Read The Red Luna :: S01 Ch03: Ghosts

"Lee..."

Ugh who is that? I'm still so tired. Go away

"Lee!"

Dad, go away please!

"Leelee!"

I think I was very clear-

"Leelee!!!"

My eyes open and I look up to see a familiar face in hovering over mine. With a glare I ask

"I thought I told you to go away"

"No you didn't. You didn't say anything and you got me worried. Are you okay?"

The look of worry on dad's face makes my stomach drop. I don't like to worry dad. I already feel bad for him having to live with me, the shunned she-devil, and constanly worrying.

"It must have been in my head then"

I wave him off and climb out of the car. I yawn and stretch sideways surveying my surroundings.

Dad parked in front of our house on the side of the street. There was a neatly mowed lawn with flowers on both sides of a brick walk path with stairs leading downwards to where I stand. There were Snapdragons, Impatiens, Marigold and other unknown but beautiful flowers. They look wonderful. I take my eyes upward to find that our house is two stories. With the number of windows on top, I guess that's where most of the rooms and bathrooms are. I turn around to find a quiet and peaceful neighborhood. I see some people walking and they don't even stop to stare at my hair! I turn toward dad with a goofey grin plastered on my face

"I love this place already"

I tell him. Dad looks surprised but sports a grin as wide as mine as he says

"Well that's a good sign"

I turn to open the car trunk to pull out my suitcase when dad tells me he already placed it in my room. I smile and take his hand

"Well, lead the way".

Together, hand in hand, we walk into our new home. Surprisingly, it feels warm and cozy. I just get this feeling that this is home, this is where I'm meant to be.

I climb the stairs and turn right, to what I assume is my room. I open the door and smile, feeling even more relief as I remember that I am out of that hell of a neighborhood and I can look out my window without worrying about children screaming at me. I walk over to my window and and find out it isn't a window, but a door? I open it to find a small balcony with a potted plant on the floor. I gasp, resting against the small balustrade and looking over at the world below. I smile, content. There is a window across from me with it's curtains drawn. Hm, no neighbors then.

"Do you like it?"

Dad asks and I turn to him and hug him

"Yes"

"Good. Cause I picked this house solely because of the balcony. I knew you'll love it"

Dad kisses my forehead and I almost choke at my next words

"Dad...I'll do better at school. I'll be better. So don't worr-"

"Lee. You don't have to better" he says as he pats my head "Just be you, not the other falsified 'better' version of yourself. I lo-" dad stops hesistantly

"You can say it. I trust that you mean it"

Dad kisses my hair and continues "I love you".

There was a time when I would have trembled and broken down in tears; hyperventilating and trying to think 'happy thoughts' when dad says that. When he says 'I Love You'.

But not anymore, cause I believe and trust that dad means it. He's shown me that he really loves me all my life. I only started trusting those words from his lips a few months ago, and I'm glad I did. But I will only trust those words from his lips. No one else's. Never again.

After standing there for what feels like an enternity, I untangle myself from dad and plop on my bed which is beside the window-doors (that's what I'll call them now).

"Well, make yourself at home"

Dad says as he leaves my room. I open my suitcase and pull my phone out of the inside. Looking at the time, it's 10am. We left at 7am so it took us three hours to get here. Well, three hours doesn't seem long enough distance from hell.

I open my phone and scroll through social media. I see posts of a girl I follow from the town I just ran from. I think her name is Mare. She was the most popular girl in the neighborhood, and also the one person I envy the most and wanted to befriend the most too. Of course, she also hated me. I can never forget her gaze of pure hate which I thought would burn my soul whole. What I did to her, or anyone, I don't know.

She bullied me relentlessly, spear-heading the assaults of the others who trail behind her like ducklings. Eventually, I stopped going outside. Locking myself in for years in fear.

She posts pictures of herself and others at a cinema and I get stabbed with envy.

I wish I had friends. Or could go to a cinema.

Scrolling past pictures and videos I stop at a video where it seems like people were dancing around something on fire. I enter the video, and observe the burning structure feeling a sense of familiarity. On closer inspection, I realize that the structure was our house. Dad's and mine. And it's on fire!

Numerous people dance at the front smiling, holding crosses and holy water. In big, red-painted words; the devil has fled, we are free, may she burn in hell, she better be dead, were scrawled on posters, held high so that it can be seen on camera. They all sang and laughed merrily like they were celebrating some sort of holiday and our house was some sort of bonfire.

I had expected everyone to be happy that we left, but I didn't realize their hatred ran so deep after so many years of my isolating myself for their sake.

Looking at their faces, I could see the sincere joy and relief in their eyes. Mare had her face closest to the camera and her smile was as bright as a 60watt light bulb.

My vision blurs and the faces of everyone in the picture with it. Instead of eyes, I see gaping black holes. Mouths twisting into black, teethless abominations. They all had fangs, glinting like those of an animal on a hunt, bleeding red. Blood! My blood! No!

Tossing my phone aside I close my eyes. Trying to block that image out, an image of pale ghosts trying to hunt me, kill me. But it doesn't work. I see myself in a dark space with the ghosts coming closer, numerous faces with black eyes and fangs. All bleeding red. They merge and separate into faces I know too well.

The old ladies who were our neighbors. Children I have given nightmares. Parents, scared for themselves and their children.

No stop.

Ryker.

No...

Mare.

Stop thinking!

Emily.

No! Stop thinking of them!

I try to stop images of these people from flooding my head. I try, and fail. Soon I'm remembering. Remembering things I have long thought forgotten. Things I rather would disappear. Things that caused scars that run deeper than any trauma filled night, scars I will carry to my grave.

I see a smiling face and green eyes like the grass in a meadow. Dark blonde hair soft shining like the sun. Eyes boring into me, curious, always wanting to know more. Eyes I loved. Eyes I trusted.

