Amanda gasped, her hands moving to cover her mouth. “No way. When are you going?”

“I’m not sure I am. How can I just up and leave?”

“Are you kidding me? How can you not? This is your dad we’re talking about. You haven’t seen him in two years. And now you get the chance to see what’s going on in his life?”

When she put it that way . . . “My mom would never let me go. And the flight’s in less than two weeks.”

“Grab my phone out of my purse.” Amanda pointed, and Jaci flipped through the contents before tossing it at her.

“Two weeks,” Amanda murmured, pulling something up on her phone. “Jaci, you know what’s in a week?”

She lifted her eyes to Jaci’s, and with a little shiver, Jaci knew what she meant.

“My birthday.”

“That’s right. You’ll be eighteen. Technically your mom won’t be able to stop you.”

“I can’t just disobey her, though.”

Amanda snapped her fingers. “What if you said you were going with me?”

Jaci shook her head. “You know my mom would check with your dad.”

“No, for real! What if I went too?” Amanda lowered her voice. “Dude. My dad feels really guilty about not being here. I bet I could get him to take us to Europe.”

Jaci fell silent, trying not to let the worm of excitement in her chest grow too much. Could it work? “But your dad’s not gonna let me wander off by myself.”

Amanda raised her eyebrows. “Leave the details to me.”

It was hard to keep quiet, but Jaci didn’t want to ruin Amanda’s scheming by spilling the beans too quickly. So she didn’t mention Switzerland to her mom or Seth that evening.

Not telling Ricky was even harder. She didn’t know how he would react, and she wasn’t even sure it would work out. So she decided not to say anything.

Skipping school for one more day, Jaci drove Ricky to the airport early the next morning. Seth had offered to drive him since he was leaving for Montana around the same time, but Jaci declined. She wanted to spend a few moments alone with Ricky before he was gone again.

They didn’t say much in the car. Jaci told herself to get over her irrational anger and stop wasting the precious minutes she had left, but she couldn’t help resenting Ricky for leaving her. For placing his sister before her.

The thought left her feeling rotten and selfish.

Ricky tried a few times to start up a conversation, but he gave up in the face of Jaci’s one-worded answers. She let him take her hand, though, and she fought hard to keep her emotions under control.

She waited behind the line while Ricky checked in. He returned to her, cocking one eyebrow, his expression wary.

“Well,” he said, patting his palm with his sister’s phone—he’d “borrowed” it from her when he stayed behind to help Jaci—“thanks for the ride.”

Jaci wrapped her arms around her torso and hugged herself, a hole of loneliness opening up inside her. She’d spent two years without him next to her, and she didn’t want to experience that again.

He shuffled his feet and glanced around as if not quite sure what to say. “You know this isn’t forever, right? I mean, it’s not even for long. I’ll come back and see you at least once a month.”

Jaci swallowed hard to keep the tears from rising. It did no good. She felt the burn in her eyes, the emotion threatening to overspill.

He sighed and gathered her up in his arms, and the torrent broke loose.

“Don’t go. Don’t leave me.” Her fingers dug into his shoulders, pulling him closer to her.

“Jaci,” he whispered. “Please.”

He didn’t say anything more, but he didn’t have to. Blinking rapidly and forcing a watery smile to her lips, she took a step back. “It’s fine,” she said, brushing away the tears. “I’ve got my family, I’ve got Amanda. I’m okay.”

He cupped her face with both hands, the greenish-brown eyes searching hers. “Are you okay with me?”

“Yes.”

He kissed her, hard and quick, and then glanced over his shoulder at the security line, rapidly growing as the time neared to board. “I’ve got to go. I’ll call you from Kansas.” He bent his head and kissed her again, gently this time, drawing out the moment of his lips on hers. “I love you and I’ll see you soon.”

He didn’t give her a chance to say it back. He turned around and jogged into the security line, cutting their goodbyes short as he was swallowed up by the other passengers.

“I love you too,” Jaci whispered, her fingers brushing her lips, still feeling the ghostly echo of his touch.

