“Are you shocked that I slept with a guy?” Lom raised an eyebrow and waited for Fah’s reply. 

“Well, yeah. You never told me, and we lived together then. Why didn’t you tell me?" 

“At first I didn't know who I could tell. I felt like if anyone found out I liked guys everyone would avoid me. You were always surrounded by girls so I knew you wouldn't understand. It was pure luck that Somchai hit on me in the locker room. After that, I wasn’t sure how you’d take it. I didn’t want you to hate me or avoid me.” 

“I wouldn’t have hated you. Or avoided you. How could you think I would be like that?” Fah was hurt Lom had had such little faith in him.

“Because  we never hung out together and at school, you were always chatting with girls.” 

“Do you date girls too, or only guys?” 

“Just guys. I had sex with one woman – at the brothel that you were at tonight. We had sex but it just didn’t do anything for me, and I couldn’t, you know, keep the flag flying the whole time. She was nice and said it was common for gay men to try it with the girls there. Anyway, I’ve never been with a girl since.” Lom raised his glass and finished off his drink.

“Oh, wow. I wish you would have told me sooner.” 

“Why? Would you tell our father?” Lom gave Fah a curious stare. “He knows about me already. He isn't happy but at least he stopped trying to fix me up with girls."

“How did he find out?” Fah couldn't believe Ton would accept Lom being gay.

“One of the guys at work was giving me head, someone saw and told Dad,” Lom spoke nonchalantly but his steely look suggested he was still mad about being outed that way. 

“Shit! What did he say?” 

“Dad said he was surprised and I should have told him before. He warned me never to do it again with anyone from the business and to keep my personal life far from the organization.” 

“Wow.” Fah was sad Lom had gone through all of this on his own.

“You sure say wow a lot. What about tonight? Was it everything you had hoped for?” He wished Fah would have been forthcoming about his brothel visit. Now, it seemed, he wouldn't get any answers unless he demanded them.

“No," said Fah, so quietly that it was barely audible.

“What? Who were you with? If she wasn’t any good, we could get rid of her. We don’t need anyone taking up a room that can’t bring in money.”  Lom spoke as a business owner, not as a confidante, and that irritated Fah.

“No, it wasn’t her fault. It was mine.” Fah couldn't meet Lom's eyes so he continued staring at his drink.

“What do you mean?” 

“I mean, I couldn’t do it.” Fah felt humiliated answering Lom's questions.

“Oh, because you were in a brothel?” 

“I don’t think that was the problem.”  

“Because it wasn’t Manao?”  Lom prayed this wasn't the reason as he waited for Fah's reply.

“No, that wasn’t the problem. I think, maybe, that I’m like you.” 

“You like me?” Lom looked shocked and stared at Fah. “I’m your brother. Dad would kill us.” Although he spoke these words, his mind was replaying that morning in bed with Fah.

“I said I am like you.”  He wondered what it meant that Lom was horrified when he thought Fah had said he liked him.

“Oh, sorry, I thought of Dad finding us in bed and couldn’t stop laughing at the shock it would give him.” Fah laughed along half-heartedly. Lom continued, “When you say you are like me, do you mean you like men?” 

“I think so.” 

“Then why have you been with Manao all of this time?” He'd been longing to ask Fah this question.

“I didn’t realize I was this way until recently. She asked me out during freshy week and it became a relationship before I knew it. She’s popular and everyone was jealous of me, so I went along with it. It took away the pressure of having to find a date for different events and the fact that she wanted to wait to have sex made it more comfortable for me. I didn’t know I liked men, I just thought that I wasn’t interested in sex.” 

“What made you realize that you like guys?”  Lom tried posing this question as casually as the others but this was the answer he wanted most.

“There’s one guy who I think of a lot, and not in a platonic way. That made me worry that I might not be the right choice for Manao. I needed to know so I could figure out whether to break up with her or not.”  

“That’s a lot of pressure you’ve put on yourself. It’s a good thing Manao didn’t give in to you tonight. What if she had and then you realized that you didn’t like sex with women? That would have doubly hurt her.” 

“You’re right, I hadn’t thought about that.” Fah felt grateful she had refused him.

“What are you going to do?” asked Lom as casually as possible. 

Fah thought to himself, he's asking what I'm going to do, he doesn't suggest dating him. Is that the answer I've been looking for? Aloud, he said, “I guess I should break it off with her which is going to be hard. She’s a great girl. As friends, we have a lot of fun together.” 

“Yeah, but you need to be honest with her. Hey, you should have sex with a guy just to make sure that is your path. Who is the guy that you like?” 

“I don’t think I should have sex with him. I like him and if it turns out I am gay, I don’t want to have my first time with him. He’s probably very experienced, and I’ll look like a complete idiot.”  Fah couldn't believe Lom had no idea he was speaking about him. 

