DSM S01-E05:

SOMETHING BORROWED, SOMETHING BLUE

FEATURED SONG:

"Hate Me Like U Love Me" by Syence, ft. Jake Neumar.

*** Any featured song may contain explicit content! ***

Please listen at your own discretion.

CONTENT WARNING:

Mentions:

     - Blood

     - Death of a family member

                                              RIMA • 李眞

Class runs relatively smooth for the rest of the day, but I'm having a hard time focusing. I'm still stuck thinking about what he said to me earlier. I don't know whether to be embarrassed or angry.

I know I shouldn't let it bother me, but it does. It's not like he knows the history behind my ribbon, or anything about my life really, but I'm still irritated anyhow. Who does he think he is? Like, why is a put-down¹ the first thing you have to say to someone you've just met?

Ugh, whatever. I was never much of a people person anyway.

I take some deep breaths, trying to calm myself down. I've always had little patience for stuff I didn't like, and usually I'm too quick to get upset. Mom used to have me count down from ten and take deep breaths. It still works, even now that I'm older. Helps me clear my thoughts and focus more on why I'm upset, rather than just the the object of my anger.

One. I exhale. I'm still irritated, but less so now. How can I expect him, a stranger, to know how much this ribbon means to me? I'm not saying that the way he treated me is right, but maybe I should give him the benefit of the doubt² since I'm not exactly great with first impressions myself. Maybe he didn't mean it that way and was just being direct? Or maybe he's bad at communicating with others? I know nothing about him so I'm not entirely innocent either. And if, on the off-chance he really did mean it that way, then that's an area of improvement for him to work on.

I instinctively fiddle with my ribbon again. This isn't just any ribbon, it was my mother's. Other than the scrapbooks, it's the only thing I have left of hers really.

It was also the one she was wearing the day she died, almost 12 years ago.

A flash of her body covered in blood that day intrudes on my thoughts. Her dark hair a mess, no longer held together in its usual long braid. The ribbon lying a few inches away, also covered in blood.

Shove it back down, I tell myself trying to clear the image from my head. I don't like to think of her in that state. Instead, I choose to remember her in life.

This ribbon is light blue in color and made of satin. I've always felt like it never really suited me as well as it did her. She was so pretty and feminine. She knew how to do her hair and makeup properly, and she always knew just what to wear.

And I'm just . . . me.

I've never really been one to wear dresses, ribbons, and frills. I don't even own a purse. I would rather play soccer and powderpuff³ any day over cheerleading. And the only reason I even know how to style my hair and makeup now is because of my best friend Khalia back home. Obviously Seán was no help in that department.

I always wear this ribbon to remember her by, to keep her close. Usually it's in my hair, but sometimes I keep it on my necklace, around my wrist, or in more formal settings, inside my pocket or wallet. Always somewhere on my person. I never leave anywhere without it. Otherwise, I fear something bad might happen to it. I don't even want to think about what I'd do if I lost it.

A paper note in the shape of a crane suddenly lands on my desk, drawing me out of my macabre thoughts.

     Hey, sorry! That seat 

     really is already taken 

     by my twin sister Yumi⁴. 

     But I still feel bad about 

     earlier. Can I maybe 

     make it up to you with 

     some coffee, tea, or 

     something after school?

              ~ Miyazaki⁵, Yuki⁶

                 宮咲 • 夢美

She must've written it in English so that I could understand better. Also, her last name seems familiar, but it's a fairly common name. I look up from her beautiful handwriting to see her pleading green eyes.

Ok, I'll bite⁷.

I nod yes, and she looks relieved. She nods in agreement and then goes back to listening to the lesson. I try to do the same, but I notice a pair of blue eyes also returning to their textbook.

                                              ~ ~ ~

Once school is out and chores⁸ are done, I meet Miyazaki-san at the front gate. Other students stay behind for studying, sports clubs, and the like, but seeing as there's no girl's soccer team offered here and it's my first day today, neither really apply to me.

She skips up to me, running a bit behind from her own chores.

"Sorry about that," she says as she scratches the back of her head. "Are you ready to go Takai-chan?"

I nod and then tentatively reply. "Actually, you can call me Rima-chan . . . if you'd like." It's still so weird to me, hearing my last name all the time, rather than my first name. And honestly, she seems really nice, albeit a bit odd. I think she'll make a good friend.

"Ok, then you may call me Yuki-chan," she says with a big smile. "Let's get going then, I have just the place in mind."

                                              ~ ~ ~

¹ Put-down: A rude or derogatory comment toward someone, purposely intended to make them feel bad. Also known as "throwing shade", "talking crap", or a "dig", etc.

² Giving someone the "benefit of the doubt": A phrase used when someone actively chooses to believe that someone else is telling the truth or acting with good intentions, even when there is uncertainty or reason to suspect otherwise.

³ Powderpuff: Girl's football matches played in Junior and High Schools in the U.S.A. for a few matches since 1972. This was before all-girls teams were formed and funded later on (in certain states, like California) approximately 30 years afterwards. Over 50 years later in 2024, still more than half of the 50 states prohibit girls from joining their official high school football team, and most high schools do not have a co-ed or all-female official team, if there is already an all-male team funded.

⁴ 夢美 "Yumi" ( ユミ ) is a girl's given name meaning "dream/illusion" and "pretty". Pronounced "yoo-mee".

⁵ 宮咲 "Miyazaki ( ミヤザキ ) is a surname meaning "shrine" and "blossom". Pronounced as "mee-yaw-zah-kee".

⁶ 佑綺 "Yuki" ( ユキ ) is a unisex given name meaning "protect/aid" and "beautiful". Pronounced as "yoo-kee". If spelled using different kanji, the name can also mean "snow" ( 雪 ) or "princess" ( 宮本 ).

⁷ I'll bite: A slang phrase meaning "I'm interested in seeing what happens", not literally biting someone, in this case.

⁸ Classroom Chores: In Japan, students assist with cleaning and organizing their classrooms after school, unlike the USA, which utilizes a janitorial system instead. This teaches Japanese students responsibility, respect, and team work from a young age, since it starts while they are in their elementary / primary school years, all the way up through college.