She waited all day Wednesday to hear from Ricky. When evening came and still nothing, she checked the flight status to make sure he’d arrived. It landed, all right. If Ricky hadn’t gotten home, someone would call her, wouldn’t they?

She stayed up as late as she could, but still no phone call. When she finally lay down in bed and closed her eyes, the physical ache in her chest made it hard to sleep.

On Thursday Jaci went back to school. She parked her car in her usual spot behind the gym, even though cross-country season was over. She headed across the gravel lot hesitantly, feeling again the weight of Joey’s loss, remembering all the times he would meet her here and carry her bags, or tease her as they crossed the street. At least she could look back on those memories with fondness, knowing he hadn’t faked his feelings of friendship for her.

“Jaci!” Zanelle called out in the hallway. She tossed her straight black hair over her shoulder and looped an arm through Jaci’s. Jaci hadn’t seen her since the funeral. After the fallout between Joey and Jaci, Zanelle was the only one of his friends who hadn’t blacklisted her. “Good to see you back in school. How are you holding up?” Her voice was all sincerity, not prying or greedy with desire to probe Jaci’s pain.

“It’s affected us all, right?” Her schoolmates didn’t know all the details, and they didn’t need to. The story they knew was that Joey followed Jaci before Homecoming and was killed protecting them both.

Zanelle gave Jaci’s arm a squeeze. “I know this must be super hard on you. We’re here for you, okay?” She waited until she got a nod from Jaci, then gave her another squeeze and slipped past her.

Jaci exhaled and stepped up to her locker. Images flooded her mind like a silent movie, all the times she’d met Joey here, the times he’d cajoled her into eating lunch with him, made plans to go out for ice cream—ice cream! She’d never be able to eat the cold dessert again without thinking of him.

She closed her eyes against the familiar tears. If only Amanda were here. She could handle this if she had her best friend next to her.

Opening her eyes, she spun the locker combination, trying to still the anxiety that racheted up in her chest. The days leading up to Joey’s death had been filled with threatening notes and phone calls, and she had to remind herself that the culprit was in jail. Nobody could hurt her now.

The locker popped open, and no note cards or envelopes fell out. She swapped out her books and tried to ignore the throbbing in her temples that indicated an oncoming headache. Maybe she should just call this a day and go home.

Her phone buzzed in her pocket. Jaci maneuvered herself against the lockers, still careful of her ankle, and pulled her phone out. She didn’t recognize the long-distance number, but her phone displayed the location: Kansas.

Her heart somersaulted in her chest, and she answered it with trembling fingers. “Hello?”

“Jace.” Ricky’s tenor voice filled her ear, and for a moment she could almost imagine the heat of his breath on her face, see the mischievous spark in his eye. “I made it.”

She wanted to yell at him for not calling her, but she was elated to hear his voice. She gave a small laugh, joy bubbling up in her like simmering hot chocolate. “I expected to hear from you yesterday.”

“Sorry. The phone died on the flight and Sara took it back as soon as I landed. So I bought my own. This is my number.”

“I’ll save it.”

“You better.” He paused, then softened his tone. “How are you?”

“I’m at school.” A quick glance around showed she was the only person in the hallway, too. “It’s really hard, Ricky.” Her voice caught on his name. “I’m a mess. I can’t seem to stop crying.”

“I wish I was there with you.”

“Then why did you leave?” She chastised herself as soon as the words were out. “Never mind. Forget I said that.”

“I’ll come back soon. Maybe Thanksgiving.”

She exhaled and pushed off the locker. “I better get to class. Tell Sara and Neal hi for me.”

“I will.”

Jaci lasted until sixth hour. Because of the block scheduling her school ran, sixth hour was only the second class of the day. But as soon as she approached the physics classroom, she knew she couldn’t walk in there. That was where Joey had jumped at the opportunity to be her partner—all so he could study her, learn her habits, and pretend to be her friend.

She flipped away from the memories, the lies, and charged down the hall, out the door, and to her car.