Jomtien - Two Years Ago to Present Day

As the months went by, Lom began to use his left arm and hand again. After six months of physical therapy, he was beginning to walk but was self-conscious about his limp. Somchai was by his side every step of the way encouraging him and yelling at him when he wanted to give up. Forgetting the pain of the past, Somchai asked Lom to be his boyfriend. 

"Somchai, I owe you for everything you've done since you found me, but gratitude isn't love. You know I'll never get over Fah, whether it's you or anyone else asking. I've never been one for committed relationships, he was the only one I ever imagined spending my life with. Although he's dead, that's not going to change. You're a great guy, you're handsome, smart, you've got your own business - you need to find someone who will make you happy."

"Lom, I asked you to be my boyfriend because I want to be with you, not anyone else. I didn't do all this to make you feel indebted, or to have you owe me."

"Which shows how kind you are. I'm sorry, but I'll never love you, just forget about me as a boyfriend."

"How about you be my boyfriend and I'll accept the fact you don't love me."

"That's not fair to you," said Lom.

"I'm willing to accept it, why can't you? I'm not asking for anything more than someone to be here when I come home, to laugh with, to go on trips with, to have sex with."

"I don't know if I can have sex with you."

"Why not? We used to. You said it yourself, that guy is dead. It doesn't mean you have to be alone, or celibate. It's not cheating." Somchai heard the pleading in his voice and was embarrassed but he couldn't stop.

"You're willing to spend your life with me even though I don't think of you as anything more than a friend?"

"Yes."

"You want sex knowing it's only sex, nothing more, no emotions involved?"

"Yes."

"I still think it's wrong. I feel guilty, it's not right. Why would you want this?"

"It's my choice, it's right for me."

After that night they fell into a comfortable existence. As Lom began to walk more and more he took over the household chores and the cooking. Lom wanted to work but the fear of his father discovering he was alive was too great. 

Somchai convinced him to stay at home as his income covered everything and more. One evening Somchai surprised Lom with a phone so they could stay in touch. Somchai often texted and sent messages of encouragement but Lom never replied unless it was a direct question. 

Home alone, Lom opened up IG and checked Mek's account. There were tons of photos of him with Run. Lom saw how happy they were and it appeared they were now living together. Sometimes Manao was with them and occasionally Khun Korn. 

He opened Run's account and it was more photos of Mek, Manao, and a man who turned out to be her brother. Manao's account had photos of her brothers as well as a man from her law firm who she was now dating. 

He opened Fah's account. He couldn't believe it was still there. The last post was the photo of them naked in bed having sex. He traced Fah's face with his finger and began to cry. He right-clicked and saved the image to his phone.  He went through Fah's IG and downloaded all the photos of Fah. There was one of him with Mek and the others with the comment fun at the gala.

For a moment he wondered if Fah was truly dead. After all, he'd only been told he was dead. Sure, they had the necklace but perhaps they robbed Fah at gunpoint. Lom wore the necklace every day now, his only tangible link to the man he loved who was now gone forever. 

He opened the website for Khun Korn's law firm. It said it was now owned by Ohm and Win and that Khun Korn assisted with investigations as needed. No other employees were listed.  

He searched Tongfah Thamboon and old headlines mentioning Fah as a suspect in Lom's abduction and possible murder came up. It seemed that the police stopped mentioning Fah after the day of the attacks. 

I have to accept it, he's dead. I'll never see him again. If he were alive the police would have announced his arrest or that he was no longer a suspect in my case. None of his friends hang out with him, he's never in any of their photos. He doesn't work for Khun Korn anymore.

He stared at the photo from the night of the gala, Fah surrounded by his friends and coworkers.

Everyone else looks happy and as if they've moved on. These people were his family, his ex-girlfriend, and his coworkers, and yet none of them seem to miss him. How could they forget him? 

He burst into tears, something he seldom did. His father had never allowed them to cry while growing up, although Fah would. Each time Fah cried Ton beat him. It still surprised him that Fah had been so open with expressing his emotions when they were together. 

