[Image Caption: Sebastian standing in the frat house kitchen.]

Koda manages to convince his parents that he's doing work through the vet program for one of his courses. "I texted my sister and asked her to back me up since I know they'll ask her," he tells me. "She just said, 'K.' Which is good enough, I guess."

I nod back. His family is all flavors of crazy.

We finished exams, and now it’s Friday night. I think I passed everything, but I suppose we’ll see. For now, I won't worry about it. I want to let loose. Very loose. Koda needs it, too. 

He’s stressed that he didn't do well on his microbiology test. I don't know why he's so hard on himself. Almost nobody gets an A in those sorts of classes.

Around 8 o'clock we order a pizza. Koda says he can't remember the last time he had pizza, which is probably the most fucked up thing I've ever heard come out of his mouth.

We eat before heading out. I can tell Koda doesn't want to get sick again. I'll try to keep an eye on him, though I'm sure it will be fine. "Ready to party?" I ask him.

He snorts. "Are you?" He eyes my attire - gray sweats and a tee.

"Duh," I say. I just want to be comfortable.

I put on socks and sandals and then we leave. We exit my room and make our way to the frat house. You can hear the music from down the street.

By the time we get there it's already crowded. I look around the living room to see if anyone I know has shown up yet. These houses are huge. It's like they took four houses and just squished them together. 

I see Samantha in the corner talking to Corinne, so I figure I should go say hello. I nudge Koda and nod my head toward them.

"I'll meet you over there. I want to go get us some drinks first," he says, pointing at the kitchen.

"Sounds good," I say before heading towards my cousin and my ex.

"Hey, Nick," Samantha greets me. She’s holding a red cup. It's probably vodka lemonade - her favorite. I hate vodka. I puked it out way too many times and now it just tastes like all the times I almost died.

"How's the party?" I ask them.

"Decent," Corinne nods her approval. I can tell she’s pretty tipsy because her cheeks are pink. She’s always been a bit of a lush.

"Crowded as hell," Samantha adds, "but I like it."

Koda shows up a minute later with two beers. He hands one to me and I crack it open. He’s glancing around the room, probably checking for more familiar faces. Helena and Ivy are sitting on the sofas with a guy named Sebastian and some other kids we know.

Seems like everyone had the same idea as Koda and I. One week just isn't enough to make plans off campus. Anybody who lives out of province would spend half the break driving to see their families because plane tickets cost too much.

That's something I really like about college—it's like nobody has parents. It's nice to see everybody trying to figure out how to be self-sufficient together. I had to teach a kid in my dorm how to do laundry. It was fucking hilarious but I also felt really good about it afterwards. That's why I want Koda to move in with me. I know a lot about doing my own cooking and cleaning, even though I don't particularly enjoy it. I could show him how to do all this shit his mom and dad never let him do on his own. They do everything for him. I wouldn't be surprised if they still drew his baths for him as well. They tell him how high to jump and he does it.

Koda downs his first beer quickly and goes for another. I try to take things slow in case he fucks himself up again.

I bum around with Corinne and Samantha for a while, chatting about stupid shit like exams and what we have planned for the week. Corinne keeps hitting on Samantha. I don't know if she means it or if they’re trying to make me uncomfortable. I don't want to ask. 

After Koda's been gone for a few minutes, I decide to go find him. Corinne and Samantha are freaking me out and it's not like they need me around.

I find Koda in the kitchen chatting with Sebastian. I wonder what they're talking about but as I get closer I realize they're just bitching about courses. Classic. I don't know why I would expect anything else from Sebastian. He’s this really smart but lazy stoner - tall and thin with long black hair he wears in a top knot and a set of thick-rimmed glasses. He’s also covered in trad and tribal tattoos and has a silver barbell through his eyebrow. I only know him because he and Koda have some classes in common since they're both in difficult majors.

Koda is holding a red cup. I steal it from him and take a sip. "Rum?" I ask, handing it back. "Remember to drink some water in between."

"I have been," he insists.

I drop it. He gets defensive when he’s drunk and is easy to start a fight with. Instead, I decide to play catch up, so I mix myself something harder. Koda’s probably been in here downing liquor while I was chatting with people.

"You his mommy?" Sebastian asks me, teasing us.

"Can it," I say, but Koda looks embarrassed.

