The only problem that I need to face is my video leak. After a hot shower, I fight with my mind about whether I should turn on my phone or not. Honestly, I am afraid that I will get a ton of missed calls and text messages from my family, especially Charlotte. I stared at my phone lying down on my bed sheet, thinking over and over if I should open it, but in the end, I had to turn on my phone. As I expected, my phone was bursting with tone from text messages. I clicked the inbox and then I saw the messages in our group chat. They all worry about me. I took out a heavy sigh and decided to turn on my laptop and then I took a deep breath as a sign to ready myself for a story telling. I clicked FaceTime and then after a few seconds of calling, they all answered.

“God! Finally, you’ve answered!”

“Hey little sis. How’re you holding up?”

“We’ve all seen the video. Are you okay?”

“Why didn't you tell us that you have PTSD?”

They talk nonstop and in chorus, “Will you please stop talking? All of you?” When I said that, thank God, they listened to me, “Okay. First of all, no one diagnoses me as having PTSD, okay?”

“Why not, hon?” dad asks.

“Because...” I was hesitating to tell them, but I told them anyway, “...I believe that it was not serious, and I can manage myself.”

“It’s not about managing but to take a proper diagnosis and procedure.” Dr. Hector said. He is a surgeon and not a psychiatrist, so his term is clinical, “I know someone who can help you.”

“No, I don’t need it.” I know that he was going to say it, “Look, after all these years, I can take care of myself—”

“All these years, huh?” my annoying brother said.

“I manage to hide it from all of you, not to say, but because of that video—”

“So, you were planning to hide your mental illness from all of us. That’s insane.” Zeus says. He is really a fucking jerk. I don’t know why he is my brother. He was so arrogant, short tempered and very immature even though he was older than us. 

Hector was more mature than him and he was better to be an older brother because he is mature and very patient. The person I hate most in this world is that bulky person who thinks of himself highly from the rest of us: ZEUS.

“Hey! Big brother, that is not the word.” Adonis says. He's at the bar because of those purple lights in his background.

“I am not going to a doctor. I’ve made my decision.” I know that they all care for me, and I appreciate it but as long as I can handle it myself, I can. 

Can I? I just remembered a while ago, I almost died without help. Also, I don’t want to. 

“Then, I am going there.” Adonis said in a loud voice.

“My next game will be there, so I am too.” Zeus says.

I scoffed and rolled my eyes, “Ugh, you don’t need to do that.”

“I have to go fam. Bye, love you all.” We heard that someone was calling Hector and he was on duty. He disconnected from the call.

“I am too. Take care sis!” Adonis says, flying kisses me and he disconnected. Since I don’t have a big sister, I treat Adonis as my big sis. 

And they all had gone except Charlotte and dad. My dad was quiet and just listening, but I know he was worried about me too. More worried than the rest of them. I guess he trained himself to control his emotions and I can’t read his face right now. 

Dad is a very good father. He retired from being a general to take care of my mother. I always admire his love for my mother, and he always sings to her. Dad accepted our dreams in our life, and I thought that he would detest Adonis for being different, but we were wrong. Dad knew all along, and he hugged Adonis and supported him.

Ever since the death of my mother, he tried his best to hide his pain and always in his business. Maybe, to forget about her and to help himself to move on. 

I always wonder, what is it like to feel love? Is it about, physical touch that you gave each other? Or is it sexual intimacy that your body needs to grow something between the two of you? Or emotional connections that you will feel with each other?

Those questions are still clouding in my head and because of the past that has been haunting me, does love make a person go crazy?

I narrowed my eyes when I noticed Charlotte was being quiet today, “Why are you so quiet today, Char?”

“Hm, I want to talk but I won’t because I might tell them.”

That’s when my father showed his emotions. He was confused, “Tell us what?” dad asked, and I don’t know what to say. Charlotte and I exchanged glances, and I cleared my throat, “What is going on?”

“I, um... do you remember my ex-boyfriend, Matthew?”

“Yes. He’s a good kid and I like him for you.”

