Amanda looked a lot better than she had the previous day.

“I didn’t expect to see you right now,” she said, making her way to the couch and collapsing on it.

“I couldn’t do the school thing.” Jaci fell in beside her and relaxed her head against the back of the cushion.

“Anything you want to talk about?”

Jaci rolled her head forward and focused on her friend. Amanda had showered, and her hair hung in perfect waves, albeit sans product. She’d skipped putting on makeup again, but the dark lashes framed her green eyes, highlighting her natural beauty.

“I’m done pretending I’m okay. I’m done trying to fit in and be a normal kid, put my past behind me.”

“It’ll get better,” Amanda said. “I’ll be able to go with you next week.”

“And then what? We can field the questions together?”

Amanda’s lip quirked upward. “We can even hold a Q&A.”

Jaci laughed in spite of herself, and then she sighed. “What am I supposed to do? I’ve been a scholar student for years. I’ve worked hard to get here. Even after the—” She broke off and shook her head. “I’m sick of crying. I’m sick of being fragile and broken. I spent years putting myself back together and now I feel like I’m at square one. Useless.”

“Let’s go to Switzerland.”

“Anytime,” Jaci sighed.

“No, really.” Amanda scooted forward, catching Jaci’s eye. “I talked to my dad. He said we can go, and my mom said she’d fund it.” Amanda rolled her eyes. “She didn’t even fly out to see me in the hospital. Let’s enjoy her guilt trip.”

The thought left her delirous. “Get away from it all.”

“Get away from here.”

A renewed energy coursed through her veins, a spark of anticipation igniting in her gut. “When?”

“When is your flight?”

“In nine days.” Her hope sank. No way could they pull this together that fast.

“Then I guess we better book mine.” Amanda pushed off the couch and made her way to the computer at the desk next to the television. “Get over here and make sure I get the right one,” she called over her shoulder.

Jaci pushed off the couch and came to her side. “Are you sure?”

“Yep. Just gotta find my passport . . . will you check that drawer?”

“So your mom’s helping your dad pay for this? Is this really okay?” She found the little blue book and placed it on the desk.

“Yep.” Amanda shot her a big grin. “I’ll just let him know I couldn’t wait. I found a good deal and booked the tickets.”

Jaci watched Amanda maneuver the pointer over the airlines website. She should say something, stop Amanda from this insanity, but she didn’t want to. Suddenly the flight couldn’t come soon enough. She had to get out of Idaho. “That’s it.”

Amanda clicked the last button, and a moment later the confirmation screen popped up. “And it’s done!” She turned around and hugged Jaci. “We’re going to Switzerland!”

Jaci hugged her back. Then Amanda pulled away, her expression becoming more serious. “You might want to tell your mom.”

***

To say her mom was upset was putting it mildly.

“You’re not going,” Mrs. Rivera said. She finished emptying the dryer and started up the stairs from the basement, a basket of laundry on her hip.

“Mom, I’ve got to go.” Jaci trailed after her, using the banister to increase her speed.

“No.”

Her mom’s voice held the no-argument tone to it. But Jaci wasn’t deterred. She knew she was going. It would be better, of course, if her mom agreed to it. She followed her into the living room and sat across from her on the floor, not above begging to get what she wanted.

“Por favor, Mamá,” she said.

“No.”

“Mother.” Jaci sighed. “It’s not like I’ll be by myself. Amanda’s dad will be with us. We’ll just hang out and have a nice time. Besides, Amanda’s dad already bought the tickets.”

“Then I hope he can get his money back.”

“Mom.” Jaci took a deep breath and gave permission for the tears to let loose. “You don’t know how badly I need this! I’m-I’m having a really hard time right now. Everything that’s happened—it’s like the kid-kidnapping all over again—and now I have to go to school and act normal—” The sobs grew harder, and Jaci realized to her chagrin that she wasn’t even faking it. “I need this. I have to go. I’ve got to get away, I’ve got to, or I’m going to go crazy here!” She put her face in her hands, unable to stop the flood of anguish once she gave into it.

