"Is that exhibition such a big deal?"

Jay watched his friend, Bailey, as she folded clothes, moving between her bedroom and the living room. He leaned back on her couch, sitting with his legs crossed. "Yeah, it helps us get noticed in the market."

"Oh. Your professors actually care about you if they offer you such opportunities."

Jay shrugged. "They do what they gotta do."

"Mine don't bother with that. I mean, some of my professors are great, but most ruined the experience for me. They're just there to collect their paychecks and disappoint us,"  she said, coming back into the living room. "One of them keeps going off on wild tangents that have nothing to do with the class."

"I see what you mean," Jay sighed, looking around.

Bailey's stylish apartment featured contemporary furniture, including a sleek beige sofa with clean lines, where Jay now sat. A glass coffee table with wooden legs and a few psychology books stood in front of him, along with a velvet suede brown accent chair.

"Anyway... how are things going with that guy of yours?" she asked as she plopped on the chair.

"Well. It's going well," Jay replied quickly, without hesitation. 

"Has he reached out, or did he ghost you?"

"Why would he ghost me?"

"I mean, you said he's been texting less."

"Oh," Jay said, remembering he did mention it to her a few days ago, something he didn't usually do. "We met up a few days ago."

"You reached out first, didn't you?"

"Does it matter?"

Bailey raised an eyebrow, smirking. "So it was you."

"So what?" Jay sighed, leaning back. "Even if he doesn't reach out first, he still makes time for me. Why play games? If I want to text him, I will."

Bailey didn't say anything else; she just looked at him, raising an eyebrow. "So what was he up to?"

"Busy with work."

Bailey scoffed. "And you believe him?" Bailey's expression hardened. "How busy do you think he can be? He works mostly at night."

"Yeah, that means he sleeps during the day," Jay said, as if it were obvious.

Bailey pressed her lips together. "Sure, and I'm dating Tom Holland," she replied, rolling her eyes.

Jay fidgeted with the pillow in his lap, twisting the corner between his fingers. "I mean, I can understand he's busy with stuff; I'm not being unreasonable. It's not like he's on his phone all the time," he added, this time slower.

"So he can come and go from your life whenever he feels like it, as if nothing happened?"

"If you put it that way, it sounds worse."

"What, isn't it true? You're basically a 7-Eleven for him."

"Wow, thanks."

"What, isn't that right?"

Jay didn't say anything. He lowered his head and started playing with the pillow.

"What do you usually do when you're hanging out? Does he at least take you out on dates?"

"Um, most of the time, we just, uh, hang out at his place... you know, like, staying in, talking, and all that."

She laughed. "Wow, he really goes all out for you, huh? Spending time at his place and barely calling you—showing up only when it's convenient for him."

"It's not that," he said, trying to sound bold, though he was lying. "It's just that we like to keep things low-key, okay?"

"Can you please stop making excuses for his behavior?"

As Bailey pressed him, Jay shifted on the couch. He avoided Bailey's gaze, staring at a spot on the floor. "I'm not making excuses. As you said, it's not a healthy relationship, but it's not as terrible as it seems. No need for lengthy heart-to-hearts." 

"Are you happy with it?" she asked.

"Yeah, I am." But even as he said it, doubt crept in. His heart raced, and he could feel the heat rising to his cheeks. What if he was just fooling himself?

Bailey's brow furrowed. "Are you dumb? He's clearly not treating you right."

Jay pressed his lips together, a muscle twitching in his jaw. She was right. He hated to admit it, but she was right. "And why are you more worked up about this than I am?"

"Because I see things you deny," Bailey said.

"Like what?" Jay shot back, but his voice lacked conviction. He leaned back into the couch, trying to reclaim some distance, yet the way Bailey's gaze bore into him felt like a spotlight, interviewed by paparazzi.

"You have feelings for him. No matter how much you say you know there will never be anything between you two, you refuse to end it because you hope your feelings will one day be returned."

"There's nothing I can do about it." Jay opened his mouth but closed it again.  Could he even argue against it? 

"There is. Stop reaching out to him, and if you do, either end things or tell him how you really feel so you can figure out what to do next. Open communication is key."

"Do you really believe communication is a cure-all? Sometimes, even if someone hears you, they might not understand you. Sometimes it doesn't work."

"It's better than waiting for a miracle to happen," she said, looking at him. "You know that he won't change, don't you?"

