Now that it is a more reasonable hour, I go through my morning routine while still thinking about the horrible dream and my panic attack in the mall. How stupid I can be sometimes. But there is also the issue of Rafael’s birthday. I must do something cool for his birthday. Hmmm… I have an idea! Yes! This is perfect! I quickly add my surprise to the bag. Also, his Facebook told me some stuff about Rafael that I didn’t know. Apparently at their bakery, Raf was also a barista and made coffee for the patrons and staff. So that means he must love coffee! I hope at least. After I eat breakfast, I go to school. It’s kind of lonely to walk without Selena towards the classroom, but it is fine. The school day is so long! I can’t wait to surprise Raf! So I can’t stand how long it takes for a single hour to end! Especially biology! I know that I want to become a medic and I am good at this subject, but it is so boring sometimes! After all this boring stuff is out of the way, I take Raf’s hand and giggle while dragging him towards my favourite cafe in the centre of the village. He looks confused as I pull his chair and help him sit down. He blushes a lot as well. I sit right in front of him. I smile at him and then, when the waitress comes, I order a Dorf am See Coffee and a green tea. After the waitress leaves, Rafael asks:

“What kind of coffee did you order? I never heard of it.”

“Oh! It’s a special blend made only in this cafe. It’s named after our village!” I say with a smile.

“Ok.” He says, but for some reason, he blushes so much that he can barely look at me.

“Alright! You are evil! Why didn’t you tell me it was your birthday today?!” I ask and pretend to be mad by narrowing my eyes in a threatening way.

“You found out?!” he asks scared. “B-But how?!”

“You have way too much stuff on your social media, dummy.” I say with a smug expression on my face.

He looks annoyed and amused at the same time. After a second Raf says:

“I didn’t want you to buy me a present, so…” he starts but I interrupt him.

“Thought of that. So I decided to bring you something else instead.”

I bring out my notepad and a pencil.

“I’ll make a good portrait of you! I even brought the one I made of you when you played the guitar. Though I am not giving you that one. I want to keep it. The memory is too beautiful. It wasn’t my best anyway. I couldn’t capture your handsome face or those sky-blue eyes…”

Suddenly I realise what I am saying and with widened eyes, I retreat into my notepad.

“Don’t worry! I’ll do better.” I say.

I am so red that I could give a tomato a run for its money. I look at Raf to see how he reacted, but to my surprise, he isn’t scared or disgusted, but his eyes are glowing with happiness. He blushes as well. Wait a minute… Is he… OMG! I try to hide my realisation and awkwardly ask:

“Hey! While I draw, do you think we could do that personality test you told me about last week? You’ve got me curious!”

His face lights up even more with happiness and like the wind, he opens his phone and gets to the site.

“Okay. This site isn’t the best, but it has cute avatars for each personality, so it wins! Also, if you want to go deeper into it, you must learn the functions behind the personality types instead of just doing a test. It took me three years to be fully sure of my type!” he says with a smile and I chuckle.

While he thinks about how to translate the question into German, I try to draw his face. He is so gorgeous. When I look into his eyes, I feel like I am floating in the sky, where the possibilities are endless and the fears that usually control me are below me, unable to reach me. I smile softly and just stare at him. At his cute and round cheeks, at his golden hair. I could stay like this forever. Then I realise one more thing and suddenly I look at my notepad again while I draw. Before I just thought I liked him as a friend… I thought he was hot, so I realised I must be gay, but I never realised that I actually… Love him… OMG! I’m having a small crisis in my head, so I try to distract myself by drawing more.

Rafael then asks with the fakest German accent:

“Folgst du deinem herzen?”

“You can ask me in English.” I say with a warm smile.

“Thanks! I’m lucky that the people here mostly speak English because of the international university. Cause my German sucks!” Raf admits and we both laugh.

He isn’t wrong though. His German really is bad. Good thing we learn at an international high school.

