Still waiting for Selena to come back and with the fall break over, me and Rafael have decided to go shopping! Selena texted us that she’ll be a few weeks late. We’ve been sending her every school material through photos for the past two weeks. When we arrive at the mall, I see a beautiful sweater in one of the displays.

“Wow! Rafael! Look!” I say with a gasp.

He looks amused at the beige sweater I point at.

“It is beautiful.” he says with a warm smile. “I think it would suit you.”

“Really?” I ask with a blush.

“Yes! Oh! And that grey scarf! You would look amazing! Come on! Let’s try it!”

And with that, Rafael takes my hand and drags me into the shop. The colourful fabric of all the clothes around us makes me feel like we stepped into a rainbow. I look around, mesmerised by all the clothes I can see. Raf looks amused at me. I look at him and smile awkwardly.

“I don’t really come often to buy clothes.” I explain.

“Why?”

“Um… I don’t really like to change my style often, so I usually just order the same clothes online.”

“So this is why you wear the same clothes every day?” Raf asks.

“Yeah. I just feel… Safer. I can’t explain it. Come on!” I say and go ahead, almost running.

Raf looks sad at me, then suddenly his face becomes confident and slaps his fist into his hand.

“I can help him find a new style!” he says and then follows me.

When he catches up, I already found the sweater. He smiles and I go towards the changing rooms. I stay there for a while. Raf looks at his watch and then looks concerned at the curtain in front of him.

“Hey! Noah? Is everything all right?”

“Yeah! Don’t worry!” I say from behind the curtain.

I’m sure I didn’t convince him of anything though. I am looking at myself in the mirror. I look… So… Different… What would people say? What would my parents say if they saw me like this? This is not how I dress usually. What if they don’t like it! It would attract attention. And attention brings…

“That is hideous!” I hear Selena’s voice.

“Dear, why would you dress like that? You look ridiculous?” my mom continues.

“Huh! I guess this style really doesn’t fit you, does it?” Rafael finishes.

My heart pounds like a ticking clock and I feel my face getting red. I grab my hand, feeling horrible, but then, my anxiety gets worse until I only see people looking at me in disgust. I close my eyes in embarrassment.

“Noah? What was that? Did you fall?” I hear Rafael’s worried voice.

This snaps me back to reality. The voices and people are gone. I know they were only my fear. It is always like this. I can only see the darkest way something could end. Always live in the shadow of fear. My imagination doesn’t help me either. My art teachers tell me it’s a gift to be creative. But I only see it as a way to bring me more fear. I change back into my normal clothes and then I step outside the changing room.

“So how was it? Did you…” Rafael starts, but then sees my face more clearly. “Hey, what happened? Are you okay?”

“Yeah. I’m fine.” I say unconvincingly. “The sweater wasn’t really my thing. Oh well. Maybe next time!” I say and dash towards the exit at the speed of light.

Rafael looks confused and worried at me as I go.

“Was he sweating? What happened to him?” Rafael asks himself and then he follows.

After he catches up with me again, he still looks worried.

“Are you sure you’re okay?” he asks again.

“Yes! Hey, um, what time is it? I planned to do some homework for math.” I ask, trying to change the subject.

“Oh, it’s five o’clock.” he says, then looks at me surprised. “You don’t have a watch?”

“No. Well. I had one, but I lost it ages ago.” I say a bit embarrassed.

“And you didn’t get a new one? Not having a watch should be a crime!” he says and I laugh.

“Lucky me that it isn’t!” I say with a smile. “I have to go home, but do you want to hang out tomorrow?” I ask.

“Sure!” Raf says a bit too enthusiastically, then he blushes a bit.

“Oh! And when is your birthday? I never got to ask. You said you are a Scorpio so it should be soon.” I say.

“Isn’t important! Ok! Bye!” Raf says then rushes past me.

“He wants me to guess, doesn’t he?” I say looking at him suspiciously as he leaves.