Unfortunately, my family knows him, and he was part of the family, and they know what happened to him, but they don’t know why because I don't want to talk about him since that night. At first, Matthew was too kind and then when I didn’t give him what he wanted, he threatened me.

“I was there when he killed himself.” I didn’t look at my father's face when I told him.

“What?! Why are you now telling me this?!” This is the first time he showed me his emotions. He was confused, angry and disappointed. 

“Because... I-I can’t! I get trauma when I see blood or even a drop of blood. I c-can't talk about how he died, or I-I can’t...” I couldn't control my tears and they just broke out, “...I have to go.” I said and ended the call. The nightmare that has been hunting me for three years has come back. I can’t sleep now. Ugh, why did I open up this again? 

I wanted to tell them what really happened in our relationship. But, they all have life, and I don’t want to be a burden to them when I can lift it all by myself. I felt a vibration on my side, wiped my tears on my eyes and picked up my phone. 

Char texted me and said sorry. 

Me: It's not your fault. Talk ‘ya tomorrow. G'night. 

I replied to her. 

I placed my phone on my chest and closed my eyes. I tried to sleep but I couldn’t, so I made my way downstairs. It was so dark but there was a light on the porch in the dining area and I passed to the kitchen. I went to the refrigerator, picked up the water and drank. It refreshed my system and as I was closing the door, someone talked. 

“Can’t sleep too?” I was surprised when I saw her because I thought I was all alone. I look around and look at her. She was leaning on the kitchen sink, drinking wine, “You’re too occupied, what is in your mind?” 

I swallowed and took a deep breath, "You scared me, aunt.” 

“I like it when you call me aunt because when you first came here, you called me by my first name.” she said. 

“I didn’t notice that. I’m sorry for being rude.” 

“It’s alright, honey. It means that you feel comfortable around me.” I nodded at her. She really is observant, “I was just getting ready to sleep when I saw you walking. Your mind is in different place and—”

“Okay, stop observing me.” I said and signaled her to stop. I laugh a little and lean on the other side of the counter. I crossed my arms while biting my lower lip. I like the design of their kitchen. Very neat, simple coastal kitchen design. 

She smirks, “Sorry dear, habits.” I took a deep breath again, “Something's troubling you.” I looked at her and she was worried. 

“Can I ask you something?” She nodded and placed her glass of wine on the side, “How do you and your husband love each other?” 

She smiled at me, and her hazel brown eyes looked down, “You know, I don’t know why I love him.” I didn’t expect her answer. 

“What do you mean, you don’t know?” 

“I don’t believe in love at first sight, but I do believe in destiny. He was my patient and I know, we have boundaries, but I felt something strong, something intimacy between us. I thought I liked him for just a sex or because of his looks, but, when our relationship goes on, there’s beyond that. Love is not always a happy ending. It gives you pain and sometimes, makes people mad.” 

I nodded to her and smiled a little, “Well, love sucks.” 

“Have you ever loved someone?” That question stays in my head. I avoided her eyes and didn’t answer her, “Sometimes love sucks and sometimes doesn’t. You will feel it before you know it and it's wonderful.” 

“You guys are a perfect couple.” 

She leaned her both arms on the top of the sink and looked forward, “Well, you can’t perfect something without a dangerous path.” She said meaningfully and took a deep breath, “My husband and I were not really perfect. After we got married, we were happy and got our own house to build a family. However, five years of being together without a child, we always fight over small things and I thought it will never end. Then one night, he became too distant from me. He always came back home late and drunk. And then, I checked his phone when he was sleeping, he has another woman.” I was just listening to her and realized, before they became perfect, the worst part will be part of it, “We fight over it and we get to the point that we talked about ending our marriage until one day, a miracle has been set up for us. I got pregnant with Jeremy, my little angel who saved us from getting separated. But, it doesn’t stop me from overthinking about... I’d always held that pain of me when my husband cheated on me. Don’t get me wrong, Athena, he changed.” 

“I guess, being in love, there’s always a worst part.” 

She smiled. Her warm smile, “You just have to believe and feel it. Fight for it, while you can. Goodnight, dear.” 

She said leaving me behind with that sentence. And her last words—does she know?