You know what I hate the most is to become the talk of the town. My video got deleted but my presence will be forever in people’s minds. I used to be the talk of the town, part of anyone’s gossip about nonsense or whatever the stories they made about me because when I was in junior year, girls and boys had a crush on me—that’s what Charlotte said— she also added, I have a unique charisma between two species. I don’t care about any of that, I just want a peaceful life. 

I’m not famous nor queen bee nor part of the cool kids in school. Me and Charlotte, we’re always together. I wanted to be kind to everyone but whenever I helped someone it was either boy or girl, they fell for me, right in that instant. That is damn weird, right?

And then I met Matthew, I do like him. He was funny, kind and a gentleman. Or so I thought. 

He was one of the handsome boys at school and an athlete. I don’t care who he is but he was one of those people who fell hard for me and he was the one who never stopped pestering me.

“Hey.”

Wait... is this real?

“Babe, why are you avoiding me? Did I do something wrong?”

"M-Matthew..." I stuttered and looked around. I was in the school corridor, and lockers were on my sides, “What am I doing here?” I slap my face to wake myself up. 

“Hey, babe. Are you okay?” 

I shivered when he held my arms side by side and I squinted my eyes because he was real. He is standing in front of me like he was not dead.

“Don’t ever forget me. I love you more than you do.” He smiled and this smile is what makes me never forget him. He held me tight and suddenly, I couldn't breathe, “You deserve not to breathe because you killed me, right?”

My surroundings became dark and his smile never fades until I woke up from the same nightmare, every night. I catches my breath and tried my best to inhale the air but it seems it got stuck in my throat. I-I can’t breathe. I inhale through my mouth, gasping for life. I crawl on my bed and then when I can’t control my body, I fall from my bed, crawling to get outside. The doors were opening as I reached for it and someone came. My whole world was beneath the ocean. It felt like I would never ever get to the surface.

“Alright, I’ll talk to her.” I heard a vivid conversation and when I opened my eyes, it was all white, “Talk to you later. She’s awake.” 

“Where... where am I?” I looked at aunt Sandra and she came to me. 

“Hey, hon, how’s your feeling?”

My eyes were heavy and I noticed that I have an oxygen mask. "What happened to me?”

“You fell in your bed and had a shortness of breath. Honey, I was worried, we all worried about you. What happened? You can tell me.” 

I was just staring at her and her eyes were too concerned and worried. I tried to sit and she helped me. I took a deep breath and removed this mask out of my mouth. I exhale and the next thing I know, I am hugging her, crying. 

“It's alright. I’m here, I’m here.” She said while hugging me and caress my shoulders. I felt that she kissed me on my head, “Take your time. I’m always here.”

Mother is what I longed for. I felt safe in her arms. And now, that empty feeling, refill again by aunt Sandra. 

After a few minutes of silence, I speak. “I have a nightmare about my ex boyfriend.” She’s beside me and listening. I told her everything, even the part where I witnessed how Matthew killed himself that night. Maybe this part of me building a wall is a part of securing myself or loving someone. I was in a destructive relationship. I told aunt Sandra everything except for the fact of me.

I am not ready to tell her about myself. But, we talked about my mother. I just knew that my mother travels a lot and loves to go to different art galleries in different countries. Mom was also a jiu jitsu champion. I don’t know that because she was gentle and a very good cook. This is the first time I have talked about mom without pain. In my home in Chicago, after she died, my family never talked about mom. Aunt Sandra says, mom also had a unique way in artistic painting. Mom paints in a deep meaning. I know that.

“She always challenged me to interpret her paintings but it was so hard to understand.” Aunt Sandra shakes her head. I can see in her that she had happy memories with mom, “I remembered that she drew an ocean without anything on it. Just a blue ocean and clear sky.”

“A blue ocean and sky... I think I saw that in her gallery.” I said and thought of that painting. I smiled.

“Oh, what is that smile, did you understand the painting?”

“I can interpret her drawings.” But not her last painting she called the Broken Pieces, "The skies have clear intentions of pouring the rain to the ocean as the waves from it define as a warning. Which means, whatever emotions you hold, you must take responsibility.”

She nodded. "Hm, that’s quite deep. Can’t understand it whenever I stare at it.”

We both stayed two day at the hospital and it seems I am comfortable talking freely with Aunt Sandra and I just got home the next day.

“Your mom hates burgers.”

“What? For real?” I asked while getting out of the car.