For the next hour, he looked at Fah's photos and cried, knowing he had to get it out of his system before Somchai returned home. He didn't want to hurt Somchai any more than he already was. 

Lom still had his money in his backpack. The next morning he bought a used motorcycle and headed to Bangkok. He hoped to be home before Somchai. Hours later he stood outside his parent's house. Nothing had changed although from the road he couldn't see too much.

He drove to the Chen house and parked across the street. The gate opened and a car came down the road. It pulled in and Khun Adi, Mint, and Tin got out. He waited for 45 minutes but no one else entered or exited the house.  

What am I doing? He's dead. Fah's not going to come out of that house. 

The excitement he'd felt when setting out earlier had been depleted and he was forced to face reality. He grabbed something to eat, filled his tank, and returned to Somchai. 

He arrived home close to midnight. Somchai was asleep in the living room, a cake with Happy Anniversary written on it sat on the table, the candles unlit, a lighter by the side. The kitchen smelled fantastic and Lom saw two plates with food from their favorite restaurant on the counter. Somchai hadn't eaten. 

Kneeling next to the couch he rubbed Somchai's back and whispered his name. Somchai's eyes opened, they were puffy and red from crying. Seeing Lom he sat up and hugged him tightly. Lom jerked backward in surprise. 

"Hey, what's going on?"

"I thought something happened to you, you didn't come home, you didn't answer my calls or texts. I thought you were hurt or..."

"Or I left you?"

"Yes."

"I promise you, if I'm going to leave you if I'm going to end things, I would tell you. I wouldn't just walk away and leave you to wonder what happened. Believe me, I know how crazy uncertainty can make a person."

"Where have you been?" Somchai looked at him, the face that only seconds earlier was happy to see him now looked worried and hurt.

"I went to Bangkok. I needed to see what was going on." Seeing the worry on Somchai's face he said, "I didn't let my parents or anyone else discover I'm alive."

"Where else did you go?"

"I went to look at my boyfriend's house, to watch his parents and little brother. They didn't know I was there either."

"I thought I was your boyfriend."

"Somchai, do we have to do this now? I don't want to fight with you, I don't want to hurt you. I just needed to be sure he was dead."

"Fine. I had a surprise anniversary dinner for us tonight."

"Anniversary?" 

"Yes, I found you one year ago today."

"No offense, but this is the day Fah died. It's not our anniversary, that would be the day I agreed to date you. Do you think I would celebrate this day?" Lom yelled, the veins in his neck sticking out. 

"No, I guess not. I wasn't thinking. Sorry." Somchai stood and went to the bathroom slamming the door behind him. 

Lom decided it was best to give him some space. He re-heated the two dinners and opened a bottle of wine. 

Although he'd previously told Somchai to drink wine by himself, that he only drank beer, he wanted Somchai to be happy. After pouring two glasses he set the table and brought out the plates of food. Quietly he knocked on the bathroom door and asked Somchai to join him. 

A few minutes later Somchai came out and Lom stood near the table. As Somchai went to sit down Lom stopped him, hugged him, and thanked him for being thoughtful. He apologized for yelling but added he could never calmly discuss Fah or Fah's death with anyone. They had dinner and some wine. Somchai scraped the Happy Anniversary off the cake and then served it for dessert. Neither mentioned the "A" word again.

A year later, another anniversary. Somchai and Lom had continued living together. Somchai was mostly happy. Although Lom never said he loved him Somchai believed deep down he did. 

Lom was thoughtful in small ways. When shopping he always chose the brands, the flavors, and the scents that Somchai preferred even if they differed from his. He would go out for walks and bring back tasty snacks and desserts, or a cafe macchiato to surprise Somchai while he was working. 

Their sex life was good although it no longer had the passion of their high school days. Sure, Somchai always initiated it but Lom never said no. The only thing that truly bothered Somchai was that Lom refused to cuddle. He wouldn't allow Somchai to sleep on his chest, to spoon him, nothing. Lom said he couldn't sleep if anyone was touching him. 

