As Liam’s fingers stroked over that spot again, Cailan found himself suddenly glad of his earlier transgression. If he hadn’t taken the edge off his need, that touch would have undone him completely.

“Okay, okay,” Cailan said as he reached a hand out towards Liam. The word ‘stop’ refused to come out of his mouth, but Liam seemed to get the message anyway. His fingers straightened and stilled.

“Bad or too good?”

“Good,” Cailan breathed. “I think… I think I’m ready.”

“For me?”

Surrender and submission were easy for Cailan. They were comfortable. Nothing was simpler than falling back to them and allowing someone else to take control. Allowing Liam to take control. It was a gift he gave his master, but a burden as well. A demand he placed on Liam’s shoulders time and time again. This time, Liam wasn’t letting Cailan get away with it so easily. He was making him speak for himself.

Cailan held Liam's gaze, nodding as he summoned all the confidence he could muster. “I want to feel you inside of me.”

Liam’s eyebrows leapt up and a slow smile spread across his face. He clearly hadn’t expected Cailan to be so direct, but he didn’t seem to mind. Good. Cailan was still figuring out what he was supposed to be in this moment. Liam seemed to want sincerity, but Cailan wasn’t sure where to look for it within himself—or what shape it might take when he finally found it.

He’d spent the first thirteen years of his life being honed into the perfect Companion, and though Liam had never demanded much of him, he had seemed to find charm in the sweet submission that was Cailan’s bread and butter. Cailan wasn't quite sure who he was beyond those familiar boundaries.

The sensation of Liam's fingers slipping out left Cailan feeling strangely empty. His body, to his surprise, seemed eager for more. The initial discomfort had given way to a pleasurable fullness, and now its absence was almost disappointing.

Even so, as Liam pressed the oiled tip of his cock against Cailan’s entrance, Cailan found himself tensing.

Liam stroked the exposed back of Cailan’s thigh. “You’re okay.” He hesitated. “Are you okay?”

Cailan nodded, but the smile he forced wavered slightly. "I'm okay. Just... a bit nervous, I suppose."

“Nervous is okay. We all are, our first time,” Liam reassured him. “I just want to make sure that nervousness doesn’t turn into fear.”

Cailan gave a firm shake of his head. “I’m not afraid of you. Not even a tiny bit. I just want this to go well.”

“Cailan…” Liam said, a sigh escaping his lips as he sat back. “Good doesn’t have to be perfect, okay? Put those ideas out of your mind. Our life together has been a rocky road from the start, but it’s beautiful and it’s ours. This should be no different. This is us, together, and it doesn’t matter what happens because just sharing this experience with you is what makes it precious. I want the real you. Nothing else.”

Cailan felt something shift inside him, a wall beginning to crumble. He managed a genuine smile. "Make me forget to pretend."

Liam laughed. “I’ll take that challenge,” he murmured, leaning in close again. “Let’s shatter that pretty mask of yours.”

This time when Liam aligned his cock with Cailan’s entrance, he pressed forward. The tight ring of muscle resisted at first, but then Cailan drew in a sharp breath as his body opened up and Liam pushed in. His cock was a little thicker than two fingers, and certainly longer, though he wasn’t fully enveloped within Cailan yet. Cailan breathed slowly as he fought to relax, to accept the intrusion.

Liam drew in a deep breath, muscles tense as he held himself still. “How does it feel?”

“It feels… not bad,” Cailan said as he tried to think of a way to describe the sensation of being stretched without calling it pain. It did hurt, in a sense, but he didn’t want Liam to stop. But he also didn’t want to be dishonest. “It’s a… tight feeling.”

Liam huffed out a breath, a hint of a smile playing on his lips. "You're telling me," he murmured, his voice husky with desire.

Cailan bit his lip, trying to articulate the sensations coursing through him. "It feels... achy? Burny?"

“Does it hurt?”

Cailan looked away. That was the question he had hoped Liam wouldn’t ask. “Not in a bad way.”

"Mm." Liam's hand moved to Cailan's thigh, rubbing soothing circles. “I think I know what you mean. It's like the ache in your muscles the day after heavy exercise. Not all pain is the same. That achy, burny feeling—that’s okay, in moderation. But you need to tell me if it isn't, or if the pain starts to feel sharp. Okay?"

