Being a freshman, my first impression leaves a mark. That’s what Charlotte said. She’s the one who helped me dress up today, “Does it really matter? In high school it doesn’t matter.” I complain. 

“In high school it’s okay but you are still attracted to whatever you’re wearing!” she said while we were video chatting. 

My eyes narrow while looking at myself in the human sized mirror, “Attracted?” Asking her the same question, “Am I?” 

She shook her head while her eyes looked at me in disbelief, “You really have no idea, do you?” 

“Okay. This is it. I have to go now, bye!” 

I ended the call and then before I left my room, I took a deep breath. My phone vibrates and I look at it. She texted me, I’m helping you to get a boyfriend.

I just smirked and rolled my eyes. 

“Athena!” aunt Sandra shouted and it means we’re off to go. 

“Coming!” 

I realized, aunt Sandra will be my guardian. Ugh, this is a big adjustment for me, and I thought it would be so easy, but I was wrong. She has so many rules in this house and since his husband is a lawyer, I have to obey her or else I will sleep on the street. It’s not that they are strict, but they are protecting their dignity and values. The other day, she talked to me when I got home late at night like 12a.m? 

That’s the time I met her husband. Well, I was just bored, and I wanted to explore London, so I thought it would be nice to go alone and nothing happened to me. She strictly said to me in a manner that I should be home by 10p.m. if I happen to go out and tell her or text her if where I would be. Etiquette is what’s important for them. 

It doesn’t offend me because she's like dad, but the difference is, she’s my guardian and if something happens to me, it will be her fault. 

Since I was just temporarily staying here, I should get along. God, this is frustrating. I was used to going out without telling anyone because all of my brothers were not coming home for like a month or so, and they were busy with their lives. My father was also busy, but he keeps track of me so he’s the one that I was talking to and my younger brother. 

And since I don’t have a mother, how should I treat her? 

We were just quiet all the way to our school. She dropped off her son first then I smiled at him, and he just ignored me. 

I was wondering…

...what it feels like to have a mother again? It seems I forgot. 

“You alright?” 

I just pretended not to hear her and maybe she noticed that I had earphones, so she didn’t talk to me again. When I feel I don’t want to talk, I always have earphones in my ear without music. I thought my life here was going to be easy but, it's all in my head and I started to feel empty. 

Adjustment is freaking killing me! That’s why I’m not home for the past few days. I was just walking at night and chilling. Sometimes, I was at the club and jerks approached me. I just need peace of mind! 

I was on my way to the building for my class when suddenly, I was hit by a rock! I mean, a taller man. 

“Sorry. I’m so sorry!” He has a deep voice, and it gives me chills. 

I glance at him and I look down to get my things, “It’s alright. I didn’t see you.” He helped me to get my things. 

“Are you... an architecture student?” he asked. My eyes widened and I grabbed my sketchpad from him. 

“Um... freshman.” I said and hid it behind my back. 

He smiles with dimples, “I guess we're in different courses. Um, my name’s Noah. What’s your name?” 

“I have to go. I’m going to be late.” I said then I walked fast to the entrance, but I heard him saying, 

“Nice to meet you, miss architect.” 

I just entered the classroom and phew! I’m not late. After the class, I noticed that someone was glancing at me for the whole period! He has tan skin, green eyes, and blonde hair. I just ignore it and I leave the room. After my class today, I ended up in a café. I look at my watch and it’s 3p.m. I took a deep breath because I don’t want to go home yet. 

So, I entered the café and approached the counter. As I was choosing my coffee, a familiar voice talked to me. I look at him and he is smiling at me. Oh god, h-he is that guy! 

“Wait, are you following me?” I narrowed my eyes on him. He looked amused by my question, and I realized as I’m looking at his clothes and a name tag, I almost slapped my face because of embarrassment. He is smiling at me because of my reaction, “Um... okay, one spanish latte, please.” I gave him my card and after I ordered, he was still smiling. What’s wrong with him? He immediately serves my order on my table, “Excuse me. I didn’t order this.” 

“It’s on the house.” he just said. 

“What...?” I just murmured to myself because he already left. 