Sebastian's one of those guys with a high tolerance for alcohol. I bet he sits around and drinks in his spare time to cope with the fact that everyone around him is a blubbering idiot comparatively. He stands around with Koda and me for a few more minutes before wandering off to talk to someone else. Once he's out of the room, Koda gives me an irritated look.

"Could you not monitor me please?" he says quietly.

"You're not going to let what Sebastian said get you to, are you?" I ask, rolling my eyes. "I'm just not trying to have a repeat of last time."

Koda looks a little hurt. "I can handle myself. The reason I'm doing this with you is to get away from people watching my every move. I don't need you to take over the responsibility."

I guess he’s got me there. I bet the last thing he wants is for his best friend to start acting like his parents. I should chill out and trust him not to make a fool of himself again... and if he does, he can deal with the consequences. 

I hold up my hands. "All right, fine, you’re right."

"I know," he huffs.

"Just be careful," I add.

"Says you, junky.”

The insult doesn't really bug me. Koda’s being a piss-baby, like always. He’s lucky I’m good at letting these things slide. I like to think I’m easy to get along with. Everyone likes me... except Samir for some reason…

I wonder if Samir is here tonight. I glance around the room but don't see him. It's pretty crowded so I guess there's a chance I could miss him even if he were right here right now.

It's weird. He used to go out all the time, but I haven't seen him on a Friday night for a few months. I wonder if he's still embarrassed about what happened in January. I want to go talk to him, but he'll just tell me to fuck off like he did the last time. It's stupid of me to even worry about shit like this, but maybe I can ask Corinne. 

Koda keeps throwing this in my face. He doesn't give a flying fuck about Samir. Neither of them is fond of the other. They're probably both judging. I guess it's hard not to. Everyone makes snap judgements. Koda is loud and he can be abrasive. Samir is quiet and standoffish. 

Maybe that's why Samir doesn't like me. Like Koda, I can be rowdy. I'm pushy. I know these things, but I can't exactly change my personality.

Koda's staring at me and not saying anything. He looks uncomfortable.

"I'm sorry I called you a junky," he finally relents.

I tell him it's fine because I think the alcohol is cranking him out. I can't tell if he apologized because he genuinely felt bad or because he felt obligated to. It's hard to know with Koda. He probably had to say he was sorry for a lot of shit that wasn't his fault when he was a kid. I'm a forgiving person. I'll always forgive Koda. I doubt he would ever pull a stunt that was fucked up enough to make me doubt that.

He makes a face. "Why do you do it?" he asks me. "Drugs, I mean."

"Dunno. I like how it feels."

"Is something wrong with you?" he pries. "Is that how you cope?"

"Do you want something to be wrong with me?" I wonder.

"Maybe," he murmurs the confession.

In his head, perhaps it would make more sense. Then he’d know why I do blow and he'd be satisfied. Or not.

"Why?" I ask. I'm trying to sound gentle. I don't mind where the conversation is heading, but truthfully I haven't given my drug use much thought, so I don't really know why I do it.

"Then we'd both be fucked up," he mumbles. "Not 'cause I want you to suffer or anything..."

I tilt my head, eying him. "You're not fucked up, man."

"Kinda," he argues. "I mean, pretty fucked up, actually..." Before I can pry, he again asks, "So, why do you do it?"

"I don't know. I'll think about it, so ask me later, 'kay?"

"Yeah, 'kay.”

"Let's walk around the house a bit," I suggest.

Koda nods, quickly mixing one more drink from the rum and coke sitting on the counter. I watch him warily as he pours it. When he sets the bottle of liquor down he notices me staring.

"I'm fine," he insists, taking a huge swig.

I'm not exactly sure how that's supposed to prove he's fine.

"Okay," I say in defeat.

There's not much I can do to persuade him to slow down. Maybe I'm being paranoid. He's only ever gotten sick the one time and it's not atypical for him to drink a lot. Koda can do what he wants. Fuck it. I don't need to hold his hand all night.

We ditch the kitchen and head into the hallway. There’s a cloud of weed smoke or something wafting around. It smells pretty strong.

"Jeez," Koda mutters, waving his hand around in front of his face.

I refrain from laughing at him. "Come on," I say, nodding for him to follow me deeper into the house.

He glances around, wavering a bit, and putting a palm on my shoulder and tagging along after me.

"It's so crowded," he points out as we weave through the mass of people.

I wonder if Gabe is here. I haven't seen him in a while, but that's pretty typical. I could find him if I wanted to.