Her mother heaved a loud sigh. “Jacinta, mirame,” she said, commanding her to look at her.

Jaci met her mother’s gaze and knew she’d won. The victory felt shallow, though. The feelings she’d had to dredge up to get to this point were too real. “I need to go,” Jaci said softly. “I have to find myself, Mama.”

Her mother hesitated, indecision on her face. “How can I let you go to another country alone? You’re not even safe in your own town!”

“I won’t be alone, Mom.”

Mrs. Rivera bowed her head and closed her eyes. Jaci held her breath, not sure if her mother was praying or crying. Then her head came up and she looked directly at Jaci.

“I will talk to Amanda’s father. Then I will decide.”

“Okay.” Jaci nodded quickly, hoping she didn’t look too eager. “Gracias, Mamá.” She stood and kissed her mom on the cheek, then made her way up to her room.

Her dad would take care of her. She squeezed her stomach, excited flutters flapping around in her belly. She was one step closer to being in charge of her life. She was finally doing what she wanted to do.

***

Jaci forced herself to sit through her classes at school. At least Amanda was back, and she answered any questions with laughter and a toss of her red hair, giving off the illusion of nonchalance and confidence. Jaci stayed in her shadow, grateful for the silent support Amanda offered just by being there.

Her mom spent the week trying to dredge up names of friends to invite to Jaci’s eighteenth birthday, but finally gave up when Jaci refused to provide any.

“I don’t want a party,” Jaci said.

“You never do,” Mrs. Rivera said. “Not since the kidnapping. I thought maybe this year would be different.”

The words probed the wound in Jaci’s heart like a finger into her flesh, and she didn’t answer. But if anything, this year was only worse. She’d lost another friend.

She awoke on Friday keenly aware it was her birthday. She took a deep breath and let it out slowly, telling herself to let go of the guilt. She rolled over in bed and curled her legs up to her chest, wishing Ricky were there with her. She wanted him to hold her, she wanted to feel the warmth and security of his arms.

The alarm went off on her phone and she silenced it. Only then did she notice she had a text from Ricky.

Happy birthday, Jaci. I’ll call you later.

Like a phone call could make up for his absence.

She didn’t know how long she lay there feeling sorry for herself when the bedroom door opened and the light flipped on.

“Ah ha, I knew it,” Amanda said, closing the door and sitting on the floor directly in front of Jaci’s line of sight. “I knew you’d be wallowing in misery for being alive.”

Jaci couldn’t help laughing at herself, the way Amanda put it. “Pathetic.”

“Indeed. Get up, girl.” Amanda took her hand and pulled her to her feet. She hugged Jaci and whispered in her ear, “There’s not a single person, dead or alive, that wouldn’t want you celebrating today.”

“I know.” She pulled away and went to her closet. “That doesn’t take away the pain.”

“That’s why I’m here. To get you through the worst day of your life.”

Jaci rolled her eyes. “A bit melodramatic.”

“You, not me.”

She cradled her clothes to her chest and faced Amanda, a smile tugging at her lips. “You don’t have any tact.”

“Do you need some?”

“I guess not.”

“Good. Hurry and get ready, I don’t want to be late.” Amanda dropped a wrapped box on the computer desk. “Happy birthday.”

“What is it?”

“You’ll have to open it and find out.”

Jaci dressed quickly and fluffed her hair, applying a tiny bit of concealer to the dark skin around her eyes before returning to the bedroom. She picked up the gift. “Can I open it now?”

“Sure. It’s nothing big.”

Jaci unwrapped it and burst out laughing. “A sticker book?”

“Not just any sticker book. It’s an emoji sticker book. See?” Amanda took it and flipped through the pages. “You gotta get those emotions out. Now you can sticker your days with your feelings.”

Jaci couldn’t stop laughing. The ache in her heart was replaced with a warm affection for her friend. “Thanks, Amanda. It’s great.”

“You’re welcome. Now let’s get to school so we can come home and pack your bags.” Her cheeks were flushed as if she’d been running, the eagerness burning in her eyes.

“Right,” Jaci said. Bubbles erupted in her belly. This was really happening.