Several hours later Fah stood outside a brothel, his pocket full of money. He withdrew cash at an ATM so as not to leave a money trail. He envied his friends who came here with each other; coming alone was embarrassing. Plus, he wasn’t exactly sure what to say or do. 

Once inside a girl greeted him. He smiled but said nothing. She teased him playfully and then another woman came out and asked him about his interests. Too embarrassed to speak he remained silent. 

Realizing it must be his first time, the woman guided him through the steps, asked all the pertinent questions, and suggested a girl for him. He took a look at her and agreed. He paid and followed the girl upstairs. 

Once it was the two of them alone in the room, he thought he’d be relieved to be out of the public eye of the lobby. Instead, his stress increased. She sweet-talked him and sat down next to him. She seemed kind and if they were anywhere else, he would never have believed she was a sex worker. 

Finally, he admitted to being a virgin, adding that he had no idea what to do. Dara introduced herself and told him to relax. She ran her hand up and down his arm and with her other hand she stroked the inside of his thigh, working her way up. Leaning close to him she kissed his neck a few times. 

Fah's body did not respond. Nor did his mind. He had no desire to be with this girl even though he tried thinking of things to arouse him. Unfortunately, her touch, her breath on his neck, her constant cooing and talking to him, he couldn’t pretend to be anywhere but here with Dara. After thirty minutes Dara stopped. 

“Honey, I hate to admit defeat, but it's obvious when a man isn’t interested in a good time with me. Maybe you want a different kind of girl? I can talk to the boss, and you can switch if that’ll make you happy.”

“No, thanks. It’s not you Dara, it’s me. I wasn’t sure if I liked girls or not, so I needed to try.”

“Well honey, why didn’t you say that in the first place? I thought maybe you were on some medication that kept your log from catching fire. If I knew you were testing the waters, I would have stopped a long time ago. We have clients like you quite often.”  

“You do?” 

“Oh yeah. Especially near graduation time. All those boys who’ve spent their days at the university dating other boys but now realize their parents expect them to marry and have children? Those boys come here to see if they can please their parents.”

“Can they?”

“Some can. I mean, they can physically do it. Is their heart in it? No. I feel bad for them and the girls they’ll marry because that’s two people who will never experience true love or passion. It’s not my job to tell them what to do, only to help them discover what they desire.” 

“I’m sorry I wasted your time.” Fah regretted making Dara have to work hard for nothing.

“Don’t feel sorry for me! Hell, you paid for an hour, so we still have thirty minutes to relax if you want.”

“I’m going to leave, but thanks anyway. I appreciate your help and what you told me.”

“Honey, you’re gay. Make me proud and go find yourself an amazing man who will take care of you. Then come back here with him and stop in to say hi! You don’t have to pay, just let me know all went well with you and I’ll be happy.” 

She patted him on the shoulder and smiled. Dara appeared to be his age, but she had comforted him the way a mother would.

“Bye Dara, thanks again. Take care of yourself, you’re a pretty special person.” 

They hugged goodbye and Dara returned to the room to relax before her next client. Descending the long staircase to the lobby, Fah relaxed and smiled to himself.

I wonder what my friends would think if they knew I couldn’t get it up at the whore house and that made me happy?

That thought made him laugh. Now he had one answer.  Another remained: was he gay? Or something else? He felt pretty sure he was gay, but he thought perhaps he liked Lom because they had always had a close relationship. He had never desired other men. He often noticed handsome men but that was for self-comparison.

The front door opened, and he swore he saw Lom enter and disappear around a corner. Reaching the bottom of the stairs he felt a hand on his shoulder. Turning around he found himself face-to-face with Lom.

“You told me how in love you and Manao are, that you’re waiting for your wedding night to have sex, and I find you here?” 

“You’re here as well. What gives you the right to criticize me?” Each hated to think of the other having sex with anyone else. 

Fah realized at that moment he had sexual feelings for Lom. Everything Dara tried to incite upstairs began to take effect as he gazed into Lom's eyes and felt Lom's hand on his shoulder. He bit his lip and dug the fingers of his left hand into his right palm to quell any...growing.

“I’m here collecting money. Our family owns this place but don’t think you’ll receive a discount if you’re a regular here. You shouldn’t be seen here at all.” 

“Why not?” 

“Aren’t you studying law? Aren’t you at the top of the class? What if something happened and people found out you were a regular here?” 

“Why do you keep saying I’m a regular here? This was my first time.” 

“Yeah, right. That’s what anyone would say if they were recognized here.” 

“No, I’m serious. Tonight was my first time.” 

“Why did you come here tonight? Why was tonight different?” 

“Can we talk about this somewhere else?” 

“Sure, let me finish my business here and we can get a drink.”

Lom finished his business at the brothel and gave Fah a ride since he'd come by taxi. They dropped the money off at another location and then headed to a nearby gay bar Lom frequented. He didn’t tell Fah what kind of bar it was. Instead, he said nothing and waited.

Inside there was a bar surrounded by tables and tables surrounded by semi-circular cushioned booths. The bar area was brightly lit but it was dim everywhere else. Through an open doorway, you could see a darkened dance floor with strobe lights in the next room. Lom walked to a large circular booth in the back. Fah slid in on the other side. 

“So, spill it. What happened to make you cheat on Manao?” 

“Nothing happened. I just wanted sex and she still wanted to wait. I didn’t want to use someone, so I went to a brothel.” 

“C’mon, you two have been together for almost three years. She’s never given in, and you’ve always accepted it. Why did having sex become so urgent?” 

“Who are you, Manao’s father? I don’t know, I wanted to have sex.” 

“Well, I just spent the weekend with you, why didn’t we go have sex?” 

“What?” Fah’s heart began to beat faster, and he dropped his drink. 

“I mean, if you wanted to go to a brothel, I could have taken you instead of hanging out at your dorm.” Lom had noticed Fah’s reaction and tried to figure out what it meant. “Was tonight the first time you ever had sex?” 

“No,” snapped Fah. He wasn’t lying because he hadn’t had sex tonight.

“Oh, who was your first?” 

“Who was your first?”

“We’re talking about you now.” 

“If you want me to answer you, tell me who your first was.” 

“Fine. It was Somchai.” 

“Somchai? The badminton star at high school?” 

“Yes.” 

“He’s a guy.” 

“Yes. I think his penis gave it away,” laughed Lom.

“You had sex with a guy?” Fah was in awe. 

“Shh, not so loud. You might offend someone.” 

“What?” Fah glanced around and realized the place had filled up while they spoke. Men were having fun on the dance floor, while others sat in the other booths kissing. “Is this a gay bar?” 

“Yes.” 

“Oh,” Fah said nothing more.