There was one other aspect of Lom that annoyed Somchai: he refused to go out at night. He wouldn't go to restaurants for dinner, he refused to go dancing at clubs. Sometimes Somchai wondered if it was a result of Fah's death or if it was because Lom still had a slight limp from being attacked. 

With the second anniversary (to Somchai it was their anniversary no matter what Lom believed) coming up, he began making plans. He made dinner reservations at a restaurant inside one of the popular hotels. Another bonus, there was a gay dance club right next door. 

One night while Lom slept, he measured Lom's ring finger and took the information to a jeweler. He was tired of waiting for Lom to do things. 

The night before the day of the anniversary he told Lom he had dinner reservations Lom could not refuse. The chef at the restaurant was world-renowned and according to Somchai, he'd waited months to reach the top of the reservation list. 

Since they would be having dinner out, he wanted to go dancing as well. He preyed upon Lom's guilt by pointing out that in two years they'd never gone anywhere in the evening. Lom gave in when he heard about the dinner. He couldn't tell if Somchai was aware of the date or was pretending he didn't know so he chose not to bring it up. 

The dinner was amazing. Lom had never seen traditional Thai food done this way and he was amazed. He barely spoke as he was busy trying everything on the table. Somchai watched him, smiling all the while. Lom had a few beers and Somchai had several of the chef-recommended cocktails. By the end of the meal, they were talking nonstop and laughing. 

As they waited for dessert Somchai went to the restroom. When he returned to the table he suddenly dropped and knelt in front of Lom. The people seated near them, most of them tourists, all turned to watch.  Producing a ring box, he opened it and said, "Lom, will you spend the rest of your life with me?" 

Lom was mortified but made sure his face didn't show it. He wanted to yell "no" and run from the restaurant but Somchai, who always treated him kindly, was on his knees with a pleading look, and everyone around them was telling him to say yes. 

He had to have planned this, there's no way I can say no without looking like a complete bastard. He wanted this night out so badly and I don't want to ruin it for him. But tomorrow, when we're home, I'm going to tell him I don't like being forced into a position like this and I'm giving back the ring. 

Looking at his watch he realized it was 9:00. If they hit the club now they could be home by 10, maybe even earlier. Somchai couldn't hold his liquor and he'd already had a few cocktails. One or two more drinks at the bar and he'd be too wasted to say no to going home. After Somchai paid the bill they walked hand-in-hand down the street to the club. 

Somchai was laughing and pointing out different places but Lom was like a sled dog headed to the North Pole. He had one goal in mind and it was to get a drink into Somchai's hand so they could go home. 

He wanted this day to end, to not dwell on the memory of two years ago when he'd kissed Fah for the last time. He wanted the ring off his finger and most of all he wanted to be alone and far from this crowd of people. He couldn't imagine people seeking to be in this heat and humidity, surrounded by strangers. 

Inside the club, he grabbed a beer for himself and asked the bartender for the strongest cocktail they sold that didn't taste like alcohol. He carried the blue drink through the crowd and returned to Somchai who leaned against a wall watching the crowd. Somchai was laughing and saying something to him but he had no idea what. The music was loud, Somchai wasn't making sense, and he was irritable. Suddenly Somchai leaned forward and wrapped his arms around his neck. 

"What is this necklace you always wear with AHAW, what does it mean?"

"Nothing."

"Then take it off."

"No!"

"If you won't take it off I'll start screaming and everyone will look at you," said Somchai. At that moment Lom realized the whole night and proposal had been a calculated move. Somchai knew he hated to be stared at. Anger began to rise within him. He reached up and took the necklace off. 

"Here, I'll hold it for you. Can you get me another drink?" Lom said yes, handed the necklace to Somchai, and returned to the bar for another blue drink. 

He was furious but reminded himself to keep calm. In the morning he'd not only give Somchai the ring back but he'd start looking for a job. If he worked in the back of a restaurant or bar that wasn't too popular he could keep hiding from Ton, earn money, and move out on his own. 

Once again at Somchai's side, he took a swig of his beer and stared off into the crowd of dancers. All these people with no worries, just drinking, dancing, and having fun. He'd never had the opportunity to be that carefree. Somchai leaned over and kissed him long and hard.