After I spent an hour here, I didn’t notice the time. It's already seven in the evening. I lost track of time. I should go home, maybe they are worried about me. I finished my coffee, but I didn’t eat the food that guy gave me. Ugh, I’m hungry and it looks delicious so I ate it anyway and when I finished it, there’s a green note under it. 

Your drawings are amazing! 

I looked around for him, but I don't see him anymore. Did he finish his work? I didn’t notice that he was looking at my drawings when he served. Did he see it? 

I just got home, and I heard them laughing in the dining room. I sneak a peek to see the family of aunt Sandra. They’re perfect. They are a happy family. 

Aunt Sandra looked at my direction and she smiled at me, “Come here. Have you eaten?” 

I walk towards them then I look at their food.

They are already finished so I said, “I already ate. I will go to my room.” smiling and holding my tears. 

What is this? 

Maybe I just miss my family. 

Maybe... I just need a rest. 

Maybe...

I sit down on the floor and scroll on my phone.

I miss her...

I miss talking to her. I miss her singing, laughing, and her stories. 

The gallery is full of memories of my mom. I was staring at this picture of us in the hospital bed. She covered her head with a scarf because she was insecure that she was not beautiful anymore and she was smiling here like I was her life. 

I can’t hold my tears anymore and it falls from my eyes like water. 

She was my life. 

And that life was dead. 

What life is now I’m holding on to? 

***

Every day, this is the routine of my life here. School, home, walks at night. I just miss my best friend more because she’s the only one I always talk to. My father and Damon, sometimes we talked. And then one day, Jeremy talks to me which surprised me, though we are just the two of us here in this big house.

We were in the living room when he showed me his drawing. Since I don’t have a class today, aunt Sandra told me to take care of Jeremy because his nanny was sick. 

“Do they look like my parents?” he asked innocently. 

I look at his drawing then I flash a smile and nod at him. But it seems he is sad with my reaction. Why is that? Is there something wrong?

“Why are you sad?” I asked him. He just glanced at me with a sad mouth. Then, I just shrugged because it seems he ignored me again— 

“My classmates said they look like a hoodlum.” 

I wanted to laugh out loud, but I just laughed in my mind because he’s still young. He may have misunderstood me. 

“It doesn't matter what they think. Don’t believe in them. Believe in yourself.” I told him and he smiled at me which I choked because this is the first time he smiled at me. 

Now, he pointed to his mom and dad and their big house. I smiled widely when he thought of me. Now, he is drawing me in that cute sketchbook. In my four weeks that I spent here, I finally feel happy. I don’t know why but he made me feel that I’m not alone anymore. We talked this whole time and I just realized that Jeremy was very talkative. He talks about school and his mom. I almost stopped him from talking because he was a very smart kid to know those terms. 

I know that he heard those terms from his mom, but, it’s a sensitive matter that a child like him cannot understand even if his mom explained it to him. Maybe it’s a good thing that I’m here because if aunt Sandra has sessions here, I will take Jeremy out of this house. 

***

I was sitting on a bench in front of a statue while waiting for my next class. I was reading my favorite novel and I was distracted because of a pair of two eyes that were looking at me. I looked up and to my surprise, that guy from the café was looking at me and he smiled at me. I just stared at him and wondered, what does he want? 

Am I wearing ugly? 

I was wearing a pair of jeans, a white turtleneck, combat boots and a cream coat. We stared at each other, and it seemed neither of us wanted to break it until his friend called him out. His friend called his name, and he broke up the staring contest with me. I raised an eyebrow and just shrugged it off.

That’s weird. 

I just sat down for my next class and here we go again. A pair of two eyes is watching me. What’s with this day? 

I pretended to listen to music from my phone and I was surprised when he took my earphones and listened to it. 

He smirked at me and he said, "I knew it.” A British accent. Though, I’m not attracted to him but his voice is what I’m attracted to, “Don’t worry. It’s also what I’ll do when I just want to ignore things around me.” 

I scoff, “I was listening to music, but it interrupted when you took it. Anyway, who are you?” 

He flashed a smile, and it seems he is waiting for this moment, “Sorry for being rude, name’s Thomas.” 

Ugh, I think I know why those two guys were approaching me. College was fun. But, wild? I think I will experience it in the next few days because the party for freshmen will begin.