“If you want a relationship with someone, don’t worry about that. No one’s going to mock your level of experience. Anyway, there’s always going to be someone with more experience out there. That’s not what makes good sex. Good sex is being with someone who listens to what you want, respects that, and shares what they like and don’t like with you.” 

“Yes, father,” Fah said, laughing.

“Father? Fuck you! So, who’s the guy? You still haven’t told me.” Lom was waiting to hear his name. 

“And I won’t.” 

Lom was both curious and jealous. “C’mon, why can’t you tell me? I don’t even go to your university; you can tell me. I probably don’t even know him.” 

“Oh, you do.” 

“I do? Hmm, let me think.” Lom wondered if he was the one that Fah liked. That’s pretty arrogant. Fah saw you one weekend but he has spent three years living among hundreds of other guys, and you still think you’re the one he means? He was about to ask again when they were interrupted.

“Hi, are you two together?” The question came from a handsome guy approximately their age standing at the end of their booth.

“No, we’re not,” Lom said easily. Fah’s expression of surprise when Lom spoke made the outsider laugh. 

“I guess one of you thought you were together. Sorry, I didn’t mean to interrupt.” The handsome stranger made a wai to each of the men in the booth.

“You didn’t. Why don’t you sit and have a drink with us?” Lom patted the seat next to him. 

“Do you mind?” The intruder asked Fah.

“What? No, um, no, I don’t mind. If he wants to get to know you, that’s fine with me.” Fah did his best to sound carefree but didn't quite pull it off.

“My name is Gonmek, just call me Mek,” he said, sliding into the booth. “What are you guys drinking? I’ll buy the next round.” He motioned for the server who came right over and took their order. As he leaned back from speaking with the server, he casually slid closer to Lom. Fah noticed and tried to hide his irritation.

“I’m Lomnaw, and this is Tongfah.” Lom made the introduction while blatantly flirting with Mek. “You can call us Lom and Fah.”

“Nice to meet you two. What are you guys up to tonight?” Mek was upbeat and friendly. Fah wanted to hate him but was having a hard time.

“We’re discussing sexual orientation,” said Lom.  Mek looked surprised. 

“Do you mean you guys are here but aren’t sure what your orientation is?” Mek cocked his head to the side as he waited for a reply. Without being aware of it he'd also crossed his arms.

“I’m definitely in the right place for my orientation,” said Lom. 

“Oh, good. I was afraid you were two straight men and that doesn’t interest me at all. What about you, Fah?” As Mek spoke he unfolded his arms and nonchalantly put the other behind Lom.

Fah remained silent.

How dare Lom do this to me! I was trying to have a personal and difficult discussion with him. He knows I'm trying to figure out my sexual orientation and he decides to invite a stranger to join us! He expects me to tell him my deepest secrets when he still won't talk about that morning, he doesn't tell me anything about his own dating life, and he's flirting nonstop with this Mek guy. Does he like Mek? Is he not interested in being with me? Or is he trying to discourage me from wanting a relationship with him? Does he want me to fight for him? He knows I won't play games. What the hell am I supposed to do? 

Suddenly, Fah realized Mek and Lom were both staring at him. “Oh, what? I’m sorry, I was thinking about something.” Fah felt foolish.

“I asked if you’re straight,” Mek replied.

“I don’t know.” Fah decided to be honest.

“Have you ever been with a girl?” Fah shook his head no.

“No?” Mek began to find Fah intriguing. 

“No.  I’ve been with my girlfriend, Manao, since my first semester of university.”

“What does that mean?” Mek asked.

“Oh, his girl will only give it up on the wedding night,” replied Lom. “Hey, you lied to me. I asked you if tonight was the first night you had sex and you said no! But I just remembered how many girls you dated in high school. Why would you lie to me?”

“I didn’t lie,” Fah said solemnly. 

“What are you talking about?” Mek asked.

“I found him leaving one of the girls’ rooms at a brothel tonight,” Lom spoke as if he had caught him in the middle of committing a crime.

“What was a gay man doing at a brothel?” Mek asked Lom.

“I had to speak to someone that works there. Believe me, I wasn’t there for the ladies. So, what’s the truth, Fah?”

“I didn’t have sex in high school or tonight. I couldn’t get up. I told you that. And I don’t think the reason was because it was a brothel. I think it’s women.” Fah said the last part so quietly that the other two had to lean forward to hear him.

“Have you ever been with a man?” asked Mek.

“No.” Fah was sad, embarrassed, and confused.

“Are you attracted to men? Or women? If not, you could be asexual," said Mek.

“He said there’s a guy he likes but he won’t tell me who,” teased Lom. 

“Really?” Mek stretched the word out, implying he knew the answer.  “There’s a man you like and you’re keeping his identity a secret from your friend?” 

Mek liked to stir things up. He watched Fah begin to blush. Turning to his side he saw Lom looking expectantly at Fah for the man’s name. Mek smiled and winked at Fah. He turned to look at Lom. He couldn’t tell if Lom was oblivious or just pretending to not know.