Oh, how you undo me.

Lucifer’s words echoed in my mind even after he had whispered them to me. My ears burned and my face felt warm despite the cool night air brushing against it. We decided to stay in the village for the rest of the night, perhaps the next few days. Lucifer was agitated, anxious that the Sins may come back for more. I did my best to calm his worries, but he did not seem convinced.

The friendly villagers let us take a house that was tucked away in a quiet corner. It was elegant but simple, two floors and a tiny balcony that held a fantastic view of the stars. I gazed up at them, wondering where the Fallen go after they die; I hope we become stars, returning into which we came. I find peace in knowing that even in death we can become something beautiful.

I heard the creak of an opening door sounding behind me. Lucifer’s fingers danced on my waist, pulling me into his body. His touch brought me back to that fleeting moment of passion we had shared, lighting my face on fire once more.

“How are your wounds?” I asked, grasping for conversation, for anything to distract me from the memory.

“They will heal,” he replied simply. He tugged me closer in his embrace, his hands resting on the railing of the balcony, radiating warmth.

“When we kissed,” I said, turning around, “did you mean it?" 

His brows furrowed, confused. “Mean what?”

It felt too embarrassing to put into words. If I said it, what then? Would this tiny bird beating in my chest cease to stop, or would it be set free? Nerves gnawed at my insides and pecked at my confidence, slowly chipping it away. This man, wanting me? I nearly scoffed at the idea.

“Never mind,” I said. I tried to maneuver around him, but he grabbed my wrist, holding it loosely.

“In all my years of living, I have learned that nothing can be solved without talking. Speak to me, Cassius. Please. Tell me your worries and I will whisper them away.” He paused, stepping closer. “These feelings are new to me. I have experienced many types of attraction, but this is the only one that lights a flame within my soul.”

Lucifer’s words were sweet, his tone ever so gentle that it made me want to cry. “My body is failing,” I whisper past the burning lump in my throat. “I am not so cruel as to leave you when—”

He cut me off with a tight embrace. “You may worry about the future, but do not live in it. I am here, you are here, and the stars are shining."

“I do not wish for you to be alone after my time comes. I do not wish to live painfully in your memories.”

“You shall never be painful to me, my love,” he murmured, planting a kiss to my forehead.

“I am worried for you. I cannot shake these feelings—all of them. I do not know what you mean to me yet, Lucifer, but I know I refuse to hurt you.”

“You will not hurt me.” Lucifer tilted my chin, making me meet his piercing gold eyes, softening when he saw tears prickling at the corners. He swiped them away with his thumb, tracing warmth on my skin.

“But when I am gone—”

“I will still love you, Cassius,” he said forcefully. “Nothing will hold me from that. Not even death.”

I threw myself into his body once again, molding into his embrace as if our bodies were meant for each other and each other alone. My nose filled with his vanilla-citrus scent, and I calmed. The damned disease that cursed my being would only get worse until it takes me across the veil of life where no one can cross. And what then? I will return to the earth and Lucifer’s arms would be empty of this warmth we call love. Would he blame himself still? I do not want that, not ever. For such a strong man his soul was a fragile, delicate thing, capable of being easily swept away. Is that the fate kind people get? No, to be kind is to be strong.

I do not want to leave him at the nonexistent mercy for himself. When death comes for me, I decided, I will fight it.

I felt Lucifer’s hair tickle my shoulder. “We should go in. It is late and you are wounded."

He mumbled an agreement, and with his arms still around me, entered the house. It was cooler in here without the slight humidity of the outside, and the perspiration that had collected on my skin chilled quickly, causing me to shiver.

“Ah. There is only one bed,” I noted.

“This is a new plot, so the house is under furnished,” Lucifer explained. “I hope you do not mind.”

“Please, this would not be the first time we have slept together,” I said, but my ears burned. I was thankful for the darkness of the room; that way, he could not see my flushed expression. No, this would not be the first time we shared the same bed. But now that he has confessed his love, my heart wanted to burst. Each touch was like fire on my skin, making me even more aware of Lucifer than before. Somehow, I was embarrassed. Nothing had changed, but it felt like everything was different.

We stood before the bed awkwardly, not knowing what to do. How did we do it before? I begged him to stay, and my skin got hot once more. Was I that shameless in the past? I tried to dig up the courage once more, but nothing came up.

“Come. Let’s sleep.” Lucifer guided me to lay down, and a weight lifted from my chest. He settled down next to me, reaching over to tug me closer to him until our bodies were flush. He let his hands roam across my cheek, my arm, my chest, before resting on my waist, fingers digging lightly into the dips.

I let the darkness of the room and the softness of the pillow soothe a migraine that was slowly working its way up my skull. Lucifer’s touch put me at peace in this new environment; I had gotten used to the openness of his manor that at first I feared tonight would be sleepless. But my eyes grew heavy with exhaustion, and soon I fell into the depths of sleep.

***

When I woke, the space next to me was empty. I reached over, feeing warmth left trapped in the linen and the indention of a body left on the thick mattress; Lucifer had just gotten up recently. If I strained my ears, I could hear him rustling around on the level below along with the clattering of a cooking meal.

Limbs heavy, I let myself sink further into the cocoon of blankets. My head felt like lead, still pounding from the headache the night before and making my neck feel stiff. I closed my eyes against sunlight streaming through the open window to help relieve the pain.

“Cassius?” Lucifer whispered cautiously as if thinking I was still asleep.

