe, are you?" 

"Um," I pause, "I'm not planning on that."

"Good, I've heard he's not the friendliest. Plus, men are fucked up.”

It’s a weird comment, but I suppose he’s just worried.

"Aw, are you jealous?" I joke in an attempt to lighten the mood. I'm not intimidated by Gabe nor am I particularly invested.

Koda looks irate but doesn't add anything else. I know he's trying to look out for me but it’s seriously no big deal. Who knows if Gabe and I will ever do anything together again—it's not like I see him around campus often. I’d have to seek him out.

"Glad that's out in the open," I say. I hate keeping secrets and this one was getting annoying.

Koda laughs at me. "Glad you feel better."

I check my phone to see if Samir responded, though I doubt it. I click on his name and see that he read my message but he didn't reply. How rude, but not exactly surprising coming from him.

"Samir ignored me," I murmur.

"What a shock. Did you actually think he'd respond?" Koda waves a hand dismissively. "Just forget about it. Who cares? He's not your problem."

It still bums me out. I'd like to know what was happening. I guess it's not my business, but it kind of is if you take into account the fact that I'm the last person he talked to. Corinne might have more information so I'll have to ask her, but she'll probably just tell me to fuck off.

Either way, Koda's right. There's no point in worrying about it if Samir is going to just blatantly blow me off. It's pretty brutal that he leaves his read receipts on.

"I have class," Koda tells me suddenly and I glance over at the clock.

His lunch period is short so that he doesn't have to stay on campus for long, but my schedule is all spread out because it doesn't make a difference. I still have about an hour until my next course.

"Okay," I say. "I'll walk you there."

"How romantic," he teases me, but I accompany him nonetheless.

I really hope he decides to live with me next year. It would be good for him. I'm not trying to act like I know what’s best, but I think he needs some breathing room. If Koda doesn't catch a break he’ll never learn how to be independent. His parents do everything for him - cooking, cleaning... whatever else there is.

"Catch yah later," I say once we reach the door to his classroom.

"What? No kiss goodbye?" he kids.

I roll my eyes and nudge him before walking back to my dorm. When I get back, I lay down on my bed. I feel kind of shitty and I know it's because I want to get high. I try not to during the week, but the week's almost over so it wouldn't be that bad of me.

I get up and head to my dresser. I always keep things tucked away in the same place—my sock drawer—so it only takes me a second to find what I'm looking for.

I pull out the small bottle of pills only to find that there aren’t many left. The pharmacy won’t allow for an early refill, which means I’ll need to go elsewhere.

My dealer is a frat brother and a total jackass. I don't care, though. There's only one thing I want from him and it's definitely not a social call. I'll need to text him later.

I lie down on my bed, soaking up the feeling for a while before deciding to text Zack. I tell him I’m out and he gives me a time and place to meet him. 

I decide to head to the common room until then. I spot Gabe sitting in his usual spot by himself. I debate on pretending not to notice him, but I don't. Instead I hold up a hand, greeting him as I walk over.

"How's it going?" I ask as I get closer, "I haven't seen you around in a while."

"Why would you have?" he says plainly. "You didn't come by."

Jeez, harsh. I wonder if that was a jab or just a statement. Either way, it comes off strong.

"Uh, yeah, sorry." I laugh awkwardly. "I've been busy."

"It's fine if you didn't want to," Gabe continues. "You were under no obligation."

"I've been thinking it over," I decided to tell him after a moment of awkward silence. "I have a lot on my mind."

He keeps staring at me, saying nothing.

"I told my friend Koda about what happened." I fiddle with a loose thread on my sleeve, trying to fill the lag in conversation. "You know, the one who got sick while we were hooking up? I wanted to tell someone so I told him."

Gabe gives a nonchalant shrug of the shoulder and says, "That's fine. I don't care who you tell."

Does this guy care about anything? 

"Are you sure?" I urge.

He stares at me and it feels like he's looking right through me. "Yes. I'm sure. You can say whatever."

"All right," I relent.

"But it's good that you talk to people," he adds, almost like an afterthought. Maybe he’s trying to be nice. It makes me wonder if he has people to talk to. Hopefully he does. Everyone needs an ear every so often.

I see him around with people sometimes, but I don't know if they’re his friends or people he studies with… or people he fucks.

"Yeah, it is," I agree.

