Smiling is the best way to hide your pain that has been marked by trauma. The past was full of regrets and trauma. I know that I can’t run from those memories, nor could I reset my life, so I was still in the prison and family is what makes me calm and forget those memories for a moment. But family? They are far away from me.

He’s still smiling...

...even though it pains him more.

I wonder, what kind of trauma is he in?

“Hey,” Thomas approached me, and I lost for a moment there, “You alright?”

I smiled at him, “Yeah. Um, I must go. Curfew is freaking rules in that house. So...”

He smiled but I know he didn’t want me to go, "Oh... alright. I understand.”

“I will just take the bus. So...”

I say my goodbye to him, and I check my phone because I heard a notification. He followed me back and I saw his reels. He was kissing a girl and it was wild. Well, I was glad that he really did not mean that kiss. Maybe, we just wasted that time. I shiver when cold air sweeps on my skin and I hug myself. I’m stupid that I wore this knitted slash sleeveless dress. What am I thinking? 

I raised my eyebrow when there’s a bunch of strangers trying to message me. They are all on my message requests. I think it is because of the picture that Thomas posted with me. And I knew it when I saw his post about the two of us because he edited it to tag me. People are now stalking me. My eyes widened as my eyeballs wanted to escape its house. Oh, my god. One million likes!? Is this real? And there are a bunch of comments like "Who the hell is she, Tom?, “A hot woman, nice Tom.”, “Is she your new girl? If not, will you introduce me to her?” and haters, “She got her nose job. Ew!”, “A whore! Get away from her, Tommy babe!” 

I rolled my eyes. What the hell? Is he really that famous? Yeah, no doubt. I clicked my profile and they were following me. No way! Before I got more stalkers, I private my account and I thought the sound of notification would be gone but, they're just more of it.

I regret having a picture with him and now, my life would be a mess starting tomorrow. This would be like my brothers. 

Ugh.

“Are you going home early?” A voice asks me, and I look up. Oh, it’s an auburn guy.

“Yes, I have class tomorrow.”

He nodded at me without breaking eye contact, “That was just an excuse. Do you want to go somewhere?” he said, and I have a bad feeling about this guy, even from the start.

“I... I need to go. Thanks for the invitation.” I tried to calm myself to think of an excuse because I can feel that he won’t let me go. If not, I will use it on him.

“Come on! I’ve noticed you didn’t have any fun inside. You were drinking alone, and I know you want somebody...”

He looks at me from head to toe. What the heck? Is he scanning me?

“I’m alright. I need to go.” I turn my back on him, but he grabs my arm tightly and he forces me to go with him.

“No one rejects me. Come on! Come with me. I can make you happy and let me make you feel pleasu—” he didn’t continue his words because I slapped him hard. He looks at me with fierce eyes, “How dare you slap me, bitch!” He holds my arm tightly and forces me to come with him.

“Get off me!” I tried to get away from his big hands, but he was very strong, so my only last resort was...

My eyes widened because someone grabbed these jerk hands off of me and he winced because of the pain. This jerk looks at Noah and scoffs, “What’s your problem, man?” 

Noah didn’t let go of his hand until I held his hand and nodded at him telling him that it’s okay because if I wasn’t intruded, Noah would break his hand. This was the first time that I saw him... furious. Noah pushes his hand hard, and this jerk holds his hand. He looked at Noah with narrowed eyes. 

“Don’t think that you came back, things will be back to normal.” 

“I don’t care and if you touch her again, I will kill you.” Noah said in a threatening voice. I can see in his eyes that he was serious. The auburn guy scoffed and left us. Noah turns to me, “Are you okay?” he asked me, and I can sense his concern for me.

I nodded and I almost used it to that guy and thanks to him he stopped me from doing it because if he didn’t, that jerk would be in a hospital for a month, “Yes, you know, I can kick him on his nuts.” I said and laughed. There he goes, smiling at me... I hope it's just for me.

I hugged myself again because of the cold and he noticed it because he removed his jacket and put it around me, “Oh, thank you.” 

“Um... do you want to get out of here?” he said after a minute of silence.

I looked at him and smirked, “That’s a great idea.” 