Cailan nodded. “Okay.”

Liam shifted his position, leaning forward over Cailan so that he could press a kiss to his lips, slow and gentle. The shock of the initial penetration had deflated Cailan’s erection, but he could feel it stirring back to attention now as Liam’s lips moved against his.

What would happen if Cailan finished first? Would that be a problem? He has a vague memory of lessons, of learning about sex from a book that was shockingly dry given the subject matter, and he was fairly sure that had been on the list of things not to do. Was that for a practical reason, though, or was it simply disrespectful in the same way as a slave eating before his master would be disrespectful?

"Cailan," Liam's voice broke through his thoughts, pulling Cailan back to the present. Liam had ended their kiss moments ago, and now his eyes searched Cailan's face intently. "I lost you for a second there."

“Sorry,” Cailan murmured. “I was trying to remember my lessons. What they said about—this. It was a long time ago.”

“Whatever your teachers had to say on the matter is better forgotten. Do you think any of them had even tried it themselves?”

Cailan paused, considering. All of his teachers had been women. It was possible they had tried this, but they hadn’t spoken on the topic with any real enthusiasm or expertise.

“Probably not,” Cailan admitted.

A warm smile spread across Liam's face. “Then you’re already more experienced than they were.” His hand slid down to cup the back of Cailan's neck, sending a shiver down his spine. "Focus on me. Focus on what you can feel and smell and taste."

He punctuated the last with a kiss, and Cailan focussed on the taste of his lips, the smell of arousal that permeated the air, the heat of Liam’s body above his and the intensity where their bodies joined. Liam rocked his hips forward, establishing a slow, gentle rhythm as he pushed in and pulled out.

Cailan took a deep breath, letting his eyes drift shut as he immersed himself in the sensation of being filled. He had long since abandoned any assumptions that this would be painful or frightening, but even so, he never could have imagined the sheer intensity of what he was experiencing now. Even the feeling of Liam’s body, flushed and sweaty against his, was entirely new.

And then Liam lifted Cailan’s hips, his cock brushing that sensitive little spot within him, and Cailan’s back arched as pleasure lanced through him. When he managed to crack his eyes open, Liam gave him a smile and thrust forward against that spot again.

Everything melted away. All that mattered was more, more, more, and Liam gave it to him. The slow, gentle adjustment period was over, and now they were having sex. Now they were fucking. 

Liam lifted Cailan’s hips higher, hitching them over his shoulders as he deepened his thrusts. Cailan had gone into this thinking that all he wanted to do was put on a good performance and please Liam. Now, though he was very much basking in the intensity of Liam’s arousal, his own need burned just as bright. 

He felt Liam swell inside of him, his hips jerking sharply as he buried himself deep. As the heat of Liam’s release filled Cailan, a flood of electric warmth that filled every other part of him came with it. In the same moment, Liam reached for Cailan’s cock, pumping it roughly as he dragged him that last little bit further into oblivion. Cailan drew in a sharp breath, pleasure gripping him as he felt warm liquid hit his stomach.

Cailan went limp, boneless, exhausted, and absolutely buzzing with energy all at once. The electric feeling within him made him almost want to fidget, but a deeper contentment held him still.

As Liam withdrew, Cailan felt a warm wetness. He watched through half-lidded eyes as Liam retrieved a soft cloth from his bag and began to tenderly clean them both. A whisper of ingrained duty urged Cailan to take over, but he resisted. Instead, he surrendered to Liam's gentle ministrations. The excess magic humming through his body could clean the sheets later; for now, allowing himself to be cared for felt right.

Liam discarded the cloth and settled beside Cailan. He propped himself up on one elbow, his gaze soft and searching as it roamed Cailan's face. "How are you feeling?"

"Mm," Cailan managed, a lazy smile curving his lips. "Good."

A slow, tender smile spread across Liam's face. He reached out, his thumb gently caressing the underside of Cailan's chin. “There you are," Liam murmured, his eyes filled with wonder. “I see you in glimpses. My boy. Or…” He hesitated. “Not my boy. Just you.”

“All of me is your boy.”

"Maybe," Liam allowed. "But in a different way, perhaps. A truer one, where our bond isn't secured by legal ownership, but by something far more precious—and far more fragile."