I was happy that Koda took what happened with Gabe well; it'd have been a bummer if he was a huge ass about it. I'm not sure who else I would have told. Maybe Corinne…or maybe Samantha. Samantha probably would be ecstatic. It was hard for her to tell me that she wanted to date women and she would be excited to know that I understood what she was going through.

"I'll see you around." I give Gabe a little wave. "I've got things to do."

I head down the hall and into the gymnasium, heading for the locker rooms. I meet with Zack and we do our exchange. Business. Whatever yah wanna call it. It’s unceremonious. 

With that, I head back to my room to put it in my drawer. I do a bit of work, feeling better about having something on me. It’s like a safety blanket, as fucked up as that sounds. 

I am okay, though. Mostly. I don't have issues like Koda and Samir appear to.

Speaking of Samir, I wish that asshole would answer me. I'd be satisfied with knowing he's all right and not freaking out still. It's no use dwelling on nights like that. Sometimes the pieces never come back and I think that’s a good thing.

Samir probably doesn’t see it that way. He always had a stick up his ass about the way people perceive him. Even Corinne seems at a loss for how to treat him at times. I wouldn't be surprised if he tracks down every last person he talked to that night ‘til the mystery is solved.

I wish I had been able to give him more details about who he went to afterwards, but I was also totally trashed. I hope he either figures it out or lets the whole thing go.

I start packing up my bag because it's about time for my next class. It's writing intensive—all the students are required to take it their first year— it "prepares us to succeed in college" or some bullshit.

I hate writing. A lot. I'm bad at it and always have been. I don't think my skill will get any better than where it is now. I don't have any interest in it, either. I’m more into hands-on work and writing is just boring. That's why I wasn't psyched about college. I knew there would be more writing. More reading. More crap.

I want to try in my classes, but sometimes I feel content with skating by as an average student. Or below average, I guess. 

I try not to think too hard about my future. It seems bleak.

I head out of my dorm and sit in class, listening as the professor begins the lecture. The course is painfully dull as always. They're trying to teach us about avoiding use of the passive voice but I don't even understand what that is. They assign us a short paper that we're supposed to run through some special grammar checking program. Ugh. By the end I feel even stupider.

Class doesn't finish until five and by the time it does I'm pretty fucking hungry. I head to the dining hall and scarf down a few plates of poorly made curry then start back towards my room.

I'm in the stairwell between the second and third floor when I run into Samir. He’s wearing pyjamas, looking exhausted and disgruntled as hell to see me.

"Hey," I say uncomfortably as he attempts to shuffle past me.

He ignores me, so I follow him and grab his shoulder. He shakes me off, turning around and shoving me away. "What?" he asks, sounding sharp.

"I was just saying hi," I point out, mirroring his snarky tone.

He pushes a few strands of wavy hair out of his face and then crosses his arms, eying me. "Well, don't."

"What the fuck is your deal?" I ask, getting irritated. "I haven't seen you all week. No one has."

"I'm sick!" he points out tersely. "Not that it's any of your fucking business."

He looks livid and I have no idea why.

"Hey, did you ever find out what happened that night?" I decide to pry.

His jaw tightens. "No. I have no idea."

That's probably why he's so mad. I bet he's embarrassed.

"I think you were worried for nothing," I tell him in an attempt to be reassuring, "I'll let you know if I can remember anything else about what you said or were doing that night."

"That's fine," Samir snaps. "I'm not thinking about that anymore. It was a whole week ago and it's not a big deal."

Jeez, well he could have fooled me.

"That seems out of character for you.”

"Well, you don't know me very well, then, do you?" he sneers.

"Well, I'd know you if you let me know you."

He looks totally disinterested. 

I’ve known Samir for years and he’s always given me a hard time. I don't feel like I gave him any reason for it, so I can't let it go.

"No thanks," he says to me.

"Your loss, then. I'm good company."

"Doubt it. You're just full of shit.”

Jeez, ouch. This guy can't say one nice thing. This time when he turns around, I let him leave. It takes every ounce of self-control I have not to punch him in the back of his fucking stuck-up head and send him falling down the nearest flight of stairs.

In my room, I decide to throw on some comfier clothes and do a little bit of reading for my coursework. I don't get too much done since I'm beginning to feel pretty tired already. After reading a few chapters, I decide that that's enough for one night.

I open my laptop and watch some shit on Netflix before turning in early.