"What did you think of Manao?" asked Fah.

"She's polite, attractive in a small-town way...a bit boring though."

"Boring?" Fah's eyes widened and his mouth hung open.

"Well, I didn't spend much time with her. She only made small talk and kept a fake smile on her face. I could lie and say she's fantastic, but we decided to be honest from now on. If she's the one for you, wonderful, I'll stand by you. I hope you don't regret it. She better be amazing in bed because I can't imagine spending the rest of your life with her otherwise."

"I wouldn't know. We haven't had sex."

"Wait, what? How does that happen? Didn't you say you've been dating her for three years?" Lom ran his hand through his hair and stared, unblinking. 

"She asked me out the first week of school. I didn't want to say no and hurt her feelings, so we went out to dinner." Fah smiled at the memory. "She informed me between dinner and dessert that she would not have sex until marriage. After she told me that I relaxed. Soon we were viewed as the perfect couple on campus and everyone, including Manao, expected us to marry."

What Fah didn't admit was secretly he had hoped he would fall in love with her and the feelings he'd had for Lom in high school would disappear. He thought he had succeeded until Lom's arrival. Nervous about seeing him again, he had first changed his clothes, fixed his hair, and used cologne before cleaning the apartment. Manao would be horrified to discover he'd only invited her to dinner to act as a buffer. 

"You haven't had sex with her and you're talking about marrying her? What's wrong with you? You do know not everyone is talented in bed, don't you? Some people aren't interested in sex. You wouldn't buy a car without taking it for a test drive, and you only keep a car for about five years. You're willing to spend the rest of your life with someone who might hate sex? Or suck at it? Do you like sex?"

"I'm not sure. I don't want to think about it right now if that's alright with you."

"Sure, no problem, I'll drop it. I'm worried about you, that's all." Lighting another cigarette, Lom lay down on the sand and gazed at the night sky. Fah laid down next to him.

"Remember when we used to go up on the roof and look at the stars?" asked Fah.

"Yeah, you knew every constellation and got mad when I couldn't remember any of them," said Lom. "I still can't tell you what's up there."

"It's okay. Knowing the constellations never helped me in life."

They turned and faced each other. Their eyes locked and Fah's heart began to beat faster. He pictured himself reaching out and pulling Lom in for a kiss. Once he realized what he'd been thinking he became paranoid that somehow Lom could read his mind. Quickly he looked back up at the sky. 

"Do you think you could escape the family business if we ran away together?" He turned to face Lom.

"What? Now you want to be my knight in shining armor and save me? Nothing can save me. I'm my father's son. As I said, if I tried to leave, I'd either be killed by another family or my own. Dad might love me but if I betray him, or the organization, if he doesn't put out a hit out on me one of our cousins would."

"What if we went to America? We would be safe."

"How will we go there without Dad finding out we plan to leave? Even if we make it there, we'll be killed in one of those mass shootings they have every day—you know our luck."

"Okay, not America. How about Sweden or Norway?"

"Too cold."

"South America?"

"We don't speak Spanish or Portuguese."

"Europe?"

"Maybe."

"Maybe?" Fah's voice became hopeful. He stared at Lom. "Would you run away with me to Europe?"

"No." 

Fah sat up but his shoulders drooped. He focused his gaze on the sand around him. His mouth moved as if to speak but then stopped. 

"Fah, you are getting a law degree. You have a future. Sure, Dad expects you to repay his kindness by taking care of the family's legal affairs but you have the potential to have more than the family as a client and make the move to become legitimate. If we ran away together, what would you do? You've never worked, you have no skills. Neither of us has the money to pay for you to go to school in another country. Face it, we're stuck here."

Fah hung his head so that his hair hid his eyes, pissed at himself that he seemed on the verge of tears. He couldn't bear the thought of Lom dying. Lom had been his safe place for so long. Although they'd been distant the past few years, he was sure that he could always turn to him for help if things became unbearable. Lom sat up next to him.

"Hey, Fah, don't think about it. It's okay. I'm not going to die. I'll probably outlive you since you'll be spending your life sitting on your ass reading books and working on a computer. I'll be getting exercise at work and going to the gym. Don't worry, it'll all be fine." He threw an arm around Fah's shoulders and gazed at the sea again. 

Fah leaned his head on Lom's shoulder and sighed. "Okay, fine. I'll try to accept it but only if you promise to visit me every weekend."

"Every weekend? That's a bit much. I do have a life of my own."

"Okay, every other weekend."

"How about once a month? Dad still has me working some weekends. When I collect money from working people, weekends are the only time I can find some of them at home."

"Don't you feel sorry for them?" asked Fah.

"I don't think about them. I can't or I wouldn't be able to do my job. I follow my orders. I remind them to pay back what they borrowed."

"Sometimes it isn't that people are refusing to pay but are unable to." Fah couldn't understand how Lom was willing to physically hurt these people.

"If you plan on being a lawyer for our family, you'll deal with much worse than this. You better start hardening your heart now. Sympathy isn't permitted in our world, you hear me? If you start feeling sorry for people, someone is going to hurt you or kill you."

"Please don't become like that, Lom. You're a good person. I don't want you to turn into someone like...Ton." They both fell silent and stared at each other. Once again Fah's desire to kiss Lom was strong.

Lom noticed Fah staring at him. What would Fah say if he learned he'd come on their parent's orders? It would undoubtedly hurt his feelings that he hadn't come of his own volition. Now that he was here, he was glad. Things were comfortable again with Fah. Or they had been, until now. 

Why did he want to kiss Fah? Not only did he want to kiss him, but he wanted to throw him on the sand, rip his clothes off, and fuck the hell out of him. Aware that a part of his body was beginning to give away his desire, he reached out and tousled Fah's hair and stood. 

"Come on, let's go back to your place; the mosquitos are biting the hell out of me."

Back at the condo, Fah went to take a shower before going to bed. He came out in a towel to grab something to sleep in. It was Lom's turn to be startled. Fah did not have the pudgy little belly he'd imagined someone sitting in a classroom all day would have. Fah's body was toned and taut. He squatted down to get something and the muscle definition in his thighs and calves was clear. Fah resembled a professional tennis player more than a student.

"Do you work out? You look like you're in great shape as well."

"I play football with some friends in my faculty and I swim every day at the pool. I do 50 laps each day. It helps me de-stress from all of the studying and exams."

"I forgot there was a pool here. I remember when you used to pester Dad all the time to let you swim at home."

"Yeah, he always said no because no one would watch me. He and Nara were always too busy with their own things to make sure I didn't drown. And you were never around."

"Hey, that's not fair. I would have come sometimes but Dad said I wasn't to be trusted because I'd be on the phone with someone and forget to pay attention to you. Although honestly, I hardly spoke with anyone on my phone."

"That's true. I don't think I ever saw you talk on your phone unless it was Nara or Ton calling. Whenever you got a text you never replied, you'd get up and leave. By the way, who was texting you all the time?"

"Nobody worth remembering. I'm tired, let's go to sleep." Lom yawned and laid down in bed.

"I can sleep on the air mattress by the way, if you want to stretch out."

"Fah, sleep in the damn bed. Turn off the light too, I'm tired." Fah clambered into bed, turned off the light, and said goodnight.  He started giggling.

"Why are you laughing?"

"I feel like I'm 12 again, back when we shared a room. Remember how we stayed up talking all night every night."

"Not that I didn't love those days, and another time we can stay up all night, but I have to sleep. I'm not trying to be rude but I'm exhausted. Okay? Sweet dreams you idiot."