“Uhuh,”

“Mom always buys us burgers.” 

“Your mom was a picky eater.”

“No way, I doubt that.” I said and we were walking to the entrance of the house.

“I guess she was good at hiding it.” 

“But, why?” I asked and we stopped in front of the door.

“She wanted to support all of you.” Yeah. The five of us. 

Aunt Sandra was ten years younger than my mother, “She’s... very extraordinary mom.” 

She put her arms around my shoulder, “And a very strict one. I remember when we were kids, she just wanted me to eat veggies! And that’s horrible! I hate veggies but she said it was good for your health and she’s right.” I smiled, “I have a lot to tell you about your mom. But first, let's get inside.” 

I giggled and when we opened the door, I was shocked because of two people in our living room, standing in front of us with a banner, balloons and decoration saying, “WELCOME HOME, ATHENA!” 

They were smiling at me and my mouth wide open, “Oh my!” I can’t say anything because this is a surprise!

“Did you do all of this?” aunt asked.

I look at her, “You are not part of this?” 

“No. Absolutely not. I have no idea.” 

“Uncle Noah planned this. I hope you like it.” Jeremy says. 

I knelt down and held his face, “I love it." I said in a sweet voice and hugged him, “Thank you.” I looked up at Noah and mouthed him thank you. He smiled and nodded at me.

“Okay, who cooks this? It looks so delicious.” Aunt Sandra said. 

“Finally! Real food. I was so sick of hospital food even though I just stayed there for a short time.” 

“Uncle Noah cooked this. I’m hungry, let’s eat.” 

“Alright, honey, let’s eat!” 

Aunt Sandra took food for Jeremy. I sit beside Noah, “Um, thank you. You don’t need to do this.” 

He looked at me and smiled, “It is nothing. We’re friends and you are special to me.” 

“I didn’t know that you can cook.” 

“Come on, dig in! Hey, Noah, this is great.” Aunt Sandra said while eating her food. 

“Well, you wouldn’t know if you don’t eat, Athena. You may forget about me.” he said while putting food on my plate.

I laugh a little and shake my head.

“That is why you keep texting me if we’re on our way home.” Aunt Sandra said to Jeremy. 

I narrowed my eyes when I realize something, “Wait, who left here while we were gone?” 

“When I was with you yesterday, Jeremy texted me to stay with you and he said that Noah came to the house so..."

Jeremy said that? 

“You were sick and mom was good at taking care of me when I was sick. I was worried and then uncle Noah came.” I look at Noah. 

“Oh, it's nothing. I visited because you didn’t come for school and I thought it's because of the other day. So I thought..."

I held his hand on the table, “Thank you.” I sincerely said. I thought all along if something happens to me, I will be all alone. But I’m not. 

We played board games in the living room and I couldn’t refrain from smiling. It seems I forgot what happened to me recently just for today.

“Noah likes you.” Aunt Sandra said while I was waving my goodbye to Noah, “He is sincere and very sweet. I like him for you.” 

I take a deep breath and look at the sky. It is full of stars, “I just can’t do love right now.” 

“You like him?” I stared at nothing because I didn’t know what to answer, “Healing is not easier. You are afraid that it may repeat but, you wouldn’t know if you don’t open your heart. You can’t stay in that prison forever. You have to find a way to get out. Don’t let anyone take your freedom from you. Only you can decide your destiny.” 

Little by little I got to know aunt Sandra and I'm aware that she's a therapist which means her patients were depending on her about their problems. But, I didn’t feel that I am one of her patients. She has the ability to talk with anyone heart to heart. And I, myself, can feel that I can trust her because she didn’t make me feel that I am a patient. She made me feel like her own daughter. 

Now, I told her everything about my destructive relationship and she didn’t judge. I think that’s what I need. Someone who will listen.

She left and I love staring at the night sky because it makes me calm. After a few minutes, I take a deep breath and go upstairs to sleep. I didn’t go to my room yet when I saw Jeremy and his mom doing a story telling before he slept. I smiled knowingly that I remembered her so I decided to join them. 

“What are you reading?” 

“The little prince.” Jeremy says. I hugged him behind and aunt Sandra was leaning her right arm to us. 

“Hm, that’s a good one.” 

And she read the chapter. I thought I would never feel this kind of happiness again. A contentment and breathable surface. Laughing and feeling safer between families and this is the most treasure that I will cherish forever. I think...

... I want to be here. To live, to be my home, to be my family.