[Image Caption: Koda and Nick having lunch in Nick's dorm room.]

At school the following week, I remember to give Nick my notes. I made photocopies since I’ll need mine to study soon enough. 

He smiles, leafing through the pages. “Thanks, these are great!” 

It’s no problem, really. Some people guard their notes carefully because they feel that if everyone in the class does well, there won’t be a grading curve. I don’t care about stuff like that. It’s Intro to Statistics, and I’m not that cunning. You either do well, or you don’t.

Samir is present today and I feel grateful. Now I won’t have to listen to Nick bitch about it all day. Samir has missed a ton of classes this semester. Maybe he hates this particular course, or maybe he’s crashing and burning. I wonder if he has accommodations through the student service center. You’re allowed to miss more class if you get a note from a doctor that says you have anxiety or something. At this point, it’s obvious to me that Nick is interested in Samir in a less than platonic way. I don’t care who he’s attracted to, but it gets tiring to listen to. Nick keeps denying his obsession, but he isn’t slick. Even now, Nick is watching him. Honestly, if Samir needs to miss this much school because of some personal crisis he’s having, Nick’s not even close to being on his level. He’s not good at understanding other people’s problems. 

The professor goes over study points for the midterm, which will be held in the next class. Nick’s eyes are still glued to Samir. He should try paying attention for once. Then he wouldn’t need my notes.

I look at him again. He keeps eying Samir for a few more moments before he catches me staring and stops, giving me a sheepish smile. I must look annoyed, because after that he tries to focus. He fiddles with his pencil, scribbling down a few notes. His papers are sloppy. I can barely read what it says. I guess he was right when he said his writing is total shit. I stare down at my own notes, wondering if they’re any better.

High school was hard for me. My parents put me in challenging courses and I didn’t have a lot of free time to socialize or make friends. Now it feels like I’m doing the same thing to myself. If Nick were anyone else, he would have lost interest in me by now. This is part of what makes Nick so special, though. He tries hard for the people in his life. Even if I try to push him away, he shows up at my side again the very next day. 

I want to do well on my exams. I’ve been good this year and I’d like to think my parents are proud, but we’ll have to see if I can keep up with the workload. I really do want this. It looks like I’m following in my sister’s footsteps, but I’m not. This is what I always wanted, she just managed to get there first. 

Maybe it’s childish, but I kind of hate that pretty, perfect Koralee somehow made this whole thing about herself when she decided to buy a house in Prince Edward Island. Everyone’s always so bummed out that she doesn’t come around anymore, but no one likes to think about why that is. Kora was lucky. My parents were only ever controlling with me. I guess Kora didn’t need it. She did well in school and made well-kept, appropriate friends. I know she disagreed with how overbearing mom and dad were, though she never said a damn thing to them. That’s probably why it pisses me off so much that she refuses to visit. She had a normal childhood—nothing to run away from, so I feel like she’s just avoiding me. Maybe she is. People like to avoid things that they don’t know how to deal with. 

If she said sorry, I’d forgive her. I think it would make me feel better. I get why she left, but I still want her to acknowledge that she could be doing better at keeping in touch. It’s not like I haven’t tried, but it felt so one-sided. Her replies were always rushed and brief and it’s hard to keep up with someone when they’re not putting in effort. 

It’s lonely. I have friends, sure, but none I’m especially tight with. Just Nick, and I even have a hard time talking with him. He’s supportive about everyday things, but I can’t begin to imagine how he would deal with all the shit that goes on in my life. 

Finally, the class comes to an end, and I start to pack up my notebooks. It’s time for lunch, but I’m not hungry. Nick drags me to get coffee and buys me a sandwich, even though I tell him not to. We go back to his room, going over each other’s study guides.

“Are you excited for spring break?” Nick asks. It’s just like him to see right past midterms and keep his eye on the prize.

“I am. I was thinking we should do something since we have the whole week off.

“Yeah! Like what?”

“I don’t know. Whatever you want really. I didn’t have a specific idea. Just wanted to get out.”

“Get away from your parents, you mean.” Nick laughs with a mouth full of food. I’m surprised he doesn’t choke. 

“A lot of people are staying on campus over break since it’s a pain to go home for just one week,” he tells me, taking another bite of his lunch. “You could always come stay in my dorm and we could just get fucked up for a few days. I’m sure there will be lots of parties.”

I hate to admit it, but that does sound fun. I doubt it would ever fly with my parents. “I can’t just disappear for a week,” I say.

“Well, make up an excuse then.”

I wish it were that easy.

“Come on,” he says. “At least ask. You need to be on your own for a while. They’re too protective. They didn’t even let you go on any overnight field trips when we were in grade school.”

I missed out on a lot growing up. I always had to hear about it from my peers, who never made me feel any better. They just insisted that I missed out on a fun time and rubbed it in my face.

“Tell them you have somethin’ vet-related,” Nick says. “They’re all obsessed with what you’re doing in school, so I’m sure they’ll let you go if you say it’s important in order to pass.”

“That’s no good. They know all the vet curriculum from when my sister went through it. They’ll know she never did an overnight thing.”

“You’re full of excuses, aren’t you? Tell them it’s new. Your sister is a lot older and classes change. It’s not hard to come up with somethin’. Even if you can’t stay here for a week, at least try for a few days.”

“That might be doable,” I say, though I don’t want to make any promises. I don’t want him to get disappointed if I have to bail at the last minute because my parents get suspicious. Regardless of what I say, they’ll likely be at least somewhat suspicious. I know they’ll be texting me a lot.

“I have to go to the library,” I tell Nick, wrapping up my mostly untouched lunch. “I want to study for the stats midterm.”

“Okay. I’ll catch up with you later then—and seriously, talk to your parents.”

I promise I will and then leave the dorm to trudge across campus. The library is crowded with people who have the same obligations to study as me, but after a few minutes, I manage to find an open table. I set down my books and spread out my notes. This course has so much memorization. Regardless, I’ll study until my next class. Then I’ll keep studying when I get home tonight. I’ll get an A if I commit enough time to it. That’s what’s important, after all.