The Red Knight Seeks No Rewards

Chapter 4

It was the middle of the night when Judith awoke. She had spent most of the previous day holed up in her room, not wanting anyone to see her face, as it was puffy from crying. At least she felt better after weeping an ocean in Calipa’s arms.

The moonlight poured over the windowsill like another stream of tears. Judith peered up at the moon silently. If there was one thing that hadn’t changed after returning to the past, it was moonlight. Apart from that, everything was different. The situation often left Judith lost in her thoughts.

She should have been alone in her room, but Violet and Calipa were asleep next to her. The two had burst into Judith’s room a few hours earlier with their arms full of luggage. Violet in particular had a never-ending stream of questions.

“Are you really all right?”

She might not even have known what she was asking, but Judith thought her concerned gaze was so adorable that she’d ended up huffing out a laugh despite her puffy eyes and tear-stained cheeks.

They probably noticed that something was off about me… Violet could be rambunctious at times, but in general, she was straight-laced and proper. To put it positively, she was considerate of others. To put it another way, she was nosy and always up in their business.

“Are you even human?”

An old memory Judith had buried deep down pierced her heart. Violet, like the flower she shared her name with, shone brightly wherever she was. She was also the link connecting Judith to her other friends. So when she had been killed by a demonic beast, Judith and her last remaining friend ended up fighting. They eventually severed ties, becoming each other’s worst enemy. In retrospect, everything had fallen apart after Violet’s death. There was no one to reign me in.

Judith was determined to change her fate and the fate of her friends, no matter what. That desire grew stronger as time passed. The more she embraced the fact that she had traveled back in time, the clearer her resolve became.

“It’s a full moon tonight…” she murmured. Only a day had passed since her return, and it was a full moon. It was a thin crescent moon when I killed the third imperial prince. That was proof that she was displaced in time.

Why am I still alive? Why have I been sent back in time? So many questions flooded her mind, but she didn’t ruminate on them as she usually did. Being alive was a blessing in itself. It meant she had the ability to change things, and the possibilities were endless. It was a second chance for Judith, but she somehow felt strangely heavy-hearted.

“You were a useful pawn, worth the hefty price I paid.”

Is this really an opportunity? Did I really go down the wrong path the first time? She questioned herself as she leaned against the wall and dropped her head. No one in the room could see her expression crumple.

“Judith… Aren’t you going to sleep?”

“I will. Don’t mind me and go back to sleep.”

Violet was tossing and turning, and Judith patted her on the back, tugging the blanket up over her. Violet nodded in relief at her friend’s answer, then she snuggled back into the blanket like it was a cocoon and fell back asleep.

Judith waited ages until finally she felt safe to tiptoe around without waking her friends. The moonlight was especially bright, and it poured over the letters and bills piled up on her desk. It was a familiar sight.

She checked her bills as she normally did. This is from the dressmaker… This one is from the imperial forge, this one is for shoe repair… The night tolls, the general store… She couldn’t remember what she’d bought six years ago in detail, but she knew the context for the expenses. One had to prepare a wardrobe of uniforms and personal items after being initiated as an imperial knight. I could only cover so much with the official supplies.

Judith’s mind raced, making calculations. Most of the bills were paid in installments, but just like a light drizzle will eventually soak your clothes, the total added up to a daunting amount.

It’s not impossible to pay these off. But when she checked the last bill, her heart sank. It was from the Arpa Nursing Home. Judith stared at the nursing home bills. They were the last vestiges of her mother, and they were the ones to whom she owed the most money.

Judith was sixteen when her mother collapsed. Her mother had neglected her health to work in the fields and eventually fallen ill to a plague. She had luckily survived, but she spent the remainder of her life moving from one nursing home to another. The Arpa Nursing Home was the only place that had taken pity on Judith’s situation and allowed her to pay in installments.

I paid it all off before, but now I’m back to square one. She crumpled the bill and sank to the floor, hugging her knees.

Damn it. I worked so hard to pay it off the first time. She didn’t want to be called an ingrate for not paying off the debt just because her mother had passed away, which was why she’d been tenacious in paying off the nursing home. If she hadn’t wanted to be called such names then, she certainly didn’t want to hear them now.

Her mind began racing at three times its normal speed with calculations. Three hundred and fifty thousand gold a month in salary as a novice imperial night. If I send 250,000 gold to the nursing home, I should keep it at less than 40,000 for basic living expenses.

Just being alive cost money. It was human physiology to eat, sleep, and defecate, but she needed to pay to do all that. It drove her up the wall. Housing, food, clothing, repairs, laundry, and on top of that, taxes—that was the cost of living and breathing that a person was expected to pay. Such an absolute truth hadn’t changed simply because she’d traveled back in time.

“Are there any supplies that I can nick…?” Judith muttered out of habit. But not even a minute passed before she slapped herself hard across the cheek. Crazy, crazy, crazy! It was only yesterday that she had assassinated a prince for money and then traveled back in time, then vowed never to value money more than life. But now that the bills were in front of her, she found herself returning to her old ways.

I promised myself I would change! But how do I do that? She bit her lip and buried her face in her knees.

