January 1, 1972
He knew I couldn't trust anyone again after what happened, except myself! Although I was a bit hesitant at first, in the end, I'm glad they're here.

February 20, 1973
Purple is an awesome wizard! He is very helpful in making decisions and very creative in finding solutions to technical problems.

Pink is a very cute clown and the fact that he doesn't speak makes him even funnier with the expressions he gets. In general, he is not the most suitable person to help in matters of the circus, nevertheless his childlike innocence makes me unable to be angry with him for anything.

Yellow, unlike Pink, is hyperactive. He always likes to do things and gives a sense of liveliness to the circus. He is also the best at fire stunts.

Green is tight-lipped. The way he handles snakes is special; it's something different. He does not like conflicts between others. Yesterday Purple and Pink got into a fight, and Green got in the middle. He turned the fight into a pleasant atmosphere.

Red and Blue are very good acrobats, and the tricks they do with the knives impress me. Red is a bit more dynamic and shows passion with everything, while Blue is a quiet force. He helps Red land in reality and is overprotective of him.

Joe is a mysterious guy; he likes to have everything under control for the good of the circus. He earned our respect from the start with his confidence and strong personality.

September 3, 1974
I had my first fight with Joe today. Maybe it's my fault; I feel like something is wrong... I'm starting to see things in Joe that I don't like. Many times I feel that he manipulates the others and makes them fight.
Yesterday he convinced Green that it was selfish of Yellow to have the last number on the show, and the result was a fierce fight between them. Green has never seen him fight; the other day he judged Red on Purple for eating all the food after the show and eating his own. He knows that Red doesn't hold back when he's hungry and we could have had other food, but Purple chose to pick a fight with Red for eating from his plate. The strange thing is that on both occasions, Joe looked eerily calm during the fight and I caught him bursting out laughing. I don't like the way he's been behaving at all. Not at all…

March 5, 1975
Something is very wrong with everyone!

August 15, 1975
I'm shocked… I finally understand what's going on with everyone. They remind me of the troupe that killed me. At first, I didn't notice because I only saw their good side, but their bad side is the same as the troupe from my normal life. What sick joke is this?

November 8, 1975
He did everything on purpose to bend me. Now I'm starting to understand that He likes to play with me. He didn't just bring out the good aspects of me, he also brought out something darker, the one He knew I couldn't stand! As He quipped to me, "You can't even stand yourself." How did He manage to confuse me like this?

April 13, 1981
I can't bear to know the truth and face them no matter how good they seem. I don't want them here anymore… and He's not willing to take them back. He finds it funny!
If I kill them, is it murder?

Her heart sank. A puzzle had finally found its pieces. Joe really wasn't his brother after all; he was a part of him, just like Purple, Pink, Yellow, Green, Red, and Blue. They were pieces of himself that someone had ripped out of him so he wouldn't be alone in this awful place. But they also had pieces in their character from those who killed him. But who created them? Who was He behind all this?

She began to quickly flip through the pages with bated breath.

October 21, 1981
I DON'T KNOW HOW IT HAPPENED! In the morning we sat in the dining room and talked. I decided to confront them by telling them what was bothering me. I didn't get the reaction I expected. Instead, Joe accused me of being the problem and that he should take my place in the circus. I will never forget the words he uttered. "They did well to kill you; you are such a selfish and arrogant person! You think you're the best!”
At that moment, I snapped… I started shaking… I grabbed the bread knife and just cut his carotid… But I didn't stop there… I continued to stab him in the sternum over and over again, I don't know how many times, until I felt a hand trying to grab me to stop. It was Green. I turned sharply, and the edge of the knife hit him in the eye.
At that moment, time stopped... He did something... Then I saw my katana; it was in the corner. I grabbed it and like a rabid animal began to cut the bodies of the rest with thick, deep cuts. They didn't react; they just had a shocked expression. Then I heard Him laugh, but I didn't care. Soon the whole room was stained with blood, and I felt weak with a faint satisfaction that my torture was over. I fell down, and everything around me went dark.

The next morning I couldn't believe my eyes. They were all alive!
"Didn't you want company?" His ironic voice made me realize that I cannot escape, I will be with them perhaps forever…

I could see in their eyes that they knew; they hadn't forgotten...
We talked a lot that morning. I told them about Him. I thought they knew, but He had made sure to keep it hidden. He might have erased their memory whenever He wanted, I'm not sure. Surprisingly, everyone took my side.
Joe then proposed a horrifying idea. To lash out at the spectators instead of them. Still, I liked the idea. Everyone liked it... Maybe more than they should. After all, they are His spectacular creations...

Terror covered her face. She put her hand over her mouth. She couldn't believe what she just read.

February 16, 1983
Joe tried to kill me today… He can't control his anger. He blurs. Knowing him, I would expect him to want revenge for when I cut his throat.
He doesn't understand that I can't die. A way of saying die, that is. He has set out to take my place in the circus. He thinks he's better than me. Many times he tried to manipulate me to get his way, but I didn't let him. As a result, he lashed out today...

July 2, 1983
He tried to kill me again. It has become ridiculous; I am tired... I see no other solution than to remove him, but how? Maybe I should ask Him for help... But I don't know if He will accept. I have to convince Him.

September 11, 1983
Things are better at the circus without Joe. I finally found a way to remove him. But I wonder, will this, shall we say, life of mine with others go on like this forever?

March 5, 1984
Who am I?
Are they really me?
Am I whole?
Why do I feel so empty?

June 18, 1990
I CAN'T TAKE IT ANYMORE!

November 20, 1995
This is not life... Everything has driven me crazy....

Today I talked to Him… So many fucking years I can't even say His name… I told Him I want to break the deal, but He told me that the deal can't be broken. I'm sure He's lying, as He is about everything. He wants to drive me crazy! He feeds off of it, of course He won't let me break the deal.

January 14, 1996
I managed to convince Him to make a new deal. A portal will open every year for me to find someone to… save me. Someone from the outside world. Who would want to save me? I'm laughing.

He likes games. He said he will put tests on anyone who comes and if they fail, He will take their soul. I am not enough for Him, He wants to be fed by others. But I accepted. Besides, what other choice did I have? I want this torture to end. I truly hope no other soul falls into his hands.

October 8, 2005
I am desperate. No one has succeeded so far. Of course, they all wanted to get out of this place; they didn't really want to save me. The Circus knew it, that's why it agreed. He brought it to me again. As if I haven't known Him in so many years. He wants me to lose hope… I feel so sorry for these lost souls… If I manage to break the deal, though, they will be freed with me and that's a relief… but… will I be freed?