No!

I see another face. Twisted with disgust and obvious hate. Pale blue eyes and blonde hair. A face who followed all my nightmares, a face that I would have traded to see the devil itself. She looks at me with hate and surprise at the green eyed boy defending me. I feel a sudden rush of gratitude, pride and something more as the boy defends me, calls my name and tells me everything will be alright. A feeling I have long forgotten.

No! Stop!

Another face flashes across my mind's eye. A pair of brown eyes and freckles smile warmly at me. Brown hair waving in the wind as the girl stretches her hand toward me. Another feeling rushes through me. Happiness. A feeling that had grown extinct in me for years.

Please, no.

The ghosts come back. Merged together as one black mush. Then new faces appear.

Mom.

Brown eyes filled with fear, devoid of motherly love. Her face gradually morphs older. When she comes back! She smiles at me and another wave of happiness runs over me. It doesn't last. Suddenly, blood is spilling out of her mouth and she's suddenly on asphalt. Twisted in a direction that she can never survive.

The accident!

I don't know how my mind came to the conclusion of that scene when I wasn't even there. Something ghostly rises from her body and I recognize it as her! My mum!

Mum!

I call out, but she turns her back and walks away.

No! Wait!

I try screaming. But she doesn't answer, she continues walking away and disappears. I look around and see only darkness. Curling myself into a ball I begin chanting

"Don't worry, I'll be fine. Dad will come. He's on his way right now. I'll be fine." I rock back and forth waiting for dad to come save me from this place, this nightmare.

"Lorelei"

I still. I know that voice. How can I not? It's dad's!

But something's wrong. Dad never calls me by my full name. It's either 'Leelee' or 'Lee'. I raise my head and see dad standing not too far off with his back facing me. I rise to my feet, running towards him, relief flushing through me as adrenaline pumps my leg muscles. But I'm not getting close. I run and run and run but dad seems to get further and further away. I run faster, my lungs burning and begging for oxygen. Oxygen? With a jolt I realize it's becoming harder to breathe. I slow, calling out to him

"Dad!"

He turns and the look on his face stops me in my tracks. No, no! He looks at me with absolute disgust. His face twisted with rage, fear and bloodlust. I fall to my knees. The mere sight of his face breaking me. Tears spill all over my face like a dam. Dad is my support, my only support. I can't handle it if he hates me too. I can't, I can't!

Somewhere in my subconscious I know this isn't reality, but the feeling doesn't leave. The feeling of loss, loneliness, confusion, self-hate.

Why am I a monster?! Why wasn't I born normal?! Why did mum leave? Why did she have to die? What if dad starts hating me too? Or worse, what if he already hates me?!

My lungs burn hotter as it becomes harder to breathe. With a resigning calm, I lie down. Accepting my fate.

If I suffocate to death, so be it. I have nothing left.

I close my eyes feeling relieved that everything will finally end. Finally.

A cool breeze washes over me and I feel a dampness on my face. I open my eyes expecting to find ghosts staring at me or at least find myself in the afterlife, but instead I see a ceiling. My room ceiling. I feel around my bed for my phone, finding it I pick it up and check the time.

12:00pm

It was a dream. I wipe the tears and snot from my face with my sleeve and sigh. Not in relief, but from frustration. This wasn't my first nightmare, and it definitely won't be my last.

Sitting up on my bed, I sigh. I'm still trembling, I can't get the image of dad's face out of my head.

It's not real. It was just a nightmare.

Suddenly, my room feels suffocating. I draw in gasps as I struggle to breath. The walls are bearing down on me, trapping me. I scramble out of my bed and rush through the window-doors hoping for fresh air and finding it. I greedily gulp down air as I try to calm myself collect my thoughts.

In through the nose, out through the mouth

I repeat that sequence for what felt like hours until I finally calmed down. I had no idea I depended on dad so much. What will happen to me if I have to leave? Or when he gets old and-

I shut my eyes, stopping myself from thinking too far and giving myself another panic attack.

"Lee"

Lee. I flinch at the name, not wanting to turn back and look at his face, fearing it'll mirror the one in my dream.

"Lee, I brought snacks. You hungry?"

I keep my back turned. "Dad, can I ask you something?" I know he hears the tremor in my voice, but politely pretends to ignore it and let me finish. "Please say the truth dad".

I barely hear his answer as I suck in a breath, preparing myself for the question in my heart, and the answer I might receive. "I promise to say the truth Lee, I promise".

I take in a deep breath and turn around trying to put on a poker face. I don't want his answer swayed by my expression. "Have you ever hated me dad?". I look at his eyes and it doesn't look surprised by my question almost like he was expecting it.

That's all the answer I-

"I was wondering when you'll ask that question. You've been through so much I'm not surprised you'll doubt even me" I feel a stab of guilt as I hear the hurt in his voice. "I understand that you want a solid foundation to rely on, one you are sure will never shake" he walks up to me and envelops me in warmth I didn't know I needed "And I guarantee you that I am that foundation. I love you Lee and that will never change. I will never hate you. Never"

I lean into him and before I can stop myself, before I can pretend to be strong, tears flow from my eyes like a river. I shake with sobs as I clutch unto his shirt, unto my foundation.

"It's okay, I'm here. I'm right here" he strokes my hair lovingly as more tears cascade down my face. "Dad, I'm sorry for not trusting you. I'm sorry" those words aren't enough to portray my regret and pain, but he understands. Dad understands. "Shhh. It's fine, you were holding too much in. Let it out on my shirt". Despite myself I laugh and for the first time in years happiness rushes through me. An emotion I had long thought gone comes rushing back and I embrace it.

I deserve happiness. I always have.