The Woman with No Surname

LUO FAN

When I opened my eyes, I saw a shadow looming over me. It was a familiar scene.

“Li Yao?” I whispered faintly.

“My name is Jinjing,” a female voice replied.

I froze.

A woman?

It was the first time I had come this close to a woman, and I was even in bed. It was very inappropriate.

I tried to get up but my chest tightened.

“Lie down,” the woman said. “Don’t get up. You’re still weak.”

I lay back down and tried to relax. “Forgive me. It was inappropriate of me to meet you in such a way.”

“What do you mean?”

I did not know how to explain. I had been told by the elders in Frost Mountain that when meeting a woman, I should be dressed well and greet her with a confident stance. In short, I should display the demeanor and appearance of a real gentleman.

“How do you feel?” the woman asked, forgetting about her previous question.

“I’m fine,” I replied, even though I felt like vomiting still. I didn’t want to manifest any sign of weakness. It wasn’t appropriate. A man should be strong in the presence of a woman and not frail.

“Are you hungry?” she asked again.

I was starving, but I did not think I was capable of taking in any food, not while I felt like throwing up.

“You should try to eat something,” she said without waiting for my answer. “Let’s start with soup.”

I watched her shadow move away and disappear. When she returned, she sat at the side of the bed, facing me.

I flushed. I did not think it was appropriate for a man and a woman to be this close and alone in a room, but how should I say it?

“You have been unconscious for two days,” she said.

I almost gasped in surprise. “It’s that long?”

“Yes. I found you on the street on my way home the other night. You had nothing with you, so I supposed you’ve been robbed.”

I did not answer. It was embarrassing to admit that they had stolen away the only money I had and now I had nothing to fend for myself with.

“Here,” she said and I caught the smell of corn soup right before my nose. She was trying to feed me. “Open your mouth.”

I was too embarrassed to oblige. “I’ll try to eat on my own.”

“The physician told me to keep you flat on the bed for one more day,” she replied. “You cannot eat on your own while in that position. I can only feed you.”

“It’s not proper.”

“What do you mean?”

“It’s not proper for a man to be fed by a woman who is not his wife. It’s degrading to a man’s pride, and I’m afraid I might taint your good reputation.”

She laughed. “Don’t worry, I don’t have any good reputation. I’m just a prostitute.”

I was dumbfounded.

“Or does that degrade your man’s pride even more?”

“I didn’t mean it that way,” I quickly replied. “The pride I meant was a man’s pride against weakness.”

“Alright. If you really don’t mind a prostitute feeding you, open your mouth.”

Although it felt even more awkward, I obeyed and she gently thrust the spoon into my mouth. As the warm fluid flowed down my throat, I coughed.

“Are you alright?” she asked anxiously.

“I’m fine,” I replied and coughed again.

Eventually, I stopped coughing and she continued to feed me.

“There you go,” she said after a few more spoonfuls.

“Thank you,” I whispered. It was not much, but it was all that my stomach could handle for now.

“You’re welcome.”

“You said earlier that your name is Jinjing? What about your surname?”

“I don’t have a surname. My father had disowned me when he learned about my job, so I had dropped my surname off so as not to give further shame to my family.”

“Is that really your job? Are you not just humoring me?”

She laughed. “Why should I humor you? Why should I lie?”

“Because you’re very nice to me. You’re the only person who has bothered to give me a hand, while the rest had just passed by me as if they had not noticed anything. You’re a good person.”

She sighed. “Do you think that prostitutes are not good persons?”

I was unable to answer at once. “My apologies. Maybe I lacked some understanding of life in the city. I was raised in a remote place where women are scarce, so forgive my lack of sensibility.”

“I see. So you’re one of those naïve young men who have come to the city in hope of a better life.”

It wasn’t exactly like that, but I could not tell her the truth. I had promised myself that once I arrived here, I’d forget about my past. “I should have known better.”

She sighed again. “I understand. I had that same notion when I arrived here. I thought life here would be a lot easier than in the province. I ended up being a prostitute instead. I learned the hard way.”

“You can always go back.”

“Even if I want to, my family will no longer accept me.”

“I’m sorry.”

“I’ve actually stopped being a prostitute three years ago already, but you know, once you become one, there’s no escaping it. People will always see me as a prostitute no matter how many years pass.”

“I don’t see you as one. I see you as a noble woman.”

She laughed, and then she cried, which made me confused. If only I could see the expression in her eyes, then I would probably understand what she really felt. “You are a very nice man. I don’t regret taking you in. What’s your name, by the way?”

“You may call me Fan.”

“Fan… What about surname?”

“Like you, I had also dropped my surname.”

She laughed again, louder this time. “Alright. Since I didn’t tell you my surname, I will not insist on asking yours. But it’s good to meet a good man like you. It’s really rare nowadays.”

“I’m pleased to meet a nice woman too. You’re the first woman I had a conversation with… honestly.”

She gasped, and then she laughed again. “Young man, you have a lot of things to get used to if you want to make it in this city. Don’t worry, when you get better, I’ll show you around.”

“I can’t possibly bother you that long.”

“Don’t worry about it. It’s not like you have anywhere to go anyway.”

Hot flushes crept all over my face.

She was right. Where else could I go?

“You’ve probably spent a lot for me,” I said. “I’ll make it up to you when I get better.”

“I’ll be expecting that, so you’d better recover quickly so you can make it up to me, okay?”

I forced out a smile. I really wished I could see her face. “You must be very beautiful.”

“Me? No, no. I’m too plain to look at. You’re way more beautiful than I am.”

“How could you call a man beautiful?”

“But you are beautiful. You have a very gentle face. Calling you handsome does not give you justice.”

I had more to tell her, but then suddenly, I vomited again. I quickly turned to the side so I would not dirty the bed.

All the soup that Jinjing had so patiently and carefully fed me with, ended up splattered down the floor.

“I’m sorry,” I whispered as I lay on my back.

“That’s alright.” She wiped the corners of my mouth with a cloth. “Take this medicine.” She placed the medicine inside my mouth. I even felt her finger lightly touch my lip.

It briefly froze me, but then I shouldn’t put any malice into it, not while she was doing her best to help a stranger like me, even if she knew she had nothing to get in return.

But I was relieved. This city was not as bad as I had initially thought it was.

As long as there were people like Jinjing, there was still hope for humanity.