“Alright! Would you say you are more inclined towards following what your heart says, or your head?”

“I would love to say head, but I almost always follow what my heart says.” I admit.

“Would you say you like to spend your time more in your head rather than in reality?”

“Head!” I say and laugh a lot.

“Me too!” Rafael says amused. “Ok! Do you like to spend evenings alone or with friends?”

“Hmmm. This one is hard. I usually like to spend my time alone. But recently I’ve…”

“What?”

“I’ve liked spending time with you more!” I say and quickly look away while we blush.

“Moving on!” Raf says with a big, goofy smile on his face. “Are you idealistic?”

“Yes!” I say without a second thought! “And no… It’s kind of complicated. I like to see only the positives in anyone. And to only think about positive ends for their situations. But when it comes to me, I am usually pretty negative.” I say and get a bit sad.

“You are too hard on yourself. I saw it yesterday too. You thought you didn’t look good in those clothes, didn’t you?” Raf asks with an empathetic look.

“It wasn’t that… I just looked so different… I was afraid of what people would say if they saw me like this.”

“Well, I think you would look great! And you shouldn’t care about what people think!”

“Yeah… You’re right. Come on! Hit me with the next question!” I say and continue my sketch.

“Okay…” Raf says as if he wants to continue his speech. “When it comes to ideas. Do you usually have tons of them?”

“Oh yeah! It’s like my brain can’t stop! I have too many! You?” I ask.

“Usually, I like having a single idea and developing it more and more.”

“I think that might be a better approach!” I say jokingly and we both laugh.

“Ok! When it comes to being traditional…” he begins but I immediately interrupt.

“Fully no!” I say amused.

“Me neither! I am basically the opposite!” he says. “Ok! Now, about how calm you are… Do you often get angry?” he asks with a sweet voice.

“Not really. I usually like to throw my anger into sadness. So I cry a lot. That might make me weak.” I say a bit embarrassed.

“No! I think that is what makes you strong! I’ll admit that I do get angry a little bit easier. I just can’t hold it when I see cruelty.”

I smile. He is such a good person.

“Ok! The answer came up! OMG! INFP!” he says happily.

“Is it good?” I ask curiously.

“Well, there is no wrong answer. But look! Read a bit about it.”

He hands me the phone and I look through my profile page. Very idealistic, head in the clouds, emotional. Yep! Pretty much me! Loves creating fake scenarios in their head. Ouch! Got me there. And falls pretty easily and pretty hard in love. That explains a lot.

“Yep! Got me to the letter! What about you?” I say and look at his profile!

“N-No! Don’t!” he manages to say but it’s too late.

“ENFJ. Oooh! The personality of a leader! Very kind… Very brave… Well, this describes you perfectly! Oh! Hey, there’s more!”

“No! Don’t look there!” he says but I already did and we both blush.

On the screen, it writes: “INFPs are considered to usually be your best romantic match.”

“That is so cool! That’s why we get along so well!” I say in order to save us from the awkwardness.

Suddenly, the waitress brings our drinks and I pay quickly, before Rafael can object.

“Happy birthday!” I say happily then drink my tea.

Rafael smiles while blushing and tries his coffee. Immediately his eyes light up and he looks like he’s in heaven.

“It’s so good!” he says and hands it to me. “You’ve got to try it!”

“Ok, ok!” I say and drink.

My eyes light up as well. I heard the coffee here was good. But this is the next level.

“Can we share?” I ask without even thinking.

“Sure!” Rafael says happily and puts two straws in the coffee.

We look super weird, but we don’t care. We both are extremely happy. At the end, I give him his drawing and I also sign it.

“Thank you! You are so talented!” he says and gives me a hug. “Okay! Got to go! Homework!” he says and rushes home.

Why is he in such a rush? Suddenly, I realise that I have a pink rose in my hair. He must have put it there during the hug. Where did he get it though? Oh well. I look at the flower and smile. I do love him a lot! But am I ready to admit to being gay?