I glance at Koda over my shoulder. He looks tired and drunk as fuck. Even if I did run into Gabe there's absolutely no way I could leave Koda alone at this point. I feel like he'd end up in some sort of mess especially considering how many people are around.

"I hate all these randos rubbing up against me," Koda grumbles.

It's hard not to bump into people at parties like this. Everyone is everywhere and we're all equally messy.

We head into a lounge room that doesn't have too many people around, so I decide to drag him inside and let him sit for a while. We near a sofa and he lets go of me, sitting down with his drink still in hand.

"Ugh," he groans, setting his drink on the coffee table and shrugging out of his hoodie. He hands it to me and says, "Hold this. I'm too hot."

I resist the urge to roll my eyes, but keep hold of it nonetheless. He picks his drink back up and sips on it a bit.

"Want me to get you water?" I offer.

"No… later."

His voice sounds whiny.

"Okay," I relent, throwing his sweater over my shoulder. "Do you feel sick?"

"No…" he mutters, annoyed that I'd ask. "I'm just drunk."

"Alright, well—" I shrug my shoulders suggestively.

Koda just stares at me, looking bitter as hell. "Why'd you invite me out if you thought you were going to have to babysit me all night?" he snaps, setting his drink down again.

"I'm not fucking babysitting you," I retort. "I'm allowed to be worried, aren't I?"

"If you're so fucking concerned then why did you even suggest we do this?"

Koda looks so fucking upset. I don't understand why. All I did was ask if he needed water.

"I don't know!" I reply. "I thought it would be fun! Why are you throwing such a bitch fit?"

"I'm NOT," he says sharply. He slumps in his seat, crossing his arms and putting on this pissy expression. He looks like a child who just got scolded.

"I think you kind of are, but whatever," I say.

Koda glances at me. "I want to fucking punch you."

"Back ‘atcha.”

He scoffs, choking down the rest of his drink before standing up and wandering out of the room. I follow him, somewhat wary. He should probably just go to bed. He needs to sleep this off, but if I said that he'd flip.

"Dude, calm down," I bark after he forcefully pushes past two girls crowding a doorway. 

"Sorry, excuse me," I tell them as I squeeze past as well. They both give me dirty looks.

After a few more seconds of tag I finally catch up to Koda and grab him firmly by the shoulder. He swings around and smacks my hand away, almost knocking himself over in the process. It's pathetic to watch.

"Koda, seriously," I hiss. "You're pissing me off."

"You're pissing ME off!" he retorts.

This is getting fucking embarrassing.

"Fine, whatever!" I put my hands up in defeat. "Drink more, I don't give a fuck."

We just stare at each other awkwardly for a few moments. 

"Let's just leave," I sigh finally.

I turn around, glancing back every so often to make sure he's following me. Jeez, is this how it's going to be all week? I've never spent time like this with Koda, so there are still a lot of things I don't know about him.

Back in the dorms, I get him some water and make sure he brushes his teeth. When we're settling back down in my room, he flops onto my bed.

"You good?" I ask him.

"Mm…" he mumbles.

I don't know if that's a yes or a no, but I don't pry.

I lie down next to him. It's a tight squeeze, but I don't feel like pulling out the futon. Hopefully what little alcohol I had will make it quick for me to fall asleep.

Not long after, Tyler comes back to the room. I glance up at him when he turns the light on and I can tell he's surprised to see us. Koda doesn't acknowledge Tyler and I'm not sure if he's passed the fuck out or just pretending. 

Tyler turns the light back off quickly and pulls out his phone to use as a flashlight. He grabs a change of clothes and disappears. Once he's gone, I readjust the blankets and end up snuggled against Koda. It's weird because I've never been the little spoon before.

This is better, though. At least it's comfortable. I think it would be weird if we were sober, but we're not. Koda still has his day clothes on, but he's too drunk to even care. I can feel him breathing against my ear. 

I close my eyes and try to will myself to bed, but I'm not feeling it. Great.

"Koda..?"

"Hm…?" he grunts.

"Nothing," I murmur. "Just wondering if you were awake."

"Mm…" he grunts again.

Koda is warm and comfortable but I'm not stoked on the situation. I feel awkward. I've been feeling awkward about all of my interactions after what happened with Gabe. I still don't know if I'm even interested in guys or if the whole thing was an experimental fluke.

I close my eyes and try to settle into it. Maybe if I lay still for long enough I'll fall asleep.