I mumbled a response, listening to his footsteps on the floor to judge his distance from me; he set something down on the bedside table with a quiet tap. I could tell when he leaned over the bed because of his hair brushing over my face.

“Are you awake?” he asked, uncertain of my conscious state.

I managed to pry open my eyes, his concerned face bleary above me. “Mhm.”

The back of his hand felt my forehead, his skin cool against mine. “You’re warm,” he said worriedly.

“I’m fine.” I tried to sit up, but my muscles faltered out from beneath me without notice. Lucifer caught me, easing my body back down onto the bed, scanning my face once more. “I am fine,” I repeated.

“I will send for Sana,” he said, rushing down the stairs. He reappeared moments later, sitting down next to my slumped form. “Here, eat. I made breakfast.”

Too tried to argue, I complied, opening my mouth when a strawberry was lifted to my lips. Sweetness burst on my tongue when I bit down, the juices helping alleviate my lingering sleepiness. Next was a slice of orange that chased away the strawberry’s flavor with its tangy sourness. As I chewed, Lucifer swept unruly curls from my face, combing his fingers through. The peaceful domesticity of all this made me want to cry and smile at the same time, but I couldn’t help but feel like this was simply a calm before the storm. Before this tranquility all comes crashing down to dust.

A knock sounded on the door, and Lucifer called for them to enter. Sana came through the doorway carrying a big leather satchel slung around his shoulder. The early morning light made their skin appear paler than usual, washed-out red eyes searching the room before landing on us. Their hair, white and pulled back into a braid, swung as they walked toward the bed.

“My lord,” they greeted Lucifer with a respectful dip of their head. “Cassius.”

“Sana,” Lucifer said, standing up. “You have my thanks for coming on such a sudden notice.”

“It is not a problem at all,” Sana said, voice quiet yet somehow perfectly audible. “How could I not come after hearing of a friend being sick?”

Sana’s whole person exuded serenity from their graceful movements to their gentle demeanor. When I first met the healer back in the village, I remember my nerves immediately being soothed just upon hearing their voice. As Sana drew out their tools from the satchel, Lucifer spoke to them of my condition. Sana occasionally asked me questions but otherwise stayed quiet. Their androgenous face was pinched slightly with concentration as they examined my body, stretching my fingers and wrists, squeezing my upper arms gently and peering into my eyes.

“You do have a slight fever,” they said at last. “Can you sit up? I need to look at your wings.”

I felt my face pale at the thought of baring my wings. The last time it happened, my mind was overrun with excruciating pain. Lucifer caught my hand in his before I got trapped in the memory.

“I will be right here,” he said. Only once I nodded did he help me sit up; arms wrapped protectively around my shoulders.  

I breathed in deeply, dreading the next step but knowing I had to do it. Lucifer was whispering encouraging words into my ear and supported my frail body with his own. I tried to hold back my whimpers of pain as the first row of feathers emerged from my back, but failed. The sensation was a strange stinging ache, spreading from the tattoo down my spine and up into my shoulder blades. Sweat soon drenched my skin from the mere effort; it was embarrassing how once this movement was child’s play but now was a struggle.

“You’re almost there, Cassius,” Lucifer said, massaging the throbbing muscles in my back. Even I could tell his calm mask was a façade.

With one last push, my wings were splayed out, too weak for me to hold up. They trembled and shook like a fledgling’s first time flying, and Lucifer eased me onto my stomach so Sana could examine them. Their fingers were light as they sifted through the feathers, gentle as they tested the flexibility of each joint. They pressed on the tattoo where the wings are stored, tracing the lines and muttering to themself. Lucifer held my hand through all of this, refusing to let go for even a moment. Even after Sana declared the examination done he did not release his tight grasp.

“He should keep his wings out for a few hours at least,” Sana said. “Even though it may be painful, I believe it may help slow down the rate at which it spreads.”

“Then, what’s the verdict?” I asked, still lying on my stomach, wings flopped on either side of me. My gut churned with nerves.

Lucifer’s grip tightened and Sana’s brow furrowed. “I’m afraid it is bad news,” they said somberly. “All your symptoms point to the middle stages of the Falling, which does not make sense as you have only come here recently. Though everyone progresses at a different rate, I have not seen such fast deteriorating in all my time here.”

Silence took over the room. Me, in the middle stages already? It was as if I was somewhere outside my body, floating along in the abyss. I knew I didn’t have forever. That much as a given. But to have only half of the time I originally thought I had? It crushed my already cracked soul. I felt like I had been cheated, like I was a contestant in some sick game.

My fate could not change, I knew that much. I just thought I would have more time to live—not survive, but truly live. With my newfound love, with the others in the village just like me, to spend my remaining life peacefully. All my hope, gone, just with a couple of words.

“What happens now?” My voice was void of emotion.

“I have medicine to help relieve pain of the symptoms,” Sana replied gently, “though no cure for this curse has been found, I will continue to do everything within my powers to find it.” They stood up, setting aside small clay containers. “Brew this tea every morning and brew this one at night. It has lavender to help you sleep. As for this one, it is a cream made to help with wing transformations. Apply it once everyday on your tattoo to ease the pain.”

“Yes, thank you,” Lucifer spoke up for me. I could not see his face, couldn’t tell what he was feeling.

“I shall take my leave now. If anything else occurs, please call me.”

Sana bowed and walked out, leaving me and Lucifer alone.