We rode his big bike, and I was hugging him from behind. I want to keep this jacket because it makes me warm, and it smells so good. 

I love his scent.

We crossed the bridge and then he rode fast as I shouted while laughing. This is freedom. He overtook those cars, and we stopped in front of London’s big clock tower. I remove the helmet as I hop out of the bike. When I was roaming around alone, I was just looking up and didn’t go inside because I was not a resident, “Are we going... up?” I asked him because I can feel it is.

He looked at me and smirked, “Ready to climb up the 334 steps?” My mouth dropped as he was testing me! “If you reach the top, you’ll get to enjoy a spectacular view across London. Shall we?” he said and winked at me.

“Are we there?” I ask when I almost ran out of breath. It’s so tiring to climb! And he was ahead of me. 

“Just a little more step and we will be there!” He was shouting because he was quicker than me. It was a good thing that I wore these boots, it made me comfortable, “Come on! You can do it!”

Almost there... 

Almost there... 

A few more steps...

“Are you really this energetic? It seems you’re not tired from climbing up!” I breathlessly said.

He smiled and waved at me, “Come over here!” 

My knees are shaking, and I force them to walk and then when I reach them, I hold my hands to my knees and take a deep breath and when I look in front of me... my tiredness eases as I walk slowly to see the view clearly.

“Oh, this is so beautiful.” This is so amazing. I can imagine that there was a sparkle in my eyes and I felt sudden chills that made my skin shiver. We were in the highest clock tower in the city of London. When I was alone, I was looking up from down there because there were guards, but Noah, they seemed to know him well. He is very friendly and easy to be with.

“Yeah, it is.” He said then I looked at him and to my surprise—which is I didn’t make him see it—he was looking at me and that made my heart pound like a drum.

We were staring at each other for a minute and those gray eyes were so very enchanting. Before I almost ran out of breath, I blinked to cut this staring contest.

I smiled to hide my awkwardness, “So... Do you know that guy?”

He looked away from me and stared at the city view, “Yes. I was once their football captain.”

My eyes widened, “Oh, really?! You were an athlete?”

His lips curled up that made his dimple appear, “I know it isn’t obvious, but I was.”

“It’s obvious because you have a nice build.” I looked at him and there he was again, staring at me and I realize what I had just said, “Oh, um... did I mention that I have older brothers? One of them is a football athlete, so I know the physique.” This is so embarrassing. I'd like to explain so that he doesn’t make an assumption of what I said, “Was...?”

He looked away again, “Yeah, I’m not anymore. I was just a scholar because of that and then I quit.”

“Oh,” it’s so sad though he doesn’t show it to me, but I know when you have a passion for some things, it is hard to let go. I remember Zeus when he got a sprain on his left foot, he didn’t mind the pain and still played his game and he did try his best to win the match and because of his determination, I admire him for that despite him being annoying. 

Passion is for someone who has a good mindset for it because it invests with your heart that makes your passion doing alright. Me? I don’t know anymore. I love to draw, and I want to become like my mother but, it seems that dream was drifting away from me. I chose a course whatever fit my skills, but the truth is, I was lost in the way. I don’t know what I want anymore, and my family only sees my bright side because I don’t want them to worry about me. I don’t want to be a burden. We all lost a mother, not just me, so I tried my best to hide my pain even though almost three years had passed since my mother died. I just can’t... move on.

“My parents are now supporting me.”

I’m not a person intrigued about someone’s life, but I was curious why he quit football and I think I know why because of those girls in the club. I asked him anyway, “May I ask, why did you quit?”

He was looking at the city and his eyes looked so... sad.

“Last year, my girlfriend had cancer. I didn’t know that she had it for four years and she tried to hide it from me but I... I found out about it when I didn’t reach her at that time. I was fucking stupid not seeing her painfully hiding it from me.” I can see in his eyes that he was blaming himself and I can relate to that, “I thought that he has another man, and I was a fucking jerk... thinking that way. So, I had to stop studying and take care of her.” He said and he force a laugh, “I’m so sorry, I kill the mood”

“No, it’s alright. I’m sorry.”