“Are you the one feeling insecure now?” Cailan teased.

Liam laughed. "Maybe," he admitted, "but I don't need you to soothe away the feeling. Not every anxiety is senseless. The emotion exists for a reason. Sometimes we need it to keep us safe."

Cailan wasn’t sure of the exact nature of Liam’s anxiety, but he found himself nodding anyway. He’d honed and sharpened his own anxiety, using it to keep him alert. A military camp was no place for a pretty Companion to be careless.

"You are mine, Cailan," Liam continued, his voice taking on a more serious tone. "And that's a great honour, but mostly it's a responsibility. You are completely reliant on me and you always will be. You cannot leave me no matter how much you want to. And I know you’ll say that you don’t want to, and I do believe you, but it’s a terrifying concept. I’m sure I don’t need to tell you that. I’m sure it was at the forefront of your mind when I left you alone and feeling unwanted in that cold, empty room when you were thirteen.”

"You were fifteen," Cailan reminded him gently, "and a lot further from a man than you thought you were. I was devastated, but there are better feet to lay the blame for that at."

“Mm,” Liam agreed. “It used to always be my father my mind would go to in that regard, but that was just more of me being small-minded and self-centred. There were people who bred you as though you were a fine horse, people who raised you from the day you were born for this purpose. They're still out there, still doing the same things. I'm not fool enough to run off and try to extract revenge, risking you in the process, but the thought of those people settles in my stomach like a rock."

“Perhaps it’s better to put it out of mind? You can’t change it.”

“Perhaps,” Liam conceded. “But I don’t think I can. For a while, I thought we could find a kind of peace with what you were, and that would be enough. I’ve come to realise that it never can be. No matter how perfect our relationship is, it won’t change how others look at you. How they treat you. It won’t change the vulnerable path you walk through life. I’m not sure how to find peace with that, and I think perhaps the answer is that I shouldn’t.”

Cailan's hand moved to Liam's jaw, feeling the rough stubble beneath his fingertips. “I don’t want you to be sad. That won’t change anything.”

“Not sad,” Liam corrected, watching Cailan’s face with an intensity that made it hard to hold his gaze. “Simply… aware. There is a burden that rests heavy on your shoulders, and I intend to share it. At least insofar as I can. We are bound together for life. To not share in that pain would be to let circumstances be all that holds us together. I hope the love between us can be what matters more.”

Cailan felt a wave of exhaustion wash over him, years of suppressed emotions rising to the surface. Instead of arguing or expressing effusive thanks as his training might have dictated, he simply gave a tired nod.

“I want to know you, Cailan,” Liam continued. “I want to excavate your true self from all those layers of training, one piece at a time, until I have all of you.”

A sad, slightly teasing smile played on Cailan's lips. "What if you find you don't love my true self as much?"

Liam frowned. “Your true self is all there is to love. You can’t be in love with fiction, Cailan. You can only truly love what is real.”

“I’m not sure what’s truly real about me,” Cailan murmured.

Liam's fingers threaded through Cailan's hair, gently tucking a strand behind his ear. "It's all of the things nobody ever told you that you had to be," he said softly. “You’re smart and tenacious and so full of feeling despite having every reason to close yourself off. You love romance in the books you bury yourself in, and happy endings, though they don’t satisfy you unless they’re hard-fought because a world in which happiness comes easily is just too far for you to suspend your disbelief. You love flowers because you can see beauty in things more intensely than I think I’m capable of. Well…” Liam smiled. “Except when I look at you, of course. Somehow, you’re the one thing in my life that never could fade into bland familiarity.”

"I wish I had as many words to give you in return," Cailan said, his voice thick. "It's not because I don't adore you, or because you haven't done enough. I'm just not sure I know which the right words are yet, and I don't want to use the wrong ones. I don’t think I can put the proper words to what you are to me until I fully know who I am. Does that make sense?”

"It does." Liam pulled Cailan closer, their foreheads touching. "I know we're a long way from settled on what we are to one another. What we feel is clear enough, but how we fit together? That remains to be seen." His lips brushed against Cailan's gently. "But there's no rush. I’m happy to take my time with it. With you."

Cailan let out a deep sigh, his eyes falling shut as a sense of peace washed over him. "I think I would like that very much.”

THE END