It wasn’t that she didn’t know how to live righteously. She knew how to be content with what she had and live without greed. She would never covet that which was beyond her means, and instead live a full enough life with the money that she was given. That was what others called righteous.

But who enjoys living like that? If the choice was between bread and meat, she wanted meat. She wanted a silver scabbard rather than a copper-plated one. Golden thread suited her better than silver. Jewelry was best when it was sizable, expensive, and extravagant. If someone called her a broke-ass b*tch, there was no question that she would punch that bastard in the face, and she needed compensation money for their hospital treatment.

She didn’t want to be poor and give idiots another reason to sneer at her, so she chased after money. Money could make most of her dreams come true. But if that very thing had gotten her killed, she wondered what it meant for her current life. Must I let go of my greed and be content with what I have? Will this terrible sense of helplessness then leave me?

It was always like this. The moment she realized how penniless she really was, devastation hit. The more she tried to pinch pennies and scrape by, the more unsettled she became. She felt like she was being dragged into a swamp, living paycheck to paycheck and barely scraping by every day. She was always short on money.

Maybe I can’t change. Even as she was living her second chance, her head was filled with thoughts of money. How could she change, then? Of course, change was possible, but not overnight.

She had once severed a stranger’s tendons for pay. She had once received a diamond-encrusted tiara after staging a homicide to look like a suicide. And in the end, she had brutally killed the prince who had thought her to be his savior. Though she had no desire to speak of those shameful deeds, it was a past that would not change. Regardless, she had to live a different life from now on.

I wish I had died. Then perhaps I wouldn’t have to suffer the same pain once again, she thought.

Judith’s smile turned sad. Being alive was a blessing in itself, but it could also be a shackle one could not escape. Her life might be nothing but pain, or she could end up dead again after frantically earning money to open up a life of endless possibilities. Could this really be considered a second chance? She often reflected on her life, but she always came to the same conclusion—it was a wretched excuse to say she had no choice in the matter.

“Dame Judith, your cause was wealth.”

She still felt wronged by life, even though she knew she hadn’t lived by the right virtues. But it didn’t alleviate her shame. She pressed her lips together tightly and put an end to her thoughts, just as she usually did.

“Judith…”

“I’m sorry. I just couldn’t fall asleep. This is really…” Judith buried her face in her knees. Only her mouth moved.

Calipa came to sit next to her and tried to yank the bill from her hand, but Judith tightened her grip on it, as if it were her last shred of dignity. “I’ll come to bed. Just give me another minute,” she said. For a moment, she considered asking Calipa to lend her enough money to live with ease for a few months, but the thought made her want to die. She hated herself for being so calculating.

“Okay. Let’s all go to bed, Judith.” Calipa held her quietly.

As Judith wiped her eyes, she decided would sell her hair first thing in the morning. Even the moonlight seemed to shine cruelly.

***

As soon as the sun came up, Judith got permission to venture outside. She deemed half of her current possessions unnecessary. She sold all the shoes and boots she had only worn a few times and all the books she had been reading, even though she didn’t get much for them. It only added up to a few coins in all, but in a pinch, every penny counted. She then set foot in a place she had never been before—the office of a real estate agent.

“You want to sell a parcel of land? A young lady like yourself?”

“It’s my inheritance from my father. It’s not much land, but it’s enough to build a house.” Judith flashed her badge, proving her status as an imperial knight.

The real estate agent hurriedly bowed to her. “Oh my, I didn’t know who I was talking to. I apologize.”

“I’ll give you the address. You can send me a letter specifying the price. I’ll sell it if the price is right.”

“Consider it done.”

After exchanging a few words, Judith turned away, hiding her bitterness. The land had special meaning to her. It wasn’t necessarily excellent property, barely big enough for a family home at the fringe of the capital. However, it was special to her because of her mother’s wish.

“Your father said that one cannot live without a place to call a home. Judith, make that place your home. You can build a house there… So don’t ever sell it, all right?”

A small piece of land left to me by a father I never met. The land evoked a certain precious emotion in Judith that went beyond its obvious monetary value. It gave her a little bit of hope for the future. She had no desire to sell it, but she did not wish to be mired in debt. Rather than allow a mountain of bills to eat away at her assuredness, it was better to sell the land.

If I had known I was going to die like that, I would have sold it long ago. I was holding onto it like a fool. Judith’s knowledge was limited when it came to managing land and debt. It was a shame that she had no one to consult, but she had made do on her own.

It’s okay. I made the right choice. I’ll keep on changing, one step at a time, she thought. But she felt hollow in the pit of her heart. But this is it, isn’t it? Once the property was out of her hands, she could never return.

Still, she had no choice. It was better to pay off the debt as soon as possible. Judith forced herself to turn and walk away.

She was back at the imperial palace before noon. She had originally planned to sell her hair, but the salon that usually gave her the best price was too busy to take any more customers. Just as she was grumbling that the timing couldn’t have been any worse, she heard Violet’s voice.

“Judith, Judith! There you are. What a relief!”

“What’s the matter, Violet?”

Violet was running toward her frantically. “What? Have you forgotten? The knight qualification exam is today!”

“Oh… Was it?”

“I can’t believe you!” Her friend grabbed her arm.