Crap.

Jay didn't know why, but he felt cornered. He didn't know how Bailey did it, but she had a talent for asking the most uncomfortable questions with precision.

"Yeah, I don't know. I'll just see what happens."

Bailey let out a long sigh.

"To be honest, no matter how good he is in bed, is it really worth it?"

Jay looked at her. "Seriously?"

"What?" she asked, smirking. "At this point, he's basically just a walking dildo for you, isn't he? Guess what, it's time to get a new one."

"I don't want a new one."

Bailey looked at him for a long time and let out a discreet sigh. "Do whatever you want," she said, exasperated. "If you think this is fine, stay asleep. I won't try to wake you up. But I'm pretty sure that when he will ditch you, you'll end up crashing at my place as you always do."

Jay shrugged.  "I won't be coming to you anymore."

Bailey rolled her eyes, leaning her head back as she rubbed her forehead. "That's why I don't date. It stresses the shit out of me."

* * *

Deep down, Jay knew she was right but didn't want to admit it. It was too late. He was overwhelmed by his emotions, and attached to the idea of Liam, as if he were slipping through his fingers like sand.

He remembered their first meeting. It was a rainy evening. Waiting on a bench, he hesitated to text Liam, imagining all sorts of scenarios. Just as he gathered his courage, Liam messaged, "Where are you?" They both had misunderstood the location. When they managed to meet, they made fun of the situation.

Then Jay remembered the conversation they had when they first started dating.

"If you ever want to stop, please tell me face-to-face," Jay had said back then.

Liam replied, "Yeah, of course," sounding sincere.

"Yeah, right," Jay thought now. Was it genuine, or just another promise he wouldn't keep?

He tried to push those thoughts aside. He had things to do, leaving no room for anything else. With a deep breath, Jay straightened up, cleared his throat, and returned to what he was doing.

After leaving Bailey's place, Jay sat on a concrete ledge in the park, a cigarette between his fingers as he sketched the outlines of the skyscrapers beyond the river. 

Jay tried to listen to Tara's advice, but his imagination wasn't much help lately. He was chosen for a special exhibition on urban decay. He was one of the few students selected. Among them, he was the only one who hadn't started yet. The theme gave him a headache. Literally; every idea he had felt trivial.

He found it impossible to come up with an idea. Everything seemed trivial. Jay was overthinking the meaning, and even he knew it. But at that moment, all he could do was think and think and think some more.

Clouds drifted, casting fleeting shadows over the pavement. The wind rustled the dry leaves, spreading the damp scent of earth. The days became shorter, and the weather began to cool, and the air nipped at his cheeks. The sun was setting, but nature was still vibrant with its palette of colors.

He set down the pencil, framed the view with his hands, and tried to imagine the landscape in a dystopian setting.

The deep orange sunset would fade, and a thick shroud of smoke and dust would cover the place. There would be no one to walk their children or dogs along the lake's edge, no joggers running, no smiles, no laughter—none of it would exist. Cracks crossed the buildings, overgrown grass sprouted through the pavers, and a disused tram covered in rust.

Suddenly, a loud yell jolted Jay from his thoughts. When he turned to see what was going on, he saw that it was nothing serious—just a young couple playfully teasing each other. 

Jay paused, staring blankly for a moment. He would never admit it, but he was envious. It was not a noble feeling, but it was a human emotion, after all. It made him feel small, insignificant, and alone. How could anyone feel such joy with another person? He had never experienced that, so it seemed nonexistent to him. And yet, he had just seen it.

When they finished, they held hands and walked past Jay, like two lovers strolling along the river at dusk. They laughed and spoke boisterously. It annoyed him. It interrupted his drawing.

A lump tightened in Jay's throat, and after a tense swallow, he pulled his phone from his pocket. No matter how much he tried to control it, his anxiety gnawed at him as he waited for a text. His heart raced, followed by the disappointment when he checked his phone and saw no text  from Liam, unlike before.

He typed rapidly, and when he was about to press send, he stopped, his thumb hovering above the screen. He scrolled through their old messages, the long, playful conversations now reduced to brief, emotionless exchanges.

The tightness in his chest deepened. If he didn't send a message first, he wouldn't hear anything from him at all. Jaw clenched, he looked at the time and date.

"When do you have time for us to meet again?" Jay hesitated to press send, but he steeled himself and finally did it.

After all, what does he have to lose?